//------------------------------// // 1600 Miles Remain // Story: Derailed // by JunkerRabbit //------------------------------// | - - - - - - - >>> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | 800 MILES TRAVELED 1600 MILES REMAIN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bon Bon yawned loudly as she struggled to stay in an upright position on her bed inside the cabin she was sharing with Rainbow Dash, and blinked twice. Now that her nerves were no longer on edge, and she had returned to her usual relatively calm personality, her lack of sleep from last night was starting to catch up with her. She eyed her navy and white saddlebag that sat in a slump across the cabin’s plush, carpeted floor. From inside it, the shiny aluminum of the Moxipower can beckoned her, but something inside the mare stopped her from downing the powerful energy drink. Perhaps it was her own sleepiness, wanting nothing but actual bed rest at the moment. I’ll drink it when I get up again, Bon Bon convinced herself, I’ll need it to wash the grogginess away. She finally gave in to the urge to plop down in her bed and tuck the covers in. Almost everything in the cabin was making her eyelids heavy; the rickety vibrations from the train’s thundering down the tracks, the soft and cheerful music scratchily emanating from the intercom system, the snoring of her bunkmate Rainbow Dash. Bon Bon was at complete peace with the world. She slowly closed her eyes and . . . “STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!” Of course, as always for the poor earth pony, the state of bliss didn’t last even a measly second. Bon Bon’s eyes shot open to reveal a familiar pink pony wearing a deerstalker hat and blowing bubbles from a pipe sticking out of her mouth. Bon Bon gave a shrill scream and reflexively reared her hind legs, giving a powerful buck that only an earth pony’s strength could deliver. Her hooves hit Pinkie Pie square in her diaphragm and sent her upwards, crashing into the top bunk where Rainbow Dash was still sleeping peacefully. Pinkie’s contact with her bed, however, immediately woke her from her peaceful slumber, and caused her to give a shriek that would have been more fitting coming out of Rarity’s mouth. Pinkie fell to the ground, where she laid blowing bubbles from her pipe, unfazed from the kick. When Bon Bon cleared herself and regained awareness, she gave a death glare at Pinkie, who stared back with a skeptical squint. “PINKIE PIE!” Bon Bon shouted with frustration, letting her Manehattan accent bleed through, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” “Science, Bons,” Pinkie replied flatly, “Arbitrary, speculative science!” She blew a few bubbles from her pipe. Readjusting her hat, she picked herself up off of the ground, all while still keeping her unwavering stare focused on Bon Bon. “WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?” Pinkie Pie leaned into her co-worker’s face and gave a stern glare, giving the cream-colored mare a prod with every couple words. “Save it, Maurice. We have the crime of the century in front of us and you’re one of our prime suspects! Now, where were you on the eleventy-second Schmapril!?” “Wha . . .” Bon Bon stammered, shaking her head in utter confusion. Then she yelled, “PINKIE, MY NAME ISN’T MAU-“ “OBJECTION!” Pinkie Pie flung an accusatory hoof in front of Bon Bon’s face. All of sudden, the pink mare was in a sleek navy suit, her previously fluffy mane now slicked back into a spiky hairstyle. The hat and pipe from mere seconds ago were nowhere to be seen. “Your alibi clearly contradicts this evidence here!” She pulled out a stack of papers and smacked them in her empty hoof, a smug smile growing on her face. “PIIIIIINKIIIIIE!!!” Bon Bon roared in exasperation of her co-worker’s constant and obnoxious randomness. “Um . . .” Rainbow Dash awkwardly interjected from atop her bed, “I’m gonna go get changed into my costume. Might as well, since you two seem to have something to do. I’ll leave you to that.” The pegasus swooped down, grabbed her saddlebags, and headed out of the cabin. Bon Bon watched the door close behind Rainbow and turned to look back at Pinkie Pie. Her mane was once again as fluffy as always. The suit was gone now, and she again wore the deerstalker hat and blew bubbles from the pipe while staring at Bon Bon observantly. To say that Pinkie was enigmatic would be the greatest understatement in the universe. “Okay, now seriously, Pinkie . . .” “I am being serious!” Pinkie Pie protested, “Why doesn’t anypony think I can be serious!?” She threw the potato in her hoof at the floor in frustration. Wait . . . Bon Bon thought suddenly, Where did she get that . . . Never mind that, Bon Bon, it’s only Pinkie being Pinkie. She rubbed her temples and exhaled deeply. “Alright, Pinkie,” she sighed reluctantly, “What do you want from me?” “I told you! There’s a thief on board this train and I have to catch them!” Bon Bon raised her eyebrows. “What? A thief?” “I’ll spare you the details, Bons . . .” “Please stop calling me that.” “In short, Applejack’s hat has gone missing, and clues lead us to believe the Stetson has been hatnapped!” “Hatnapped?” “HATNAPPED!” Pinkie repeated, much louder and snappier, her shouting messing up Bon Bon’s navy mane. As her co-worker fixed her mane, Pinkie continued, starting to pace back and forth. “So I need to question everypony on this train. Anypony could be the culprit. You could be the culprit! I could be the culprit! Man, wouldn’t that be a twist?” “So what do you want with me?” Bon Bon asked. “Simple, I need to ask you a few questions.” Bon Bon agreed to sit down for some questions, while Pinkie Pie took a notepad and quill out from under her hat. “Now,” Pinkie began, “What have you been doing since this train left the station?” “Well, first, I was talking to Twilight about the steam engine. She’s really intrigued about how the thing works, and the engineer, Steamer, is my uncle. I told her a little bit about what I knew, and answered her questions using what I’d picked up from Steamer. To be honest, I don’t really know as much as it may seem. Steamer really likes his job, so he gushes about it to his friends and family. I don’t like it, but he is my uncle, and seeing that he’s the only one that knows how the thing works, it must be hard not being able to share that with anypony.” Bon Bon sighed slightly, thinking about her uncle, then realized she had gone off on a personal tangent. She looked up at Pinkie Pie, who was viciously scribbling notes down on her pad. Bon Bon momentarily wondered how she was able to write down so much without a bottle of ink to dip the quill in, then asked the pink mare, “Sorry, I kind of went off track there, didn’t I?” “Not to worry, Bons,” Pinkie chirped, not looking up from her writing, “Digressions make the world go round!” “You would think that, wouldn’t you?” Bon Bon chuckled. As annoying as her co-worker was, it was quickly becoming an endearing sort of annoying. “Okay, so what did you do after that?” Pinkie pressed. “Well, Spike interrupted Twilight then, and I decided to head off to my cabin. I saw Trixie and Amethyst on the way, and they looked angry at each other. Curious, I followed them. When they entered their cabins, I tried to stay outside Trixie’s cabin and listen to what she said, but I didn’t catch anything explicitly suspicious, only ranting about being underappreciated. She seemed to be trying to convince herself more than anypony that she was good, but I only heard snippits. Then I came to my cabin, and then you showed up.” “Then what happened?” “You were there, Pinkie.” A short silence followed, bringing time to an agonizing and awkward slow. A few moments later, the silence was broken by Pinkie muttering, “Oh, yeah.” The enigmatic earth pony scribbled down some more, then asked, “Okay, who are you voting for in the Rodeo?” Bon Bon was a bit surprised by this question. Then again, she shouldn’t have been. Pinkie was prone to doing these things, and Bon Bon knew it. “Well,” the cream earth pony said while pondering, “I’m not actually sure. I’m not that familiar with the contestants, save for Applejack, of course, and maybe Apple Crumble. Though, from what I know, if not those two, I’d say Fetlock Pierce. The stallion’s got game. He’s almost as good Applejack! That’s about it, though. Applejack still trumps him. If it hadn’t been for Applejack freaking out last year, he wouldn’t have won so effortlessly.” “Alright, that’ll do, pig,” Pinkie put her notepad and quill back under the deerstalker hat. “Pinkie, I’m not a . . .” “I know! I just always wanted to say that!” Pinkie giggled and left the cabin. As the door closed shut with an indefinite click, the lone pony could only sit down on the floor and slowly shake her head. “I’ve seen nutty before, but this is a whole new level of nutty,” she murmured. “Oh, well. Anything for the job of my dreams.” Bon Bon paused for a second, and her eyes widening. “Oh man! Speaking of the job, I’ve gotta make sure those cupcakes made it safely into Pinkie’s cabin!” She trotted out the door, putting the thoughts of her co-worker’s endless antics into a tiny corner of her mind where they wouldn’t bug her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Miss Crumble?” Rarity hollered through the wall separating the car’s hallway from the cabin where Applejack’s cousin resided. The unicorn rapped on the door a few more times. “Miss Crumble, are you in there?” “Who’s there!?” Apple Crumble snarled, “Go away! I don’t wanna talk to nopony!” Rarity’s brow furrowed in concern. She could easily tell that Apple Crumble was distressed from the tone of her voice and the quick lashing out. Rarity carefully and gently opened the cabin door to a rather familiar scene. The cabin was an utter mess. Apple Crumble’s belongings were strewn about messily as Crumble herself hurriedly and frantically dashed from one side of the room to the other, wrecking and demolishing everything with her bare hooves. Sheen was seated upon the top bunk bed with his luggage, nonchalantly chomping a chunk of garnet as he looked down at his roommate and watched her with amusement. “Hello, there,” Rarity said to Sheen. “’Lo,” Sheen responded back, his voice muffled from a full mouth. “Is . . . She alright?” Rarity asked, motioning towards Apple Crumble. Sheen shrugged. Apple Crumble looked up, venom dripping from her face, “OF COURSE I AIN’T ALRIGHT!” she barked, “DO I LOOK ALRIGHT!?” “She lost her heirloom, and started goin’ mental,” Sheen explained as he finished the garnet and licked his claws one by one, “I really don’t care what she does to the room, as long as she keeps her little hooves off my stuff.” Rarity blinked. “You . . . Lost your heirloom?” she asked the earth pony, “As in . . . your Apple Family heirloom?” “Yeah, what’s it mean to you?” Apple Crumble grumbled. “Applejack lost her family heirloom just a little while ago! Something happened to it while she was sleeping! I came in here to ask you two if you had seen it!” Sheen gave a small laugh. “Heh, if it did end up in here, I don’t think you’ll be findin’ it anytime soon. This place is a dump.” “Shut your face, you stinkin’ dragon! You haven’t done anything but sit up there and make snarky little comments!” Crumble gave a vicious glare and bared her teeth at the dragon. “Well,” Rarity interjected before things between the two roommates escalated, “If you want, Crumble, you could join me and my friends in looking for the lost items. Pinkie Pie and Twilight have a little system that seems to work.” Apple Crumble frowned. “Alright, then. If you’re sure it’ll help me find my necklace.” Rarity gave a double take, eyes widening in astonishment. “Your heirloom is a necklace? That doesn’t seem very farmer-like.” “That’s a bit stereotyical, don’t you think?” Sheen called from atop his bed, giving a pesky grin at the two ponies. Rarity glowered at him. “Oh, hush, you. I was just surprised is all. Come on, then, Apple Crumble.” “If you say so.” Apple Crumble trotted out the cabin door, shutting it behind herself. “Heh,” Sheen chuckled to himself, “Mares. Always freakin’ out over somethin’. Why, if I had a bit for every time a mare overreacted, I’d . . .” Sheen didn’t finish his thought. He was struck by a sudden yet powerful wave of drowsiness. Struck by the potent urge to rest, the black dragon passed out immediately, snoring loudly atop his bunk bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Rainbow?” Applejack hollered as she knocked on the pegasus’ cabin door. The door opened suddenly, but to Applejack’s surprise, it was Pinkie Pie on the other side instead of Rainbow Dash. Pinkie’s face was glazed over and expressionless. “Dashie is not here,” Pinkie stated in a monotone and robotic voice, “Please leave a message at the beep.” “Uh . . . Pink? You okay?” The pink earth pony let the act drop and giggled madly. “Aren’t I always, Applejack?” “Not really. Did you get anything on Rainbow Dash?” “Nah, Dashie went to change into her Daring Do costume. I got some stuff on Bons, though.” Pinkie Pie closed the cabin door. “I don’t really care about that, Bon Bon ain’t suspicious. I want to know where Rainbow Dash is.” “I dunno. Probably in the bathroom, still. She’s gotta spray herself down, get the mane dye in, put the clothes on . . .” “Alright, that’s good enough for me.” Applejack trotted off in the direction of the bathroom, intent on confronting the mischievous pegasus she was convinced had taken her hat. The cabin door opened once again, Bon Bon stepping out of it and leaving the cabin empty. “Hey again, Pinkie Pie,” she said, “I was just gonna check on the cupcakes; make sure they made it into your cabin safe and sound.” “Sure thing!” Pinkie said cheerily. She pointed a hoof towards one of the train car’s doors. “My cabin is two cars that way. I’m with Mister Wranglem.” Once Bon Bon had set off to check on the confectionaries, Pinkie bounced back to Applejack and Rarity’s room to pool her information with the information her pals were collecting. When she opened the cabin door, she found Rarity and Apple Crumble on the bottom bunk bed, Rarity taking notes as Apple Crumble talked. They stopped and looked at the bubbly mare. “Oh, hello, Pinkie Pie. Back so soon?” Rarity said warmly. “My detective skills are very proficient, sweets,” Pinkie said flatly as she took the wooden pipe out of her mouth and threw it into a messy heap of Applejack’s luggage in the corner of the cabin. “Well, that’s good.” Rarity chuckled at Pinkie’s detective charade. “Well, I’m questioning Apple Crumble right now. You can stay here until Twilight gets back if you want; perhaps take a nap.” “Okey dokey loki!” the carnation earth pony chirped. With two bounces, she hopped across the floor and flopped into Applejack’s bed. Reaching under the covers, she pulled out a velvety indigo nightcap donned with Princess Luna’s cutie mark. Within moments, she was lightly snoring. Apple Crumble and Rarity stared blankly at her. Apple Crumble turned to face Rarity. “You do realize she’s insane, right?” “My, my, someone’s late to the party.” Rarity stifled a giggle. She was only joking around. She wouldn’t dream of sincerely insulting one of her friends. “Alright, then, let’s continue. Now that we have reasons why the necklace would be taken, let’s think of who would do it and why.” "Well, for the necklace itself, I reckon Sheen and Spike are pretty good suspects. They’re dragons, and dragons love to chow down on gems.” She paused and looked at Rarity suspiciously. “Y’know, come to think of it, I reckon you would be a good suspect. You said you love gems, right?” Oh, for the love of- thought Rarity with exasperation. “Why must everypony pigeonhole so!?” she snapped, throwing her hooves in the air, “There is more to my life than making dresses and collecting gems!” Apple Crumble flinched slightly, and Rarity let her tension drop. “I apologize,” the white unicorn quickly said with a small sigh, “I just get annoyed with the sweeping generalizations after a while, is all. I’ll put myself down. Anypony else?” Apple Crumble furrowed her brow and tapped a hoof to her chin, looking deep in thought. “Hmmmmmm . . . It might be a stretch, but what about Twilight?” “Why would Twilight want a necklace, darling? That mare makes Applejack look like a fashionatta. She couldn’t care less about jewelry. I should know, I’ve tried giving her a fair amount over the months.” “I said it was a stretch, but I know that she’s goin’ to do some supply shoppin’. Now, bein’ an earth pony like myself, and a small-town one at that, I’m not really a genius when it comes to magic, but she did bring those spell books for gettin’ materials. I reckon that jade n’ brass might come in handy for a spell or two.” Rarity was about to interject and say that Twilight would never steal, but closed it and forcefully reminded herself of Pinkie Pie and Twilight’s rule when speculating. Guilty until proven innocent, Rarity, guilty until proven innocent. I must assume only the worst in everypony. She grudgingly put her friend’s name next to her own on the notepad and continued the routine. “Alright, next motive: To spite you. Who would want to spite you?” The earth pony didn’t even miss a beat. “Sheen,” she said with a scoff, throwing her head back and sending her red wine colored braids bouncing off-sync with her movements. She started to rant heatedly. “Definitely Sheen. That dragon is a menace. A pest. A rascal. I’ve met some people that get on my nerves, but he takes the cake, bakes another cake, and takes that one too. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took it just to be the pesky teenager he really is. I don’t care how slow them dragons age, their maturity is worse than-“ “ALRIGHTY, THEN, SHEEN GOES ONTO THE LIST,” Rarity interjected, stopping the yellow mare before she could go further off on her tangent. “Anypony else?” “I dunno,” stated Crumble flatly with a shrug. “What about Trixie?” Rarity suggested, “Did you set her off in any way? I know she’s rather easily set off.” “Well, yeah, but not enough to make a rational pony go steal my necklace.” “Trixie it is,” said Rarity, scribbling the showmare’s name on the notepad. The quick accusation elicited a faint chuckle from Apple Crumble. “Boy, y’all really don’t seem to get along with that poor soul. What did she ever do to y’all to make her such a . . .” Apple Crumble paused, trying to remember the word. “Escapin’ . . . Goat . . .?” “Scapegoat?” Rarity suggested. Crumble nodded. “It’s a long story, dear. Perhaps when this whole mess is over there will be time for chatting.” “If you say so, miss.” “Now, what about Applejack? I know from firsthand experience she is quick to point an accusatory hoof and take unnecessary actions. Why, if jumping to conclusions were an Iron Pony sport, she’d have more gold medals than all of the Wonderbolts!” Rarity chuckled at her own joke. Again, she didn’t really mean Applejack harm. Insults were simply a way she joked and bonded with ponies. Perhaps Rainbow Dash was rubbing off on her a bit too much. “Well, I guess, but I just met her, and she is family.” Apple Crumble looked at the ceiling of the cabin. “And family is pretty gosh darn important to us Apples.” “I’m afraid I must quote Pinkie Pie and say ‘nothing but the worst can be assumed in a suspect, even if the suspect is of your blood.’ You’re going to have to set your trust slightly to the side if you want your family’s heirlooms back.” “Alright, I guess. You can put Applejack down. I won’t argue that Apples are stubborn to the bone.” Crumble weakly smiled a bit. It was visually difficult for her to think poorly of a newfound relative, but she desperately wanted her necklace back, so she toughed the negative feeling out. "Okay, next question . . .” Rarity began, reigning Apple Crumble’s attention back in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “That will be all, Amethyst, thank you. And thank you, too, Dinky!” Twilight ruffled Dinky’s mane as the filly gave out a squeal of mock displeasure, giggling brightly as she squirmed out of Twilight’s reach. Amethyst gave a curt nod and closed the cabin door. Once it was closed, Twilight Sparkle sighed and walked away from the door, heading back to the scene of the crime. Along the way, she bumped into Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the latter of which was sporting a spot-on cosplay of Daring Do. She hovered in the air while bickering with Applejack. “Why the hay would I want your dumb cowpony hat?” snapped Dash. “Cause you think everythin’ thrown your way is a challenge!” Applejack shot back heatedly, “You thought my little comment about you readin’ too much Darin’ Do – which is true, by the way – was an insult beyond reason! So to get even, you took my hat!” “No, you’re just saying I did it to cover up what you did! You knew how much Tank’s machine meant to both me and him, so you snuck under Fluttershy’s wing and snatched it!” “You stupid, thick pegasus!” Applejack spat, her glare growing more loathing by the second, “Why in the hay would I want to take Tank’s flyin’ doo-hickey!?” “I don’t know, you tell me! You did it after all!” “GIRLS!!!!” Twilight thundered, catching the verbal combatants off-guard. Rainbow Dash’s wings stiffened in surprise, and she fell to the ground, her flank making a solid thunk as it hit the train’s carpeted floor. Both mares looked at the unicorn. “What is going on!?” demanded Twilight, “What is with the shouting!?” Applejack and Rainbow Dash each pointed a hoof at the other and simultaneously spoke. “Rainbow’s the culprit behind the hat mystery!” “Applejack took Tank’s flying machine!” Twilight facehooved. These two argued too often. Now was not the right time. “Come on, you two,” the unicorn said in an “angry mother” tone, “we’re going back to the room.” Using her magic, she dragged her friends by their tails across the train car and into the next, stopping in front of Rarity and Applejack’s cabin door and entering. Apple Crumble and Rarity were on Rarity’s bed, while Pinkie snored contently from Applejack’s bed. The scene was odd alright, but she didn’t have time to acknowledge the bizarreness of it. Still using her magic, she flung Applejack and Rainbow Dash over herself. They landed in the middle of the room, the loud sound of them hitting the floor waking Pinkie Pie up. The pink earth pony bounded out of the bed and regained her moxie instantly, retrieving her deerstalker hat and pipe from a corner of the room. “What’s new, Snoo?” Pinkie asked jubilantly. “I think this case just got a hay of a lot more complicated,” Twilight said darkly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REVIEW THE FACTS There were thirteen ponies and two dragons on the train when it left Ponyville Station. Nopony exited or entered the train at any time, as it was in motion the entire time. The passengers on board were: Pinkie Pie, who was delivering and going to sell 500 cupcakes at the Canterlot Rodeo. She boarded with the cupcakes. Twilight Sparkle, who was going to do some shopping for magic supplies not found in Ponyville and to see the Rodeo. She boarded with a book on advanced magic recipes to help her find what she needed, and two tickets to the Rodeo. Applejack, who was going to compete in the Canterlot Rodeo. She boarded with a bushel of apples, her hat and her lucky rope. Rainbow Dash, who was going to a book convention in Canterlot where the author of the Daring Do series was to make an appearance. She boarded with a Daring Do book for the author to sign and a costume for the convention, as well as her pet tortoise Tank. Rarity, who had been asked to be at Canterlot during the Rodeo by Sapphire Shores so that she could be part of her new fashion line. She boarded with several outfits for the fashion line and materials for dressmaking. Fluttershy, who claimed she wanted to see the Rodeo. She boarded with a small box, whose contents are unknown, and a ticket to the Rodeo. Spike, who was tagging along with Twilight Sparkle and Rarity. He boarded with a blueberry muffin and a field guide for rocks and minerals. Dinky Doo, who had gotten two tickets to see the Rodeo, courtesy of her mother, Ditzy Doo. She boarded with the tickets as well as her favorite teddy bear. Amethyst Star, who was foalsitting Dinky Doo while Ditzy stayed back to work. Amethyst had taken Dinky's extra ticket and was going to see the Rodeo with her. She boarded with a note she was instructed to send to Ditzy Doo when they got to Canterlot. Bon Bon, who was working alongside Pinkie Pie. She boarded with a Moxipower Shake to help her stay awake during the train ride. Sheen, a mapmaker from Canterlot who had just finished mapping out the land around Ponyville and was headed home. He boarded with his finished notes, which took several long months to complete, as well as his knapsack, whose contents are unknown. Trixie, whose reason for boarding was unknown. She boarded with several large bags, whose contents are unknown but said to be her acting materials. Apple Crumble, who was going to compete in the Canterlot Rodeo. She boarded with a necklace that had family heirloom. Irwin Ranglem, an animal wrangler who was off to a swamp where an elusive species he was hunting lived. Canterlot was the closest stop to the swamp. He boarded with his equipment for catching the animal he was hunting, but he did not say what kind of animal it was. Steamer, the engineer and owner of the Friendship Express, and Bon Bon’s uncle. - - - - - The room accommodations were as such - - - - - One of the above passengers, save for Applejack of course, has taken Applejack’s hat. Reasons for taking it would be: To claim the hat as their own. (Possible suspects: Rarity) To spite Applejack. (Possible suspects: Trixie, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie) To distract Applejack from the Rodeo. (Possible suspects: Apple Crumble) To distract everypony from something else. (Possible suspects: ) - - - - - One of the above passengers, save for Apple Crumble, also took Apple Crumble’s jade necklace. Reasons for taking it would be: To claim the necklace as their own. (Possible suspects: Sheen, Spike, Rarity, Twilight) To spite Apple Crumble. (Possible suspects: Sheen, Trixie, Applejack) To distract Apple Crumble from the Rodeo. (Possible Suspects: Applejack) To distract everypony from something else. (Possible suspects: ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Special thanks to Yukito for editing. A/N: Thanks for reading! As a growing writer, I'm learning from my mistakes, and am (hopefully) getting better chapter by chapter. Please comment! I love your comments!