//------------------------------// // Dreams of a Life of Petty Crime // Story: September Stories // by Cherax //------------------------------// "… I just think it's trying too hard." "I can't say I don't know what you mean, but I think that's a matter of perspective. 'Too hard' depends on what you think the goal is. If the goal is to create a work of art indistinguishable from the works of the previous century, I think she succeeded with flying colours. (It's this way.)" "(All these streets look the same.) Yeah, she did that, but… I was looking at them, and they were good, at least aesthetically, but I just saw this layer of subtext beneath every single picture that said, "look, look at me! Look at the pointlessly extravagant lengths I went to to make this! Aren't I interesting?'" "Oh yes, that was written in the program, actually. At the bottom of the last page." "C'mon, I know you feel the same way. It's inauthentic! We've talked about this. Today is not a hundred years ago, today is today, and you're in it, feeling it and expressing it. What good are anachronisms? We don't use lithocharms anymore, why bother reconstructing one? I mean, who knows how much time and effort it took to make that dumb thing…" "Not to mention how many bits— oh. Oh gods." "Hm?" "Ohhh gods. We didn't pay. We— we left the— I was talking about light magic and, and I just, oh stars I completely forgot to go back inside and…" "Aha. You finally noticed." "Y— You knew? This whole time?!" "Pshh, 'this whole time.' C'mon, we left like five minutes ago—" "That's not the point! You knew! Why— Gah! We have to go back." "Hold on! No, we don't." "Oh darling, really, this is - let go of me! - this is not the time for one of your little crusades!" "Little crusades? What does… oh, that's a good band name. Little Crusades. Sorry, I mean, what does that mean?" "It means you're always trying to break the law in the most frivolous ways. Can't we just—" "Frivolous, she says!" "She certainly does! Whenever you dodge the ticket inspector at the tram stop, or sneak that extra vial of paint into your saddlebag, with that little look of yours like you understand something that nopony else does - tell me, enlighten me - what are you getting out of it, besides the obvious? What exactly are you achieving by not paying for your dinner just now?" "I'm making a statement!" "You're making a statement." "I'm making a statement. Look, see, I'm fighting back against the uh, consumerist…. the profiteering of the, the bourgeois enterprise— okay, gimme a sec, I do have something for this—" "Oh, please, take your time. Meanwhile, I'm going to go back and pay." "Nooo! No no no! We've— We've come this far already! I mean, hey slow down, look, it's… It's an art piece." "…" "Performance art! Yes! Don't you give me that look. It's a legitimate medium of artistic expression." "That's not why I'm giving you the look. You can't just retroactively call anything you do performance art! I know it's a legitimate medium of artistic expression, thank you very much, and you are cheapening it by not paying for your gods-damn dinner and calling it art. I mean, really! What are you trying to say with this piece, hmm?" "I'm trying to say thaaaaat society is a uh construct that we are constantly maintaining and elaborating upon, and all it takes is the simple uhhh violation (yes) of the final and most important step (from a capitalistic perspective of course) of this routine that we otherwise sleepwalk through, this exchange of goods or services for money (another construct) by ostensibly free entities acting in bad faith and— Is any of this good?" "It's a bit derivative. It rather screams 'art school drop-out.'" "Oh, that is cold, Rares." "I hope a little criticism won't discourage you from pursuing your dreams of a life of petty crime." "Hey, hey. Don't lie. Don't you think it's… cool?" "Definitely. You've definitely lost it." "C'mon! Don't you feel like, like cutting loose? Eugh, I don't know. I just - you're right, we should pay, I'm not serious about this. But tell me you don't feel some kind of, like, afterimage of adolescent rebelliousness - some dim satisfaction from knowing that you just broke the system." "No! I don't! Listen, I know this establishment is expensive, and I know my salmon was overcooked… Well, to be honest, I'd say they definitely don't deserve what they're charging—" "Aha!" "Bu-u-ut we put the system here for a reason, darling. We asked a favour of these ponies in preparing a delicious meal for us, and now, simply, we owe them. Cheating them out of due recompense for our own aimless onanistic thrills is nothing less than the arrogance and brutishness of savages! … stop clapping." "You have so much to teach me." "Sounds like you shouldn't have dropped out of art school." "Just quietly, you know that I know this, right?" "I know that you know this." "Isn't this fun?" "In its own bizarre way." "Hey, before you go in, if I could just real-talk for a second, um… You know, the cost of living here is a lot higher than in the Northwest, and I mean, this grant only gives me so many bits a week…" "Dear! Don't even think about it. You're in my town, it's my treat. No no, I insist." "… thanks, babe." "But when Little Crusades makes it big, you're buying."