//------------------------------// // Whipped Cream Makeup and Cinnamon Styx // Story: To Serve Bronies // by Fuzzy Necromancer //------------------------------// “Fresh fish fritters! Gin blueberry smoothies! Baked apples on a stick!” a pale gold gryphon shouted. The whitewashed stall stood in the shadow of Gary the Green Dragon's Draconic Cuisine Shack. Pinkie Pie had invited a wide range of species with animal-eating tendencies. She figured that Lyra, Twilight Sparkle, Minuette, Rarity, and the three-hundred and twenty seven other unicorns she was friends with weren't bad ponies, but when she got hungry she lost control of herself sometimes to, so it made a lot of sense to have plenty of food available that would satisfy their human-hungry tummies with meaty savory snacks, after all she ate all those corn cakes and the winning contest entry and that spicy Quasit that tried to corrupt Lemon Hearts and steal the bones from the Apple family's graveyard plot. So lots of fish fritters and bear kebabs and dragon dumplings and deep-fried cream of wyvern giblets on a stick should solve the problem and keep her friend from Humanland safe. Pinkie Pie peered in a little closer to the stall. Blues the earth pony and Sterling Silver the unicorn were patiently waiting in line together. They didn't seem to be fighting, but there was a tension in the air. Sterling Silver asked how much the fish fritters cost and how much the smoothies were, and started hesitating, like Zecora at an orange stall. Pinkie Pie didn't really understand why somepony would hesitate when both of those things sounded so delicious and he could still have a baked apple on a stick afterwards. While Sterilng hovered near the stand, Blues stepped up, threw his bits on the table, and ordered a baked apple. Sterling jumped back and snarled something at him. Blues responded with an icy glare and some hissed phrases that included “ungreased railroad spike”. “Pinkie Party emergency detected! Take aim and intercept,” Pinkie said with a wink and a grin. Blues had a secret craving for blackberry tarts, and although he didn't like to admit it Sterling Silver enjoyed spraying whipped cream directly into his mouth after a hard day. Pinkie didn't think that was anything to be ashamed of, but shame was a strange thing, it was was surprising what some ponies where embarrassed about, whether it was something big like ushering in a thousand years of night or something little like missing an extra credit question on a test or something in between like summoning a demon from the second circle of Tartarus or stealing a cucumber. She thought blackberry tarts tasted a little too tart and not sweet enough, but then maybe that was why they were called tarts, or was the tart flavor named after the pastry? She'd have to ask Twilight later, maybe if she showed up at the party, which she might not do because Twilight Sparkle liked the little parties but was a little nervy at the bigger parties and preferred to keep things small, although not as much as Fluttershy. Just as Sterling Silver charged up a Stop Hitting Yourself spell, Pinkie unleashed a barrage of seventeen blackberry tarts at his face. That was enough distraction to make Blues stop just as he raised a hoof to clock Sterling Silver across the jaw. Pinkie Pie pressed her advantage by burying Blues under a whipped cream grenade. Pretty soon, the two were grumbling and picking themselves up, and Sterling just couldn't resist licking some of the whipped cream off Blue's nose, and he got a taste of the tart, and they were making up and making out in no time. Pinkie opened up a bag of popcorn, but the sound of broken glass interrupted her enjoyment. It was a shame because she really liked to watch ponies having lots of fun at her parties. Sometimes broken glass was just a sign that the party was going really well, and it could be cleaned up afterwards, but this wasn't a fun broken glass sound. Pinkie saw an earth pony who was new in town being held back from his friends while a unicorn made obscene gestures. She turned back to her ranged party arsenal. This looked like it would be a long night, and not in the good way. # Cinnamon Styx struggled to pull his wagon up the steep incline. The crates of ginger-human cookies strained against their straps. The sun hung low in the sky and most of Ponyville was quiet, with the population draining into another famous Pinkie Party. He was used to sudden surges of demand in the area of his primary profession, what with plagues and unnatural disasters, but he'd been stretched to the limit to prepare all of these human-shaped cookies. Other than unicorn traditionalists, most ponies got their baked goods from Sugarcube Corner. His earth pony mother had said he was loco in the cocoa to start a dual artisinal unicorn bakery and crematorium, but he'd made it work so far. Most earth ponies preferred to be cremated and have their ashes scattered in the family fields, and unicorns new to the area often longed for a taste of home, with a significant interest in both areas from the pegasi. I multicultural spot like Ponyville was ideal for his business. Cinnamon tried to give the cart a telekinetic nudge, but the effort of spellcasting during heavy exertion was more than his fortitude could stand. He strained to hold the cart while he dug his hooves into the hard dirt path. Maybe he could slowly back up and take a longer but flatter road to the party. It didn't help his situation when a timber wolf staggered out of a side alley on its hind legs. It had a sickening wrongness in its predatory stance and looked as if it should fall over at any moment but didn't. Its eyes were dull and dark, which didn't happen in healthy specimens. Maybe it had Dutch Elm Rabies or a lethal case of vampiric wood lice. He left the ground just long enough for the cart to build up backwards momentum. As he tried to raise a basic ward spell, the movement jerked him off his hooves and dragged him down until the cart slammed against a street sign. The timber wolf lurched towards him with shocking speed, still perfectly balanced on its hind paws. They only got up on two legs when they were really aggressive. “Are you okay?” the timber wolf said. “Sorry for scaring you there.” “Bluh?” Cinnamon Styx said. As far as he knew, timber wolves weren't even sapient, much less fluent in common equine languages. He struggled out of his harness. The creature gave a strange, joyless little chuckle. “I guess my costume is really good then.” Cinnamon let out a bray of relief. “Oh, a costume! Yes, it really is a magnificent one. I assume you're on your way to Pinkie Pie's Meet-the-Stranger-from-Another-World party too?” The apparition inclined its head. As if just realizing the awkwardness of its stance, this person hunched down on all fours like a normal pony. “Yep, just an inquistive local. How about you?” Cinnamon coughed and looked over his shoulder. The crates were thankfully still intact. “I'm delivering Gingerbread Humans. Pinkie Pie wants a lot of them at the buffet tables for some reason. Normally you only see them at unicorn birthday festivals and Pre-Equestrian holidays. I'm afraid I'm not used to hauling loads this big.” The stranger trotted a little closer. The costume creaked and groaned with arboreal menace. He certainly moved with the eerie confidence of an apex predator. “What are those, baked and breaded humans?” The stranger whispered the question in a blank, calm voice. Cinnamon laughed. “Of course not! Two-legged deer have been extinct for ages! These are just little spiced cookies that are shaped like humans. They were made at the historic Feast of Heroes because they couldn't find any humans for miles around, plus they didn't want to offend their earth pony guests, and they went from being a vegetarian human substitute to a family favorite. The original cookies were much larger, of course,” he said, and then stopped. The stranger was completely still and silent. A distant flock of crows took off over the everfree forest. He needed to remember that other ponies weren't as interested in Unicorn Baking History as he was. “Sorry, I hope I'm not boring you.” He scratched the ground with a hoof. “No, not at all,” the costumed pony said in a low voice. “So, earth ponies didn't eat these 'two-legged deer' but unicorns and pegasi did?” “Just the unicorns,” Cinnamon Styx explained happily. “I think that pegasi can't even digest red meat.” “Interesting,” the stranger said. “That explains it,” he whispred. “But then...hm.” The stranger reared up on his hind hooves again. “Why don't I help you get that load up the hill, and I can keep you company on the way to the party?” “That'd be mighty helpful,” Cinnamon said. The figure galloped behind the cart. Cinnamon barely had time to get in his harness before the stranger started pushing. “You sure have great foreleg strength,” Cinnamon said. Maybe he was an earth pony. If so, he was remarkably good for not taking offense at a mention of the Old Divide. Most of the earth ponies he met could be a little over-sensitive about that. He hauled along until they got past the crest of the hill, whereupon his new friend let go and the momentum took over. A rolling weight was easier to deal with. The sun hadn't even set yet, but already there was a chill of night in the air.