//------------------------------// // As Angry as a Pony in Mud // Story: Cryo-7 // by Metal Pony Fan //------------------------------// "I want you to know, this is all your fault." Astral rolled over and stood up, covered in mud. "Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you." Twilight hovered just above the mud Astral landed in. She was only saved by quick use of her wings. "Where are we anyway?" "How should I know?" Astral looked around. They appeared to be in the middle of an old growth forest. Towering tree trunks surrounded them, and smaller plants were scattered around the muddy ground. "Why don't you go ask Luna? You're the one who made her angry." "I wasn't trying to," Twilight snapped back. "Besides, I can't teleport back if I don't know where we are." Astral looked up at her. "What are you doing right now?" Twilight crossed her hooves. "Arguing with an idiot." Astral grabbed her wings with his magic. With their flapping stopped, their owner quickly landed in the mud. "I meant the flying." Twilight stood up and had to wipe some mud from her face. She flicked it at Astral. "Don't touch my wings." "I didn't touch them." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Astral found himself swept from his hooves and hanging upside down in front of the purple alicorn. She all but snarled at him. "Well don't 'magic' them either." She dropped Astral, and started walking away. "Now, let's find out where we are and get out of here." Astral didn't move. He stayed where he was and reached out with his magic. He found a small purple feather, one that seemed loose, and plucked it. "That is it!" Twilight yelled. She turned and dove at Astral, who easily rolled out of the way. He then tripped over one of the small plants, tangling his hoof. Twilight was on top of him before he could free himself, and the situation devolved into a muddy brawl. Both ponies lashed out at each other with wings and hooves, magic and tactics forgotten in their anger. Astral pinned Twilight on her back amidst a tangle of vegetation, and she kicked him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. She then struggled her way up and backed away from him. "Owned by a mare. Is that all you've got?" Breathing heavily and clutching at his stomach, Astral looked up at her. "I know where we are." Twilight scoffed. "Am I supposed to be impressed?" "Smell the mud." "I don't have to, we're covered in it. It stinks." "It smells like industrial chemicals." Astral grabbed the vegetation closest to him and pulled up on it. "Wormleaf. These plants, they're all the same." He gestured around him. "An even ten centimeters of mud all the way around. We have to get out of here, this isn't a forest." Twilight looked up at the trees around them. They were evenly spaced, uniform in size, and all the same species. "It's a farm." "Oy!" There was a shout off in the distance. "Oy! Is somepony in here!" Astral answered immediately. "Yes! Help!" "What are you doing?" Twilight asked in a quiet hiss. "Getting out of here," Astral hissed back. He called out again. "We're in here! We're lost!" Twilight tried to fly away, but Astral grabbed her by the tail. "What are you doing? Let go!" Astral spit her tail out. "Fine, go die. I'd hate to be you when the harvester catches up." He started walking towards the voice. "Wait." Twilight landed , but didn't follow him. "What do you mean by that?" Astral kept walking, and Twilight ran in front of him. "I have to stay hidden, I can't be found. I'll take my chances with this harvester, but tell me what it is." With his magic, Astral kicked up a small wave of mud, coating the purple mare. "You'll see it in a few minutes. Now, don't move your wings." Before Twilight could protest, a green earth pony walked out from between the trees with a high-powered spotlight on his head. "What are you doing out here? We're harvesting the area. It's not safe." Astral shielded his eyes from the beam. "We had a teleportation accident. Can you turn that thing down?" "Yeah, sorry." The earth pony clicked the light off. "You guys must be Luna's academy students. We get a few messed up teleports every year, but I thought we worked it out that they wouldn't allow students to teleport during harvest." Astral shrugged. "This is the first I've heard about it." "Yeah? Well, you're lucky we've got sensors on all the equipment. Everything turned off when you guys appeared." He started walking back the way he came. "Follow me. I'll get you back civilization." Astral followed him, and after a moment's hesitation, so did Twilight. After a short walk through cookie cutter forest, they could see sky up ahead. They could also see the glint of steel and the soft haze of dust. As they got closer, the glimpses of metal became saw blades, and the dust got heavier. It wasn't until the earth pony led them between the blades that they could see their true size. Each blade was several meters across, and they were lined up in a row that stretched for a hundred meters in either direction. They were connected by an industrial framework that fed back to additional rows of saws. Trees in various stages of destruction jutted out from between the blades at random. All together, the blades formed the business end of a maw that could chew through a space two hundred meters wide and forty tall. As the earth pony led them up a set of service stairs, Astral poked Twilight in the side. "What was that about taking your chances?" She responded with a glare, but said nothing. At the top of the stairs, they were led to the machines control cabin. The earth pony let them in, then followed them in, shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed, there was a loud whirring noise, and a breeze started blowing. "It's ok," the earth pony said over the fan, "it's just venting the dust. It’s not good to breathe it for long periods of time." He headed to a first aid kit on the wall and dug out two paper muzzles with strings attached. He gave them to Astral, the cleaner of the two. "Put these dust masks on, I have to call the incident in. After that, I'll lead you back to town." As the earth pony walked over to his control panel, Astral slipped his dust mask on. Then he offered Twilight the other. "Want me to muzzle you?" She snatched the mask away and put it on herself. A moment later, the earth pony came back over. "I should have mentioned this earlier, but once we're outside, no magic. I don't want to see either of you on the evening news." "Evening news?" Twilight started. "What do you-" Astral interrupted her. "He means we'll die horribly." "Well, yeah." The earth pony agreed. "The smallest spark can cause a fire, and you don't want to be out there when that happens. One last thing. Do either of you know the cloud walking spell?" Twilight nodded. "I do." "Good, that'll save us some time." The earth pony smiled. "Do you know it better than your teleportation?" "Hey!" Twilight protested. "I wasn't the one who-" Astral silenced her with discrete kick of the back leg. "Just cast it and we can go." Twilight glared at him before casting the spell on both of them. "Great, here we go." The earth pony opened the door again and led them outside. They went around the cabin on a catwalk. Behind the machine, a stark wasteland of sawdust stretched under overcast sky for at least a kilometer, lined by unharvested forest on either side. The earth pony pointed straight down the center of the trail. "There's a building about twenty minutes walk from here, so you should make it before the rain starts. On the far side of that building, there's a tube transport that can bring you to the office or a hoverbus stop." The earth pony scratched his head. "Um, there's also a hose, but there probably aren't any towels." "Thanks." Some guide he was. Astral found a rope ladder hanging nearby. "I'm guessing this is the way down?" "Yeah, the dust isn't always the same height, so it's easier to use this than to install hydraulic stairs." The earth pony shrugged. "Well, I'm going to head back inside, but don't worry, I can't turn this thing back on until you're at least half a kilometer away." "Ok." Astral started climbing down the ladder. "Bye." Twilight nodded to the earth pony. "Yes, thanks. Sorry about delaying the, uh, harvest." The earth pony nodded back. "Don't wory about it. I'm gonna be stuck out here for another week. I don't mind a little excitement." He walked back around the catwalk, and as soon as he was out of sight, Twilight jumped down to the sawdust path. She landed softly, barely kicking any up. Astral on the other hoof kicked up a small sandstorm the moment he stepped off the rope ladder. "Not like that." Twilight took a few steps, barely leaving any hoofprints. "Push down with the step, not back." The grey unicorn trudged forward, completely ignoring her advice. "Oh, so you're an expert on walking on sawdust." Twilight had to close her eyes against the irritating cloud flying in Astral's wake. "No, but I happen to have a lot of experience walking on clouds. It's the same principle." Astral nodded while he walked. "Interesting. Go tell somepony who cares." Eyes closed, Twilight followed the sound of Astral's voice. "Look, all I want is to get out of here, and get back to the towers. That would be a lot easier if we could see where we're going." "Not much to see," Astral replied. "We keep going forward, and we'll reach the end of the path. Then we can go our separate ways." "What?" Twilight picked up her pace, trying to catch up with Astral's voice. "No, you're going back too." "Says you." Astral started running, kicking up an even stronger storm of dust. "I'm going back to my ship. As soon as I finish repairs, I'm leaving the Canterlot system and never coming back." Twilight stopped and stomped her hoof. "The Philomena is our ship!" "Five thousand years ago, maybe!" "Before I left it," Twilight shouted, “I reprogrammed the transponder!" Astral stopped and turned around, closing his eyes as his own dust caught up to him. "You're bluffing!" "You think so? When it was built, the Philomena was the most important ship in existence. You think we didn't put in all sorts of safeguards?" The dust started to settle, and Twilight risked squinting out through one eye. She could barely see Astral, but started towards him anyway. "Even if you don't believe that, it was salvaged under my name, meaning I say who has access to it." "You wouldn't." "Wouldn't what? Exercise my rights over my own property? I have half a mind to have the whole thing scrapped. Or, it can be returned to you at a later date." When the dust cleared, Astral and Twilight stood face to face. "Your choice." Astral spit out his response like it was a tack. "Fine. I'll go." Twilight nodded coldly. "Good. Remember, push down." She started walking. "Go slow until you get the hang of it." With an angry snort, Astral followed her at a painfully slow pace. "First you steal from my ship, then you steal the ship itself. What's next? A kidney? or did you help yourself to one of those while I was in surgery?" Twilight stopped and turned around. "I saved my friend, you jerk! You want to call that theft, go right ahead." "I'm not talking about that!" Astral caught up to and shoved past Twilight. "Or did you forget the book you so casually absconded with." "Ooh, big word, be careful you don't hurt yourself." Twilight started walking again, easily passing the grey unicorn again. "For your information, that book belongs to a good friend of mine, and I plan to return it to her." Astral stopped and looked to the horizon. "Hey..." Twilight stopped. "What? Don't tell me you want to apologize." "Don't worry, I'm not." The unicorn pointed out at the sun. "It's setting. It was only around nine in the morning. Assuming we're still on Canterlot, we're almost halfway across the planet." Twilight sighed. "That's still not specific enough for me to teleport back." "Teleporting across an entire planet, that's ridiculously overpowered." "Just don't assume it's easy, not for me at-" She stopped and looked up. "Oh, just great." "What is it?" Astral looked up as well. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "I don't-" A single raindrop hit him in the eye. "Ah!" He blinked rapidly. "That's what you meant." "We took too long arguing." Twilight looked down the sawdust path as more and more rain started to fall, slowly softening her mud coating. "The mud isn't going to last long. You continue this way, I'll have to find a different way back." "You don't know where you are, you have no idea where you're going, and you want to split up?" Astral shook his head. "Good luck with that." "I have to keep the existence of alicorns a secret." Twilight started wiping her wings off, preparing for flight. "What other choice do I have?" With a loud sigh, Astral took off his tattered jacket and tossed it at her. "How about the obvious one?" The unicorn tapped the ground impatiently while Twilight put the jacket on. "But I better get it back, just like my ship." "You will." Once she had it on, the purple alicorn checked to make sure her wings were hidden. "Ok, how do I look?" "Like a muddy hobo." Astral started walking again. "What did you expect?" "I'm only asking you if my wings are hidden." "Can't even see them. Let's go." "Wait." With a loud sigh, Astral stopped and turned around. "Now what?" "The rain's coming down heavy enough to supress any sparks. I should be able to teleport us down the path in small jumps." Astral walked back to her. "Get on with it then." Twilight nodded and moved closer to Astral, close enough to touch him with a hoof. "Hold on." "To wh-" There was a flash, and they were in a different spot on the trail. "-at?" The building was within sight, and just beyond that, the evenly spaced rings of a transport tube. Another flash, another jump, and they much closer to the building. After the third jump, they were only a few meters away from the building. Against the wall, there was a small bench next to a water spigot. Above that, there was a sign that pointed down saying, "break room." Another sign, labelled, "storage," pointed to a door. Astral wasted no time heading for the other side of the building. He only stopped when he heard a soft thump behind him. Twilight had collapsed. "Hey!" He walked over to her and pulled the dust mask off. The rain kept the dust down, and if the paper was wet, it would restrict breathing. "What's going on?" The only answer was faint sparking from the tip of her horn, almost too faint to see. Astral groaned loudly and ripped his own mask off. "Magical exhaustion, really? You run through space, pulling a chariot of destruction behind you, then lose it after three teleports?" He shook his head and sat down next to her. "Now what? As much as I hate to admit it, even those three teleports are more than I can do. I won't be able to drag you across half the planet." He looked around. The bench was under the overhang of the small building's roof, and protected from the rain. With a fair amount of difficulty, he dragged her over to it, cheating a bit by resting half her weight on his back and using magic to lift the rest. Once there, he dumped her on the bench and sat down next to her. With a sigh, he leaned back against the building. "You're heavier than you look." He looked down at her. Most of the mud was gone, and he could see that she had lost her bandages somewhere along the way. She still had the cuts though.With another sigh, he got up and walked over to the door. A quick test showed it to be unlocked, and Astral went in. It was an astounding array of cluttered tools and diagnostic equipment crammed inside, but after some searching, Astral found some soap and a clean roll of shop towels. A little more searching turned up half a box of self-sterilizing bandages, but no other medical gear. "It'll have to do." Astral headed back to the bench, careful to keep the bandages dry. He gave Twilight a soft nudge in the shoulder. "Hey." Another nudge. "You awake yet?" He waited a moment, then shrugged. "Guess not." He slid her over on the bench, as close as he could to the water fountain. "I don't want to be blamed if those get infected, so this might sting a little." He carefully washed out each cut using the soap and shop towels. When he was finishing the cut on her ear, he noticed that she had a cut on her neck too, just above the collar of the jacket. Pulling back the collar revealed another cut. Astral lifted the unconscious mare and gingerly removed the jacket. Despite the mud, her coat was wet enough to show several more cuts underneath, mostly on her chest and forelegs. Every single one was on her front, there weren't any wounds from the side or back. Astral rinsed the mud off of her and started cleaning the rest of the wounds. On the first cut, one of the cuts on her leg, he found a piece of metal embedded just under the skin. He picked up his jacket and ripped off the last two patches. The largest of the two hid a pair of tweezers and a small pen light, and the smaller hid a razor blade. Holding the light in his teeth, and the tweezers in his magic, he slowly worked the metal out of the wound. It was a torn piece of thin brass sheet, And Astral recognized it immediately. It was part of a bullet casing. Astral started on the next wound, finding nothing. The third wound yielded a fragment of copper. The fourth gave up another piece of brass. In total, he pulled seven bits of metal from the alicorn's skin. Six of them were recognizable as bullet fragments, including the primer cap, and the last was part of a trigger. Once the last wound was cleaned, Astral started applying bandages. There were only five in the box, so Astral stuck them on the worst cuts. For the rest, Astral wrapped her forelegs and upper torso in shop towels, creating a makeshift shirt. It wouldn't do much to keep her dry, but it would keep the cuts clean. Astral then sat down on the open side of the bench and scraped as much mud as possible out of the inside of his jacket. "This is the first time I've ever patched up anypony besides myself." He looked down at the unconscious mare. "So, no guarantees that I did any of it right." He tapped the bench. “Now, you wait here, I’m gonna go leave the planet, sell the philomena, and buy a ship you won’t even be able to trace, much less blackmail me out of.” Twilight started shivering. "Oh, now what?" Astral groaned and hopped off the bench. He walked over and felt the alicorn's forehead. "Well," he said sarcastically, "this just gets better and better." She had a fever. Astral couldn't tell her temperature exactly, but she was several degrees warmer than a pony should be. Astral put his jacket back on her and stuffed it with with dry shop towels. He then carried her on his back to the other side of the building, using a small shield of magic as an umbrella. Luckily, the tube transport car was already there, probably because of the pony running the harvester. Astral deposited Twilight in the poly-glass capsule of the car and climbed in after her. There weren't any seats, but there were safety harnesses along the far wall, seemingly meant for a standing ride. There was a control panel with three buttons for different destinations, and also a limited environmental system with options for cool, heat, and neutral. Astral turned the heat up and sealed the car. The air vents were positioned to focus airflow on passengers, so Astral buckled her into a harness and waited amidst the patter of rain.