I knew I’d have to make this choice eventually, I guess I thought that if I ignored it, it would just stop. But that didn’t work out all too well, I just kept going, doing nothing about it. Now I’m at a crossroad and there’s no right way. One way leads to what I want and what my heart wants, the other goes to my friends continuous support and my little sister.
Maybe I should just calm down and think for a while, I still have time to think about this rationally.
I remember when this started, that faithful day. I already knew what he thought about me, that cute little purple dragon. I was so cruel that day, and in a way I caused all of this. I begged him for that heart gem, I still have it to this day. Soon after that same kind and passionate dragon began his rampage. I saw the true him that day, and saw the power of love first hand. Love can overcome anything, the most treacherous trials. Whether that is a rampaging dragon, or an army of Changelings, love overcomes.
That day I saw the Spike I now know so well, the little purple dragon who managed to cause so much heartache and grief. But he listens to me, he understands me. Over the past year, I’ve learned how much I really mean to him, and how much he means to me.
Soon after that incident with his little growth spurt, came the royal wedding. We all thought Twilight was completely crazy, but it turns out she was right all along. But what really stood out to me, is even when we, the elements of harmony, failed... Love still prevailed. Then there was the party, I was absolutely touched by that moment and it kept playing over and over again in my head.
As I thought more and more about it, I thought of Spike. What he was like when he first arrived in Ponyville, so infatuated with me. He was young, immature, and didn’t know the first thing about the real world. But he learned, he had adventures, he matured, and found important lessons both with his friends and without us. He was shaping up to be an amazing dragon, and that’s when I began to realize that I loved him back. It came slowly at first, I couldn’t make eye contact with him anymore for very long. I always had to keep a straight face whenever he passed me, his eyes watching me.
But it developed into more, eventually I couldn’t look at him at all. This went on for a few weeks before Spike finally knocked on my door. He told me we had to talk, and he wouldn’t go after me anymore. He said that it just hurt me, but it was the opposite. I opened myself up, and watched him begin to smile as I explained my own feelings to him. It was the most intimate moment I’ve ever had, and that day was the best day of my entire life.
We spent the entire next week together as much as possible. We didn’t think of making it public, since I am a unicorn, and he’s a dragon. So we didn’t tell anyone, we met each other during the night and would watch the stars slowly rotate above us. During the day he would come over to my boutique to help me make dresses and make small snacks for me.
But we both knew it couldn’t last this way, so we finally told Pinkie Pie, and she threw us a huge party. I’m still shocked by how well everypony seemed to take it that me and Spike were an item. Of course we got a few strange looks in our direction, but they quickly stopped as they saw how real our love really was. The vast majority of Ponyville completely accepted it, some even telling us that they had expected this.
This honeymoon phase went away after about two weeks more, but our love wasn’t diminished, if anything it was stronger than ever before. Our every waking moments were spent together, working and nuzzling together. Like two peas in a pod, we were nigh on inseparable. Each night that we said goodbye we cried until finally we found a better way. Spike moved in with me, and despite rumors of how we were too close, we continued to work and have fun together.
About two months had passed before he moved in, but by then something strange was taking hold. I noticed Spike was taller now, visibly taller. Worried, I visited Twilight who promised to do some research since she had no pressing matters and went to the Canterlot library. I still loved Spike, but something was different, he was maturing, his voice was deeper, and his boyish ways were being abandoned. I just thought of it as natural puberty, after all every mare and colt went through it, why not dragons? Oh how I was wrong.
But it didn’t matter, I found myself liking this new Spike even more than the younger one. He began making me and Sweetie Belle breakfast without being asked, and learned dressmaking quickly. Within the week he was beside me working on his first ever dress. It was a simple dress, but we celebrated it also coincided with our two month anniversary exactly. So Pinkie was nice enough to throw us another party, this one taking place in my boutique.
But that party has a foul note in my memory, one I have tried oh so desperately to forget. Twilight pulled me aside for a second and told me to read a book, she then walked back to the party. leaving me holding a small hardcover book with a small dragon on the cover. Without hesitation I slipped away from the celebration and to my room. I began to read the book, but I still wish I hadn’t. It specified knowledge about certain kinds of dragons, but the one that was highlighted with the name Spike next to it in Twilights handwriting seemed unreal. He was growing faster than usual, because he felt more loved. But the worst part of it all was, he would continue to grow until he couldn’t even fit in Ponyville anymore.
That was the first time I cried in ages, and my mind blocked out that knowledge. I continued to live life, trying to act ignorant, but Twilight knew my act. She never said anything to Spike or anypony else though, she’s a good friend. But I couldn’t avoid the knowledge forever.
He continued to grow exactly like the book said he would. Eventually small bumps on his back formed and morphed into wings over the course of a few more months. Finally he was getting too large for my boutique, so with my savings I had a house built for him. It was large, but it felt empty without him. I could never have afforded it, had it not been for a few favors the builders owed me.
But this left me feeling empty while Spike was gone, so I had too much time to finally face the truth. I could and still can only come up with two options.
One of them, is to leave Ponyville and go with Spike, I know he can care for me. However I have to leave my friends and Sweetie Belle, I can’t ask them to come with me. Me and Spike would be safe enough, and Sweetie Belle still has our parents to take care of her. But my friends would miss me so much, I guess I could visit but probably not that often.
The other choice, was to tell Spike I didn’t really love him. Make him believe it so he’d stop growing, he might even shrink back down. He could stay here in Ponyville and I could stay with my friends, but we’d never be able to look each other in the eyes again.
Him leaving without me isn’t possible, he already said a hundred times he won’t, but I have to make a choice. I feel like I’m at a crossroad, no road is better than the other but I still am forced to go forward.
Spike still doesn’t know what I am thinking, and I don’t plan on telling him. After all, if I told him that I was thinking of breaking his heart, he wouldn’t fall for it. My friends aren’t aware either, even though Twilight might have a clue. But she won’t say anything, I know her. She’ll always let me make my own decisions, even if it will hurt her.
There’s no way to make everypony happy, especially in this situation. But I think I’ve found my answer.
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned that love is a powerful and magical force. It’s capable of letting you be the happiest you have ever been. But it’s like a double edged blade, it can hurt you just as easily as help you. It hurts if you break up with somepony, it hurts even more if somepony breaks up with you. But the worst thing about love, is when it comes from two or more places at once. It can tear you to shreds and will force you to choose. Even when no “right” choice is there, you still have to make the choice.
I guess what I’m trying to say here, or write here, is that love usually leads to diverging roads. You have to make a choice and stick to it, I’ve made mine.
~Your loyal subject Rarity.
To my friends
I’m sorry, but I have left, by the time you find this note I will be gone with Spike.
Twilight thanks for being a great friend. You never gave me away. To the rest of you, I left because Spike will continue to grow as I continue to love him. I do love him, and we are going to find a nice place, when he finally stops growing we might come back to Ponyville. Until then, goodbye.
~Love Rarity
P.S. I will visit.