//------------------------------// // Part 2: Horny, Horny, Oxen Free! // Story: Marepocalypse Now! // by Lethally Insane //------------------------------// DAY TWO Part Two: Horny, Horny, Oxen Free! (Perspective: Free Writer) I sat in a chair facing a window. The bags under my eyes felt like bricks. I glanced at the clock. It was six in the morning. I’d pulled an all nighter. I took one last glance at Ponyville basking in the rising sun. Wait, I thought, what’s that? I pulled out some binoculars from a drawer in the coffee table. I looked out the windows again. A single pink pony was bouncing up the hill. Sweet Celestia, no, I thought, I don’t even know if all of my barriers will stop her. I galloped up the stairs. “Wake the buck up!” I yelled down the hallway. “ We got trouble!” I rushed back down the stairs, It was around here somewhere. I pulled a mini tramp out from under the guestroom bed. I opened the grate and shoved it in the fireplace. There was a knock on the door. She was here. I gulped and walked to the peep hole. Pinkie Pie stood outside. “Hi, Pinkie.” I gulped. “Hi there, Free Writer!” she said through the door. “ Can I come in?” “Pinkie,” I said. “ I can’t do that, you and I both know what's happening right now.” “I’ll just have to find my own way in.” she giggled. The others were down now. I looked at them. “Prepare for contact.” I said. “The Buck?” Iron said. “Pinkie figured out that we’re here.” I stated calmly. “Celestia, no.” Grassy muttered. “What do we do?” I asked. “I know.” Marmalade said finding a glass of cider. “Writer,” he said, downing it. “ get me a wool sock.” “Wait what?” Grasshopper asked. “She only needs one of us,” he said. “ I can draw her attention for awhile. If she catches me, maybe if I buck her hard enough, she’ll call it quits for the season.” “You don’t need to do this.” Iron said. “Oh, but I do.” he said. “ I probably won’t get laid in any other circumstance. Grasshopper, you should know, I can barely carry a conversation anyway.” There was a crash and a spring. There Pinkie was, sitting on a hastily placed mini tramp. It was now or never. “Horny, Horny Oxen Free!” she giggled. “The buck?” I said. “Oh, that’s this part’s title.” she said. “What?” Iron asked. “Hey!” a disembodied voice said. “ They don’t know that?!” “What?” she replied. “ It was so well placed.” “No it really wasn’t.” it argued. A hand appeared out of the air, and flicked her on the back of the head. “Hey, that wasn’t nice.” she pouted. “Deal with it, I’m the writer.” it said fading away. “Fine.” she huffed. “Anyway?” she said turning to us. “ Which one of you stallions wants to party?” We looked at Marmalade. Grasshopper found a wool sock and gave it to him. We saluted him. “Just get in the Celestia damn closet.” he said flatly. We huddled in the closet and locked the door. Marmalade was alone with Pinkie, and we didn’t want to think about what happened next. (Perspective: Marmalade) I unlocked the door, and moved towards the grate. “Inevitably,” I started. “ you and I are going to buck. I know this, and I’ve accepted that.” “Oh?” she giggled. “However,” I said, grinning, unhooking the grate, “ you’ll have to catch me first.” I bolted out the door towards sweet apple acres. I would make my last stand there. Running through the woods, I looked back. She was following me. She bounced along at near the same pace I was running. I bounded between apple trees, I was nearing the center of the orchard. Here, at least, I thought, no one can hear me scream. I stopped, letting her catch up to me. “Any last words?” she asked flirtatiously, catching up to me. I pondered this for a second. Buck it, I thought, it’s mating season. “I’m a steaming cauldron of sexual needs right now.” I replied. “Kinky.” she said, leaping at me. (Prospective: Iron Ore) “Well,” Free Writer spoke after five minutes of silence. “ I’ve spent last three mating seasons in a closet at some point. Buck my life.” “Would you have rather have taken on Pinkie?” I asked him. “Good point.” he shrugged. “ I’ll take hiding in a closet to that.” “Finally coming out of the closet, eh?” Grasshopper piped up beside us. “Dick.” Free dismissed him. “Sucker.” Grasshopper sniggered. “Let’s get out of here.” Free Writer sighed, opening the door. We walked out into the foyer. I sat on the couch again as Grasshopper went for the cider. Free Writer passed out on a large blue chair. Grasshopper came back in and handed me a glass. “Still a stoner?” he prodded. “I never was.” I replied. “That’s a lie.” he argued. Ever since I had let my mane grow out as a teen, people had speculated that I was a ‘stoner’. Then, I started hanging around with Free Writer. He had never accused me of being a stoner except in the context of a jest. Then again, he knew what actual stoners looked like. He insisted that I didn’t really fit that bill. “Should we let him sleep?” I asked, changing the subject. “I don’t see why not.” Grasshopper replied. “ I’ll take the first watch.” “Alright.” I said. A FEW HOURS LATER (Perspective: Grasshopper) I scanned Ponyville for the upteenth time with a pair of binoculars. I saw two figures walking out of one of Sweet Apple Acre’s orchards. They were coming up the path together. Could it be them? They were drawing closer now. Pinkie and Marmalade stopped at the door, Pinkie bouncing in place. “Marm?” I called through the door. “Yeah, Grassy?” he replied. “Is she, uh, gonna go for us now?” I asked. “Naw, man.” he said. “You didn’t.” I said, understanding dawning. “We did.” Pinkie said. “ He’s mine now. We just need a slightly more comfortable place, to stay.” I groaned and opened the door to a ecstatic Pinkie and a dirt covered Marmalade. They stepped in and immediately went upstairs. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a barrel of cider. I wouldn’t need the glasses; it would be gone by the time I was done. (Perspective: ???) A sand colored Unicorn looked through the telescope at the house on the hill. She murmured to herself, rubbing a very private place. She had gotten so close last year. He had been within her grasp. She remembered his bony ribs against her tongue. It will be different this year, she thought to herself. She had been scanning Ponyville for a day, waiting for when she would strike. She licked her lips and rubbed harder. Soon, very soon, she thought. (Perspective: Free Writer) I opened my eyes. I was sprawled out on a large blue recliner. Grassy was passed out on the couch with a empty barrel of cider between his forelegs like a lover. Iron was watching the window. I heard a thumping upstairs. “Who’s upstairs?” I asked. “Marmalade and Pinkie.” he said, grimacing. “Oh.” I said. “ Hang on a sec.” I walked upstairs to the door that the noise was emanating from. “WILL YOU STOP BUCKING SO LOUD!” I screamed through the door. The banging intensified, then stopped. I walked back down stairs and found Iron still scanning the town. “What’s up with them?” “They permamated.” He replied. I faced hoofed. I couldn’t deal with this. I had to make sure I was going to get off scot free in the heat. I decided to follow Grassy’s lead. I flopped back into the recliner. “Uh, wondrous.” Iron said, turning back to the window. (Prospective: Iron Ore) Free Writer was knocked out on his recliner, Grassy had drunk himself to sleep, and Marmalade and Pinkie were still bucking. I kneaded my brow with my hoof. Writer had made it seemed so planned out; it probably was, too. Then, Pinkie had shown up, effectively destroying said plan. I had lived in Ponyville my entire life, save the year in Manehatten. Writer had shown up when I was twelve, straight outta Filly. We started hanging out when we were both fourteen. Why shouldn’t we? We were both mature for our ages, had a similar taste in music. We were also cynical metalheads with an extreme hatred of the melodrama that had been associated with our age. After finishing school, I had moved to Manehatten to pursue a career as an editor of a music magazine. Free Writer had stayed behind, studying the extreme amount of literature discovered in the castle of the Two Sisters by Twilight Sparkle. That’s how he knew Marmalade, they had been assigned to study and learn the magic. I think they had a third colleague but I had never met her. I took one last scan and fell to sleep. I would need my rest.