***
"AND ANOTHER THING!" A chalice went flying against the wall, causing cracks to form in the crystal. Earth pony strength did have its advantages. “WE GROW WEARY OF OUR SOBERING CIRCUMSTANCE! WE WISH FOR A ‘ROM-COM AND CHEETOS’, PER OUR SISTER’S SUGGESTIONS! ONLY THEN MAY OUR DESIRE TRULY BE SATIATED! COME, TWILIGHT. TO THE SOFA WITH US!" Celestia, her eyes drooping and her cheeks overwhelmed with a radiant blush, motioned for another chalice of wine.
"Err, I was actually thinking now would be a good time to get some sleep.” Twilight tried her very best to look diplomatic, but a better word would be “baffled” or “slightly terrified”. She tried to speak as reasonably as possible, making sure to discreetly concentrate the room’s remaining wine into a single place well outside Celestia’s reach. “But, uh, could you teach me that Canterlot Voice spell some time? It would be very useful for getting Dash's head out of the clouds." Twilight looked over at the hunched form of her one-time mentor, the smug look in the latter's eyes being met with worry by the former.
"'TIS NOT SOME MYSTIC ART OR ROYAL SECRET! WE ALICORNS HAVE VAST...GREAT..." She seized a bottle from Twilight’s stash with a burst of singularly powerful magic, then downed it in one gulp and threw it at the wall with just as much force as the first. The sun princess completed her demonstration by motioning with her hooves to show some object of immense size, "...LUNGS LIKE BAGPIPES! OUR VOCAL CHORDS ARE PIANO STRINGS! SOON YOUR GROWTH WILL BE COMPLETE, AND YOUR VOICE WILL JOIN THE CACAPHON...CACAPHO...THE GREAT CHORUS OF OUR OWN!"
In hindsight, perhaps inviting Celestia to a private drink after the Summer Sun Celebration had been a bad idea. One private drink had become ten, then seventeen, and then the privacy had become...personal. And loud. Some kind of current of tension had started building up between them, a sort of tension she only felt when Celestia was giving her time meant for her and her alone. Things like “faithful” and “only for you” and “worry” and “always” were tossed around. Warm and cozy grins mingled with bashful blushes and glances that held some kind of risk Twilight couldn’t quite pin down. It had been a blessed evening, for a while...
"Umm, Princess--"
"PRINCESS! PAH! WE ARE MORE THAN SOME WORD!,” Celestia spat, a scowl overtaking her face. "SPARE US YOUR TITLES. YOUR "PRINCESS" IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!" And then it had all gone wrong. There had been a moment when Celestia had moved forward, with a confidence and potency that was only meant for her. Her lips had pursed, and Twilight had moved up her ear to hear what she was certain Celestia was about to whisper. The Princess, in a somewhat flat and exasperated voice, had dutifully informed Twilight that she was very grateful for the chance to catch up and the evening. The quality of the time spent together and the quantity of wine bottles within her cellar had declined much more rapidly (and much more uncomfortably) from that point onward.
“Err...right. Celestia.” Twilight hastily made sure to remove as much of the wine from the premises as she could find. “Maybe we should find you a place to lie down.”
“WE NEED NO CREATURE COMFORTS! AND THOU ARE NOT OUR VASSAL! WE WILL NOT HAVE OUR CLOSEST AND GREATEST OF BOSOM-FRIENDS RUNNING ABOUT LIKE SOME CHAMBERMAID FOR OUR PETTIEST OF CONCERNS!” Celestia teetered back and forth in her chair. Grand, theatrical gestures punctuated each of her words, wings and hooves splaying at each turn.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “‘Bosom-friend’? I don’t think we’ve ever done anything quite so risqu--”
“NOR WILL WE BOW TO COWARDICE IN THE FACE OF SO SWEET AND VOLUPTUOUS A CREATURE! WE ARE THE VERY MEASURE OF MIGHT, BY WHICH ALL ARE--WHAAA--OMPF!” The wind was knocked out of Celestia’s lungs by the arrival of a potent and worthy opponent: gravity. Celestia pouted, examining the floor upon which she had so roughly landed. “We are the never-ending sun…” The larger pony meekly protested.
“How many hooves am I holding up?” Twilight stood over Celestia, her teeth grinding against one another and her eyes wide with worry.
“ONE!” Celestia’s voice came out clear and triumphant.
Twilight, who had in fact not been holding up any hooves, gave the longest-suffering of sighs in the pony world. “I can’t tell if that’s alcohol or dizziness talking, but that just about does it.” Twilight approached Celestia slowly. “What set you off drinking anyway? What was it you wanted to tell me so badly that downing half my wine cellar seemed like a better idea? And, uh, ‘voluptuous’?” Twilight glanced at her flank with a half-frown. “Where did that come from?”
“My sister…”
“Oh, Pri--lestia.” Twilight found her mouth engaging in some truly impressive gymnastics just to evade bringing forth a potential “P” word and setting off her old tutor. “Is this about what you told me about last year? She forgives you for what you did, you know. And you should, too.”
Celestia waved a hoof away, nose scrunched up in irritation. “NAY! She’s been making fun o’ me.” Celestia sighed her own sigh of legends, this one suggesting that what she was about to confess to had been a favourite trump card of her little sister for many moons now.
Twilight’s concern immediately fell into irritation. “Seriously? That’s why you’re drinking? Come on, Prin--elestia.” Even when chastising her, the name Twilight had called her mentor by for all her existence lived free and died hard. “We’re not school fillies. You’ve gotta have a little thicker skin than that.” She looked down at the mess of a creature in front of her. “...Right?”
“Tis not her jest…” Celestia sighed. A dim part of Twilight’s mind noted that Celestia was still talking in Old Equish. “Tis the shadow of truth behind it. The jab to our courage and to our attractiveness.” Celestia’s eyes went wide again. “WE NEED MORE DRINK! WHY ARE WE NOT CUSHIONED IN GLORIOUS SLUMBER, TWILIGHT?!”
“No! You’ve had more than enough. Far more. And, uhh, I think I should consider soundproofing my walls.” She noticed the fracture lines running along the walls with a wince. “And making them shatterproof.”
“We know a mending spell! WORRY NOT, FAIR TWILIGHT, WE SHALL--” Celestia’s attempt to cast a spell was silenced by Twilight’s hoof applying itself to the tip of her horn.
“What we’re going to do is get you to sleep. Then we’re going to have a talk about this in the morning. Besides, you’re plenty attractive. I don’t know what Luna think she’s talking about, but we’ll--”
“NAY! If we do not speak it now, we will hide it from you forever!” Celestia pressed a hoof of her own against Twilight’s chest. “You are SO much more than a chambermaid, my faithful companion. A weaker pony would hide what I must say eternally, and a PRINCESS,” again she spat the word, this time with more venom than she had ever done in Twilight’s presence, “would wrap it in decorum and sap the emotion from it with empty words. I will not be so WEAK! I failed you once, and now I decree NO MORE! Tis why we took to the bottle from the start! We are--I am fearful, Twilight. And nopony deserves cowardice from one they so obviously care so much for, least of all one so wondrous as YOU!”
“Princess, volume.” Twilight said quietly, nervously looking at the walls around her. Celestia’s rant had rattled the room’s supply of delicate works of art--several of them gifts from grateful court attendees--to sit precariously upon their perches and hangings around the room.
“NAY!” Celestia stood up, then flopped forward, her hooves working, if only just. “I DID NOT HUMILIATE MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU ONLY TO MUTE MYSELF WITH PRETTY, QUIET AND CLEVER WORDS! I MUST TELL YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THE TRUTH ETERNAL.” The sun princess rose to her feet, then unsteadily towered to her full height above Twilight.
Twilight began to make some remark to the effect of the ponies in the Crystal Empire not needing to hear the truth, but Celestia cut her off. “YE GODS, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WE HAVE MET WITH NO FEWER THAN FORTY SPECIES OF CREATURE IN OUR TIME AS RULER OF THIS KINGDOM, AND OF THEM, YOU ARE TRULY THE DENSEST!” Celestia put a hoof to her forehead, and this time it was she that gave the most long-suffering of sighs. “THE SECLUDED LOCATIONS, THE FINE FOOD AND DRINK, THE ENDLESS COMPLIMENTS. WE EVEN FLIRTED! WE, THE SUN ETERNAL, WHO IS NOUGHT BUT A VERITABLE PILLAR OF GOOD FAITH, PLAYED THE CHEEKY FOX! BUT ALL THAT SAILED RIGHT OVER YOUR PRETTY, BUSY LITTLE HEAD, DID IT NOT?! SEVEN WEEKS OF THIS MADNESS!” Celestia stalked forward, her hips swinging and her legs moving in the most awkward of jaunts. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE! IN LIEU OF A PROPER COURT, I MUST BESEECH THEE NOW DIRECTLY! I HAVE FALLEN FOR YOU! IN THE MORNING, WE WILL EXPLAIN PROPER! BUT TONIGHT, WE SHALL SAY NOT ELSE MORE THAN THIS: WE LOVE YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WE PRAY YOU WILL SATIATE OUR LONELINESS FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEART!” Celestia let out a few breaths, her dangerous eyes daring Twilight to snark about her drunken state now.
Twilight, for her part, only let forth a few exclamations of her own. “I--You--WHAT?!” Her eyes went wide, and she stared at Celestia in utter shock for a tense, exhausting minute of total silence. Celestia, for her part, wobbled on her legs, then fell to the ground with a simple “there, that’s better.” Twilight ran over to Celestia, looking at her still in a mixture of stunned confusion and concern. At this, Celestia cuddled her head and neck up to Twilight’s leg, a perfect smile running over her weary and sweat-stained face.
Twilight looked at the situation before her for another minute, then moved to take her leg away from Celestia. At this, the other pony grumbled and wrapped her great ivory forelegs around Twilight’s own front hoof. After much struggling and attempts to free herself, Twilight let out a massive groan and made to teleport. A heavy country accent echoed through her window. “You okay up there, Twilight?!” Dragging the larger pony with her, Twilight peeked her head out to look at the outskirts of her great crystal spire.
A gathering of friends, acquaintances and townsfolk she’d never truly met was gathered at the foot of her castle, several of them clad in some form of pajamas or nightwear and all of them looking concerned. Applejack led the group, her trademark Stetson having been replaced by a sleeping cap and a blindfold that was currently perched upon her forehead. Twilight looked down at the crowd outside, then at the pony curled up on her leg, and immediately knew what she needed to do.
“I need a drink.” Twilight declared, slamming the window shut.