Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


35) Dreams and Nightmares

Cultural Artifacts - Dreams and Nightmares
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 66

        Twilight and Rainbow were intercepted by Derpy and Dinky. "I heard we kind of interrupted your research project," Dinky said.

        "It's okay squirt," Rainbow replied.

        "Well, since we have access, we can let you in and get out the books," Derpy said, "Then we can show you the maneuvers on the flying machine game."

        Twilight suddenly took a deep breath, then paused to let it out. "He taught you to use that machine?" she asked, in a strangely conversational tone.

        "Yes, we played it all the time," Derpy said, "I didn't beat the changelings who ambushed the Wonderbolts by being a noob."

        Rainbow mouthed, but couldn't say, 'Defeated the ones who ambushed the Wonderbolts!'

        "I have an experiment of my own I want to run," Dinky said.

        "And what experiment is that?" Twilight said.

        "Oh, I'll tell you when you're older," Dinky said, in the same tone she'd heard it multiple times from teachers before.

        Twilight took a deep breath again.
------------------------------

        Celestia was so deep in thought, she didn't notice Discord had been quietly walking beside her for some time. He kept holding up a piece of cardboard with a cutout that let him look at her head, neck and rump despite how they were positioned. Even when she turned to face him, the cutouts shifted and he continued. "What are you doing?" she asked, far more politely than she thought she otherwise could have.

        "Oh," Discord said and turned the card so she could see it, "New mane and tail styling. Your 'Dishabille'-look is a classic, I was just wondering if there was something that would change it up for formal or informal occasions. Now that's a bold look!" The turned the cardboard around and it was a picture of Celestia with a cropped mane and tail. "You might use that one when you're feeling particularly penitent or really want to freak the audience out."

        "What no ambush makeover?" Celestia asked.

        Discord grinned. "You're forgetting, whatever you do becomes the new style. I could make you look utterly ridiculous, and within two days, every noble would be sporting the same look, because you did it."

        She inwardly flinched at that, but contented herself with a glare at Discord. While he paused, finger under his chin, and considered. His sudden 'IDEA!' expression made her brace herself for the assault.

        "That might be a way to separate the flank-kissers from the really devoted sycophants," Discord said and grinned, "See if anyone has the guts to tell the Empress she has no clothes."

        Celestia felt relieved, but rolled her eyes. "You might as well tell me the rest," she said, "You aren't going to stop until you do. By the way, why did you paint moustaches on all the portraits in the nobles' gallery?"

        "I painted moustaches just off the portraits of the nobles' gallery. No point defacing technically excellent art work because the subject matter was vapid," Discord said. He walked in the direction Celesta had been heading, then glanced back when she hadn't continued. "I left instructions with the maids how to peel the moustaches off."

        "Yes, some of them are still singing that song," Celestia said as she started walking again.

        "Of course," Discord shrugged and replied, "It's catchy."

        Celestia sighed. "What's this 'Empress has no clothes' business?" Celestia said.
------------------------------

        "No, you don't wait until you stall, you kick the rudder over just before," Dinky said as Rainbow stared at the screen on the computer in the Big Guy's office.

        "Okay, okay. How do I quit spinning like this?" Rainbow asked.

        "You can't, that's a flat spin," Derpy said, "It's hard enough to get out of one of those with your own wings, the machine won't let you use any of the recovery tricks a pegasus would use." Derpy winced as Rainbow crashed, again.

        "This is still fun," Twilight said as she glanced among the various books laid out on a side table, and the screen. "Not that I'll ever get wings, but this stuff is easy."

        "You want to try against me, bookworm?" Rainbow asked, her tone and glare dangerous.

        Twilight glared back. "You're on!"

        "Okay, let me set it up," Derpy said and she and Dinky configured the match.

        "How'd you learn all this stuff, Squirt?" Rainbow asked Dinky.

        "I read it," Dinky said, "It's easy. Don't crash too often."

        Rainbow growled.

        "Ready?" Derpy asked, and when both Twilight and Rainbow nodded, she started the battle. Then she and Dinky giggled.
------------------------------

        Celly hadn't understood why Blueblood had sought her out, but she was glad to leave after Luna and the Big Guy were together. I can understand why she's so nervous, Celly thought as she walked the sky-battleship's corridors, following the guides, But dangerous isn't the same as damaging. She needs to accept that feeling like a prey animal facing a predator when she's with him isn't the same as being eaten.

        The number of 'engineering bugs' that surrounded Blueblood and Fragrance worried Celly. She could sense the changelings' unease even if they were almost unreadable to most ponies.

        "Good, you're here," Blueblood said, his worry making him more curt than she'd ever seen him, "What do you make of this, magically." He gestured with a hoof at a section of the vessel's wall.

        She relaxed, opened herself to the magic and looked. The area was a tangle of lines, a mockery of the tightly woven skeins around it. "It's like the weaver got drunk in the middle of a masterwork," she said, and gasped as Blueblood stuck his foreleg into the almost impenetrable hull material.

        "There are a couple of others like this, scattered around," Blueblood explained, "I think that uncontrolled, high-speed run damaged the fabric of this material."

        "What do we do?" Celly asked, looking from Fragrance to Blueblood and back.

        "I don't know," Fragrance said, "I never heard of how they built the hull, just the internal systems."

        "I've given orders to unship one of the engines and drives. So if the hull crumbles up, they'll still have something to study," Blueblood said, "We'll monitor these areas and check for others, to see if this is a localized problem, or if it's spreading."

        "You might want to get some pegasi in here to look at it, they are the experts at cloud manipulation," Celly said, "Assuming this is solidified cloud, but that's what it seems to be."

        "There's also Discord," Fragrance said, "He might be willing to fix it."

        "I think he'd more enjoy having us research and discover how to fix it. Since the secrets might not be in the old library, we'll have to research it somewhere else," Blueblood said as he stroked his chin and his eyes widened, "Somewhere that we can get everyone to work together on. We'll need Applejack, heck her entire family, Maybe that's not such a bad thing after all."

        Celly and Fragrance looked at him as if he'd gone mad. Then all the Changelings fled the area as Blueblood chuckled and began to laugh.
------------------------------

        Twilight switched from the top turret, back to the pilot's 'seat' on the computer. She cranked the rudder hard over the other way and banked slightly to compensate for the extreme rudder. Then she moved back into the top turret. She watched as Rainbow came straight in, aiming perfectly for where Twilight would be in a moment. Twilight keyed back to the pilot's station, twitched the joystick, and let Rainbow flash past, before firing all the A-26's guns at the Me-163 the pegasus flew.

        "Again!" Rainbow complained as the computer screen displayed her plane's death at Twilight's hooves, "That's five times now! Yeah you've got two engines and I've only got one, but how do you keep doing that?! I'm the fastest plane in the game!"

        "She goes into a skid to deceive you where she's really heading, and she watches her six," Derpy said, "Same way the Changeling's took out the Wonderbolts, they kept staring ahead or to the side, not watching behind."

        "And you kept diving straight into her line of fire," Dinky said, and tapped a few controls, "My turn, equal planes?" she asked Twilight, who nodded.

        "I like the Thunderbolt, boom and zoom," Dinky said and the screen showed the cockpit. Dinky moved the controls to let her zigzag to see what was behind her, always looking all around. She was also climbing at a good rate. After a few moments, she spotted Twilight's plane beneath her and dove for it. Dinky got off a burst at the twisting and turning Thunderbolt, but dove past and away from the other plane. Again Twilight looked like she was turning, but was actually flying in a straight line. "Attack from the side, and you don't wind up in front of the enemy, where their guns can still get you. This isn't a hoof fight in the sky, all the weapons have a range." Dinky missed with her burst, but raced past and kept diving, until she was out of Twilight's range, then climbed.

        "Convert speed to altitude and come at her again," Dinky said as she manipulated the controls.

        "You won't catch me unawares this time," Twilight warned.

        Dinky only smiled.
------------------------------

        Pinkie stood beside the crib/cage and gently stroked the Changeling nymph, as did the old griffon general. The nymph whimpered softly, but the chance of food overrode the fear of the source. Even her ability to sense Pinkie's emotions didn't overwhelm nymph-Chrysalis' worry that it was a trap by her most formidable and ruthless enemies.

        She was satiated fairly quickly, and fell into a troubled sleep. Pinkie and the general stepped away.

        "She still suspects we're going to hurt her," Pinkie sighed as the guard let them out of the security 'nursery', feeling more depressed than she had when she'd picked up her stuff from her room.

        "Not everyone can be your friend," the griffon general said, "You had to learn a completely new set of behaviors before you befriended the Big Guy, including letting him think he'd beaten you to within an inch of your life."

        Pinkie smirked and nodded at that. "But it worked," she replied, "I don't know how we get through to Chrysalis that even after what she did, Discord punished her, and everyone either doesn't care about her, or thinks Discord covered her punishment completely. Why is she still afraid? Shouldn't she know better?"

        "She was able to convince herself that attacking Equestria was a good idea," the griffon said, "Anyone able to do that, can convince themselves of anything."

        They exited the corridor past the guards and walked through the corridors of the palace. "I think she'll live, but the other hives haven't taken her in."

        "There's always our crazy friend," the griffon said, "He seems to be collecting Equestria's enemies in one package."

        "I think with her daughter as part of his team, that might be a stretch," Pinkie admitted, "While he doesn't like getting messed with, he really doesn't like having his friends messed with, and that's what Chrysalis did to her daughter."

        The griffon sighed and rolled his eyes.

        Pinkie nodded, then she giggled. "You should hear what my friends think we've been doing at night!"

        "You haven't told them I hope!" the griffon gasped.

        "Of course not," Pinkie said and giggled again, "They'd never believe what we're buil - doing. So I let them think something else. They're happy, and when it works they'll be happy about that too."

        "True," the griffon said, and chuckled.

        Pinkie smiled at that.
------------------------------

        Twilight sighed, "That was a chandle, right?" she asked as she watched the ball of rapidly expanding fragments that had been her plane.

        "Yep, I started a chandelle, then did the reverse," Dinky said, "Like a marble up a ramp and then rolls down. Climb until stall, then kick your rudder hard over."

        "Yeah Twilight," Rainbow said and snickered, "If you ever get wings, you'll be an ace flier."

        The unicorn frowned at her friend. "Dinky, are you all right?" Twilight asked as the little unicorn seemed to become disoriented.

        "I think so," Dinky said and shook her head, "It's like I . . . "

        Derpy nuzzled her. "Take a look at your flank."

        Dinky's head came around so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. "MY CUTIE MARK!" she exclaimed on sighting the candle-illuminating-a-book mark on her flank.

        "Oh great, another egghead," Rainbow said.

        "One who can beat you at flying games," Derpy said and giggled.

        Dinky nuzzled her mom happily as the older pegasus laughed.
------------------------------
Day 67

        Cadence didn't like going to the jail, but she knew that it was better, safer to go to the ponies that Shining had suggested she meet with, rather than have them come to her.

        The pair of unicorns didn't look like anything special, but she'd seen the designs that the Canterlot Guard had confiscated.

        "Highness," the mustached unicorn addressed her and his partner seemed ready to say something, but a warning glance from Shining 'advised' him to keep quiet.

        "The Guard showed these to me, and I showed them to an expert. He pronounced them 'workable'," Cadence said.

        "A stallion of rare discernment," the unicorn said, again his partner reached for his head, and then seemed to remember both were barehanded.

        "It was the Ponyville Monster," Cadence said, and noted the lack of shock from the pair. "You aren't worried he might have taken an interest in you and your designs?"

        "If it means that we will escape here," the mustachioed stallion said.

        "And we have a willing ear," the other unicorn added, almost in song.

        Cadence almost giggled at the prospect of these two singing in the presence of The Big Guy, and what he'd sing back. She kept her smile to herself. "Actually I have a different fate in mind for you."

        The pair rolled their eyes. Their spokes-stallion spoke, "With respect, your Highness, I almost prefer serving our sentence."

        "They need to hear the proposal," Shining said and glared at them

        Cadence glared at them too. "I need your network. All the malcontents and madmares who work for and with you. The whole collection of tinkerers, dreamers and . . . " she trailed off as the stallions stared wild-eyed beyond her. Their expressions of utter reverence and raw terror forced her to turn to defend them from their assailant. She turned to see the Big Guy standing there.

        " 'We are dreamers, shapers, singers, and makers'," he intoned, sending Cadence shivering, "We study the mysteries of crystal and circuit, the true mysteries through invocations of equations." He drew near the cell and stared in at the pair of unicorns. Despite their mad grins, they were holding on to each other like a pair of frightened foals. " 'And we know many things.'"

        The power radiating off him gave Cadence a brief impression of Celestia 'silently disapproving' of something. The two unicorn prisoners were caught between jumping for joy and pissing themselves, they settled for staring, grinning like idiots, and shivering. Like I was when I stood beside Celestia, Cadence thought, No wonder the Pony Sisters are so conflicted about him.

        "You will have to make up to the Apples," the Big Guy said, "And Twilight has exactly the way to do it."

        He turned to Cadence. "If they don't want to help you, they won't share in the fame, and everyone will know that they denied them access." He grinned evilly. "Your network will never forgive you."

        The stallions cringed. Cadence noted that even Shining seemed cowed. "What are you planning?" the mustachioed stallion asked tremulously.

        "Something Twilight and Discord have been plotting through the morning, and all we need is the details, and the manpower, or horsepower, to carry it through," the Big Guy said.

        "Twilight was working with Discord?" Shining exclaimed, "What could they possibly . . . ? Oh, they wouldn't!"

        "They will if I have any say in the matter," the Big Guy said and leaned toward the unicorn prisoners, "We're going to rescue the Library of Equipolis. Are you and your network in, or out?" The Big Guy laughed at the nearly slavering faces on both sides of the bars.
------------------------------

        Twilight grimaced as Discord collapsed in laughter, yet again. The sketches of the huge ancient library laid out on a huge table dominating the palace formal dining room. One of the few rooms able to accommodate both the collection of maps, and all the participants. She turned back to her mentor, who also seemed on the verge of breaking out in giggles. "What's so funny about this?" she asked.

        "Nothing," the Big Guy said as he swept in with a number of the Ponyvillians in tow, as well as the rest of his bizarre entourage.

        "What are those polecats doin' here?" Applejack bristled as Cadence's group arrived, and she saw Flim and Flam.

        "They are going to help," the Big Guy said as he knelt in front of Applejack, he stared at her, "We need everyone we can lay our hands and hooves on. And they are Cadence and Shining Armor's problem, not yours. Getting every Apple you can lay your ha-hooves on is your job."

        Applejack stared at that smiling face and her grim expression softened. The others didn't chuckle at the farm pony's blush.

        "Besides, think about how happy Big Mac was," the Big Guy said.

        The memory of the big stallion pronking to beat Pinkie at her pinkiest shouting 'Yep! Yep! Yep!' drew a smile from Applejack. "Okay," Applejack said grudgingly, "They'd better pull their weight."

        "If they could collect apples without bruising them, books should be no problem," the Big Guy said, and glanced at the pair. Flam was nodding enthusiastically, while Flim was nervously chewing the brim of his straw boater.

        "I'm afraid it will still be a problem," Twilight said as she tried to start the meeting, "The library is even bigger than anything besides the entire city of Canterlot. There's no way to clear it in a single evening, without a huge amount of magic." Twilight glared at Discord "Which we don't have."

        "With respect," Flim said, "You'll soon have magic in abundance."

        "Overflowing all limits," Flam added.

        "Ponyville is ready to help," Mayor Mare arrived with Cheerilee and Rarity.

        "And we may be able to use the magic some of us use," Rarity flipped her mane, revealing the collar around her throat. "Fragrance mentioned that some high-ranking earth ponies kept unicorn slaves, and that minotaurs were only known as bipedal, befingered mysteries." She looked at the Big Guy. "He might even have a few - what was Selene's delightful word she'd overheard about herself? Oh yes, abomination." Rarity looked at Celestia, who sobered up instantly.

        Discord laughed even harder at the Solar Diarch's horror.

        "Don't laugh too much," the Big Guy said, "I'm an equal opportunity minotaur abominator."

        Now Discord was looking shocked.
------------------------------

        Rarity had the collars for all the unicorns, alicorns and pegasi who were going to accompany the huge number of Apples who had been assemble in the palace's formal dining on short notice. Trixie had taught them all how to whimper and cry appropriately when the Big Guy 'activated' their collars. The extent of the two unicorn con-artists' network shocked everyone. The inclusion of three dragons had considerably increased the odds of success.

        Applebloom had a pegasus and unicorn to look after, and her fellow Crusaders were having a ball treating her as Diamond Tiara expected to be treated. A fact not lost on the other filly, who had nopony willing to be her 'slave'. Bonbon was 'in charge' of Lyra and Trixie. Of course Pinkie was in charge of the alicorns.

        "You're getting me back for invading your house, aren't you?" Pinkie quietly asked the Big Guy.

        "No," he said, "Can you imagine the friction of me commanding Celestia? Just draw on your inner Chancellor Puddinghead."

        Pinkie frowned. "Don't even joke like that. Nopony could think we're the least bit alike."

        Discord's collar was in the hands of Tom. "Yeowch! Help!" the draconequus exclaimed as a nimbus of electricity arced over him and he changed random colors. The arcs stopped and steam and smoke rose from the prone draconequus.

        "Doesn't that hurt?" Celestia looked down and asked Discord.

        "Not really," Discord said as he sat up, "I'm sure the maples are full of acorns this time of year." Discord fell over.

        "I am glad I've got 16 more settings above that one," Tom said.

        "Are you really sure you need to be shocking him like that?" Celestia asked as she glanced down at the prone draconequus.

        Tom zapped Discord again. "You want a go instead?" he asked as he offered her the controller.

        "No," Celestia said as she drew back.

        Discord leapt to his feet with an expression of joy on his face, and an image of his face covering every bit of him, only for Tom to zap him again. The image of his face contorted in pain. Celestia actually looked at Discord with sympathy.

        "We need him in one piece and in his right mind to make the gate," the Big Guy called over as he carefully fitted Hotaru, her wolf and the Sphinx with the spiky collars and 'evil armor'.

        Applejack facehoofed as she watched the entire proceedings. "Is no one taking this seriously?" she asked.

        "Yes, master," Twilight said, her eyes aglow, then the glow faded, "Pretty good, hunh? You get to play the rational mare amid all the crazies."

        "Then I'm overqualified," Applejack said as she looked over to where Big Mac, Flim and Flam were going over Twilight's plans and considering any last minute problems. "Why cain't we use the changelings?"

        "The emotions would overwhelm them," Blueblood said as he and his captain arrived. Their collars had Applejack's cutie mark on them. Applejack covered her face with her hat. "Ah don't believe this."

        "People mentioned you hadn't picked any unicorns, so you should have the most regal and the most military," Blueblood said, he was as resplendent as he had been at the Grand Galloping Gala.

        "Then why are you all princey and Ah'm in work duds?" Applejack said.

        "You need work on your sneer," Blueblood said, "So when someone asks you that, you can give them the right response. A true ruler doesn't follow fashion, fashion follows them on bended knee." He glanced over at Celestia who was staring at the fallen Discord.

        Applejack sighed and worked on the 'Blueblood sneer'.

        Rarity looked over the assembly. "This is going to work," she said quietly, "And it is a wonderful joke." She moved over to fuss over a little detail of the costuming. Since they were all 'weirdos' modern dress was appropriate.

        Twilight suddenly took a deep breath and after a pause, let it all out. "What happens if somepony asks us what we're doing?" she asked, clearly on the edge of panic.

        "We tell them the truth, we're from the future and we're there to clean out the library," the Big Guy said, further frazzling the unicorn, "They'll never believe us, but it's the right kind of flippant answer that will make them realize we aren't going to give them answers that make any sense."

        Twilight facehoofed.

        "That's a stupid way to deal with them," Applejack said, "Only a defective mind could think such a thing." She glanced at Blueblood.

        "Perfect," the unicorn said, "Arrogant, unkind, and dismissive, perfect Three Kingdom's noble."

        "Quintessential, not 'perfect' twice," Applejack with a slight Manehatten accent, when the Big Guy gave her a thumbs up, she rolled her eyes and grumbled something under her breath.

        "So," Twilight said as she gestured to the map. "We start at the outside and work our way to the center. Discord has agreed to keep up the deception that the place is burning down around our ears." She looked at the draconequus who was currently wearing a halo. "So ignore any flames you see."

        "Trust him to keep his word, but not to look like he's keeping his word," Hotaru added.

        Then she and Discord stuck out their tongues at each other.

        "Right," Twilight sighed, and stared longingly at the map. "We are just going to collect the books as fast as possible. We'll sort them later."

        "Which means Twilight stays out of the shelves," the Big Guy said, "The same with Big Mac, you two can geek-out about what we saved in the Canterlot warehouse, but for the moment, you two keep track of our progress."

        The pair looked utterly horrified at the prospect.

        "We'll pour them all out in a big pile and you two can swim through them if you like," Discord said, "Later."

        Twilight resented that Discord was highlighting his sanity over hers on the subject. She frowned, but refused to stick out her tongue at him. Luna of all ponies started laughing at the pair. "Okay, review the tasks we all agreed to."

        "I'm afraid that either leaves me and Woona out," Luna said and glanced at the Big Guy, "Or in the hoo - hands of Taskmaster Pinkie."

        "Discord, no comments about whips or tongues," the Big Guy said. "Map of the destination warehouse please."

        "Luna and Woona, warehouses," Pinkie said and nodded to the Princesses.

        Twilight's eyes bugged out for a second, then she pulled out the map. "Right. Four columns. Take the pallets all the way to the back and fill forward. Keep a trotting space between the pallets, but no more than that. We can lift a pallet up and over when we're sorting." Her eyes fell on Flim and Flam as the pair started getting ready to sing, when Discord and Celestia cleared their throats.

        "Yes, six stand ready, tested and approved," Flim said and glanced at Cadence.

        "And trained operators for each," Flam added, and glared at the Big Guy, "And the quality settings are locked in and unable to be accessed."

        "I have a key, so do Pinkie, and Dinky," the Big Guy said, "One of us can assess the situation and reset them if necessary. Never leave quality in the hands of the manufacturing department."

        "So what are the resta us Apples fer?" Granny Smith asked, "We got bushels of willing Apples."

        "A lot of the books are scrolls too delicate for their machines," Discord said, "We need expert pickers and packers. That's where the Big Guy is going to be concentrating his efforts." His eagle talon touched one room, clearly labeled 'Limited Access'. "The Big Guy's team will be working there."

        Pinkie added, "Where Princess Celestia and Celly are depends on our progress. If we need them in the library, they'll be there. If the warehouse needs them, then there."

        "How are even all of us going to be able to clear that in one night?" the Sphinx asked.

        "Have faith," the Big Guy said, "I'm wondering how Discord is going to film the reactions around the world when the announcement gets out that the Library of Equipolis is now in a Canterlot warehouse. I'll be worse than the fiasco about my library."

        "Xerography," Derpy said, "We copy the books. Besides, won't they be in Ancient? And I know the unicorns burned it, and the pegasi helped, but I still think we need the librarians, all of them we can save. Sorry about not thinking about it earlier."

        "No problem, a plan's just a framework on which to make changes," the Big Guy said.

        "I'll help you with that," Hotaru said and looked at the wolf, "No one would believe you are going to burn down the library on purpose."

        Derpy frowned. "But by accident?"

        "No comment," the former Nightmare Moon said.

        "Good point," the Big Guy said, and looked at Cadence, who hid behind Shining Armor.

        Then she hung her head. "What do we do?"

        "Find them, and get them out," Derpy said and batted the Big Guy with her head.

        "I've been looking for something better for my students to do," Cheerilee said and glanced over to Filthy Rich, "All of them, and a couple of bossy Earth Ponies are the perfect team leaders."

        "Okay, but the Crusaders are our runners, they need to carry messages between the teams," Twilight said.

        "Dinky's mine," the Big Guy said, "Bonbon will be with the regular teams. I'll be driving the truck to and from the Limited Access collection. About one pallet is all she'll handle."

        "The Royal Guard will be ready to receive and set the pallets," Shining said, "So all the teams can concentrate on emptying. Once the books cross the 'border' we've got more help."

        "We Apples'll be helping those gentlemen and their invention," Applejack said.

        "My team will locate the librarians," Derpy said, "Then we'll lend a hoof wherever we're needed."

        "The dragons, diarchal alicorns, and Tom will be moving pallets," Discord said, "While I keep the attacking unicorns away and the seeming of fire burning. Note, the outermost stacks should go first, so I can show them merrily ablaze, and anyone looking in will only see an inferno."

        "Okay, everyone remember," the Big Guy said, "We are to secure everything in the building: books and librarians. If the plan hits a snag, if you spot anything, you call at once for backup. You don't get creative, you call for help. You understand?" Everypony nodded. "Good!"

        Twilight nodded to each, a touch begrudgingly at Discord.

        "Oh buck up Sparklettes!" Discord put Twilight in a bunny suit. "The greatest jokes are all work for the joker, it's the payoff that's worth it."

        Twilight sighed, took a deep breath, held it, and let it out. "Let's get assembled, and do this."
------------------------------

        Twilight checked in the pallets the dragon dropped off and directed them to the correct lines. The dragon had already departed to pick up another four pallets. The white truck drove through with a single pallet on it, but it was handled much more gingerly. The Big Guy stopped the truck and let Woona unload, before he turned around and headed back through the portal for another load.

        In the back, Luna and Celestia used their magic to load the pallets onto the waiting railcars for transport to their final destination in the caverns under Canterlot. As the back of the warehouse emptied, they moved the pallets farther back to make room for more coming in the front.

        Twilight sighed. They'd been at this for hours, and none of the contingencies she'd painstakingly planned for had come to pass. I hope it stays going so smoothly, she thought and grimaced at the tag the Flim Flam brothers' machine had stuck on the outside of the carefully wrapped pallet of books, it clearly labeled each pallet with which aisle, and the number of the pallet: Aisle 3, pallet 4, and so on. Even a vaguely competent crew could reconstruct the library from that. She had no excuse to resort the books in anything but their historic order.

        That left only the 'special collection' which evidently hadn't even been sorted. Just cataloged. If she'd understood sexual lust, she could have a comparator to her feelings about going through and recataloging and categorizing that collection.

        The Big Guy drove in with another palette of papers from the special collection. Woona unloaded it. There was a shriek from the bed of the truck as a pony stood up and pointed at Woona in terror.

        "Is it to be put with the books, Master?" Woona asked, seemingly ignoring the pony's terror and plucking it out of the bed of the truck. The frightened pony hanging in midair from Woona's magic stared at the Big Guy and Woona.

        "No, the agreement was that any Earth Pony we collected had to be turned over to Queen Apple's family. That was the agreement. Put it with the other librarians we rescued."

        "As you have said, so mote it be," Woona intoned and carried the pony to the side door that lead to where Granny Smith and several of the other Apple matrons waited with the other librarians who they'd collected.

        There's more who are ferreting out all the hideyholes they had in the library, Twilight thought, Once they realized we are evacuating the library, they became some of our most enthusiastic helpers. What are we going to do when they cross over into modern, integrated Equestria? We can't leave them to burn.

        The arrival of another dragon with several pallets of books broke her concentration and returned her to the here and now.
------------------------------

        Discord looked through the fire that seemed to be there to those outside, but had no effect on those within. Another firebomb not too different from a Molotov cocktail sailed up to smash against the statues of Earth Pony heroes on the ridgepole of the great library. Except the bottle didn't break. The container of extremely inflammable liquid bounced off and dropped amid the unicorns besieging the other side of the library.

        Discord grinned as unicorns scattered from the incoming bottle. He gave an inspiration to some of the Earth Ponies waiting outside, beyond the cordon of troops, to use the distraction and run for the library. He'd been doing that with every fight he caused, allowing the Earth Ponies to penetrate the defenses of the unicorns and a few pegasi mercenaries, and hurl themselves into the inferno seeking their loved ones inside. The flames they passed through would only seem very real. The flames the guards attempted to pass through acted very real. To his illimitable disappointment, none of the guards got more than a fur singing, due to their cowardice.

        Discord shrugged as members of the head librarian's ample brood charged the main entrance, which currently exceeded the flames of Tartarus in their intensity and fury.

        The flames there just burn, these have to burn artistically, he thought as the youngest and most headstrong charged through, I wonder what dear Applejack will think about suddenly getting more Apples. On not hearing him shriek like a filly, the others increased their pace after their bravest.

        Discord watched the distant ancestors of the Apple clan charge through, ignoring the guards' orders and, thanks to Discord, rotten shooting by the unicorns and pegasi. The pegasus who'd been making the lewdest comments about the daughters of the family kept up the charge, ignoring the smell of singed feathers, then burnt fur. Discord allowed the charge to continue while the brood, so brave in the face of the fire, stared at him like scared rabbits. He let them hear the screams of their pursuer, as his headstrong lust and absurd race hatred proved a poor defense against heat that would evaporate steel.

        One of Derpy's team arrived, a rather boring Earth pony Discord couldn't be bothered to remember the name of. He/she/it led the confused and unsinged earth ponies away to the wonderful world of Equestria, and the IMMENSE culture shock that would follow. That's the whole reason I helped with this, Discord thought of the utter chaos being welcomed into Equestria with open arms and even Celestia's full approval.

        He returned his attention to the pegasus who had tried to follow the captives, and was now the source of much laughter by the unicorns and their pegasi allies. It's so good to see ponies laughing joyfully at another's crippling injuries and lifelong torment, he thought and returned his attention to his anti-incendiary work, And Celestia thinks ponies are intrinsically kind and wonderful. Ignoring many of the nobles who actually think like Blueblood acted.

        He chuckled at that, and let one of the incendiaries bonk a unicorn on the head. More of the would-be arsonists began fighting amongst themselves. Discord giggled again. It is more fun to let ponies entertain me.
------------------------------

        Applejack smirked as the ancient librarians packed the scrolls. Some were ancient because of their native time, some because of their actual age, but they all worked hard at the job.

        Apples were the librarians here, Applejack thought as she helped hoist the filled cabinet onto the truck and strapped it down. Discord musta known. I bet he's just a laughin' about this.

        The truck drove off, moving with a speed and a delicacy few carts could have managed.

        "No one said you could stop working," Applejack said with an imperious air.

        Blueblood nodded nervously, and followed the librarians to the next cabinet.

        "I'll offer you four hundred quatloos for him," a matron who might have been Applejack's great, etc. grandmother said.

        The idea of selling a pony, even Blueblood, offended Applejack. She glared at the puffed up matron. "Get back to work, or I'll give you to Discord," Applejack growled.

        "That misshapen thing?" the matron squeaked and raced back to the collection.

        Applejack sighed and began understanding how Fragrance might have instantly fallen for Blueblood, once he ditched his act.

        The aftermath is gonna be a mite interestin', Applejack thought, then stopped and looked in the direction of Discord, He musta known. Oh horseapples! He did. She had to smile at the depths of his trick. We rescue the books, and get a real education about 'pre-harmony ponies'. If he wanted a better revenge on us, he couldn't a done a better job. And we asked ta do it. Applejack shook her head and considered what the new 'truths' would do to the ancient librarians, and to modern Equestria.
------------------------------

        The portal closed on an empty library. Discord kept a scrying disk that displayed the effect of the flames he'd kept at bay suddenly superheating the air and the wooden fixtures. The entire place looked serene, just the wood sizzling. Then the flash of light shocked everyone.

        "It's gone?" Applebloom asked.

        "Yes," the Big Guy said, "A heap of charcoal under a couple hundred feet of ice now."

        Pinkie stretched. "Well, as much as a party may be the way to celebrate," Pinkie said, "Even my fur is tired."

        "I think a party tomorrow is an excellent idea," Discord said, "A diplomatic reception, to announce the activities." He turned to Pinkie. "And you aren't invited, it's going to be one of those parties."

        "Oh, 'those parties' are okay, as long as I'm with my friends," Pinkie said.

        "Where's Sparklettes, and the horn and wings brigade?" Discord asked, as he glanced around a bit too innocently.

        "Twilight was making a list of what she wanted to read first," Rarity said.

        "And it took all five of them to drag her away and get some rest?" Discord asked.

        "Don't be so gauche," Rarity insisted.

        "Oh sorry, eight, including Sparkling Amour her BDBFLMNOP," Discord said and grinned as Rarity tossed her mane.

        "I think Discord should set an example, and get his rest," the Big Guy said, and gave Discord a look.

        "I don' wanna!" Discord pouted.

        "I'll tell you your favorite bedtime story," the Big Guy said.

        "Not gonna!" Discord said.

        "Okay, FUSAG, and Operation Mincemeat."

        Discord appeared in the bed of the truck. "Let's go!"

        The Big Guy waved and soon drove off.

        " 'Operation Mincemeat'?" Fluttershy asked, "Do we want to know?"

        "Not really," Dinky said, "But FUSAG is okay for ponies. I do wonder if the Big Guy's right about that Patton fella inflating all those tank balloons himself."
------------------------------
Day 68

        Applejack woke, surprised to be in her own bed at Sweet Apple Acres and not at the palace. Wonder if Discord sent us home, cause I can't remember walking here, she thought as she combed out her mane and looked at the mirror. She briefly considered putting in the metal hair clips Discord had given her, then discarded the idea.

        "He's got all them other mares," she whispered, "He don't need one more that ain't gonna leave Ponyville." She blushed as she admitted to herself what had been nagging at the edge of her mind since the first days and she'd 'wrassled' with him.

        At the same time, she felt a bit put out that she'd never done whatever Fluttershy had done. Been part of the ponypile. Even a grump like Bonbon felt better around him, she thought and shook those thoughts from her head, He's leaving, and he's never coming back. But at least we're still friends.

        She headed downstairs and looked at Big Mac. Applebloom glanced at her worriedly, and then at their brother.

        "Books got you like they got Twi?" Applejack teased.

        "Yep," Big Mac admitted, "And all the Apples. Never knew why books called me so hard. Now I know."

        Applejack nodded at that.

        "Dinky's got the notes to translate his language ta ours," Applebloom said, "And he did ask Celestia ta let our - our sort-of folks keep the house. You can read those books whenever y'all want."

        "Yep," Big Mac said, "But, yesterday, it was like seeing somethin' that was always at the corner of mah eye, but I couldn't catch. Suddenly, it was right before me, clear as the sun, and it . . . it doesn't bother me that I cain't have it. But just knowin' what it is seems a big comfort."

        Applejack smiled ruefully as she nodded. "We all learned a lot, over the past couple months. There's things ah didn't know ah wanted, but jist knowin' what they were, I can get them on my terms. I know the hole is there, I don't have to race around to fill it."

        Applebloom peered at them. "You all are talkin' like you're fixin' ta get a second Cutie Mark er something."

        "Maybe," Big Mac said and patted Applebloom, "Applejack was hankerin' for a snuggle." Big Mac grinned at Applejack's gasp and warded off the swing of her hat at him. "Me, I wanted ta know more than the farm. But like he told you, quit making chasin' the dream yer whole life. Y'all run the risk of makin' the chase more important than the dream."

        "Like what he told the Crusaders, have fun together and let the Cutie Mark happen," Applebloom said, "But it's hard!"

        "Don't your big bro and big sis know it," Applejack admitted.

        "You ain't gonna leave us?" Applebloom asked Applejack, "Are ya?"

        "Nope," Applejack said, "But I do know more 'bout myself." She changed to an uppercrust Manehatten accent. "And that I choose to stay. Not that I have to stay. Same results, different motivations." She dropped the effort. "That's got me ready fer breakfast."

        Big Mac chuckled and headed towards the stove.
------------------------------

        Granny Smith was glad of her herding experience with cattle, alicorns seemed almost as hard to move, even with Applesauce and Apple Rose's help. The alicorn of love didn't seem very loving as they escorted her away from the librarians and their families. Spike was doing the same with Twilight who looked more hurt than angry.

        "Those ponies are impossible," Cadence growled once the door was shut.

        "Those ponies come from a very different time," Applesauce said, "When ponies didn't get along." She glanced over where a tearful Twilight was resting her head on Spike's shoulder, and he was carefully stroking her mane.

        "That's no excuse for them to be so . . . " Cadence said, "We rescued them!"

        "And yer ancestors burned down their pride and joy," Granny said, "It was a thousand years ago fer us, but it was yesterday ta them. Folks don't change with a snap, they take time."

        "You also forget they lost everything but what they could carry," Apple Rose said, "They're proud folk, who don't like charity from the people who drove them out of their homes."

        "We didn't do it," Cadence said, "Why do they blame us?"

        "Cause you look jist like the ones who did," Granny said, "Give'em time. That's the thing. If the changelings hadn'ta rescued you and Canterlot from Chrysalis, wouldya be so ready to forgive them in yer heart a hearts? Or would ya still be wary?"

        "Wary, I guess," Cadence admitted, "When I saw those two changelings in my room after the invasion, but before the wedding, I panicked."

        "And how long did it take ta get over that?" Apple Rose asked.

        "A while," Cadence admitted, and trotted over to nuzzle Twilight. "A while."
------------------------------

        Blueblood was still in his 'prince' regalia and 'uniform', rather than his military uniform. It was the first time he'd been to court since his exile. Celestia watched him closely as he took in the entire new arrangement, requiring only a quick glance around to take it all in. Fragrance had not deigned to attend. Outwardly, he seemed the same, but he had dropped the vapid behavior.

        He looks like Sir Eagle Bell, as a young stallion, she thought. Then he bowed as a 'peasant' would on attending the throne. Celestia frowned a bit at that. Then she watched as he made no attempt to buck the line by insisting on privilege. He isn't even joining the line, she realized as he wandered outside the nobles attending to the suppliants' needs. He was just looking around. None of the nobles were really his friends, and he was content with the disdainful looks from many of the others.

        She watched for a while, and Celestia began to regret having issued an 'invitation' to attend court. Traditionally, an order, to a foreign dignitary or an Equestrian noble, who would rush forward and throw him/her or itself on the mercy of the Solar Magnificence. But he knows the rules, that technically I have to summon him, 'allowing him' to approach the throne, she thought as she watched, He's going to make me take the first step, while that is what the procedure says, that is never what has traditionally happened. He's trying to force me . . . no, he is not making me do anything. He's playing the game but the not metagame. He's strictly abiding by the written rules only, instead of what is traditionally done. He was summoned to the throne room, now he is waiting to be summoned to the throne itself

        "Guard, bring Prince Blueblood forward," Celestia finally said.

        The noble attended the guard, and approached the throne.

        "My apologies, your Solar Highness, but I have been disowned. I am no longer Prince Blueblood. You can use my actual name on the court documents."

        Celestia froze as she searched her memory for his name. She had thought of him as 'Prince Blueblood' since his christening, and now she struggled to remember his actual birth name.

        He'd taken the pause to removed his princely regalia, and hand the pieces to the seneschal. "It's Vladimir, Your Highness," once-Blueblood said, he pulled a set of papers from his jacket. He continued before Celestia could apologize, "I tried to cover all the angles that would come up, as I am no longer part of the nobility." He hoofed the papers over to the royal scribe. "That includes my writ of nolo contendere to my mother's action to expunge my name from all royal records. As I have always been an embarrassment, I see no reason to let that record stand. It seems she's eagerly granting me what I always wished: a free and open destiny. It seems saving you and your sister was the final straw. Having thrown away a way to vault us to the rulership of Equestria, my family wants me gone. And I agree with the severance of ties. Is there anything you wish of me, before I retire, Your Solar Highness?"

        "Why?" Celestia asked, "Why even come before me?"

        "Because you asked, politely, and because I do respect the office," he said, "And whatever passed between us, or failed to, you have done a better job than my family would have."

        "You can still call me 'auntie'," she said.

        He shook his head. "No, Your Highness. The familial and familiar relationship was between the ruler and the nobles of Equestria, and a fabrication of state necessity," Vladimir said and smiled, "As a commoner, there is no longer a need for that political fiction that caused you no end of distress," his tone was sympathetic, "You are free of that particular dolor and shall never have to hear it from me again. Or likely another Prince Blueblood. The Line ends with my elder uncle, well deserved, well deserved. You are no more my blood relative than Discord or the Big Guy. It is unseemly and an insult to the crown to act otherwise."

        She felt her 'wise smile' separate from her inner turmoil, as if the mask were all there really was, and the stallion before her wanted nothing to do with either part, the mask or the mare.

        He bowed, as she had dreaded he would, as the citizens of Ponyville did when she arrived. As the nobles never did. When he straightened, he looked an odd mix of expectant and bored, he seemed prepared to await her answer for as long as it took. She was finding words difficult.

        If I offer a knighthood, he'll just refuse, despite centuries of precedent, she thought, His own family cast him out, just as I did the child who tried to be my friend. Now the adult has no more use for me. The song the maids had been singing after using it to remove the mustaches came crashing down on her. 'My boy turned out just like me' from The Cat's in the Cradle. The father is wrong, the boy has no time for the father who never had time for him, he's too busy spending time with his family, she thought, thunderstruck by the realized. She saw Blue - Vladimir's look of concern as the revelation shook her. She realized, He waits politely, only because of my position as ruler, not for anything else.

        "Thank you, luck go with you," she said, dreading even to offer her blessing to him, for fear of rejection.

        "Thank you, Your Highness," he said, bowed again, and trotted away.

        She watched him go, and wondered what she could ever do to mend the relationship between them. She wanted to call out to him, tell him how sorry she was, but the effort died in her throat. I sent Twilight to studying friendship in Ponyville. 'She never learned it from you?' she remembered him asking and so many things of his early life fell into place. She closed her eyes and wondered why she hadn't see it, why when someone, a precocious child, had tried to offer the one thing she always thought she desperately wanted, she had been so horrible to him.
------------------------------

        Vladimir nee Prince Blueblood walked out of the throne room with the intent to shake the dust from his hooves and never return. Now, now, outside of Canterlot and the court specifically, nopony ever treated you that badly. he chided himself.

        The small group he'd never expected to see came up to him. "Prince Blueblood?" his former valet, Onyx Boulder asked, and shied about having addressed him.

        "Vladimir will do. I'm no longer a royal prince, little good did it do me," he said, "You've all found more agreeable employment?" He'd tried to sound jovial, but their quizzical and concerned expressions made the attempt fall flat. "Can I help you?"

        "You can take us back," Onyx Boulder said and glanced at the others, getting encouraging nods from them.

        "I'm afraid I can't pay you. I've been completely cut off, and being a wandering adventurer doesn't put bits in one's pockets," Vladimir said, he cocked his head, "I am curious, I abused you all shamelessly, why would you want to . . . still be with me?" He was surprised by all the chuckles from his former staff.

        Onyx Boulder explained, "You forget, I helped you with your homework when you were little, and accompanied you on your long sojourns in the library."

        "It wasn't difficult to see your heart really wasn't in the deception," his ex-cook, Electric Cookie said, "You never threw anything, except yourself onto the bed, and your tantrums were far less damaging, except to the eardrums, than most nobles." Her expression softened and she smiled. "You also were a little too good at being the ditz. You 'remembered' to get our birthdays, anniversaries and other special days wrong. All of them. You always remembered my anniversary, the day before. I wish my husband did. And you always had some little token or a day off with pay for us."

        "But they were always the day before or the day after," Vladimir said.

        "But you remembered," Electric Cookie said, "Most nobles wouldn't care if their staff dropped dead, as long as they did it out of their sight. Your mother's staff live in eternal terror, yours lived in a bemused state, which is infinitely better."

        "So I outsmarted myself," Vladimir said, "Trying to be awful I managed only amusing." He frowned at that.

        The collection of common ponies chuckled at that.

        "That, and the Royal Geologists Society, the Royal Flautist Society, the Chamber Music Organization, and so on," Onyx Boulder said, "And all through trusts that even your mother's best lawyers will never unravel, if they can even find them."

        "What of Miss Rarity?" Vladimir asked.

        "At the risk of sounding harsh," Electric Cookie said, "She got more out of it than she lost. Suddenly everypony knew and loved her."

        Vladimir nodded. "That still doesn't explain why you're all here. You must know I'm not staying in Canterlot, or even in Equestria."

        "Whatever you and your team are planning, you are going to need a staff," Electric Cookie said, "You had to be reminded to eat, and all of you are going to need someone to look after you. While your friends may be able to do the job, they aren't going to be happy it is their 'job'."

        "That still leaves the question of pay. I'm going to be able to scrape together enough for the regiment, but the budget is quite tight," Vladimir said.

        Onyx Boulder chuckled. "Another reason you need us, to take care of the little details. The Big Guy was sent a rather large amount of 'recompense' by the dragon queen. The crown still holds that, instead of forwarding it to him as the Queen requested."

        The former prince frowned. "For the good of Equestria no doubt," Vladimir said.

        "True," Onyx Boulder said, "I happen to have an inventory of some of the magic items, and the location of the chests. Even a finders' fee would more than pay for our employment for several months."

        Vladimir took the paper and smiled. "I think you have proven your worth, and given me leverage to include you on the 'expedition'. You still haven't asked where we're going."

        "Does it matter?" Electric Cookie shrugged, "It'll be interesting, and begging your pardon, if we stay near you, it won't be that dangerous."

        Vladimir, ex-Blueblood blushed at that.
------------------------------

        Her second 'Royal Summons' seemed to be going much better. She was taking tea in her private office, and had 'invited' the Big Guy to attend. It was a struggle not to speak as she would to her ponies, or the diplomats of other nations. He'd take either one as condescension or as equivocation, she thought, she was a trifle disturbed he hadn't even touched the tea or the cakes, Does he think they are poisoned? I've eaten them, why won't he?

        "I think in the - " she stopped, tongue tied as she tried to avoid any of the myriad verbal landmines. The fact he stood and acted with the utmost courtesy and deference kept giving her the feeling he was meeting with his executioner, and they were just working out the details. "I desire that we . . . there has been trouble between us and I think that we might see our way clear to . . . "

        I'm making a total mess of this, she thought, Why? Why am I afraid of him? Discord just makes me angry, not frightened, what can he do that Discord already hasn't?

        She took a moment to calm herself. "Please do enjoy the tea," she said.

        "Thank you very much for the offer," he said, "But it disagrees with me most, colorfully, let's put it that way."

        Celestia froze at that. "The tea we sent you?"

        "Fortunately not," he said, "But other blends . . . " He shrugged.

        A few moments of sympathy, for me, and then he closes up completely, she thought, That's why he makes me nervous, everything else on Equestria is an open book. I can't even tell for certain what he's feeling. And my anxiety is filling in all the gaps. Is he doing that on purpose?

        "I asked for this meeting, not as the ruler of Equestria, but as the pony, Celestia," she began.

        "I would be delighted to be Celestia's friend," the Big Guy said, and smiled at her astonishment. "I am friends with Celly, while there are a few major differences, I think I can guess what you've been struggling with."

        Princess Celestia smiled.

        "But, unlike Celly, there is no Celestia. There hasn't been in a long time," the Big Guy said.

        "And you're such an expert on me," she said, and was shocked by both her on instant anger, and when he laughed.

        "I don't need to be a sage of ancient days or consult with Celly, 35 years as an aerospace engineer is enough to recognize a workaholic with no life outside of work," he replied, still smirking, "People like that who retired had an average life expectancy of 18 months."

        Celestial gasped at that.

        "Most had worked in a high stress job, and were fairly old when they retired. But for too many of them, all they had and all they were, was the job." He pointed at her crown. "That piece of fancy metal is who you are. All of who you are. Sure, you can cobble together enough 'Celestia' to fool everyone, even your beloved student, but it's an act, not a reality. I can't be friends with you, because there is no 'you', just enough of a shadow to fool yourself that you haven't totally become the job. Celly went through a rather ridiculous period where she thought all she had to offer were her powers and - well a gentleman doesn't speculate on things that were never going to happen."

        Celestia blushed at that implication, then sobered. "Then why can't you be friends with Princess Celestia?" she asked.

        "Because Princess Celestia's sole loyalty is to her ponies, anyone not of those races is of secondary importance," he said, "Princess Celestia has shared, national interests and working relationships with nonponies, not friendships. And I don't have the political clout to have national interests."

        "I can have friendship with nonponies," she insisted.

        "Your sister might disagree, you sided with the ponies over her long before her fall to Nightmare Moon," he said, "How much less would you concern yourself with the needs and feelings of an ambivalent alien."

        Celestia barely noticed when he left.
------------------------------

        The Big Guy arrived back at the suite his group had been using. They were almost finished transferring everything aboard the ship for the next mission.

        Discord was currently held within a large gray ball, and Vladimir, once-Blueblood, was lecturing, "She'll be off-center, after all, everyone is supposed to love and adore her."

        "Actually, I don't hate her, I am indifferent to her, and that might be worse," the Big Guy said as he entered.

        Discord was released and collapsed in a puddle on the floor. The ball reformed into Tom.

        "Now listen, listen to her. Any talking, single, short declarative sentences," the Big Guy told Discord, "Your entire point is to listen, really listen to her. The only males who weren't subservient to her, have both politely told her to take a hike. If you want to prove to her you are different than you were, just listen and answer questions."

        "Directly and clearly," Vladimir added, "And before you say 'CHAOS!', you'll be causing quite enough just by acting rational and adult."

        "When in doubt," the Big Guy said and pointed, "Act like Tom."

        Discord looked at the sphere and his lip curled, shuddered at that, but nodded and vanished.

        "Why do I think we haven't done either of them any favors?" Vladimir asked.

        "Because we're making both of them grow up," the Big Guy said, "Celestia has been a kindergarten teacher for a thousand years. It's time to move her up to Junior High, and all the confusion and hormones that go with it."

        "Well, I'm going to stop in at the Chancellor of the Exchequer's office about some funds due you," Vladimir said.

        "The chests of dragon treasure. You might want to mention at last report, I was meeting with Princess Cadence and the dragon ambassador," the Big Guy said.

        "Not on this, I hope," Vladimir said.

        "It will be a 'wide-ranging discussion'," the Big Guy said, "And you can quote me on that. I suspect that Cadence is trying to 'earn' her way into the ruling junta by bringing in some other people of different races, to help the Crystal Ponies reacclimate to the modern world. And to let the dragons, griffons and minotaurs get rid of some of their troublemakers and malcontents by giving them a new project." The Big Guy paused, "But that's only a guess, Princess Cadence did say there was 'a lot to talk about'."

        Vladimir smiled as he left.
------------------------------

        Applejack was so lost in thought, she was applebucking almost on automatic. So when Applebloom spoke, it startled her. "Sorry, sis," the smaller pony said, "I'm a mite confused and Ah don't think Big Mac or Granny would understand."

        Applejack smiled and nodded for her to continue.

        "Ah spent the last couple days around Dinky and the Big Guy. I know Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo was there too, but . . . it felt strange. A good kinda strange and yet I also felt I was doin' something wrong. Like I was stealin' somethin', but there wasn't somethin' ta take. Dinky liked havin' us around, and the Big Guy ain't been shy about his likes and dislikes, ponies or other things, but he never shooed us away." Applebloom looked down and scuffed at the ground. "He played tag, and tickle fought us, and told us stories and helped us do things and really talked to us."

        Applejack nodded. Ah know where this is going, Applejack thought but smiled and motioned for her to continue.

        "Why did it feel so good, and yet I feel so guilty?" Applebloom asked, her face a mask of confusion and misery.

        Applejack smiled. "Let me tell you a secret. I kinda wanted to rassle with him again mahself. Maybe lose a tickle fight er two."

        "You?" a goggle-eyed Applebloom asked.

        "Me, your responsible, older sister. See, when Mac and I were yer age, we'd play fight and wrassle and tickle each other all the time." She turned wistful, remembering those days. "But after we started growing up, two near-adult ponies havin' that kinda fun seemed - strange. So we quit."

        "What about you and Rainbow? You tussle all the time," Applebloom said.

        "Rainbow is all about winnin', it's not the same." Applejack blushed slightly. "When I started bullraggin' the Big Guy, he realized it was all about play, and he played right back. Even Granny thought I wanted him fer a husband, but it weren't like that. I just wanted a tussle fer fun. Like Big Mac and I used to do, and nobody thinkin' I wanted to start carryin' on with him like Derpy does." She smiled as she thought of the once clumsy and apologetic mare now prancing around with her tail held high, full of new confidence.

        Somepony is very happy with her new stallion, she thought before turning back to Applebloom.

        "Why y'all feel strange and guilty, cause I bet Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo feel the same way, is you suddenly had a dad. Somebody bigger and wiser who was still willin' ta play, and teach," Applejack said, "Ah think that was what I was feelin' too. I didn't want his foals, like Derpy and Lyra did. But it's kinda nice havin' someone to challenge, who's jist as happy you won as if they did. They jist like playin' with ya, if that makes any sense. And y'all ain't stealin' Dinky's dad from her, and ya ain't ignorin' yer mom and dad. It was jist . . . nice."

        Applebloom was smiling, as Applejack finished. "So you was kinda hopin' he'd be 'dad' to you?" she asked.

        "Naw, but jist a friend to tussle with who'd work with us," Applejack said, "I think that's all he wanted, jist some folks had to make it more complicated."

        Applebloom nodded, then frowned.
------------------------------

        Celestia didn't know how long she'd been sitting there on her throne in the empty room after court was dismissed, lost in her own thoughts, when she noted that Discord was sitting quietly, just looking at her.

        "What do you want?" she asked sharply.

        "That everyone embrace the chaos within, and accept it," Discord said somberly, "But mainly that those around me begin enjoying their escape from the routine."

        "So why aren't you out helping the escape?" she asked.

        "Because I'm worried about you," Discord replied, "You keep turning every meeting with him into crossed swords. You are going to lose every time you try. Especially if you keep treating him like a willful pony."

        "You seem to get on well with him," Celestia accused.

        "Even I am afraid of him," Discord said.

        Celestia snorted at that.

        "You are too, and you assume because you are afraid, he's going to do something to your ponies. So you go into any meeting with 'you can keep your damn lawnmower' and no one understands your hostility towards him. Least of all him. You're supposed to be wise and patient, but you aren't trying to be patient with him. You had a good plan to start with, why didn't you stick with it?"

        "It escalated out of control," Celestia said.

        "Derpy had him under control, and Fluttershy would have helped. You could have trusted him, trusted your subjects, and trusted your initial plan," Discord said, "But we're alike in that, we have to push our idea of how things will go. We can't just let go and trust it will happen. The plan is just a framework on which to make changes, not an object of worship."

        "Why am I arguing with you about this?" Celestia said.

        "Because that's what we've always done. And I'm sorry for my part in that. Both of us played out our roles, without understanding them. I was destructive, instead of spontaneous, and I frightened rather than inspired. Now you've been told that you've taken my role, and I have yours, and you don't know what to do."

        "I'm supposed to ask you for help?" Celestia asked, "I don't trust you that much."

        "Then who else? Who else in this great, wide world isn't too frightened or too awestruck to talk to you?" Discord asked, not derisively, but with real concern, "Me, Celly, and possibly Woona. It was Blueblood's self-appointed job to bring up the things that you'd set aside, that couldn't be overlooked anymore. And let you remonstrate him about the hurt feeling and the political problems he caused. Without that, who do you have?"

        She wasn't going to give him an answer. But he's right, she thought, Who speaks the truths I don't want to hear? Who's still willing to talk to me at all?

        She suddenly realized while she had been thinking, he had been silent. He was just looking at her, waiting. But it's a different kind of waiting than he normally shows, she thought as she looked at him closely.

        "What do you really want?" she asked.

        "Trying to preserve another immortal," he said.

        She braced for some insult, but it never came. She stared at him owlishly.
------------------------------

        "So the plan is to take the force north, day after tomorrow," Celly said as she stood among the Big Guy's planning group, and looked at the various notes they'd assembled over the past few hours, "Emplace the wall, then work on the Crystal Empire." She glanced aside as Derpy searched the suite high and low for anything they'd left behind. She didn't like to term it an 'evacuation', but that's essentially what it was.

        Everyone turned as Discord entered, he had a candy-eating grin and a black eye. "Thanks," he said as has walked through them, "It worked." He collapsed in a heap in the corner.

        Celly stared at the fallen draconequus. "What have you two done?" she asked Vladimir and the Big Guy, "And your halos need polishing."

        "Just a little matchmaking," the Big Guy admitted.

        Celly pointed at Discord, then down the hall to the Royal apartments then back at Discord. As the room went dark and the floor jumped up to hit her, Celly overheard, 'She took that rather well.'
------------------------------
Day 69

        Twilight looked at the collection of Apples, both ancient and modern. I should tell the Big Guy they hurt foals, and then turn away, Twilight thought in fury.

        "If you believe all that, why are you even staying?" she ground out and felt her anger growing to incandescence.

        "They're our books, not yours," the lead librarian told her imperiously.

        Twilight evolved into Rapidash and stared into the terrified Earth Pony's face. "Do you know what we went through to rescue the entire library and you too?"

        "We never asked you to!" the Earth Pony shouted back, "If we knew you'd be sharing them with unicorns, we would have let them all burn."

        "AUGH!" Twilight shouted.
------------------------------

        "What's the emergency?" the Big Guy asked as he fell in with crowd racing towards the disaster through the palace corridors. Panicky ponies ran and flew in the other direction. The alarm bells had fallen silent, but the 'civilians' had scattered like leaves in the wind, and the troops were racing to concentrate. He glanced at the assembled troops coming in, not in the fancy armor but in combat armor more like Blueblood's troops wore.

        Several troops came sailing over their heads.

        "I thought this was a world of peace and harmony," the Big Guy said as Derpy flew over and caught a sailing Wonderbolt and set her down.

        Rarity drew out a force bubble full of a fireball bouncing off the inside. "Coming through, coming through," she announced as she trotted through the crowd.

        A moment later Discord walked through, carrying Celestia under one arm and Cadence under the other. "Gangway, coming through! Move it peons!" He paused for an instant next to the Big Guy. "This is not my fault," Discord said, before continuing his pursuit of Rarity, "Gangway, coming through! You like being a pony? Then get out of my way! Move it tin can or I'll rust you in there! Move aside! Clear the way!"

        The Big Guy looked at Green Grass, Vladimir's chief military adviser, and field commander.

        "Do I even want to know?" Green Grass asked, then her slightly gallows humor vanished as Pinkie Pie walked out, looking like a pink thunderhead had settled on her brow.

        Pinkie Pie walked up to the Big Guy, her expression in deadly earnest. "No pony will care what you do to them, as long as they live through it." Pinkie marched off her tail bristling like a bottle brush.

        The Big Guy sighed and pushed his way through the uneasy crowd. The guards at the innermost perimeter were Earth Ponies to an Equine, and they looked none too happy. A moment later Luna leapt out of the room over the cordon. If he hadn't known Hotaru was still back in the crowd a ways, he would have sworn Nightmare Moon was back.

        "I don't care what you do to them," Luna said, then her fury broke and she grabbed the Big Guy in a wing-and-forelegs hug and she sobbed her heart out. Selene arrived from the crowd and embraced her mother, trying to soothe her anguish.

        Vladimir, Hotaru and her wolf took advantage of the confusion to slip past the cordon and into the room where the carnage of the battle lay around in shattered furniture and scorched wall hangings. I dearly hope they realize just what a misstep they made today, he thought and eyed the defiant, ancient Apples.

        "Hotaru, be a dear, and go get three oranges, a strip of jerky, and a double pace long length of twine," he said and regarded them, "Make that six sets."

        The former Nightmare Moon grinned evilly, as did the wolf, then she left, leaving the wolf to guard Vladimir.

        The suddenly less certain Earth Ponies glared at him. "What are you going to do with that?"

        "I've always thought fishing was the penultimate experience," Vladimir said, "I just wanted to know if you felt the same way." Then he cackled insanely, and even a thunderclap sounded. The defiance of the Earth Ponies was lost completely as they clutched each other for support and whimpered.
------------------------------

        Celestia, Cadence and Rarity held the whimpering Twilight. Discord had Twilight's horn in hand and was carefully straightening it, before fitting it back on the sobbing unicorn. He acknowledged but didn't react to the look of gratitude from Celestia.

        "Discord, please ask the Big Guy to search them for weapons. He has Royal Indemnity for anything he may do during that search, but he can't harm them permanently."

        Discord summoned a paper with the words on it, and Celestia hoofprinted it. The paper vanished. "I've sent Tom the message," Discord said, "I think your protege needs someone she can unreservedly hate. I fill the bill, and I can take it."

        Celestia frowned, but nodded and continued to comfort Twilight.
------------------------------

        The Big Guy was still enveloped in several hundred kilos of sobbing alicorn when Vladimir walked out, his smirk was genuine this time. A master having bested an upstart who had been bullying his friends.

        "They'll be much more . . . tractable, but remember to bring a few oranges," he said and walked away.

        One veteran sergeant looked in the room where the 'guests' had been holed up. He returned with a quizzical look on his face. "One's on the floor whimpering, and the rest look like they got a tour of Tartarus and a week's free vacation there, but no blood, no bruises, just a bowl of oranges, a rasher of bacon and a ball of twine. Don't understand it."

        The Big Guy nodded and signaled Tom over. "I'll finish up later, but send to her Solar Highness: I sent Vladimir in there as the bad cop."

        "Understood," Tom said and made the amendments to the Royal Order, and returned it to Discord and presumably Celestia.
------------------------------

        The Big Guy walked out of the librarian's suite past Celestia. He carried a sealed trash bag with him. "No more horn twisters," he said, "But a few nasty surprises. They are all thoroughly searched, and have been made to understand that most ponies behave themselves and don't need advanced, search techniques. I'm afraid all their clothes are going for dusters though."

        Celestia nodded, and the Big Guy left. She spotted Discord ready to accompany her in when she confronted the ancient ponies. She nodded to him and felt an odd comfort that she had both back up, and someone to play off on. "Be gentle, they've likely been severely traumatized," she told him.

        "That's more true than you know, but not the way you think," Discord said.

        Every one of the ancient ponies was sitting up straight, and either utterly goggle-eyed, or had their forehooves stuffed in their ears and were humming loudly. I really do not want to know, she thought as she surveyed them coolly.

        "Now Celestia, stay calm. Just because you raise the sun by yourself, and they did that to your favored apprentice, you have to show yourself to be the benevolent ruler loving all ponies equally," Discord said, "I'm certain you ordered them not to seriously hurt anyone."

        Celestia growled at Discord. "I am calm," then she grinned, "They did use the oranges!"

        Several of the ponies squeaked and fell over.

        Celestia put on her best, most serene and motherly expression. "Equestria formed when the hatred among the three pony races created a truly malevolent force that destroyed the pony homeland, and nearly destroyed the place they had escaped to, Equestria."

        "Yes worse than the ones you've encountered," Discord added. Several of the ponies fainted.

        "Only the power of Harmony among the three tribes allowed them to overcome this horrible darkness and found the thriving civilization that we enjoy today," Celestia said. She glanced back at Discord, who was simply staring at the ponies they'd rescued from the past. He wasn't doing anything more than staring at then, and smiling a little smile that said he knew everything about them, and it amused him in a thoroughly unpleasant way. She accepted the 'support', and continued, "Since then, all ponies have learned to accept all three tribes place and talents and none are 'greater' than the others. All are of equal value and can rise as high as talents can take them."

        "So what is that?" one of the ponies asked of Discord.

        "Even in the most happy homes, there must be the occasional shake up. Since I am the spirit of chaos, and an ally of the throne, I make the shake ups occur, and keep them civilized. No need to set fire to each other," Discord said, sounding almost like Twilight giving a lecture.

        Celestia braced for more, but Discord resumed silently staring and smiling.

        "I'm not afraid of you!" one of the teenagers announced and marched over to Discord.

        Celestia prepared to shout a warning, or tackle the youth out of the way. But the spinning back-kick, one of Applejack's best moves, passed through Discord. The draconequus stared at the fallen pony.

        "You cannot touch someone who's dreamed the dreams I have," Discord said and then his paw came out from behind his back, "Orange?"

        The pony shrieked like a filly and raced back to cower among his siblings.

        Celestia knew she shouldn't have enjoyed Discord's antics, but it was done with some grace.

        "You should learn not the hit people," Celestia said, "Some of them hit back." She glanced back at him. "But he usually doesn't hurt anypony."

        Discord happily nodded, then his smile vanished and he looked utterly malevolent. "Unless they hurt someone I care about," Discord said, "That's a flaw we share."

        "Well, I'll be assigning different teachers, since you seem to have a problem with unicorns," Celestia said, "But you'll find most Earth Ponies are not as tolerant of some of your attitudes than Twilight Sparkle was." She looked for any sign of contrition, but found none. She left them alone in the room.

        "You did very well," Discord said.

        She almost snapped at him. "You knew this was going to happen," she said.

        "I suspected," Discord said, "A lot of ponies are going to have to defend their inner harmony with something other than 'we've always done it this way'. And that's not going to be easy. They'll have to turn to their friends and families, and there's going to be a whole lot of soul searching."

        "And you'll just love all the resultant chaos," she said.

        "I'll love that it will stop being 'we're harmonious because Celestia tells us to'," Discord replied, "Part of the problem you've had is you assume everyone bowing and scraping is always and only exaltation, which you despise. It isn't, it is reverence, but it isn't all love, it's mostly fear. They may love you when you're far away. But up close, they're terrified."

        Celestia snorted at that.

        "Fine, don't believe me. But what you did to me, to your sister, what every nation remembers of Nightmare Moon, you alicorns are items of vague terror. They may revere you," Discord said, "But they fear the angry god. If you don't believe me, ask Sapphire to sit in at court. When she looks like she's trying to hide somepony bucking her in the . . . stomach, that's terror she's 'eating'. Just as filling as love, but it hurts going down."

        Celestia was tempted, just to prove him wrong but decided she'd talk to Sapphire first. She glanced around, and Discord was nowhere to be seen.
------------------------------
Day 70

        Celestia woke a few hours before dawn, enough time to do a little paperwork, before her 'official' job. She walked out on the balcony to survey a sleeping Canterlot, and to enjoy the quiet.

        Then she saw what was not there. The ship which had hovered over the city for the past several days was gone. I bet they filed all the necessary paperwork, but they simply neglected to mention it directly to me, she thought and frowned, What did they think I would do? Hold them here?

        She stepped out from the balcony and opened the doors to her apartment. She addressed the guards waiting there. "Please have the officer of the night verify that any of the Changelings are within the palace, just look to see any obvious ones."

        The guard saluted and began routing the order to the sergeant then the officer of the guard, thence to the officer of the night. When she turned back, Discord was waiting next to her writing desk. He had a tea service and a collection of sweet rolls.

        "What do you want?" she asked.

        "That everyone embrace the chaos within, and accept it," Discord said, "There's raspberry, grape, cranberry and pineapple."

        "You said that yesterday," she told him.

        "And you didn't expect it, did you?" he asked, "Luna and Woona stayed behind, so your family didn't abandon you. So you can say your goodbyes today."

        "You didn't go with?" Celestia asked.

        "Tom went, they've got a load of planning to do," Discord said, "I was never good at planning, just improvising."

        "Like tricking us into returning the librarians? You must be enjoying all the chaos and pain they're creating," Celestia said.

        "Yes, actually. And when you actually start reading the books, it's going to cause more," Discord said and laughed while rubbing his hands together, "So many ponies go on about the 'ancient wisdom' there, they're going to ignore that a lot of books are just tripe. There'll be accusations that you're holding back the 'best' stuff, and ponies horrified about the contents you have released. The librarians and their antiquated attitudes were just the icing on the cake, and I didn't even come up with that. Your ponies innocently invited a wolf in, and you sent your favorite sheep in to be not merely fleeced, but skinned alive. Twilight will never forget the scourging she got, and she'll eventually realize that Vladimir and the Big Guy, and me, would have been much better choices. But you chose her."

        Celestia froze at that, caught between fury and horror.

        "That's right. You did that, without any prompting from me. Now I know Sparkle better than you, she can't even conceive of you doing something so cruel for no reason, so she'll 'know' it's a punishment, or that she just wasn't good enough for your perfect plan. And she'll drive herself crazy trying to figure out what she did wrong, and how to make up for it to you." Discord looked at Celestia's appalled expression. "You know what's really sad. If anyone else on this entire planet screwed up that completely, they could admit they made a mistake, and ask forgiveness. But not you. And especially not with Sparkle. You don't make mistakes, you just do what has to be done, and the ponies who get the chop, well, it's all for a better, more harmonious Equestria, isn't it?"

        Discord's words echoing in her head, Celestia bolted for the door and out into the corridor, intent on finding Twilight and finding some way to soothe her. After falling victim to her mentor's mistake.
------------------------------

        Discord buffed his nails on his chest, then examined his reflection in them. "You know, this 'life-affirming chaos' stuff is almost more fun that the usual kind. I just wish it wasn't so much work." He sighed. "Ah well, Blueblood's job is open, and I seem to be doing it rather well."