//------------------------------// // What One Does For Bits // Story: Shudderbones: The Necromancer of Flame Geyser Swamp // by SkelePone //------------------------------// Of course, it was just Shudderbones' luck that he would have to scavenge for his own tickets. He wanted to take the entire Apple family to the Grand Galloping Gala, but they had insisted it be just Applejack and him. They seemed oddly excited for him to finally attempt at a relationship with her. In fact, they took it upon themselves to give him as much help and support that they felt he needed. Which he needed none at all. But they thought otherwise. Apple Bloom and other two young fillies, whom Shudderbones had already accepted almost as younger sisters, eagerly attempted to drag him into Rarity's Carousel Boutique. He kept putting it off though. He wasn't fond of the idea of spending what few bits he had left on some fancy dress-wear that he would only ever wear once. They managed to get him to schedule an appointment with the elegant (but rather hoity-toity, in Shudderbones' opinion) unicorn mare. Big MacIntosh occasionally dragged him aside. They didn't speak much, but the look of happiness let Shudderbones know the big softie was glad that he was trying for Applejack. However, whenever Applejack looked particularly stressed about the upcoming Gala and extremely nervous around Shudderbones, Big Mac gave him a look that told him that if he broke her heart in any way, no number of resurrected skeletons could protect him from the red stallion's wrath. Granny Smith kept distracting him from preparations to go over the Apple family tree, complete with photo albums and stories. He honestly loved the tales, they were often quite humorous, but he was busy. And she couldn't quite understand that. She claimed that they could take the Apple family's cart, which simplified things greatly. There was only the problem of tickets. Ticket prices had skyrocketed this year, and Shudderbones barely had enough for one ticket, much less a pair. He'd need to find work. He eventually got over his irritation with Twilight Sparkle, although he only respected her as a Princess after practically setting the entire town snapping on his heels. She pointed out various jobs he could perform as a necromancer. Most seemed quite dangerous. Others seemed lengthy. There was one last job for him. - - - - - - - - - - - - "You HAVE to be kidding." A teacup sailed past his head through a shattered window. Inside, the overexcited spirit cackled manically. The home's owner, an older mare with a colt wrapped around her leg looked at Shudderbones with pleading eyes. The Princess darted her eyes from the broken window to the mare to Shudderbones. Shudderbones' own purple eyes were boring holes into the mother's very soul. She squee'd as a large plate flew out the window, smashing against his horn. He nickered angrily. "I'm a necromancer. I can raise and control gigantic undead armies. And you want to hire me to get rid of a pesky poltergeist." "Please, I'll pay you handsomely." She begged. The child hid behind her as a spoon sailed from the window, striking her flank. The Princess piped up, looking rather sneaky. "Well, Shudderbones, if it's so easy, why not just get it over with. Show off that skill of yours." Shudderbones turned his lamp-like eyes towards Twilight, now boring into her soul. He grimaced, making an ugly face at the shrieking poltergeist. "Fine." He said flatly. He turned towards the house and opened the door. A pie pan filled with cream slapped into his face. He hated life. A cackle erupted from inside the house. Scratch that. He hated the AFTERLIFE. He boldly stepped in, whipped cream dripping from his scowling face as Twilight, the mother, and the colt all giggled. Maybe he hated life, too. - - - - - - - - - - - - Carrying a large sack of bits and another sack of various spiritual instruments, Shudderbones began going door-to-door, offering to cleanse ponies' houses of spirits. He dealt next with a family who had a fully developed banshee spirit living cozily in their attic. Leaving their cottage half-deaf and ears ringing but with his bag much heavier he moved on to the next job. Surprisingly, a young colt was being tailed by a doppelganger, his ghostly counterpart chasing him about. After a quick banishing spell, the mother dropped a hoof-full of bits into his bag. It was all they could afford. But had he not turned up just then, the doppelganger would very likely have stolen the foal's soul. And Shudderbones was the only pony in Equestria who knew the proper way to be-rid of a doppelganger. That was far from the only job that only he seemed capable of doing, though. The most common paranormal problem that Shudderbones found in Ponyville was the ghoul infestations, especially along Baking Street. Ghouls were basically ghosts of ponies. That wasn't so bad, they were practically harmless. Except for the stench. Ghouls tended to obsess over scent, and the only scent they could detect are the most volatile ones. Rotting garbage, dead fish, they hoarded the trash, dragging it into the walls and floors of the home. They were also rather noisy, not as chaotic as a poltergeist, but noisy enough to keep a family up at night. The pink mare from earlier, Pinkie Pie, had not one but ten living within her walls, hoarding stale cakes and curdled milk. She refused a removal though. She claimed to not have a problem with them, to which Shudderbones shrugged and said 'suit yourself.' Shudderbones figured that once he finished making bits for his dear Applejack's ticket, he could easily get a job removing them. And maybe a job expelling other spirits and spooks as well. He had been the only unicorn born in centuries to bother learning necromantic and banishing spells, after all. He wondered if Princess Celestia knew any necromancy as he blasted a ghoul into soul essence. At first he doubted it. But he remembered her eerie knowledge of his seemingly miraculous resurrection. She must know a thing or two about necromancy. She knew Grogar, after all, he thought as he worked. Lots of ponies had heard of his unfortunate accident and close call with death. Many actually joked about the irony of a necromancer almost dying, but to Shudderbones' surprise most ponies expressed genuine concern. Upon learning he still felt the aftereffects of it all, many sent their get-wells, and tipped him graciously. Shudderbones enjoyed helping ponies. And he liked being accepted as part of the community. He actually considered magically moving the entire Bones Manor from Flame Geyser Swamp into Ponyville. It would be difficult, but worth it. - - - - - - - - - - - - Finally, after an exhausting day, he returned to Sweet Apple Acres with a sack full of bits. Enough for both tickets, he declared. After which he unceremoniously passed out onto the couch in the sitting room. The Apples smiled at the snoring unicorn, Big Mac leaned him into the couch, making him more comfortable. Apple Bloom ran upstairs and grabbed him a large quilt. Unsettled by all this, the sleeping form of Shudderbones snuggled up into the quilt, and Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and Big Mac tip-hooved from the room, to get ready for their own chores. Applejack stood by Shudderbones for a moment, looking down upon the exhausted stallion. She bent down, and kissed his cheek, then glanced around to make sure nopony had seen her. Applejack then tip-hooved from the room as well. She had trees to buck and a wagon to fix. Shudderbones smiled in his sleep, reaching up a hoof to touch the cheek she had kissed.