Chapter 9:
A Truth, Revealed
The three of them walked to the school’s parking lot, where Mike had parked his car (and they were called ‘cars,’ not carts or automobile carriages) and where Iris and Parvanei’s busses stopped. Twilight was careful to maintain the fiction of her tender arm, and so not reveal Parv’s magic – normally Twilight would consider it paranoid, but without her own magic and with two attempts on her life since she’d arrived in this world she appreciated her caution.
There, leaning against a sleek black car, was Hikaru ‘Flash’ Hoshou. At his feet was a gym bag, and slung over his shoulder was a guitar of curious construction studded with sockets for electric plugs. Perhaps it was an electronic instrument, like those that Pinkie’s sonomancer friend Vinyl was pioneering back home? If so, it would explain its almost arrowhead-like shape; guitars back home, like violins, were their iconic shape to produce a particular quality of music, but a purely electronic instrument could theoretically have any form factor –
It took Twilight a second to register that Hikaru had asked her something, and she sheepishly asked him to repeat himself. Fortunately, he just laughed.
“I was just saying it’s a beaut. Won a couple battle-of-the-bands gigs wielding this thing,” Hikaru said, patting the instrument with pride. “Not bad for a bunch of high school then-sophomore dips. You’ve got a good eye.”
“It’s lovely,” Twilight said, scratching the back of her head. To her surprise, she meant it; Hikaru’s enthusiasm was clear, and it was a striking design. “What’s the name of your band?”
“Oh, brother,” Iris muttered behind her.
Hikaru grimaced. “You have to understand the band name wasn’t my idea. Our keyboarder insisted, we were doing electronic and nerdcore and he thought -”
“It’s called ‘Flash Drive and the Hacked Gibsons,’” Iris said, rolling her eyes. “They wanted the dumb jock eyecandy headlining and the lamest pun ever for the band name.”
“Please,” Twilight said without missing a beat. “He’s intelligent jock eye-candy.”
“I’m eye-candy now?” Hikaru said. He wasn’t even smirking, sun blast him; his expression was one of pure surprise, completely without guile.
“A lot of other girls in my class seem to think so,” Parvanei said, making Twilight jump. She had almost forgotten that she was standing behind her.
“Let’s ask a more relevant question,” Twilight said, looking at the car instead of Flash’s face, fuming at him and Parvanei for the teasing and herself for how bothered she was. “You weren’t waiting around out here under C-” Come to that, it wasn’t likely to be Celestia’s sun, not here - “A hot sun for no reason. Did you need to speak with any of us?”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “You.”
Twilight snorted and folded her arms. “Well, I appreciate your interest, but I have some murder and magic to investigate and really can’t afford to get distracted.”
“Why do you think I wanted to talk with you?” Flash said, holding out his hands palms-down, as if he was offering something. “I think I know what you’re doing, and if I’m right, I want to help. Which is why, with your permission and Mike’s, I’d like to take you to see a play.”
“Aaaaand there it goes,” Iris said, throwing up her hands with a groan. “You are so goddamn transparent. Just ask her out so she can properly shoot you down, you randy turbo-nerd.”
“She’s just upset that I went out with him once,” Parvanei stage-whispered.
“Nah, he’s like this with everyone,” Iris replied.
“Oh yeah,” Flash said, his voice utterly flat with sarcasm. “It’s true. I wear the black trilby and claim it’s the black fedora while I creep on your best friends, m’lady. Look, Iris – The play isn’t the thing, not for its own sake. I’m inviting her to see our Shmendrick.”
Twilight found this utterly opaque, but Iris’ eyes lit up with understanding. “Ooooooh. Him. Yeah, yeah, she should totes talk to him.”
“Shmendrick?” Twilight asked.
“It’ll be easier to hear it from him,” Flash said, sighing. “And that’s not his name, that’s one of his roles. You’ve actually met him before, but – like I said, easier to hear it from the horse’s mouth.”
Twilight giggled at that, despite herself. “Haven’t you heard? Talking to horses is kind of my thing,” she said.
“So Jackie told me,” Flash said, opening the passenger side door. “Hop in.”
Twilight did so.
“Call me if he gets handsy!” Iris shouted.
“Fuck you!” was Flash’s cheerful reply. “And that’s not an invitation either!”
It took a while before either of them spoke – time for Flash to pull out of the driveway, and to roll along the road. They made for the heart of a Ponyville both more populous and wealthy than the Ponyville on Twilight’s side, but with a little less character as well; it reminded her of a cleaner Manehattan, all square buildings made of concrete and brick and asphalt, with only patches of grass and trees along the road. It seemed strangely desolate to her, compared to the verdant earth of this town’s Equestrian reflection.
Yet she saw throngs in the streets and shops – talking, laughing, eating, on their phones, with their dogs (and Twilight winced; she was REALLY going to need to get Spike something to make up for leaving him alone for so long), and just being folks. She saw the girls she’d rescued earlier on a bench, the pink-and-blue haired one sitting with her back straight and her legs dangling while the one with sea-foam green spikes for hair lay down on all fours, resting her head in the other girl’s lap and accepting a scratch behind the ear without complaint. They were lovers, then; she had guessed correctly, and she had saved their lives by drawing the manticore’s attention earlier. Good.
Twilight sighed. “So – dated Parvanei, huh?”
“Guys were making fun of her, harassing her,” Flash said, both eyes on the road, both hands on the steering wheel. “She was the first in her grade to go through puberty, bustier than anyone else her freshman year – not that this was saying much. So the frosh were being dicks, and their parents were just saying ‘boys’ll be boys,’ right? They weren’t doing shit.”
“That sounds unpleasant,” Twilight said, not sure if there was anything else she should add.
“This was soon after I…” Flash had to pause, and actually visibly shuddered – waves of vibration spreading from his heart to his fingertips, his head, and his toes. “This was soon after I had realized that the girl I knew as Amber was a hot mess, and dumped her after seeing through her latest gaslighting attempt. So I was free, theoretically. And Parv and I were friends. Iris and the rest of that circle, all still friends, at least back then.”
Twilight shrugged. “Courting a friend seems sensible enough, especially if you’re doing it to protect her from other, less savory suitors.”
Flash chuckled, then shook his head. “Here’s the thing, though - We were totally not interested in each other that way at all. Not saying I would have minded, but there wasn’t a spark. We agreed to keep it up until the assholes found someone else to pick on, and then to break up soon afterwards. She hasn’t dated since.”
Twilight looked at her hands on her knees. “Oh,” she said. “Is she just shy, or genuinely uninterested, or what?”
“Shy and busy is my best guess – she puts in a LOT of hours at the dog pound and is taking AP courses,” Flash said. He spun the wheel, and they drifted into another lane, then into a side road. “I don’t know why Iris is so weird about it; I mean, I’ve asked out a lot of girls and got shot down by a lot of girls, but Iris acts like I broke Parv.”
Twilight looked out the window, grimacing. “You never, ah. Shared pillows, then.”
Flash laughed. “I like that, ‘shared pillows.’ But no, we didn’t. Barely even shared lips.”
“I see,” Twilight said. Unfortunately so, she thought; she had a vivid image of an awkward, closemouthed kiss between Flash and Parvanei, and their desperate attempts to smile afterwards – smiles that never touched their eyes. She could see it, alright. Far too well.
“So yeah: the short, brief tale of me and Parvanei. Hardly a romance for the ages,” Flash said. “Anyway, we’re here.”
Twilight looked up and saw a cruciform sandstone edifice with a tall, central belfry and stained glass windows depicting a dove and a raven flying towards a sunrise. The overall effect reminded her so much of her fillyhood dormitory in Canterlot, under Celestia’s patronage, that she couldn’t help but breathe a little easier.
“This is your theater?” Twilight said. “It’s beautiful.”
“Used to be a church,” Flash said. “And yeah, it is. Come on.”
In the central auditorium of the room, past the rows of wooden benches scattered with audience, was a boy with curly hair the color of fallen leaves. He was stocky and heavy in frame, short and mesomorphic under baggy costume robes, with skin the color of dusty brick.
Twilight only caught the last of his lines, delivered in a wail that pitched up from tenor to contralto –
“- I wish you had let the red bull take me! I wish you had left me to the harpies! I can feel this body dying all around me!!”
- Then the boy dropped to his knees, with a distressingly real sob, his hand circling a spot on his forehead as he cradled his face.
Some of the audience clapped. Flash nodded, and started clapping too. Twilight joined them; it may have been a cheap tug at the heartstrings, but it was an effective one, even without knowing his circumstances.
Then the kid ruined it by grinning. “I do birthdays and weddings too!” he said, his voice reverting to an oddly familiar bubbling, lilting tenor.
Another girl slapped her own forehead as the audience laughed. She slid her hand down the bridge of her nose and groaned.
“I still don’t see why I couldn’t have filled in as Amalthea,” the girl said.
“Because I am less disruptive than you, Trish, somehow?” the boy offered, to snickers from some of the players. “Besides, I thought you were doing pyrotechnics.”
‘Trish’ looked like she was about to argue the point before Flash walked up to the stage. “That is a good question,” Trish asked instead. “Where’s Rachel? Isn’t she the star?”
The smile on the boy’s face evaporated. “She got plastered right before lunch,” he muttered to his feet, a disgusted twist to his mouth.
“I didn’t think she drank,” Trish said, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms.
“Plastered in the Strong Bad sense,” the boy hissed. “As in arrowed, sworded, fisted, plastered – a chunk of flying wall knocked her the fuck out when everything else happened before lunch. She’s lucky to be alive.”
Trish sneered at her, back turned. “Is there nothing you won’t joke about?”
“Depends on the audience,” the boy – Ross – replied. “But your mom is always on the table.”
Trish double facepalmed, massaging her scalp to deal with what must have been a sudden headache. “You are the very model of maturity, Ross.”
Twilight blinked, then she leaned forward. “Wait, Ross? Weren’t you in my history class?” she asked.
Ross visibly brightened at that; Twilight would have sworn blind that his ears swiveled to face her in an almost equine gesture. “Yeah, that’s one of the places I’ve seen you round!” he chirped. “Lucia, right?”
One of the places? But where else could he have seen her? Twilight offered her hand, trying to sort through intuitions and memories. There was something else familiar.
Out loud, she only said: “That’s what people call me.” Flash chuckled; he did, after all, know her real name.
“While you three will be interrupting our rehearsal, I will go and get a snack,” Trish said with an upturned nose.
“Yeah, sure,” Ross said. “Save me some PB crackers.”
“I make no promises,” Trish replied before a quite literal exit, stage right.
Ross clapped a hand on Twilight’s back, gently pushing her to stage left and a door marked with a glowing red EXIT sign. Flash followed. “Hikikomori Hoshou here told me a lot about the work you do, and I gotta say I’d like to help however I can!”
“Hikikomori? Really? I don’t think I’m quite that neat,” Flash deadpanned. “Hikaru or Flash, whatever suits your fancy, and okay we’re alone and out of earshot now. Tell her,” Flash said, steepling his fingers.
Twilight had to admire the efficiency of the change. The stone of the theater's walls reflected sound, and the park outside further muffled them with the white noise of the trees shaking in the cool breeze. It was an excellent place for a private discussion.
Ross immediately dialed back his goofy grin into a less exaggerated smile, warm though it was. He reached down the front of his robes, fishing around for a bit, before withdrawing it and opening his palm.
Twilight gasped. For in Ross’ hand was an orichalcum-lined jewel, a magenta balloon carved from amber, swirling with patterns of shadow and relative light.
“But – but – b-but -” she spluttered.
“Your anaconda don’t want none unless I got buns, hun?” Ross asked, his voice lilting as he replaced the Element of Laughter over his heart.
“I don’t even know what that means,” Twilight said with a groan.
“It’s kay, neither did Sir Mix-A-Lot. So anyway. Go on. Ask the obvious question,” Ross said, sighing hard enough to deflate a full inch in height. “Let’s rip that particular band-aid right the fuck off, ‘cause it’ll be less painful that way.”
Flash, for his part, leaned against the stone wall, arms folded behind his head, one eye half-open and looking at them both.
“I definitely saw the Lady of Laughter,” Twilight said out loud, rubbing the spot under where her horn would have been. Coming dusk, her head hurt. “And she was quite definitely, uh. A lady. Contralto, the way she walked, her…” Twilight trailed off, shaking her head.
“Vast… tracts of land?” Ross offered, making an expansive gesture over his chest, his voice a little flattened but still with some effervescent cheer.
“Those as well? And that was you all along?” Twilight asked. Ross nodded, offering no other comment. Twilight cupped her chin, rest that arm’s elbow in her other hand, scrutinizing Ross. “Huh. I can well imagine Laughter, of all the elements, having the power of disguise – illusion is well in Laughter’s portfolio, and -”
Flash held out his hand. “- Stop letting her twist, Ross. She doesn’t get it. Just tell her.”
Ross rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Then he bit his lip, looking at the ground; then at the sky. Then at Twilight, hissing out a breath through his teeth. Twilight’s epiphany came right after that.
“Oh,” she said, her voice very soft. “Please tell me. What is Ross short for?”
The boy before Twilight rubbed his arm and sighed. “Rosalyn,” he said.
Twilight said nothing, simply letting Ross continue at his – Twilight briefly considered that it might turn out to be otherwise, but for now definitely his – own pace.
“My sister they named Maudilyn, me they named Rosalyn,” the boy before her sighed. “And that’s who my birthparents – my MENNONITE birthparents - still think I am, and I swear to god if they hear a word of this from you - ”
“They won’t,” Twilight said. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
“Cute,” Ross said. “Think I like it. Where’d you hear that from?”
“Someone I knew who was a lot like you,” Twilight replied with a shrug. Flash tilted his head at her.
Ross just nodded. “Ah. ‘Kay, cool,” he said, without any apparent sarcasm, irony, or even surprise.
Twilight sighed. “Okay. Okay. I’m trying to figure out what respect demands here, so I have one more question for you, Ross. I’m not trying to offend you at all, I swear.”
“But you’re gonna power through it anyway?” Ross asked, a cheerful lilt belying his harsh words. “Fire at will. Or me, either way.”
“Are you actually a boy or a girl?” Twilight only missed a half-beat before asking, “Or is the answer way more complicated than that and oh starless night did I just put my hoof in my mouth?” in a torrent of panicked, mortified verbiage.
Ross took the opportunity to mug for Flash’s benefit, with a ridiculous, froglike expression of approval. “That was a good question,” he said. “She’s good at this. Totally out of her depth given that she’s saying ‘hoof’ instead of foot for whatever reason, but still really good at this. I think her plan might actually be worth a crap.”
“I know, right?” Flash said, smiling. “But you better answer her question, unless you’d prefer I answer for you.”
Ross nodded at Flash, then turned to Twilight, arms folded. “Okay. So. Like – Okay.” He scratched the back of his head. “What kind of special and unique Tumblr hashtag I am is not really that important, so the short version is take your cues from whatever I’m wearing, okay? If you can clearly see my boobs best bet is she. Otherwise probably he.”
Twilight nodded, making mental note of this. “What about singular they?” she asked. “Does that apply when I’m not sure?”
Ross grinned. “Oh, Lucy, I think we are gonna get along just fine.”
They tabled further discussion until after the rehearsal had concluded. Twilight was surprised at how the play’s title of The Last Unicorn didn’t surprise her; it was another coincidence, another reflection, another bit of synchronicity to file away in case it meant anything more than her mind trying to spin nonexistent patterns out of the aether.
It helped Twilight’s nerves that it really was a good play, even though the villainous force of nature named the Red Bull made her vaguely uneasy; something about the broad-horned costume they used set her teeth on edge. The rest of it was charming, and the inept wizard Shmendrick – a name that Twilight soon gathered had the same connotations as ‘Puddinghead’ - was a comedic role worthy of any Pinkie Pie from any world.
Rather, it was worthy of an Element of Laughter from any world. She had to remind herself that Ross Baker was not, as Iris had told her then, some copy of your friend. Iris was so like Rainbow Dash that Twilight was tempted to argue the point, when she had made it. But Ross? His – their – troubles matched nothing she knew from Pinkie Pie’s history unless she counted a superficial fondness for fake mustaches, and given Ross’ vehemence on the subject of their identity, it was quite a bit more serious a matter.
It was disquieting to think about. Twilight held her own body – her strange, too-tall bipedal body on this side of the mirror – and shivered. Then, to her surprise, she felt a comforting touch on her back; the warmth of a
fetlock
forearm on her back, the gentle grip of a hand on her shoulder, and then it was gone and Twilight wasn’t shaking anymore. She looked at Flash, who was seated to her right, and caught a glimpse of his retreating arm. He just looked at her from the corner of his eye, his expression asking: You doin’ okay?
Twilight nodded her answer, grateful for the comfort. “Why does Jackie hate him?”
“I don’t think she does,” Hikaru murmured. “He hates her for some reason that he won’t talk about; Jackie won’t speak to Karima, Karima won’t speak with Parvanei … it’s painful to watch, and it’s sketchy as hell. Iris refuses to talk to any of them but Parv until they make up, which will basically be ‘never.’”
“We’ll just have to see about that,” Twilight said, her eyes narrowing. “So. To recap. I’ve just met all five of those who bear the Elements of Harmony – and Honesty’s lying to herself, Loyalty’s bailed, Generosity won’t even give them the time of day, Kindness is trying to carry cruelties she can’t bear, and Laughter can’t see anything funny in the whole sorry mess.”
“Ouch,” Hikaru said. “I mean, yeah, basically this, but ouch.”
Twilight steepled her fingers, turning to smirk at Hikaru. “So, about where I stood against Discord - ‘and when the Elements are gathered, a spark will appear.’ Once I get back my magic?”
“Then comes the gathering?” Hikaru said, grinning ear to ear.
Twilight folded her arms and nodded. “Then comes a gathering, and – why are you laughing?” Twilight asked, for Hikaru was trying to catch his mirthful snorting in his fist.