The Weed

by kudzuhaiku


Happy husband hugs

Wide eyed, Tarnished Teapot watched as Maud dropped the heavy trunk into her wagon. The past few days had been a time of preparation, spending time with family, and making up for lost time with his mother. The whole wagon lurched as the trunk landed with a solid thump upon the wooden planks of the bed.

Using his telekinesis, Tarnish dropped another trunk, this one full of foodstuffs, into the back of the wagon, and then with a hard shove, he scooted it over the wooden boards into the other, securing both in place. He then watched as Maud locked everything into place using heavy oiled canvas straps with heavy duty brass snaps.

The trunks were mostly water-proof, they would keep the goods inside dry in heavy rain and exposure to the elements. Inside, there was gear, clean smocks, film, cameras, notebooks, ledgers, everything needed for a long expedition, and food.

Creeping up behind Maud, Tarnish rested his head upon her croup, sliding his chin over the smooth fabric that covered the sensitive area just above her dock. He saw Maud’s sides expand and then she turned her head around to look at him. One eyebrow was raised.

“What are you doing?” Maud asked.

“What does it look like?” Tarnish replied. He scooted forward a bit, sliding his head along Maud’s spine, until his chest was touching the curve of her backside. He raised a foreleg, stoked Maud along her hip, rustling the fabric of her smock and exposing her cutie mark for a moment.

“It looks like you are trying to embarrass both of us in front of my father and mother.” Maud lifted up her hoof and pointed.

Grinning, Tarnish lifted his head, stepped back a few steps, and then chuckled as he gave both of his parents in law a sheepish grin. “Hi.”

“Save it until you two go off adventuring together,” Cloudy said, raising her eyebrow in a manner similar to Maud’s. “When you two are off in the deserted countryside, you can get that out of your system—”

“Cloudy Pie!” Igneous closed his eyes and his ears pinned back against his skull.

“What?” Cloudy turned and looked at her husband. She watched him backing away.

“I’m… going to go back inside and get myself a cold bottle of sarsaparilla,” Igneous said as he headed for the back door, his head held low as he slinked away.

“Poor Igneous.” Cloudy shook her head.

“What’s the matter?” Maud asked.

“All of his little fillies are growing up. You’re married… Pinkie Pie has her mystery suitor, and Marble has that Gaunt family colt, Sonneur.” Cloudy shook her head. “Igneous’ entire life was defined by providing for his little fillies. Now, they’re grown up and he doesn’t know what to do. He feels very lost and confused.”

“Poor Daddy.” Maud leaned over on Tarnish, who she was now standing beside, and then heaved a sigh. “He’s developing a drinking habit.”

Giving her daughter a sidelong glance, Cloudy began to snicker even as she tried to hold it in. “We can afford it now. Those rocks from that last storm, when Tarnish went out and just stood there, waiting to be hit by lightning, all those rocks were valuable and profitable. We’re not poor anymore Maud.”

“I don’t think we were ever poor. We had each other.” Maud looked at her mother and then turned her head to look at Tarnish. “Your mother is leaving tonight on the six o’clock train. You’d better say goodbye to her.”

“Where did she go?” Tarnish asked.

“She’s off with Limestone and Marble. They went over to the new covered bridge.” Cloudy clucked her tongue. “Limestone and Marble adore Pinny. It makes my heart warm to see them together. Pinny is one sad, badly hurt pony. She puts on such a brave face though.”

“Tarnish, you did a good thing forgiving her and making things right. Both of you can heal now and start being a family again. For this, you get happy husband hugs later,” Maud said in an emotionless monotone.

Cloudy sighed and shook her head.

“Mom, it isn’t what you think—”

“Happy husband hugs aren’t what I think?” Cloudy smirked at her daughter.

Maud lifted her hoof. “Honest, they’re innocent.”

The middle aged earthen mare nodded. “If you say so, I’ll take your word for it.”


“Tarnished Teapot…”

“Mother?” Tarnish looked over at Pinny Lane. She was standing near a rock pile.

“Come here,” Pinny said.

Tarnish moseyed over, moving with a slight limp. He saw his mother’s horn lighting up and he wondered what she was up to. He lifted his head and his ears perked up. His mother looked serious, there was no trace of a smile or her usual sadness hidden behind said smile.

“Tarnish, Baby, we’re unicorns. As such, we have a sacred obligation and it is time I teach you something that I should have taught you a long time ago.” Pinny Lane’s eyes narrowed.

“Sacred obligation?” A curious Tarnish’s ears swiveled around and pitched forwards.

“Yeah, Baby. A sacred obligation. As unicorns, we have to protect our fellow ponies and our friends with our magic. You, your magic is pretty dangerous already, but we’re not alicorns and were not even in the same league as Twilight Sparkle—Baby, why are you smiling?”

“You said ‘league’ and you like to bowl…” Tarnish tilted his head off to one side.

“Pay attention and don’t be silly,” Pinny said as she grinned. “Our magic… we unicorns, and I don’t pretend to be an expert, but every unicorn has a special spell that is theirs and theirs alone. Something associated with our cutie marks or our names. I don’t understand how it works, or why it is this way, but that is just how it is.”

“Okay.” Tarnish focused his attention on his mother. “How do our names cause an effect upon our magic?”

“I don’t know, Baby. That’s just how it is. Names are a magic all their own… when you have a foal, you and Maud will start to discuss names, and then, somehow, you will just know. I don’t even pretend to understand how it works.” Pinny Lane shook her head. “I was named Pinny Lane and I grew up to be a bowler. That is just how it is. And my special spell is related to my talent… my special spell is ‘The Splitter.’ It starts off as one telekinetic bolt and after it flies towards the target, it breaks into four bolts, imitating the Big Four in bowling… a four-six-seven-ten split. I’ve cleared out entire barroom brawls with this spell and once made some big gross, ugly, drooling monster think twice about trying to eat me and a friend of mine. Over time, I’ve made my special spell better and better. The bolts used to be shapeless, but now they look like little bowling balls.”

“And you think I have a special spell?” Tarnish asked.

“Tarnish, you are a unicorn. You must have a special spell. All unicorns do. You have peculiar magic, but that seems to be passive more than anything. I know you must have a special spell. Experiment with magic. Learn what you are capable of. Your special spell will come to you… keep Maud safe. She’s a strong, capable earth pony mare. She’ll probably keep you safe in the wilds. But in the odd chance you come across something that she can’t overpower with brute strength… it will come down to you being a unicorn.” Pinny’s eyes narrowed. “You’re going to be a tall, intimidating stallion when you reach your full size. Long legged. Long necked. You won’t be big and solid like that Big Mac fella, but being tall goes a long ways. You be polite and kind just like that Longhaul pony you were telling me about told you. But if the situation demands it, you bring yourself up to your full height and you look mean. You keep Maud safe. And you have sisters now! Little fillies that I love to pieces… so you look after Limestone and Marble!”

“Okay,” Tarnish replied in a soft voice.

Pinny angled her head, her horn glowing with a brilliant, blazing blue. She squinted, and a phantom blue bowling ball shot from her horn, rocketing towards the rock pile. A short distance from her horn, it split into four bowling balls, and then collided with the rock pile with a terrific crash. There was an almost comical sound of a bowling ball hitting pins and the rock pile flew apart. Eyes narrowed in a fierce manner, Pinny looked at her son and then began to put the rocks back into a pile.

“How do I find my special spell?” Tarnish asked.

Pinny shrugged. “I don’t know. It will come to you. You’ll have to study. Experiment. Expose yourself to danger and let go with your magic. Something will happen and your special spell will show itself. All unicorns have one… something that makes them special.

“Hmm.” Tarnish looked at the rock pile and then back at his mother.

“I need to go and pack… you think about what I told you,” Pinny said to her son.

“Okay, but I have no idea if I have a special spell.” Tarnish smiled at Pinny. “I’ll go with you. We can talk while you are packing.”