//------------------------------// // Chapter the Eleventh: Ante Up // Story: Doing His Duty // by Dick McKickEm //------------------------------// Doing His Duty A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fan fiction by Wolfram and Hart CHAPTER ELEVEN: Ante Up “Booooored boredboredbored.” “Bo-ring. Ring-bo. Boring.” “If you order now, I’ll throw in a second bored, absolutely free!” “Boredom? Not even once!” Pinkie Pie sighed, looking around at the other seven ponies trying desperately to ignore her and focus on something else, despite the sheer lack of anything to focus on. “I am become bored, destroyer of fun!” “PINKIE!” the other elements shouted in unison, making Flash’s head pound even harder and faster. What a day to be a guard. Pinkie hung her head, her hair deflating slightly like someone had let the air out of it. “I’m sorry girls, not being able to run and jump and skip and dance is killing me!” “Who knew getting abducted and held for ransom could be so dull?” Cotton snorted. “Perhaps we can play a game to pass the time,” suggested Rarity. “No games.” Flash groaned. “Just quiet. Quiet good, quiet doesn’t hurt.” “Let’s play I-Spy!” exclaimed Pinkie, her hair poofing back to its usual poofiness. Rarity rolled her eyes. “I spy with my little eye, something that is… bright orange.” “It’s me.” Flash said instantly. The pink one pursed her lips. “Hey, at least give somepony else a chance to think, Mr. Jumpsthegun!” All was quiet. “Is it Applejack?” Twilight asked. “No, Flash was right. It was Flash.” * * * Nightmare Moon awkwardly shuffled her hooves. Duke Horacio coughed. Nopony spoke for the longest time. Both the Night Guard and the Duke’s Guard stood nearly frozen, swapping aside glances and shrugs with one another, unwilling to interrupt the painful silence that had erupted. “It seems I owe you an apology.” the Nightmare said, unable to look the duke in his eyes. “No.” Horacio replied hesitantly. “You merely… flipped out. J-just as any good ruler would! I think.” “It seems the time for charades has passed.” “It has?” Right before the duke’s eyes, Nightmare Moon’s body began to glow with a faint white light. With a low hum of power, she shrunk slowly to the size of a pony about a head shorter and more than a hair thinner. The glow dissipated like smoke and, lo and behold, Princess Luna herself had returned. “Ptew!” the princess spat out a set of pearly white dentures, it’s teeth filed to razor points. She casually hoofed them off to one of her selenic guards who stowed them in his pack. “Neat trick.” the duke said. “Aye, it is,” she said “I can never get the teeth right, though. You’d be amazed how hard dental spells are. It matters not anyway, my illusion was unsuccessful. ” “Oh come now, Luna, you must remember who you’re speaking with!” He laughed. “I’ve been dealing with a tribe of angry, barbaric gryphonfolk since I could walk on my own four hooves. I’m as immune to intimidation as a fish is to drowning!” Luna huffed, trotting over to Horacio’s dinner table. She levitated one of the chairs back and took a seat. The princess poured herself a piping lukewarm cup of tea and drank deeply. “Help yourself.” Horacio muttered. “I wasn’t eating anyway.” He trotted to the other side and took his place, gesturing Luna to pass the cold pot of tea. “You are dismissed, guards.” the duke said. “I’m in no danger here.” The pose of ponies gave their sovereign a half- bow and began to file out. “Oh, and if anypony breathes a word of this, you’ll be spending the rest of your days as hemp farmers.” “Yes sir.” they all said in perfect unison. “Good.” “You may wait outside as well.” Luna told her own group, who then followed suit. The duke took a sip of tea. “So I suppose we should wait for your sister to discuss what there is to be done about this veritable menagerie of problems.” “What is there to discuss?” Luna said, a scowl turning her fair visage ugly. “We ascertain the location of hostages, rescue them, and bring their captors to justice!” “They’ve yet to make any demands.” he said, placing a dinner roll on to his plate. “We should wait until the demands are made before we rush headlong into a hostage situation.” Princesses Luna looked as if Horacio had made a joke about how overweight her mother was. “Are you seriously considering negotiations?!” The duke took another drink of tea, eyeing the princess with a neutral expression over his cup. “Who knows? Perhaps if it truly is Moyra, then all she wants is to not be married off to my son. Granted, the lack of any official political ties would stymie our merging with the gryphon tribes, but the safety of my Equestrian guests is a higher priority. We have forever to make peace with the catbirds.” “My little ponies do not have that kind of time.” * * * Pinkie Pie beamed, her bright smile seemed to “Oh! How about this one: Somepony think of an object, and we can ask you twenty questions about that object to guess what it is.” “Sounds alright to me.” Applejack fidgeted in her chair. “Why don’t you start, A.J.?” “Well, alrighty. Hmmm… I think I got it.” Rainbow Dash snickered “Is it an apple?” “Consarn it, Dash! How’d ya guess?” “Luck.” “Ooo, can it be my turn?” The quiet yellow one asked. Flash still forgot her name. Frankly, he had forgotten she was there. “Sure!” “Okay, uhh. I think I have one.” Twilight smirked. “Is it an animal?” She seemed to shrink in her bindings. “Y-yes.” “It’s a bunny.” Dash said. “Close, but-” “Nope! Totally an alligator!” “N-nice guess, Pinkie, but-” “Puppy?” “No.” “Mouse?” “No.” “Kitty?” “No.” “Birdie?” “No.” “I’m running out of cute Fluttershy-ey things. Is it cute?” “Oh, yes.” “Dolphin?” “No.” “Penguin?” “No.” “Okay, I give up, what is it?” “It’s an angler fish.” “What’s an angler fish?” “I think it’s a fish that fishes for other fishes.” "Kind of." Knock knock knock. The banter grinded to an instant halt as there came a knock knock knocking at the door. Silence. Then another two knocks. Then three more. More silence. "You know we can't open the door, right?" Rainbow Dash blurted in her not-so-indoor voice, driving a spike through Flash's head. "Oh, that's right. Sorry, guys." Creak. In came a slightly chubby brown-coated earth pony with baggy eyes and a distinct scent of herbs to him. "Well looky here, ain't this a surprise." AJ drawled. "What can we do ya fer, oh great prince of Maretoneya." "You can't do anything, you're tied up." he said with a completely straight face. The collective eye-rolls could be heard for miles. Gabriel pulled up an empty chair and plopped himself down. "Sorry to barge in on ya, but I'm pretty sure my fiancé won't look for me in here. She don't like it when I'm baked." Pinkie Pie gasped "That's terrible! I'd never marry someone who doesn't like baking!" "Huh? Oh. Right-on then, cotton candy mare." The prince had a serious thousand-yard stare going on. His red, watery eyes were permanently fixed to the wall. "Anyway I just wanted to talk to someone that would maybe listen, you know? The ol' gal is killing me." "Gee it sounds like your life is so hard." Cotton mocked a sympathetic tone. Like the many airships that passed over Maretonia, the sarcasm flew over the prince’s head. "I know, right? Damn, I might be out of my gourd right now, but even I can see she hates me. Not like an "I hate cabbage and wasps" kind of hate but a "I will throw you into a volcano and tell your mom that you slipped" kind. I mean, I don't like the arranged marriage any more than her, you don't see me dangling servants off of a balcony. Maybe that's just how she is all the time, though. Dunno. I only met her, like, a week ago." The girls shared a glance. With a few minor grunts and facial expressions, they held an entire conversation without a word. Twilight cleared her throat. "Well then, uhh, she's clearly an evil villain out to destroy your life!" "Even I'm a better liar than that!" Applejack whispered. "Shhh!" "You really think so, Princess?" "Of course! Trust us, we know evil like we know how to breathe." “Right on. Makes sense, I guess.” The prince’s hoof disappeared into his robe, emerging with a thin roll of paper wrapped around something that was most certainly not tobacco. Striking a match, the prince proceeded to roast a bone. He took a deep drag, instantly generating a skunky stench and eliciting a quiet cough. He stared into the ceiling for a few pregnant moments, then let out a wispy cloud of smoke. He gestured the blunt to the other ponies, his voice far back in his throat. “Anypony want a hit?” They all shook their heads, murmuring quiet nos. He rubbed the lit end of the non-cigarette into the wall and stashed it back in his pocket. “More for me I guess. So, uh… What was I talking about?” “Your wife.” “Oh yeah. What a bummer. So if she’s really evil, like, what should I do?” “UNTIE US.” everypony minus Flash and the yellow quiet one growled at him. Gabriel blinked in slow shock. “Woah, dudes, be mellow. I get you. I probs shoulda done this earlier, huh? Load off my chest since, you know, I didn’t wanna tie anypony up in the first place. I feel really bad about that, by the way. It was all Moyra’s idea you-” Knock knock knock. “Gabriel?! Are you in there?!” Her voice was like a seagull trying to sing hardcore death metal. For the first time in as long as she remember, Twilight Sparkle cursed under her breath. “No!” the prince shouted back. Flash was too tied up to properly facehoof. In came the gryphon tribal, strutting inside with that air of “don’t piss me off or I will cut you like a loaf of bread” about her. “What are you doing in here?” He was like a kid caught with his hoof in the pot-brownie jar. “N-nothing, dear.” Gabriel visibly shrunk back as Moyra crept closer to him. The gryphon grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and dragged him back out like a sack of cinder blocks. “I told you not to talk to the guests, and what do you do? You talk to the gods-damned guests. I swear, if you weren’t Horacio’s precious little shi-” Slam. Their voices dulled to inaudibility as the door was wrenched shut. “...” “So who’s up for another round of twenty Q?” * * * “You know what I’ve always wondered?” asked Flash, once again tearing through the pregnant silence. “If the princesses are of the highest authority in Equestria, why aren’t they queens?” Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow. “That came out of nowhere.” “I was just making conversation.” Flash said irritably. “Maybe talking to somepony will keep my mind off of my head.” “To be fair, dear, that was actually a good question.” Rarity said, nodding her head toward the guard. “I actually ain’t never thought of that.” Applejack added. Everypony looked at Twilight, who was staring off into space. “Well?” “Well what?” “Why are the princesses princesses and not queens?” “How the hay should I know?” “Yer a princess yourself dagnabbit!” “Oh, right. Well, I don’t know.” “You don’t know?!” “No. Should I?” “Sweetie, you’ve associated with the most powerful ponies in Equestria most of your life and became an alicorn yourself and you’ve never even thought to ask them this?” “Not a single time.” Rumble. The earth shook. Clouds of dust and loose dirt fell from the walls. “I had no idea Maretonia was on a fault line.” Rarity commented as she tried in vain to blow the dust out of her milky coat, only succeeding in making herself lightheaded. Rumble. “It’s not.” Twilight said. “Does anypony else hear that?” Spike’s voice echoed from within his pewter prison. The ponies fell silent, straining their ears. “It sounds like… purring or, uh, Humming?” Rainbow Dash managed a half-shrug in her bindings. “I don’t know.” “Like a hummingbird?” Flutterquiet (WAS that her name?) asked. “Sounds more like a motor.” Cotton said. “Why would anypony need a motor underground?” The medic narrowed her eyes. “Maybe we’re not underground.” * * * Princess Celestia furrowed her brow as she peered through the eyeglass at a distant shape floating through the towers on the other side of Spire City. It was a black blotch against her golden orange sun that grew dimmer by the minute as it kissed the horizon. She, her sister, Prince Blueblood, his guard, and Duke Horacio were gathered on the the polished granite balcony of the duke’s mansion home nestled into the side of a hill, seeming to hang off the rock in a way that reminder her of Canterlot. By the sun and stars, she missed Canterlot already. Maretonia, as beautiful as it was, had too much hustle and bustle for her. Not to mention the hostage situation. Things like that tend to sway one’s opinion of a place. Celestia could hear the duke growl under his breath.”That isn’t right. All air traffic should have been halted.” He gestured for the telescope.”May I?” The princess gently floated it down to the earth pony, who took it in his hooves and closed one eye. “Yes, it’s my son all right. No other pony besides him, my generals, and I have the authority to order a boat in the air past curfew.” The duke sighed. “Not a clue what they’re doing, though.” “Perhaps they are trying to escape?” Blueblood suggested. Horacio shook his head, not turning away from the eyeglass. “It would be foolish. That boat is one of our freighters. We’ve got at least a dozen models that can outrun and outgun it.” “Then perhaps we should investigate.” Luna said, cutting between her sister and the duke to put both of her forehooves on the balcony rail. “What are you-” Woosh. Like a hawk diving for a chihuahua the night princess threw herself from the railing nose first, falling at speeds that would make a non-pegasus puke before unfurling her wings not fifty feet from the ground and snapping upward to a sensible height, leaving a brief U-shaped trail of glittering stars in her wake. “I hate it when she does that.” Celestia commented, before hopping up upon the railing herself and doing exactly the same thing except with a own trail of warm glowing light. In mere moments the two were on their way to the shipping district of Spire City, leaving Blueblood, Xander, and the duke alone. “Alicorns.” Horacio huffed. “Not every ruler has wings and an indefinite lifespan, you know.” Prince Blueblood cracked a small smirk at Xander. “Tell me about it.” “May as well follow suit. Chives! Tell the guard to ready my skiff. Chives? Blast, where has that colt gone to?” * * * The hulking machine of wood and steel crept across the city skyline like a stormcloud, flying low and close enough to the buildings to cast a wide shadow over the city’s crisscrossing walkways and balconies. Citizens of all shapes and sizes gathered outside their homes and stuck their heads out windows to witness a local airship flying well below it’s class’s minimum altitude. Some of them panicked, others just watched the ship carefully, keeping their eyes peeled for any possible- and perhaps probable -happening. Princess Moyra leaned over the side of her newly commandeered skyboat, eying the ponies scattered below like children on a playground, always curious, sticking their muzzles where they don’t belong and yet managing to stay so naive. Moyra didn’t particularly like ponies. They had a weakness found in few other races, always so obsessed with making peace and making friends. They’d willingly merge their country and culture with another one they knew nothing of, all to save themselves a little bloodshed every now and again. Not that she was complaining, of course. While the colorful people rejected the glory and honor of battle, they were quite good at farming cash crops. Hemp was their business, and business was booming. They could take one little plant and turn it into rope, string, cloth, food, and a whole hell of a lot of painkiller. Between the might of the gryphon’s warrior tribes and the wealth of the ponies’ coffers, there would be a great country. The greatest. She didn’t have to like her country’s partners, just play nice with them. Moyra threw a look over her shoulder at her so-called husband-to-be, an oaf lazing around squandering his life away with cannabis and meaningless frivolities, daring to call himself a stallion. What a waste. Perhaps one day she could save him, turn him into more than a leech on  his father’s wealth, teach him what it means to be a part of the world. It would be a long, arduous task, but the gryphon was sure that she could mold him into one worthy of her love. But that was a quest for a later date. The princess had to focus at the task at claw, exacting justice on the liar. Perhaps her marriage didn’t even matter, as the path she had set herself on would likely lead to the wedding being called off. Though, she cared little. The unification of the tribes and Maretonia was inevitable, she merely slowed the process. All she wanted at that moment was the Equestrian prince that dared cross her. “The item you require, princess.” a guard-servant drew the gryphon away from her thoughts, presenting to her a necklace of quicksilver, it’s gleaming surface carved with ornate pattern that depicted the gusting wind over a raging ocean. She swiped it from the guard, who bowed her head and made herself scarce without hesitation. The sensation of the artifact around her neck was an odd one. Enchanted quiksilver items were a rarity, especially outside of Equestria, and using something like that was quite a unique experience. Her throat felt warm and tingly like she had just downed a beakfull of wine while the feathers that came into contact with the pendant seemed to stand on end. “Let’s see if this thing works…” Moyra mumbled. “PONIES OF MARETONIA.” Yep. Just like Princess Luna. If the gryphon royal on commandeered cargo boat hadn’t already drawn the attention of everypony within a half-mile, she did then. “I AM HERE UPON THIS VESSEL TO OFFER ALL OF SPIRE CITY A DEAL.” Moyra glanced at the west horizon, making mental note of several smaller military vessels rising from their slumber like angry dragons. “STORED INSIDE THE CARGO HOLD OF THIS AIRBOAT ARE SIX PONIES OF GREAT IMPORTANCE TO YOUR MOTHER COUNTRY IN A LEAD CRATE. THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY THEMSELVES. AS YOU MAY KNOW, THESE KINDS OF FREIGHT SHIPS HAVE CARGO BAY DOORS THAT OPEN FROM THE BOTTOM. SHOULD I WISH TO DO SO, I CAN OPEN THEM WITH BUT A WORD TO MY CREW, RELEASING THEM TO THE MERCY OF GRAVITY.” “I CAN BE PERSUADED NOT TO DO SUCH AN ABOMINABLE THING. BRING TO ME AN EQUESTRIAN BY THE NAME OF PRINCE BLUEBLOOD. HE IS A UNICORN STALLION WITH GOLDEN BLONDE HAIR AND A COAT AS WHITE AS MILK. A REWARD OF THREE POINT FIVE THOUSAND BITS WILL BE GIVEN TO THE PONY OR PONIES WHO PRESENT HIM TO ME UNHARMED.” “SHOULD YOUR MILITARY WISH TO INTERFERE, THEY WILL BE DROPPED.” Moyra paused to take a sip of water. “PONIES OF MARETONIA, I AM HERE UPON THIS VESSEL TO OFFER ALL OF SPIRE CITY A DEAL.” * * * “This is some high-powered industrial grade bullshit.” Glaive remarked, casting a glance at the ominous black box placed over the cargo bay doors. “Stay focused, Corporal.” Grey Garrison muttered. “How could you be so calm!?” the younger stallion demanded. “We’re literally helping some foreign catbird take Equestrian royalty and national heros hostage. We should be throwing her in a jail cell right now!” The guard nickered. “Prince’s orders.” “The prince is a pussywhiped idiot.” “Language.” Grey said. “And besides, nothing’s going to happen. I saw something like this when we were still fighting the catbirds. Safest place you can be is in the custody of your enemies when you’re a royal. Only the mad actually make good on their threats when they've got a bargaining chip to end all bargaining chips.” “And do you think she is?” “Is what?” “Mad.” Gray Garrison furrowed his brow, choosing not to respond for a minute. Glaive thought the conversation was already over when he spoke again. “That’s a good question, Corporal.” “A very good question. Right now, we’re in biggest game of poker this city’s seen.” “More like a game of chicken.” the corporal said. “All we can do is sit back, and wonder who has what cards in their hooves. We don’t know if she had a face, an ace, or a measly pair of twos. She could have a joker up her ass for all we know. But you can count on one thing, she’s already anted up everything she has, and this one can’t afford to fold. It’s an all-or-nothing bet on the last card of the hand. This, as they say, is it.” Glaive chuckled. “I love poker metaphors.” “Damn straight.”