//------------------------------// // Pet-Sitting Peril // Story: Apple Bloom and The Huntsman // by Newenglandee //------------------------------// Apple Bloom could tell when her friends were hiding things from her. And she knew that Neh-Buh-Loh was hiding his hunger. He'd been incredibly patient these past few days. The ponies of the town had all been eager to learn more about him, they'd rubbed up and down his body to feel the texture of his skin, Twilight had examined his hand under a microscope, they'd tested out how they could put one part of their body into him and have it come out the opposite end and, yes, they'd of course saw him demonstrate the use of tantric energy. He had been very patient. And she could sort of understand. He was a big time predator hundreds of years old, surrounded by "little dinners", as it were, and here he was, trying not to take a bite as they rubbed themselves all over him, essentially. All because he wanted Apple Bloom to trust and respect him. To prove he was a good friend. And to prove he was stronger than his instincts. And to that level, he had insisted he'd go the extra mile and not even eat a single animal. Not one drop of meat until the mighty royal diarchs of the land discovered a way, as they promised, to ensure he could take in living, sentient beings without consuming them. A way to feed without ending the lives of others. The issue was that he'd gone without eating for two weeks now. Two weeks. And with his skinnier frame, his slightly emaciated cheeks and the fact he had completely conked out onto his lunch plate, he was beginning to look it. He grunted a bit, rubbing his head as he looked up from the table, realizing he'd fallen asleep and passed out in his pizza. "...sorry." He sheepishly remarked to Apple Bloom as she and Applejack sat around the table, Big Mac entering with a checklist of all the animals that Apple Bloom would have to help look after while they were gone and out of town for the next two days to pay a visit to Babs in Manehatten. However, it wasn't just them. Rarity and her sister Sweetie Belle were visiting their parents over the weekend as well, Twilight was going to the old castle of the sisters in the woods along with Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to look through old books and tomes for a solution to the Huntsman's unique problem, and that meant Apple Bloom, Spike and Scootaloo were going to have to look after all of the left-over pets. And the Huntsman wanted to help. "You should probably wipe that ol' slice of yer face." Applejack admitted, pointing with an orange hoof as her green eyes glittered with a faint delight. "Though I'm glad you like our brand of pizza. Usually people don't much like fruit pizza. They prefer those...Flim Flam Brother's deep dish delights." She muttered, almost spitting on the floor at the mere mention of the name 'Flim Flam Brothers' as if it was a curse word. "I wish to know that if I pass out in my pizza, I shan't drown. Deep dish pizza is not pizza. It's an above-ground swimming pool for rats. I don't want to be able to toss a coin into my pizza to make a wish. And know that if I COULD make such a wish, I would wish for better pizza." The Huntsman remarked wryly. "...wait, you didn't actually FIND a rat in their pizza, now didja?" Applejack asked, Apple Bloom about to raise her slice of apple-slices pizza to her lips before halting in place. The Huntsman gave her a quiet look. "Do you want the honest answer or the one that won't make you vomit?" "Honesty is always the best policy for me." Applejack insisted as she put her hat off and held it over her chest, Big Mac WISELY exiting the room so as to not hear. "Yes. Yes, I did. They tried to bribe me with a deep dish pizza and I found half a dead rat in it. I'm fairly sure that's not meant to be a "secret ingredient"." The Huntsman intoned with a frown. "Needless to say, I immediately informed their customers of this and your town's health depar-" Applejack immediately bolted for the bathroom as Apple Bloom sloooooowly put down her piece of pizza and pushed it away. "WELL! I'm never eating anything again ever!" She proclaimed. "But, look, um...Nebby, I know you said you wanted to help me and Scoots and Spike with the pet-sitting but are you SURE you can handle it?" She wanted to know, placing her little yellow hooves on the table, eyes solemn and inquisitive. "Because if you think you're gonna accidentally want to start putting, like..." She waved a hoof in the air. "Barbecue sauce on any of them, you should let me know right now. And maybe you're one of those people who does sleep-eating. I'll understand." "Sleep-eating?" The Huntsman asked. "No, I don't believe so. I don't even snore. Why do you suggest that?" "I don't want a repeat of the last time we went out camping." Apple Bloom told Big Mac as she, he and Applejack laid down in sleeping bags outside, Granny Smith reading a book in the kitchen, the light visible through their tent. Big Mac raised an eyebrow up, confused at this as Apple Bloom gave him a light poke on the nose. "Whaddya mean?" He asked. "Because the last time we did, you dreamed you were in the Land of Giant Burritos and tried to eat us." "Oh, don'tcha go bein' so paranoid. I'm just fine." He said, tucking himself away in his sleeping bag as Apple Bloom yawned a bit and snuggled up in her own bright red sleeping bag, all of them looking like big, red lil' caterpillars in a row. "Well, g'night, guys." She said. "Sweet dreams." "...buenas noches." "AAAA!!! APPLEJACK, WAKE UP!" "...just...better safe than sorry!" Apple Bloom said swiftly. Soon enough, The Huntsman was in Fluttershy's hut, Angel the bunny giving him a look as he folded his arms across his furry chest. The Huntsman scribbled down notes from Fluttershy as she calmly informed him of what he needed to do. "Make sure to give him a bath, give all of them a bath, use the big wooden tubs in the back shed. And don't use the extra bubbly bubble bath, because it makes their fur poof out too much." Fluttershy asked politely, the Huntsman nodding his horned head, continuing to write. "Absolutely. Of course." "And remember, be firm but gentle with Angel. He'll try to ask you to give him lots of cherry tomatoes, but they give him gas. So no more than two or three." She added with a nod as Angel "harrumphed". "Indeed, and naturally, you'll want me to keep the natural predators away from their natural prey? Do the bears ever get...handsy around the smaller animals?" Fluttershy chuckled, waving a hoof in the air. "Oh, no. That's why I've got lots of cakes that Pinkie always makes for me when they need to satisfy their sweet tooth, and, of course, fish. It's a good thing they're not even remotely sentient." "That's a surprise, I admit. I'll have to read up on your "Starswirl the Bearded's Guide to Magical Monsters and Amazing Animals of Equestria". I wonder if there's a reason why." The Huntsman admitted. "I wonder why only half of your world's animals seem sentient." "I THINK it might have to do with how many of them live close to us ponies." Fluttershy offered as she patted Angel on the head, making him giggle slightly. "The animals that spend the most time with us ponies are the ones who pick up the most traits from us. At least, that's my gut. It's because we treat them as people that they become like people." She walked out of the door, heading for the garden to speak to her little birdies whilst Angel dusted himself off and gave The Huntsman a look. "All right. Listen." He insisted, pointing accusingly at him. "I don't trust you much. But Fluttershy is trusting you. So don't you screw this up. Don't try anything. AT ALL." "Well, if things get bad, I may need you and your friends help for this." The Huntsman admitted. "I've not eaten in over two weeks now, and I may need some additional assistance in restraining myself." He apologetically told the little rabbit. "Which is why I bought magical rope." Angel said, slightly limping over to a cupboard and opening it up, revealing a golden lasso-esque pile of rope, smiling in a slightly mischievous fashion. The Huntsman blinked in confusion. "Who would sell a rabbit magic rope?" Angel cringed. "Er...well, you see, um..." "At last." Discord remarked, the dragonequus cheerily holding up a rabbit's foot and putting it around his neck. "Finally! Now I can test if this thing actually works!" The goat-headed spirit of Discord cheerily intoned, rubbing it with his clawed paw. Angel bit his lip, rubbing his paw over the well-disguised imitation of a leg he now had, deciding to just answer with "...I just know people." The Huntsman gave him a cheery nod, heading into the kitchen as he hummed a bit to himself. He poured himself a drink to get his headache slightly cleared up, looking into the nearby circular mirror by the sink. "Oh, who do you believe you are fooling? Really?" The Huntsman stared at his skeptical reflection, which was giving him a look. "I mean, REALLY? Do you actually think you're going to be able to handle this!? Know your limitations! You haven't eaten in weeks. Your mind is going and your body is going to follow! Look at yourself! Take a good, honest look at yourself and tell yourself what you see!" The alien hunter looked down at what was in his hand, blinking slightly. "I see I've just drunken chicken broth from an old bottle of "Snapplejack"." He muttered. "Exactly. You need to eat some meat." "NO. I promised myself and the others not to touch an ounce of meat until the Princesses have provided me with a way to ease my unique condition!" Neh-Buh-Loh growled back. "I'm not going to eat anything or anyone that's even remotely-" He said, turning to look at Angel, who was looking him over. And who'd evidently turned into a small steak with furry rabbit ears. "What's going on?" "...you may need to tie me up sooner than I thought." The Huntsman murmured. Half a day later, Angel put on a small helmet over his head, adjusting it slightly as Gummy the Gumless Gator trotted over to him. Every single one of the beloved Elements of Harmony Bearer's pets had congregated at Fluttershy's house to discuss what to do with the Huntsman. And they were all quickly reaching a singular conclusion. "I'm all for kindness, forgiveness. Giving second chances and believing the best in others. But when you've got giant horns, claws, taloned feet and you're ten feet tall at minimum, I'm gonna be uneasy around you!" Wyonna the dog remarked with a wave of her paw as Angel passed around cups of chocolate and regular milk. Opal, however, had insisted on tea. She ALWAYS insisted upon a nice cup of tea. She sipped from her cup with a certain air of Savoir-Faire before clearing her throat, the fluffy and elegantly-groomed cat nodding. "Indeed, I could not help but notice when he was grooming me that his stomach was growling." "How's Apple Bloom doing?" Spike inquired of Gummy as Gummy gave him a calm nod. "Our esteemed young lass is currently keeping a close eye upon our Cosmo Sapien friend. He is currently biting into his arm and trying to restrain himself from putting dearest Howard in a fine white wine sauce. Which is difficult, considering Howard's thighs are especially juicy this week." The gator sighed apologetically, everyone nodding in agreement. It was true, their duck friend from the little pond in Fluttershy's backyard had not been dieting like he should have and he was, indeed, delicious. "Though I have to admit. When he gave me my food this morning, I started to feel a mite creeped out!" Wynonna the dog sighed as she tugged a little at the red neckerchief she wore, shaking her head back and forth. The little white and brown dog looked at the others as they gazed back at her in return. "He didn't even drool over me! Answer honestly, guys. Does this neckerchief make me look fat?" "No, you look adorable in it." Angel insisted with a shake of his head. "Maybe he's just not a dog person?" "Well that's HARDLY something to calm yours truly down!" Opal exclaimed. "My dearest friends, I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. But don't you believe he can hear us in the next room?" Tank the Turtle asked them all as he sagely bobbed his head, his little goggles slightly slipping down. "No, Owlowiscious came up with an idea to give him a pair of headphones for this delightful new thing called "Audiobooks" ." Gummy informed them all. "Evidently it's a book which is read to you through the headphones and into your ears. It's like being read a bedtime story but by a machine. Is it not amazing what they come up with, these ponies?" "So it's kind of similar to that Vinyl Scratch's music, but you can listen to it all by yourself? Maybe a little music would cheer us all up?" Spike asked of them all as they nodded, Angel hopping across the little carpet and onto the couch, moving his paw over to the radio and turning to a channel. "-and so we once more welcome you to the Canterlot Classical Music channel, where the greatest in classical hits are played." "Ahhh. Culture." Opal intoned cheerily, all of them nodding in agreement. Spike groaned. "Ugh, this kind of stuff is always so BORING-" "And first up on the hour, "The Gravedigger". By Schoofbert." "BAAAAAAAWWWWW!" The cat sobbed, covering her face as Angel quickly switched the radio off, cringing. Maybe it was best he get the rope now, he decided. And indeed, sure enough, the Huntsman had decided to get it over with. Sitting in Fluttershy's living room, everyone else stood outside of her little cozy home, Angel approaching the front door with his magical rope. It felt both so heavy and so light as he kept moving forward, Wynonna giving him a sympathetic look, Tank patting a sobbing Opal on the back whilst Gummy sagely nodded at the rabbit. Spike held out a clawed hand, cringing a little. "Listen. Should anything happen, we'll-" "I know, Spike. Thank you." Angel said softly, the other animals Fluttershy took care of standing nearby, the bears quietly bowing their heads, the birds not chirping one iota. The squirrels were being horrible, pointing and sniggering, one of them going "Dead Bunny Walking" as Angel passed by. Filthy little longtailed RATS. Even his old enemy Monty the Reticulated Python gave him a quiet, firm nod. "God...is your copilot." He expressed solemnly, Angel putting on the little helmet and entering the house, the others closing the door behind him as he approached the Huntsman with the rope. He held the shimmering golden length up, raising an eyebrow slightly. "You're ready?" "Go ahead. Make it tight." The Huntsman said. "And whatever I say, you must not release me." The alien informed Angel with a firm tone to his ethereal voice. Angel began tying the Huntsman's arms and legs together, keeping them behind the chair he was sitting at as a sign on the wall read "Meat is Evil' in big scribbled letters. Angel cringed as he looked his "hostage" over, he could read the tension in the Huntsman's limbs, a tiny little twitch popping up every ten or fifteen seconds from the starry-bodied being. "How many hours since you last had meat?" The Huntsman looked up at the grandfather clock in the living room as it rang out the hour of three in the afternoon. "About four hundred and thirty two. But I still feel in complete control." The blue-eyed alien muttered, nodding his head. "Mind over matter. I think I'll be fine. I can do this." Angel stepped back, arms crossed, waiting a few minutes. Nothing. He looked at the clock as it ticked down the minutes, shrugging as he made his way over to the bookshelf, humming a little as he nestled on the cushions, deciding to take a little nap. But just as his eyelids began to droop... The clock rang out. Four in the afternoon. Four hundred and thirty three hours without any type of meat. "Give me a steak or I'll make you into a stew." The Huntsman grunted out. Uhoh. Angel nervously rose up from the couch, the Huntsman's form beginning to slightly shake, some sweat dribbling down his brow. "Angel? Angel, all fun aside, please untie me now!" "I, um, don't think I should." Angel murmured as he inched away, heading for the hallway and the bathroom which he knew he could lock. "Untie me and let me have something to eat! I'm serious, Angel! I need some meat! A steak! A roast! Leg of lamb!" The alien growled out, his tone becoming more feral, an air of cruelty rising in him. "ANGEL!? I need meat, Angel! I need to eat something! I need to eat SOMEONE! My-my head feels funny! My...my feet are turning into puddles!" "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!" Angel whispered, inching closer to the hallway, feeling sweat beads break out on his own brow. "I'm off into the abyss now, aren't I? And it's staring back hungrily." "You've! NO! IDEA!" The Huntsman roared, now bouncing the chair towards him. Yes, he couldn't break free of the rope, but Angel was going to let the alien hunter get within ten feet of him the way he was now. The bunny squeaked in terror, racing for the bathroom and slamming the door shut, locking it as he began to push the nearby chair in the bathroom to the door. "Neh-Buh-Loh, stop! I promised I wouldn't let you eat meat! ESPECIALLY not me! Now get a grip on yourself, take a deep breath, and calmly consider the virtues of self restraint." Angel proclaimed through the door. "ARRRUUUUOOOOOOO!" The Huntsman howled out, banging his head against the door, his horns beginning to ram the thing down, making wood splinter and crack as Angel "eeped" and raced for the one place he was sure the Huntsman wouldn't look, cringing as he did so. "And to think I used to believe the cliche of "Hiding in a bathroom to escape a killer" never happened in real life." Angel thought inwardly. "I'm never reading another horror novel again!" Meanwhile, outside, Philomena the Phoenix had touched down outside of Fluttershy's little home, and was now sitting on a tree branch next to Owlowiscious, looking confusedly at the owl. "Why are you all staring at the hut and hiding behind trees?" She asked of her friend. The two often snuck off together during weekends to relax and talk to each other about issues of the day. It wasn't too difficult for Philomena, she could fly at speeds of Mach 2, after all, and was happy to come visit the owl in Ponyville. "Well, our alien guest from beyond the stars is currently trying to go as cold turkey as he can from meat, and Angel's tied him up with magic rope to make sure he can't cheat on that diet." "He's keeping an eye on him inside?" Philomena inquired skeptically, tilting her head at him with confusion. "That seems unwise. Has he not implored my dear Princesses to find a way to abate his mighty hunger without feasting on the innocent?" "Yes, and they've had no luck for weeks." "I am certain sure Mr. Neh-Buh-Loh is a very civil person normally, but any true predator being without meat for so long will turn them into a maniac!" The phoenix remarked. "Well, Philly my dear, that's why WE'RE out HERE." Owlowiscious intoned as he sighed before a very loud roar bellowed out from the bathroom. "WHERE ARE YOU HIDING?!" "He's in the toilet, isn't he?" Tank sighed. "The Ty-D-Bowl's gonna irritate his buttocks." "Tank! SHHH! He'll hear you!" Opal whispered out as she poked her head out from behind a bush, putting a furry paw digit to her lips. "Aw, c'mon. He can't hear us all the way out here." And then came a very unmistakable sound that echoed through the air, followed by an unforgettable shrieking that indicated a bunny was spinning around and around in a toilet bowl. "Looks like it's Checkmate for the Huntsman." Gummy cringed. "Nah. I reckon that's more of a royal flush." Wynonna intoned before her eyes went wide. "Look! Look! He's got him by the window!" Indeed. The Huntsman now had scared Angel out of the toilet and had him up to the window, Angel banging on the pane as the Huntsman lunged at him. Angel leapt up just in time, the Huntsman's head popping out the window as Angel raced over his back and back inside the hallway, the alien hunter growling and shifting about. He tugged slightly before his head shot back in and the loud THUMPA-THUMPA sounds of a giant alien hopping about while tied to a chair echoed through the air. "We may need to get some help." Owlowiscious intoned. "Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are at the farm and taking care of the last of the family's animals there, let's bring them here so-" "WHAT? Look, let's be honest. He's not going to be satisfied until he eats some meat. So we've got to have one of us make the ultimate sacrifice before he thinks to go into town and gobbles up some poor little filly like them." Wynonna said with a firm nod of her head. "We can't have them down here! They aren't good enough to keep him at bay! There ain't no way around it. We've gotta let him eat me." "Eat you?" Gummy asked. "Yes. Eat me." "Yes, I don't think so." Owlowiscious said with a slight snort. "Look at your skinny little legs. You'd barely be a mouthful." "You don't gotta eat the leg! I've still got plenty of good meat. Look at this behind. You ever seen such a fine behind?" Wynonna inquired, shaking her rear back and forth in the air as several of the animals nodded in agreement. "Well, it isn't just the leg, ma'am." Monty admitted with a sigh. "It's, er...well, I'd rather eat Owlowiscious, honestly." "Truth be told, so would I." Tank admitted, everyone giving him a surprised look. "What? I get dreams about this kind of thing sometimes. It's just a kink I have." "Well, I suppose it's settled. Everyone's going to eat me!" Owlowiscious laughed wryly. "Oh come now. You're good, but why should we have to let the Huntsman choke on your feathers or your beak?" Gummy asked politely, before pointing at Opal. "Let's eat fatty over here!" "WHAT?!" Opal proclaimed. "Think about it. I'll bet you taste like chicken." Gummy reasoned. "And you're just big and soft and squishy! You're perfect! A little mood lighting, a fine merlot, maybe baked for ten minutes and rotated slightly in the oven in a fine garlic butter sauce-" "Look, I'll tell you what. We'll take some of Wynonna's rear flank, then he can have one of my wings and maybe a wing from Owlowiscious, and then Opal breast meat for supper!" Philomena reasoned, everyone looking around and nodding in agreement before Angel burst out the door, panting and heaving, brushing some sweat from off his brow. "Phew...phew...that was close." "Ah! Angel, come on, we need to get you out of there before he tries something!" Gummy proclaimed, Angel holding up a paw in the air. "Not to worry. Not to worry. It's over. He's...safely neutralized inside the house. I found...a substitute." Angel gasped out, wiping his brow. "A suitable antidote for meat withdrawal was in the pantry this whole time. Thank goodness!" Owlowiscious blinked. "Well, what is it?" Bloated and gorged, the former meat addict was removed without difficulty from the now-empty pantry. Fears of a spontaneous explosion were allayed by Twilight, who assured everyone that he, and everyone else, would be just fine. Neh-Buh-Loh was put to bed without incident and slept for three days straight, having eaten forty cakes that Pinkie Pie had baked especially for Fluttershy and each of her animal friends. Indeed. He had taken forty cakes! That's as many as four tens. ...and that's terrible.