"Welcome to the Card Game Channel!" an announcer was speaking through a live broadcast on a television monitor. The screen randomly flipped through different pictures of Steven Magnet's island before showing the castle where he and the finalists were preparing for their duels. "Today, we're coming to you live with exclusive live footage of the Duellist Island Semifinals. But first; a word from our sponsors..."
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"Welcome back to the Card Game Channel!" said the voice as a logo of a card with the Elements of Harmony appeared in the centre of a screen with a green grid-like background. Names were flying up by the card, followed with pictures of the names and battles. "We're just about to begin with the first semi-final match of Steven Magnet's Duellist Island; Twilight Sparkle V.S Gilda."
"If you've been following the past broadcasts of the Card Game Channel, then you'll know full well that Twilight Sparkle is a lazy-ass who prefers a sexy alter-ego to do all of the duelling for her," the picture showed both Twilight and her Yami form. "And who can blame her? Her alter-ego is smoking hot! But jokes aside, her other half is capable of powerful strategies that a high-schooler like Twilight would never be able to pull off herself. With this in mind, she completely crushed Snips, Hush, Kratos, and many other contestants on her path to victory."
"Her opponent is the ruthless Gilda; a feisty opponent who talks a lot of game, but fails to deliver unless someone's there to bail her out," the screen then changed to Gilda, who was shuffling her deck for the upcoming fight. "Let's take a look at her track record before the duel begins.
"First she dueled Rainbow Dash; and lost badly. Her second opponent was Kratos, but he slaughtered her monsters with ease. Her final match before entering the finals was against Pinkie Pie, but the footage had been cut due to the graphic content and grimdark fetish fuel. No need to worry though; because she still lost that one," the screen showed all of Gilda's matches, then showed a blank screen with the words 'File Not Found' for the match with Pinkie Pie. "I think I speak for everyone when I say; how in the name of Faust did she even make it to the finals?"
"Now! I use Polymerization to summon my Gildash Dragon!" Gilda announced as a dragon emerged from rainbow-coloured flame. However, it had the exact same colour scheme of Gilda and Rainbow Dash, and somewhat bore the same face.
"Well, I guess this is one more dragon for the barbeque," Yami-Twilight played a monster of her own. "I summon D.D. Assailant! The most annoying D.D. monster in the game aside from Warrior Lady! And if she's going down, she's taking Gildash with her!"
The monster attacked Gildash, but then they both vanished in a flash of black light.
"Uh-oh. Gilda's in a tough spot. With her Gildash defeated, what will she do next?" the announcer said as both Gildash and D.D. Assailant were removed from play.
"Well, that's it. Everything's gone to s**t..." Gilda put her hand on her deck and said. "I surrender..."
"Well, that was anticlimactic. But then again, it was a duel with Gilda..." the screen showed Twilight walking away with her head held high in victory.
"We just got exclusive footage of a recorded interview with one of the other competitors in the Duellist Island tournament; Daring Do. Let's take a look..."
"Miss Do! Miss Do! Is it true that Twilight Sparkle refused to duel you after a near-death experience with your booby trap fetish?" A reporter asked as the screen changed to show Daring Do.
"It's not a fetish! And it's mainly Pinkie Pie's fault for setting that one trap off," Daring Do responded with heat in her voice. "I swear, with the way she activated every trap I had laid out, she would be completely horrible at being a spy..."
"Alright then. Well, is there any reason why she's in the finals instead of you?" the reporter asked.
"When you play too much Lara Croft, Metal Gear Solid, and Splinter Cell, you realize that there's obviously some conspiracy going down when something this big happens," Daring Do was already on the move towards a large patch of ivy. She tore it down, revealing a secret entrance into a dungeon-esque corridor. "See? Even though I lost, I'm going to find something even more valuable than the prize money down here; I just know it..."
"And we're back to the tournament!" the screen changed to show Bandit Rover duelling Rainbow Dash. "And you came just in time, as it looks like Bandit Rover's Cerberus Dragon is ready to finish Rainbow Dash off." The screen showed a massive dragon with three dog-like heads ripping Rainbow Dash's paladin to pieces.
"You know, Rover. For a dog, you're all bark and no bite," Rainbow Dash taunted. "I just hope you don't slobber and chew your cards next..."
"Are you implying that I'm a filthy dog, you pathetic excuse for a duellist?" Rover's face turned red. "I look nothing like a dog!"
"What was that? I couldn't hear you," Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. "I prefer howling dogs over yapping dogs..."
"I AM NOT A DOG! I HAVE THE SAME NAME AS ONE, BUT I LOOK NOTHING LIKE A DOG!" Rover lashed out, with spit coming out of his mouth.
"See? What did I tell ya? Every dog has its day..." Rainbow Dash saw as Rover's face turned red. "Do you have a bone to pick with me, Rover? Or do you prefer the name Puppy instead?"
"And that settles it, Bandit Rover is disqualified for attempted assault. The winner of this duel is Rainbow Dash!" said the announcer as Rover bit Rainbow Dash's leg violently and was then held down by Steven Magnet's security forces.
"Yay! We should have a slumber party to celebrate!" Cadence cheered from the observation balcony. "Do you wanna come, Pinkie?"
"How could I ever turn down a victory party for my friends?" Pinkie Pie smiled and put her hands together. "Now both Dashie and Twilight are in the finals. No matter what, the Magic of Friendship wins!"
"If I'm going down, I'm taking this snake with me!" Rover threw the guards into the abyss below, then leaped over towards Steven Magnet. He then bared his fangs towards his neck, like a vampire poised to strike. "Magnet! Tonight, the Diamond Dogs feast on flesh, you pitiful excuse for an EQG model!"
"What a mad dog this guy is... Let's put him down, shall we?" Steven smiled as he pushed a button on his throne, causing a collar to constrict Rover's neck. As he choked, Steven pushed another button with his foot. "Now let's see if this dog can paddle..."
As the floor disappeared beneath Rover's feet, he fell into darkness, screaming at the top of his lungs. After a long fall, he fell out of a cliffside hatch and into the sea below. He still wore the collar, but it had been loosened because he was no longer trying to assault somebody. A massive splash occurred when he impacted the water, but it quickly died down.
"And on that note, let's have another commercial..."
Next Saturday on a heart-breaking episode of Tirek and Pals...
"Tirek? What's wrong, honey?" Chrysalis asked as she looked at the wounded centaur lying in a hospital bed. "Why haven't you made Equestria grovel at your feet yet?"
"I'm dying of cancer, Chryssi..." Tirek coughed and groaned in pain. "And right after I was given parole..."
"But you can't die, Tirek! You're the symbol of the apocalypse!" Chrysalis cried in denial as she threw her fists onto the side of the bed. "And besides, who's going to look after our armies after they're gone?"
"They're already dead, Chrysalis... Wiped out by the tides of warfare..." Tirek coughed once again. "Now they're fighting in the great bloodbath in the sky..."
Don't miss the final ever episode of Tirek and Pals next Saturday at 8:30PM Eastern 5:30PM Pacific, only on the Hub Network...
"Welcome back to the Card Game Channel!" the picture showed the logo once more. "We're entering the final match of the Duellist Island Tournament, and it's a real tearjerker at that. A duel between childhood friends and overall BFFs; Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash..."
"Ever since they were toddlers, Rainbow Dash and Twilight sparked an immediate friendship," the screen showed a montage of Rainbow Dash and Twilight's years in the kindergarten, then in elementary school, then to their years at CHS. "Though it got rougher around the edges with age, the two of them were still friends forever no matter what. Overcoming many hardships together, the two deserve to be in this final match together. But no matter what happens, they're obviously both obsessed with the game..."
"This is it, Twilight. You and me, one-on-one..." Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and smiled as she eyed up her final opponent. "Best friends forever, now rivals for the match that'll close the tournament once and for all..."
"And even though I'm the main character, I'm still gonna be an honourable duellist and say; may the best player win..." Yami Twilight smiled as she plucked her first five cards. "Though it's most likely going to be me..."
"Well, we'll see about that..." Rainbow Dash had her five cards at the ready.
"Let's duel!" both Yami-Twilight and Rainbow Dash shouted as the duel continued.
"And we'll be right back after this commercial..."
Recruiting up two members for a band: $30.
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Buying a badass guitar that looks like the coolest thing on the planet: $12,000.
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There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's Lulamoon Inc.
"And we're back. And let me tell you, the duel went by so fast that we were unable to get any footage of it," the broadcast once again returned to the Card Game Channel. "But luckily, we have the winner.
"That's right; Twilight Sparkle won the Duellist Island Tournament. But mostly, the honour of victory goes to her alter-ego," the screen showed Twilight and Yami-Twilight with the word 'WINNER' in gold letters. "I mean seriously, Twilight's wimpy schoolgirl side didn't even participate in one duel..."
"Here, Twilight. To the victor go the spoils..." Rainbow Dash gave Twilight the card for the prize fund.
"No, Rainbow Dash. I'm not in it for the money," Twilight generously gave the prize money back to Rainbow Dash. "I entered this tournament for a far greater prize; beating Steven Magnet's homosexual ass all the way back to Glee. But you can have the money instead. I hope it helps your Screamo band an awful lot..."
Rainbow Dash teared up at Twilight's generosity, then pulled her into a sudden hug and cried with a smile on her face.
"Thank you so much, Twilight!" she said. "You really are a true best friend forever..."
"And that's all for our coverage on the Duellist Island Tournament. After hundreds entered, one winner has finally been crowned," the announcer said. "Join us after these twenty-five commercials for the title match; Twilight Sparkle; the Princess of Card Games. V.S Steven Magnet; the Creator of Card Games. Don't miss it!"
PO-NI-OH! THE ABRIDGED SERIES
[Man, sports channels suck all kinds of ass if they can't even show the good parts of a game...]
Daring Do put her back towards the wall when a guard came patrolling down the corridor. She was cornered, and she had no way of escaping detection. The second the guard looked at her, a red exclamation mark appeared over the guard's forehead, promping Daring Do to make her escape.
"Get back here!" the guard fired a gun shot at Daring Do, who casually dodged it like it was nothing. He watched as she ran another corner and pursued after her.
The guard ran past a box, which shuffled as soon as he had left. From the inside, Daring Do smirked and said, "Sucker..."