Crystal Empire District Courtroom Lobby A
(Another familiar sight. Even the guards by the doors are the same as last time.)
"Hey, if this is the Crystal Empire, why are the guards regular royal guards?" Dan asked.
"The court system is overseen by the princesses themselves," Sombra explained. "Ultimately, a case in any courtroom, no matter how big or small, can gain the attention of Equestrian royalty and if a decision cannot be made by a judge, it will eventually reach Canterlot."
"Wow… that's actually not a bad idea," Dan said, sounding genuinely impressed. "I was gonna guess that the animation budget is so low we just rehashed the same shots from Turnabout Storm."
"Well, we did," Phoenix said. "But we also came up with a reasonable explanation for them to be similar. That makes sense, doesn't it?" Dan didn't say anything at first, forcing Phoenix to turn to him.
Dan glared back. "No. No it doesn't. I mean… seriously, just when I start to get respect for this story, it flies away…" he fluttered his hands for emphasis. "And now I'm stuck here again, dealing with everyone else's nonsense."
"Would it make you feel better if they served a purpose?" Phoenix asked.
Dan tapped his chin. "Actually, yes. But not if they're just going to stand there all day until we get close and then they yell-"
"HALT!"
"Why? Why does that happen EVERY FREAKING TIME?!!" Dan stamped the ground.
"Only authorized members of the High Equestrian Judicial Department may enter beyond this point!"
"Wait a minute!" Dan held up his hands. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a wallet-sized emblem. "I'm a royal guard captain! I have permission to be here!"
"Ah," the first royal guard said. "Yes, Captain Dan of the Sparkle Guard. I'm Lance Corporal Lance Corporal and this is Private First Class Public Second Grade. I'm afraid I can't allow you beyond this point, sir, even if you are a superior officer."
"Gnnrrrrr," Dan growled. "When is MY authority going to get me anything?"
"Probably the last chapter of the last episode," Spike said.
"Or when it's really convenient and you've exhausted all other options," Sombra added.
"Figures," Dan grumbled.
"It's all right, guys," Phoenix said, pulling something out of his pocket. "I've got it covered." He held a small badge of his own up to the guards. "We're the defense team and I'm Sombra's attorney. I'm authorized to practice law in Equestria."
The two guards examined the heart-shaped badge. Dan, Spike, Firedancer and Sombra examined the badge as well from Phoenix's sides.
"I think… that… is the most effeminate-looking badge I've ever seen," Sombra commented. "May I have one?"
"You get that out of the gum ball machine or the two-bit store, Nicky?" Dan asked, eyebrows raised.
"I think it's actually gotten sillier since we saw it the last time," Spike added.
Firedancer's eyes went wide. "Holy crap! You're a lawyer?!! That's awesome!"
"Ha!" Dan laughed, patting Firedancer on the back. "I'm a captain and he's obvious. We need to do this more often."
Phoenix, mortified, continued to hold his Equestrian attorney's badge aloft for the guards. (You guys want to say anything more? I think some of my dignity's still intact.) "I'm Phoenix Wright and I am the defense attorney in the current trial. May we… please enter the courtroom?"
"I see…" Lance Corporal LC scratched his chin. "Yes, such a badge is proof that you are recognized as a defense attorney in the region of Equestria, who's jurisdiction does legally extend to the Crystal Empire. And it's also proof that you are quite a brave and secure individual for being able to wear that thing in public."
Spike and the others snickered behind him. Dan just nodded in agreement.
"You may all enter!" the guards announced. They opened the doors to the courtroom and Phoenix lead the group inside.
"Excuse me captain, before you enter," Lance stopped Dan, "here's something that might be of some help to you."
Dan received a paperback booklet from the corporal.
"Lance Corporal."
Sorry; from the LANCE corporal. He looked it over. "How to Royally Guard: Crystal Empire edition?" Dan read the title aloud.
"If they make one of those for attorneys, let me know," Phoenix said, reading over his shoulder.
"The Empire's got a different set of rules than the one's we're used to down south," Lance explained. "I know you're Princess Twilight's private guard but you might find the information useful. Best of luck in the trial, sir."
"Ah, thanks," Dan said, pocketing the booklet. He entered the courtroom, the others at his side.
The distinctive sound of gavel striking oak quieted the jury. "Court is now in session! Let the trial of the Crystal Empire Vs. Sombra commence."
"The defense is ready, your honor," Phoenix said, his familiar place on the defendant's side of the courtroom.
Writhe N. Payne, the mustard-yellow stallion attorney leaned over the prosecution's desk at the other side of the courtroom, directly facing Wright with the witness stand directly in between them. "The prosecution is-"
"Mr. Wright!" the judge exclaimed.
"U-uh, y-yes?" Phoenix said, a knot immediately forming in his throat at the mentioning of his name by the judge.
"What a surprise to see you here again!"
"Um, do you mean the courtroom? Or Equestria? Because… this place looks pretty much identical to the courtroom we were in last time," Phoenix said, looking around. Everything, even the seal of justice that represented equality and harmony, the icon of Celestia and Luna was present behind and above the judge's bench.
"Well, Equestria, of course!" the Judge replied in a cheery fashion. "I don't suppose it's any surprise to see either of us in another courtroom but it's most certainly a coincidence to find us in the same alternate dimension again!"
"How do you figure that?" Dan asked. "Weren't you both summoned here before when there was another trial? Clearly, the ponies brought you here again to solve this trial. They probably think you two are the least likely to cause trouble or wreck the place."
(Or we're the only ones that will do this for free.) "Probably but why did you think it was a coincidence, your honor?"
"Because there are so many different universes!" the Judge exclaimed. "According to multiverse theory, there's an infinite number of universes for the infinite number of possibilities that occur at every fraction of time! And yet we keep winding up in this one! It's quite a remarkable set of odds! You'd think we'd wind up in another universe with robots or aliens or an English fellow that solves mysteries by completing puzzles but it seems the forces of time and space keep bringing us together here! Astonishing!"
"Yeah… I guess it is when you think of it like that," Phoenix said.
Dan raised his hand.
"This isn't a classroom, Dan; you don't have to do that."
The human waved his hand anyway.
"Yes, errr…"
"It's Dan, CAPTAIN Dan, hi. Yeah, uh, the ponies were the ones that summoned you guys here so, it's not really a coincidence. They brought you here for a reason instead of you just dropping out of a plane into another dimension," Dan said.
"Ah," the Judge said. "I suppose that's true."
"OBJECTION!" Payne shouted.
The courtroom became stunned. Phoenix, Dan, the Judge, they were all shocked by the sudden outburst. Payne waited for them to recover before speaking.
"Um… yes, Mr. Payne?" the Judge asked.
"Mm-hmm," the pony said, adjusting his glasses. "Well, I couldn't hope but overhear the conversation, being as I'm right here in the middle of the courtroom. With the jury and everypony else. While the trial is supposed to be proceeding."
"Ah… right, we seemed to have gotten sidetracked. I apologize," the judge said.
"Oh, it's no problem. That's not what my objection was about," Payne said, smirking.
"Oh," the Judge's eyes went wide. "Well, what is your objection, Mr. Payne?"
"Well, I was just going to say that it's a bit presumptuous to assume what anypony summoned you here for…" Payne said, tipping his shades at both of them. "…when you don't even know if a pony summoned you in the first place!"
Phoenix and the Judge were both taken back by the statement.
"Why, he's right!" the Judge said.
"No, he i-" Dan pointed at Phoenix, then stopped himself. "Oh, crap. Now you've got ME doing those jokes!"
Phoenix shrugged. "It's easier than you think to get in them."
"I'm not doing any jokes with your name just because you're Phoenix WRIGHT," Dan said.
"He's Phoenix Wright?!!" Firedancer asked.
"Order! Order!" Judge banged the gavel. "Mr. Payne, it seems like you know something of this summoning business. If you know why Mr. Wright and myself are here, please inform the courtroom!"
"Oh, I don't know why either of you happen to be here," Payne said, adjusting his glasses again. "I just happen to know for a fact that neither of you know why yet… you seem to be assuming you were summoned here for a reason. Even Mr. Dan. Quite curious. It seems human arrogance would lead any ape to automatically assume that wherever they happen to be, they're there for a larger purpose."
"And why are you here, school bus?" Dan asked Payne. "They forgot what real prosecutors looked like after a thousand years and hired you by mistake or are you here because hair gel is expensive when your shyster mane looks like garbage?"
Payne chuckled. "I'm here, Mr. Dan because Vice Grip plans on wiping humanity off the face of the Earth but apparently, Mr. Wright and his honorable baldness are going to be left behind," he took off his glasses, revealing a pair of black eyes with red irises. "So, before Vice destroys all the humans on Earth, I'm going to put the only humans on Equestria behind bars. Back in cages… where you monkeys belong."