//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Kush, Pookie, and Eggs // Story: My Little Filthy Frank: Ramen Is Magic // by That_Gamer_Scout //------------------------------// Frank ran as fast as he could to Applejack’s farm, not stopping for anyone or anypony. Though he garnered many looks from the towns ponies as he ran through Ponyville he could care less about the attention, because his mind was set on one goal; find some weed. Frank slowly approached the farm and begun to take in the scenery. “This is some of the strangest rice fields I’ve ever seen” Frank says to himself. “But that ain’t gonna stop me!” Frank runs over to the nearest apple tree as he begins to pick apples, smash the apples into smaller bits, and roll the pieces of apple into a paper joint. “This shit better be dank” Frank says to himself as he lights the end of the paper and begins to smoke the joint. Frank lets out a puff of smoke and he quietly says to himself “Thank you based god” “What the hay!?” Yells Applejack from a distance as she quickly approaches Frank. “What in the right mind you doin’ with my apples! Are you… Are you smoking them!? Now what in the hay are you…” Frank only continued to take more hits from his ‘blunt’ as he drowned out the Applejack’s scolding, as Frank sat there looking the angry pony yelling in front of him (and not giving a shit in the process) he noticed a familiar figure moving towards Applejack’s barn. “Pookie?” Frank says outloud. “And another thing! If ya’ll think that… What’da just say?” Frank quickly stands up and walks towards the barn. “Now hold on there varmint! Don’t you go walkin’ away! Yer still in trouble fer…” Frank puts his finger in front of Applejack’s mouth. “Shhhhh” “Now what did you just say to!...” “Shhhhh!” Frank slowly opens the barn doors and peeks inside. Sitting inside was a man in a backwards baseball cap, sunglasses, and a jacket holding a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic comic book. “Pookie!” Shouts Frank. “Frank?!” Says Pookie as he quickly stuffs the comic in his jacket. “No… Not you Pookie!” “It’s not what it looks like Frank, it’s nothing man, it’s…” Pookie stands up to try and shuffle away as more MLP comics fall from his jacket. “Pookie… It can’t be!” “I’m sorry Frank… But My Little Pony is my life!” Frank quickly pulls out a pistol from his pants and shoots at Pookie twice, missing both shots as Pookie runs for cover. “Hey!” Yells Applejack as she bucks Frank in the leg. “Argh!” Shouts Frank in pain. “Ow ow ow! Da fuq mane?” “Now what in the buck are you trying to!…” Franks pulls out his ‘blunt’ again as he takes another hit, drowning out Applejack’s scolding. “...So what do you have to say fer yerself?!” “I need eggs b0ss” “What?” Frank turns around and runs out the barn door back towards Ponyville. “Hey! Get back here ya varmint!” Yells Applejack as she shakes her hoof at him. “Yo…” Says Pookie to Applejack as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of CDs and Cassette Tapes. “Want to listen to some mixtapes brah?” The barn door suddenly flies open as Twilight walks in. “Applejack!” she pants. “Twilight, you’re here about that weirdo right?” “Yes! Where did he go?” Applejack points her hoof at Frank’s general direction. “Hey” Pookie says to Twilight. “You look like a real nigga, want some mixtapes?” “Uh… Gotta go Applejack!” says Twilight as she quickly teleports away. Applejack turns to face Pookie; “So… Ya’ll gonna just leave mah barn, or am I gonna have to kick ya out?” Pookie only responds by sitting back down, pulling out more mixtapes, and a few anime magazines from his jacket. “Alright then” says Applejack as she walks over to the barn door, opens it, and calls out; “Applebloom! Big Mac! Come over here and help me chase this varmint out of the barn” --- Frank runs back into Ponyville and straight towards Sugarcube Corner. “Wazzup bitches!” He yells as he slams open the store door. “Ooooh! I know!” says Pinkie Pie as she jumped up from behind the counter. “The ceiling, the upstairs, Howtobasic...” Suddenly, a man comes running down the stairs wearing nothing but underwear and a paper bag over his head. The man grunts loudly as he pulls out a carton of eggs from seemingly out of nowhere and begins pelting Frank with them. “Agh!” Yells Frank as he braces himself for the yolky assault. “Stap! Stap!” Howtobasic only grunts louder as he continues to throw eggs at Frank. “Hey! Eggs are for baking, not throwing silly” Says Pinkie as she grabs the eggs away from Howtobasic. Howtobasic grunts loudly as he squats and shits out a trout, picks it up, and throws it against the wall. “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it” Frank pushes himself off the floor. “Howtobasic, I need eggs. Like, right now brah” Howtobasic holds a finger up to Frank’s mouth. “Shhhh” he says as he reaches into his underwear and pulls out a handful of eggs. “Ooooh!” Says Frank as he extends his hand to grab the eggs, with Howtobasic quickly responding by slapping him in the face. “Ow! Da fuq mane?” Howtobasic grabs Frank, pulls him closer, shoves the eggs down his pants, and kicks him the balls. Frank bends over in pain grabbing his testicles. “...Thanks” he grunts in pain. Howtobasic gives him a thumbs up as he runs back upstairs as Frank painfully waddles towards the door. “Are you hurt?” Asks Pinkie “Don’t worry, Doctor Pinkie is on the case!” She says as she quickly runs off to find a stethoscope. Normally Frank wouldn’t turn down an offer for a free medical exam, especially if it’s testicle or ass related, but Frank needed to get out of this realm before more people from his realm show up to complicate things even more. Frank waddles outside as he calls out; “Salamander Man! Salamander Man!” “Nyess!” Replies Salamander Man, who popped out of a nearby trash can. Frank reaches into his pants and withdraws the handful of eggs Howtobasic gave him. “Take this, we’ll use it to get back home” he says as he gives the eggs to Salamander Man. “Nyess” He replies as he takes the eggs and runs off. “Hmm…” Frank ponders to himself as he starts counting with his fingers. “Ramen, pussy, a blunt, eggs, now all I need is a ukulele...” Frank looks around as his attention is caught on a city built into the side of a mountain top in the distance, Frank looks around some more as he sees a mint green unicorn staring at him. “Da fuck you want?” Frank says still cupping his balls in pain. “Oh… Um… Nothing” she responds as she turns away from Frank and yells out “Bon Bon! Come look at this!” “Hey, uh, b0ss” Frank says as the unicorn looks back at him. “What’s that place?” Frank asks as he points towards the city on the mountain. “Over there? That’s Canterlot” Frank quickly looks around as he spots an unattended skateboard, he quickly shuffles over to the skateboard as the pain in his balls begins to fade. Frank then picks up the board, tosses it to the ground, and hops on it. “Hey, where are you going? Don’t go yet! Bon Bon hurry up! I need to show you something!” Frank puts his foot to the ground as he begins to skate his way towards Canterlot. --- “Doctor Pinkie is in the… Wait, where’d you go?” The front door slams open as Twilight stumbles in completely out of breath. “Twilight? You’re not Frank” Twilight tries to catch her breath. “Pinkie… Did you see… Wait! Frank!? So you did see him?!” Pinkie rolls her eyes. “Well, yeah, silly. Who do you think Doctor Pinkie’s patient was?” “I… Just… Ugh! Nevermind, did you see where he went?” “Nope, but Howtobasic might have” “How to who?” Howtobasic falls down the stairs, quickly stands up, grunts loudly, and approaches Twilight. “Uh, Pinkie, this isn’t…” Twilight murmurs as her ears quickly fold back. Howtobasic belches loudly. “What’s wrong Twilight, you look like you’ve seen a ghost” Pinkie says as she holds up her stethoscope. “You don’t have seen-a-ghost-itus do you?” Howtobasic shoves his hand in his underwear as he withdraws a piece of paper and belches out a pencil. He then begins to draw an extremely detailed picture of Canterlot as he hands the finished drawing to Twilight. Twilight takes a good look at the picture. “So, you’re saying that he’s on his way to Canterlot?” Howtobasic nods and lets out a loud cough. “Oh, well, thanks. Pinkie, you’ll keep watch of, well, him. Right?” she says as she points a hoof at Howtobasic. “Of course Twilight, Pinkie swear!” “Good, because…” Twilight was suddenly interrupted by Howtobasic belching out a quesadilla and screaming loudly. “Ugh!” Shutters Twilight. “I better just go…” she says as she walks out the front door.