The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Case: Tundra vs. Flames

A/N: Wait! Before you say anything, this is NOT a battle between OCs. However, an OC will make an appearance within the battle itself. It's confusing, but it will make slightly more sense later. Trust me.
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This was going to be the Alucard chapter. But then I saw a lot of negative attention going toward "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". Excuse me while I give a rant like a stiff. I apologize if this interrupts your usual entertainment schedule. Oh yeah, and spoiler alert.
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Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Capcom.
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Oh look. I have jury duty. Hooray... *sarcastic deadpan expression*.

We open up with photos of the courtroom and various lawyers.

"If I had a nickel for every time I've been to court," starts B, "I'd have a dime."

"Today we're doing something a little different," says W, "Instead of trying to kill each other, our combatants will battle to determine the life of a client facing charges."

"Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright will take the defense."

"And Princess Luna will be in charge of the prosecution."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A spiky-haired man wearing a blue suit and red tie enters the screen with a confident smile.

"Phoenix Wright is no stranger to court cases," starts W, "In the fourth grade, he was accused of stealing lunch money and his class held a mock trial where the students unanimously assumed he was guilty. Fortunately for him, Miles Edgeworth and Larry Butz defended him saying that the accusation could not be confirmed without evidence. Since then, Phoenix felt inspired to be a defense attorney, the person people could count on when the world turned against them. He studied art and law at Ivy University."

"Wright has quite an arsenal for someone who doesn't fight," comments B as stats appear, "His basic attack is the 'hold it' which allows him to press witnesses for more detailed information."

"His 'take that' jab allows him to present evidence that reinforces his points in a confrontation."

"But his signature move is the 'objection' which catches most enemies off guard and allows Phoenix to produce arguably solid counter attacks."

"While Phoenix is a formidable man, he is not invincible. If and when he presents the wrong evidence or objects to the wrong statement, Phoenix is momentarily stunned and faces a court penalty."

"Though, I've heard about how he's survived events that would kill other people. Bonks to the head that have killed women in California only give Phoenix amnesia. Falls from high cliffs into freezing river water do nothing to him except give him the flu."

"And he's quite invulnerable in the courtroom as well, surviving everything from hot coffee and wigs to his face and whip lacerations to his body."

"Can anyone say uber?"

"However, Phoenix is not immune to behind-the-scenes schemers. In his last case, he was tricked into presenting forged evidence and disbarred as a lawyer for seven years."

"And he lived like a hobo, playing the piano and poker to make up for his low funds."

"After the long years, he still has a strong influence on the court. He introduced the Jurist System to California Law and has mentored the upcoming Apollo Justice in the ways of the defense attorney."

"I guess he decided to retake the bar exam, because he was kicking plenty of lawbreaker butt in the warring fate of two worlds."

"He certainly hasn't lost his touch."

The cut scene shows Maya Fey hopping around throwing confetti as Phoenix Wright says, "In battle, it's not a question of guilty or not guilty."

A picture of a very shaded purple alicorn pony with a black crown and attire.

"Princess Luna is the younger sister of Celestia and serves as a co-ruling monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "Over 1000 years ago when she felt her night was unappreciated, she let jealousy consume her heart. As Nightmare Moon, she was banished to the moon until the prophecy was fulfilled and the stars aided her escape. The six bearers of Harmony managed to break her free of her darkness and she has had nearly a year to rejuvenate and recover."

"Too bad she didn't pick up modern speech," comments B, "She comfortably shouts at decibels louder than the average pony can listen to without going deaf. Plus, she tends to use 'the royal we' like she shares the opinion of her entire country."

Stats appear as W continues saying, "As an alicorn, her strength and magic are relatively stronger than the average pony. She can easily crack the earth just by stomping on it. Her magic is capable of generating lightning bolts, levitation, transformation, and animating inanimate spiders."

"Though, she's kind of a peacemaker at heart. She tried to reach the hearts of children and gain the approval of handshakes with her subjects. Unfortunately, her habits of old come across as threatening and intimidating. Or maybe that's fortunate, because she can also use those habits to show authority."

"She can open holes in magical shields and can fly for long distances. Her unique magic allows her to raise and lower the moon each night."

"This here is a royal emo."

A deadpan cut scene shows Luna saying, "Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm."

"All right," W declares, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Court's in session!" yells B, "It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!"

The title card splits and the viewers are led to a double door. It opens up to reveal a large courtroom filled with people talking loudly about everything and nothing. This is interrupted by a closeup of a gavel hammering down three times.

"Court is now in session," says Judge Udgey, "Are the presiding parties ready?"

"The defense is ready, your Honor," states the man who is not a porcupine.

"As the prosecution, we are ready," states the tall, dark pony.

"FIGHT!"

"Very well," affirms the judge, "Prosecutor Luna, would you please inform the court about the case?"

"Certainly," states the Princess of the Night, "On the afternoon of May 16, 2012, a terrible crime had taken place. The defendant, Tundra Stanza murdered the genre known to the public as H.I.E. Here is the remains of that damage."

*Flaming comments and sickened photos were added to the Court Record.*

"My goodness!" exclaims his honor, "This is like reliving a nightmare."

"Indeed," agrees Luna.

"So who is your first witness?"

"We believe that the perfect candidate for explanations is the accused perpetrator, Tundra Stanza."

"The defendant? Well, all right. Does the defense object to this?"

"The defense has no objections," states Phoenix with an unreadable expression.

"Very well," says the judge, "Please bring Ms. Stanza to the stand."

---

A black alicorn with a purple mane has taken the stand. Although she has both horn and wings, she is no bigger than the average pony.

"Witness," orders the princess, "Thou shalt offer thy name and thy occupation."

"M-my name is Tundra Stanza," says the small mare nervously, "Uh... I'm a song performer and an author."

"Please give the court a full testimony about thy whereabouts and actions taken on the date in question: May 16."

"U-um, okay."

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."
"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

---

"Hm..." contemplates his honor, "There seem to be some things missing from that testimony, but I'll let the defense figure that out. Mr. Wright, if you'd please."

"Yes, your honor," says Phoenix. While on the outside he appears calm, his thought process says otherwise.

Tundra, I can't help you if you're not honest with the court and right now you've let a really big piece of information slip under the radar just to preserve your image. If I don't point it out, the prosecution will and that won't be pretty.

---

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."

"Hold it!"

"Who is Twilight?" asks Phoenix.

"Twilight Sparkle," reiterates Tundra, "She's a new friend of mine. She's actually Ponyville's librarian and she actually lives in the library."

"So the library's a house too?"

"OBJECTION!" The camera pans to the source of the Royal Canterlot tone as she continues, "This idle chit-chat hath nothing to do with the case at hand."

"I'm afraid I have to agree," comments Udgey, "Please stay on topic, Mr. Wright."

"Yes, sir," says Wright sheepishly.

"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

Inside the Court Record, Phoenix finds a certain piece of evidence that shows Tundra clearly awake after the magical blast. Phoenix Wright presses y and presents "The Title Drop" hoping for a positive result.

"Objection!"

"You claim you fell unconscious for a few hours," clarifies Wright, "So why does this picture show you wide awake and singing openly during the minute after you were blasted?"

"Augh!" yelps the defendant as one of her feathers go flying, "W-w-wait a sec," she continues, "That's not... I mean..."

"Actually, you don't need to tell me. You were fully awake singing the extended version of the intro theme song, weren't you?"

"How could I slip?" she asks as she folds her wings in shame.

"Well done, Mr. Wright," coolly states the princess, "You've managed to break thine own client."

"But it gives proof that she didn't commit murder that night," counters Phoenix.

"Not in the conventional sense of the word, no," agrees Luna, "However, she has beaten the H.I.E. group to a bloody pulp."

"Objection!"

"You don't have any proof of that. All you've got is a list of internet comments. In a world where anyone can say anything, that means nothing."

"OBJECTION!"

"You don't have any proof of the opposite. Your objections may have more flare, but they lack the proper facts to back them up."

"I can't take this anymore!" screams the mare on the stand, "I'll admit it! I'm a horrible thief."

A shot of Phoenix flashes to a shot of the Judge which flashes to a shot of Luna which flashes back to Tundra Stanza.

"What?" ask various voices in the courtroom though unidentifiable.

The defendant holds her head down as she cries in tears, "I had the idea since February to write about my ventures. But then a hundred stories popped up with similar ideas and then a thousand. There was nothing I could do to make mine original, so I stole concepts and mixed them u-huh-up."

There's an awkward silence in the courtroom aside from the wailing of Tundra.

"Another one of these I see," sighs Udgey, "We'll have to give you a separate trial for that case. Ms. Luna, you'll be in charge of prosecuting then as well."

Phoenix looks like he's sweating while Luna appears wide-eyed.

"Well, I see no reason to continue this case," the judge clears his throat, "I'm ready to declare my verdict. For the case of genre murder, I find Tundra Stanza..."

...

Confetti falls as cheers go around. The gavel slams again.

"Court is adjourned," declares his honor.

"Punishment reduced!"

"Well, if that wasn't colorful language," comments B.

"Both combatants had chords of steel in the courtroom," reflects W, "It even looked like Luna's diplomatic immunity would help her win the case, but Phoenix was able to counter with a few choice 'objections' of his own. In the end, his client gave up and admitted to her crimes, resulting in charges for robbery and copyright infringement."

"But Luna was supposed to get the defense the death penalty for murder so she kind of failed too."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Phoenix Wright and Princess Luna are shown side by side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

Well how about that? The director pulled together an episode too long with a court case too short. Irony bites.

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A/N: By the way, my OC was a guy before going into Equestria. Transgender transformations are kind of new to me as an author, but I feel confident that I can make it work. I just have to deal with several comments of negativity. Nothing new, really.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. As always, chapters and updates have no set frequency.

P.S. For those of you wondering why Phoenix didn't recognize the name Twilight, it's because the Phoenix Wright and Friendship is Magic crossover is non-canon. So he wouldn't necessarily know Twilight in my story. Anyway, a big shout out to the user PWaaMLPfim on Youtube. That project looks pretty darn good.