“Boulder is getting a little jealous of you.” Maud, looking sleepy, glanced at Tarnish, and then her eyes traveled over his books and belongings spread out over the kitchen table. Reaching into her pocket, Maud pulled Boulder out and set him down on the table, close to Tarnish’s books. “I am going to be outside with my sisters, sorting the rock pile.”
“Boulder? Jealous?” Tarnished raised his eyebrow and tried not to smile at the joke that Maud was playing on him. “Sure, why not. I can look after Boulder while I study.”
“When your mother wakes back up, try to spend some time with her,” Maud said as she leaned in close to Tarnish. She pressed her lips against his cheeks, lingered close for a moment, and then, with a sigh of regret, she pulled away. “That probably didn’t help Boulder’s jealousy.”
Tarnished Teapot looked at Maud with an amused grin and then glanced at the rock sitting near his coffee cup. He stared at Boulder for a moment, thinking about how much sense it made for Maud to have a pet rock that she held so much affection for. She could be seen kissing the rock, petting the rock, and sometimes talking to it in a sweet, kind voice.
“Boulder, be a good rock… no tricks on poor Tarnish,” Maud said, her ears perked forwards and her eyes locked upon her pet rock. “I mean it.”
Biting his lip, Tarnish held back a laugh.
His lack of serious schooling was coming back to bite Tarnish in the backside. Rubbing his head, he had no idea what he was looking at. His vision blurred over as he looked at the alchemic properties of poison joke.
Quinic acid, trans - cinnamic acid, p - coumaric acid, caffeic acid, ferulic acid, caffeoylquinic acid, dicaffeoylquinic acid, methylimidazole, acrylamide, polyphenols, methylxanthines, theobromine, theophylline, fluorine, linalool, linalool oxide, geraniol, phenylacetaldehyde, nerolidol, benzaldehyde, methyl salicylate, phenyl ethanol, trans-2-hexenal, n-hexanal, cis-3-hexenol, l-tryptophan, tryptamine, as well as trace amounts of O-phosphoryl-4-hydroxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine—
Tarnished Teapot felt his brain shut down. Everything came to a grinding, screeching halt as the words blurred into meaningless garble. Lifting his head, Tarnish stared out the kitchen window, looking at the bright blue sky, and wishing that he had paid more attention in school. He didn’t even know how to pronounce most of the words he was trying to read.
Cringing, he looked back down at his book and what he saw gave him pause. Sitting in the middle of his book was Boulder. Boulder was not sitting near his coffee cup and his glass of water, where Boulder had been sat down earlier. Tarnish could feel the hair on the back of his neck and all along his spine begin to stand up. The kitchen was empty. There was nopony else in the kitchen but him. He stared down at the little rock in disbelief.
“How?” he asked in a voice thick with incredulity.
Lifting the stone in his magic, Tarnish brought it up to eye level. “I suspect there is more to you than I first thought. Where did Maud find you? Hmm.” He set the stone down near his coffee cup and his water glass once more.
Feeling brain dead, Tarnish resumed staring out the window. There was no hope in ever understanding the alchemical properties of poison joke. It was like reading another language. Perhaps it was time to study something else, like magic. He looked down to close his book, blinked, and then felt creeped out.
Boulder was sitting in the middle of his book once more.
Lifting the rock in his telekinesis, Tarnish eyed it for a moment and then set it down near his coffee cup once more. He closed his book, pulled his magic primer out of the pile, set the magic primer down in front of him, and opened it.
Practical Prestidigitation for the Common Unicorn, Tarnish read silently to himself. He glanced over at Boulder and could not help but feel that he was being watched. Twice the little rock had moved and now Tarnish was feeling a little paranoid. He could not explain how the rock had moved, and he wondered if his magic was playing a prank on him somehow.
Taking a deep breath, Tarnish flipped open his book to a random page, feeling more than a little unnerved. He opened the book to the section about light spells. He glanced at Boulder, stared for a few seconds, and then began reading.
Light spells start off at one lumen, or, the light equivalent of one candle. Tarnish’s eyes darted away from his book and glanced at Boulder. One ear flickered and then he resumed reading. At one lumen, a light spell isn’t very practical as far as lighting goes, but it will keep you from bumping your hooves during those late night trips to the bathroom.
When Tarnish looked over at Boulder, he wasn’t there. The colt let out a fearful whinny followed by a snort. He looked around, frantic, trying to find the rock. He found it right away, sitting on top of his stack of books. If Boulder wanted to sit on top of a stack of books, Tarnish wasn’t going to stop him.
Increasing lumens in a light spell burns calories at ever increasing rates. Five to ten lumens will cause most unicorns to burn around twenty calories an hour, but producing a twenty lumen light will cause the calorie expenditure to rise to over fifty calories an hour. If you plan to use your horn for light, make certain you eat a big lunch!
Confused, Tarnish did not understand what he was reading. At least, not very well. He hadn’t paid much attention to calories and basic biology in school. He looked at a simple chart of ever increasing calorie costs and higher lumen ratings.
He found a listing for a sixty watt light bulb and saw that it was listed as eight hundred lumens, but the box for the calorie expenditure was empty. The book wanted him to calculate approximately how many calories it would take to produce eight hundred lumens for an hour. Looking at all the numbers, Tarnish began to feel discouraged. He had no clue where to even begin to make this calculation. A note at the bottom of the page said to be thankful for electric lights. Not understanding anything, Tarnish sighed.
He closed the book and picked up Boulder in his telekinesis. “You know, just when I start to think that I might be just a little smart, I get a big slap in the face reminding me that I’m stupid. I was starting to feel pretty good about myself for a while there. Now, I just feel worthless.”
Boulder of course, did not reply.
“Come on Boulder, let’s go for a walk. I need to stretch my legs.”