Welcome to Tatzlquestria

by Guardian Talon


Princess Celestia sniffled and stretched out on the balcony. With everypony being sick she had a little more free time to herself and she intended to enjoy it. Even if she wasn't feeling her best.

A tingle of magic and familiar noise drew her attention to the side. So much for enjoying her time. "Hello Discord. You're looking well."

"CELESTIA!" He grabbed her head in his hands and smiled at her for a moment, before looking up a little. "Still under the weather I see."

She looked up as well and saw a small storm cloud above her head. She pulled back and used a tongue to push the cloud away before it had a chance to rain on her. She stood up and looked him over again and saw no signs of illness. "I take it you're not affected by this?"

"Oh I was, but I got over it some time ago."

"I see." After thinking about it for a moment she narrowed her eyes at him. "Discord?"


"Are you responsible for this?" She took a step forward as her mouth split open and her tongues got ready to lash out.

"You know me better then that Celestia." He leaned over the railing. "Despite the little bit of chaos at the start of all of this." He swept an arm across the cityscape. "It has been rather boring." He looked down at the streets and the ponies milling about. Most of them were lethargic tatzlponies but a few did have some energy and a few others were normal ponies, often being helped by a tatzlpony. "Over all, I would say that there has been a disturbing lack of chaos in Equestria since ponies started getting sick."

She relented with a snort and made her way inside. A serving cart had a pitcher of chilled milk and a tray of pastries. She laid down on a cushion and used her magic to pour herself a glass of milk and grab a brownie. "I suppose I should actually thank you."

He started choking on the cookie he had just bitten into. A snap of magic got him his own glass of milk to wash down the crumbs. "Thank me?"

She finished her snack and looked out over the balcony. "The resistance that the tatzlponies have against this illness has allowed Equestria to continue operating at a reasonable level and more importantly, those in critical condition have been able to receive the help they need." A snort caused an ear to twitch in Discords direction.

He started giggling and drew Celestia's attention back to himself. "You seriously want to thank me for this?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Thank you Discord. Whether you-" Anything else she had to say was cut off as he burst out laughing.

"Oh. Oh this is too good." He wiped a tear from his eye as he floated closer to her. "You know what's funny?" All he got for a response was her brow furrowed a little. "Nopony ever asked me why."

"Excuse me?"

"It's ok, Celestia, you can't help it. I don't mind, just as long as I'm upwind." He got an annoyed groan out of her. "But nopony ever thought to ask why I went through so much extra trouble to make them stay tatzlponies."

"Other then your twisted sense of humor and a desire to cause chaos?"

"If that was all I wanted then I simply would have used a bit of magic to make a few and they would turn back once it got boring."

Celestia rolled her eyes and sighed. "Ok, Discord. Why did you put the extra effort into permanently changing some of my little ponies?"

He floated around behind her until their heads were side by side. "Well there's a little bit of a story behind it."

She took a moment to gauge the time and waved a hoof for him to proceed once he was sitting across from her again.

"Well." He started out as he pressed his fingers together and smiled at her. "You remember that little adventure I had with Twilight and Cadance shortly before this whole thing started?"

She nodded. "The one where you got the flower to make that tea."

"That's the one." He pointed at her for emphasis. "And did she tell about how I had gotten sick on that trip?"

"You were pretending to be sick to get attention. Wait..." She tapped her chin with a hoof. "Yes. She also mentioned that you did actually get sick from that wurm."

"Yes well. As I laid there in my little quarantine bubble thinking about things" -He put a fist to his chin and looked at the floor with his brow furrowed as if he was deep in thought.- "it occurred to me. I was sick but that tatzlwurm was acting as if all it had was a bad cold." He jumped up into the air again. "Once I was feeling better I decided to take another trip there. However, before I got there I came across several sick creatures running about. None of them were actually running mind you. Few of them were doing very well in fact." He tipped his head towards the balcony. "As you've already seen."

She glanced at the balcony for a moment. "This disease is the one you got from that wurm?"

"Cadance's sneeze guard may have stopped it from spreading while I was being taken care of, but even with all four of you trying your best, it was going to get here eventually. Now you may not believe that I would have any interest in the sake of Equestria but I think we can agree that there is one pony I do care about." With a wave of his hand, he was holding a plush tatzlpony. A yellow pegasus with a long pink mane.

"Now I could have given the tea to you like I planned." He held up a hand. "Or I could have given it to Fluttershy to keep her safe." He held up his other hand. "But why choose when I have enough for everypony and just see what happens then?" He settled down and looked at her with a smile. "After all, isn't sharing, one of those things you ponies value so much?"

"So you actually were trying to help Equestria?"

"And amuse myself." He reclined in the air with his eyes closed and hands behind his head. "As for why I was laughing earlier. After you declared tea off limits, I was having too much fun watching the panic and decided to try other methods. Until you found out and we made our agreement. I take away the tea and you don't look for a cure." He cracked an eye open and smiled at her. "And since you're a mare of your word, I know you'll never go back on it." He spun around to face her directly. "I turned you into a tatzlpony for the rest of your eternal life, and now, even got you to thank me for it." He moved away from her and started laughing again as he floated half way to the ceiling.

Celestia laid there in stunned silence for a moment. When she recovered she jumped to her hooves and looked for Discord but he was already gone. She slammed her tail into the floor hard enough to make the guards outside her door jump.

"Dammit Discord!"