Chapter 2: Trans-universal Advertising or Something More Sinister?
Twilight stared at the radio as country music began to play through the speakers, “Where in the name of Celestia is Bronyville?”
Applejack shrugged and nodded her head to the beat as Twilight rambled on.
“Wait! What?”
They went silent and listened carefully as the music played.
As the song went on Pinkie tried to stay as still as she could while nodding her head to the rhythm. Twilight just stared at the radio with a puzzled look on her face, and Applejack looked on with at first a confused look which turned into a somewhat pleased look at the line about the Flim-Flam brothers and then dissolved into a rather worried look as the song continued.
As the song slowed down for the part about keeping the doctor away Twilight turned to Applejack and said, “You o.k. AJ?”
Applejack coughed and said, “Twilight I’m all fer getting’ ponies to visit our farm but this is a little too much. I don’t like other ponies makin’ this song without my family’s ok. It kind’a makes me nervous.”
“Ah AJ you worry too much,” said a tom-boyish voice from behind them and they saw Rainbow Dash leaning against the door-frame, “If it were me I’d say it could use about 20% more rocking guitar solos but it’s not bad.”
“That’s probably because it ain’t about you,” said Applejack pointing a hoof at Rainbow, “See how you like some unknown pony writin’ songs about you behind your back.”
“I’m not actually sure that it could be ponies,” said Twilight, “This radio is picking up frequencies from other universes who’s to say it’s not picking up signals from another world like the one we visited at Canterlot High?”
“But if they’re in another universe and they’re not ponies… then how do they know about Applejack?” asked Spike.
“That’s what I’d like to know,” said Twilight, digging through piles of books looking for a pad and quill.
“Maybe,” said Pinkie, her eyes growing, “It’s an alternate universe sometime in the future after tons of big explosions and everything is poisoned with toxic radiation and there are ponies trying to survive with lots of guns and awesome armor and…”
“I don’t think so,” said Applejack, sticking a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth, “Alternate future wasteland universe, my hoof. I think some ponies somewhere in Equestria are just tryin’ to play some sort of joke on us. This ain’t from some alternate universe a’tall.”
“Random creatures singing about how awesome I am,” said Rainbow Dash, grinning from ear to ear as her daydreaming took off, “That would be sooooo AWESOME!”
Applejack and Twilight rolled their eyes.
Just then the radio popped and some more music began to slide out of the speakers.
Rainbow stood there nodding her head to the music as the song continued.
“It’s awesome. Bet you it’s about me,” she said, smirking at Applejack.
“Lovely song darling,” said Rarity, walking in, “Who’s it by?”
“No idea,” said Applejack, shrugging, “But Rainbow thinks it’s all about her already.”
“Told ya,” she smirked.
When the song got to part about Rainbow handing out autographs, AJ looked at Rainbow and raised an eyebrow.
Rainbow just shrugged and said, “Hey can I help it if everypony thinks I’m awesome?”
Neither Rainbow nor AJ knew what narcissistic meant so Twilight and Rarity just rolled their eyes as the song continued about Rainbow dash being best pony, whatever that meant.
“Best Pony. I like the sound of that,” said Rainbow.
“You would,” said Applejack.
When the song got to the part about Rainbow Dash wasting her talent and sleeping when she should be practicing, Rainbow looked a little perturbed.
“Hey!” she shouted at the radio, “Why don’t you say that to my face punk? Huh, yah chicken?”
“Probably,” said a little voice from the window and they turned to see Scootaloo and the CMC’s standing there, “After all he can’t possibly be as brave and magnificent and stupendous and awesome as you Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow grinned and said, “Yeah, it’s all true. He probably just can’t fully appreciate my epic-ness right kid?”
“Yeah totally,” said Scootaloo as the CMC’s dragged her away from Rainbow Dash in order to continue their search for their cutie marks.
Rainbow turned and continued to glare at the radio as the song continued, telling her that she was insecure.
"Insecure! Me? I’m the most secure pony in Equestria! I'm not compensating for anything! This guy's the fool."
As the song ended Rainbow looked towards the window and said, “Yeah Scoots is probably right I mean nopony is better than me, right?”
“Well…” started Applejack, but was cut off by the radio launching into another country song.
As the song progressed AJ began to look more and more embarrassed, until she was as red as a beetroot. You couldn’t tell however because she had covered her face with her Stetson by then.
Rainbow listened carefully for a minute or two. At last realization dawned on her face and she broke into uproarious laughter, “I don’t know about best pony, but this guy’s sure interested in you. Bwa ha-ha-ha…”
AJ sat there not knowing what to say. On one hoof she was incredibly flattered, on the other hoof (mostly thanks to Rainbow) she was obviously embarrassed.
I’m no saint. I am truthful that’s fer sure, but this is a little too much.
Rarity had a smile on her face the size of Pinkie’s and her wide eyes sparkled as she said, “And here I thought that you were just a simple farm pony. AJ you should have told me about this sooner. I can help you win this stallion… not that you apparently need my help thought.”
AJ stuttered and blushed furiously as she tried to correct Rarity, “Oh-uh. You don’t understand- It’s not what you think- I mean I don’t even know- Rarity you can’t just assume that- I don’t need your help… because I didn’t do anything- I’ve never even heard of this fella before… You believe me right?”
“Of course I do,” said Rarity, nudging AJ and winking, “You’ve never even heard of him. Of course.”
“I’m a tellin’ the truth,” said AJ, glaring at Rarity.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” said Rarity, “It was just a joke.”
“Some joke,” muttered AJ.
When the song finished AJ looked at Twilight and said, “Ah, Twilight maybe we should put that thing away I mean, after all, who knows what’s gonna come out of it next?”
“Oh come on,” said Twilight, furiously scribbling away at a note sheet, “This is for science, besides none of the music seems to be that bad.”
The Radio screeched something about a Rainbow Factory and was drowned out with static.
“Hold still Pinkie,” said Twilight as she tried furiously to get the signal back, “Spike take a letter to the Princess telling her about this new development.”
“Ok,” said Spike, taking out a piece of parchment and quill.
“And just what might this new development be, hmmm?” said a smooth, sinister voice from behind them.
“Not now, Discord,” said Twilight, groaning, “I’m in the middle of a huge scientific breakthrough.”
“Oh, come on,” said Discord, giving Twilight a big hug, “We don’t see each other enough. Don’t tell me you’re not just the teeny tiniest bit happy to see me.”
“What do you want?” said Twilight sarcastically before Discord let her go and started walking around Pinkie.
“Oh, I was just passing by on my way to see Fluttershy but she was busy helping some disgusting little fury animals. So I decided, rather than wait for her at her house that annoying little brat Angel, I’d come down here and see what fun stuff you were cooking up,” said Discord, prodding the precariously perched Pinkie Pie.
“Hey! That tickles,” she said giggling as the radio fizzled back to life with the sound of a synth.
“Oohh, I like this song,” said Discord as he danced his way up a wall and across the ceiling, “It’s so… Me!”
“Who in the hay would write a song about Discord?” questioned AJ.
“Someone with no taste in music,” muttered Twilight under her breath.
“What,” said Rainbow, who had stopped dancing when her friends gave her awkward looks, “It’s not bad… For a song about Discord that is.”
“Hey!” said Discord landing on the floor, “Why don’t I bring those two royal sticks-in-the-mud here? It will save Spike a letter and who knows maybe even get me into the good graces of her majesty.”
“But I thought Celestia was the one who wanted to reform you in the first place?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Yes, but her sister isn’t too fond of me,” and with that Discord snapped his fingers and the two royal sisters appeared next to him.
“What is the meaning of this?” asked Luna, glaring at Discord immediately.
“This,” said Discord, breaking into a crazy dance as the chorus started again.
“Twilight,” said Celestia to Twilight, “What is going on here?”
“Remember that scrying mirror I borrowed from Luna? Well I was using it for an experiment, however Pinkie came along and… things happened, and now we have a radio that can pick up frequencies from other universes.”
“What happened to the scrying mirror?” asked Luna, looking around suspiciously, “I told you to be careful with it.”
Twilight gulped and explained the whole thing to Luna, who wasn’t too happy about her missing mirror.
“It’s ok,” said Pinkie, “Now you’ve got a radio instead, and I’d much rather have a radio than a mirror. After all you’re more interested in good new than bad news… Right?”
Luna gave Pinkie a blank stare.
Luckily for Twilight and Pinkie, Luna was interrupted by somepony announcing some sort of epic battle from the radio.
As the song began a wide grin spread across Celestia’s face and Luna looked slightly confused.
When Luna’s turn came in the song, she grinned back at Celestia who just chuckled.
Nopony really knew what to say as the song progressed until Twilight came in. The minute this happened the real Twilight’s eyes shot wide open and she screamed, “TURN IT OFFFFF!”
Luckily, her friends held her back and both Celestia and Luna rolled on the floor laughing as Twilight tried unsuccessfully to grab the radio from Pinkie.
“What was that ‘bout none of these songs botherin’ anypony?” asked Applejack, sarcastically.
“It’s for science, remember?” said Rainbow, grinning.
“Twilight’s the winner, hooves down!” said Pinkie as the song came to an end.
“Surely,” said Luna, wiping the tears from her eyes, “It was a brave struggle but thou hast won fairly and squarely Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’m so-so-so-so-so-so sorry your highnesses. Please don’t hate me,” pleaded Twilight as she covered her face with her hooves.
“Everything is fine Twilight,” said Celestia, gently as another song began playing.
“How lovely,” said Rarity, letting go of Twilight.
“I think this one is also about you, Twilight,” said Spike.
“And it is truly a work of art,” said Rarity, closing her eyes and rocking her head back and forth to the song, “Lovely sentiment.”
“Blegh!” said Rainbow, sticking out her tongue, “Sissy stuff. Twilight’s not worried about what ponies say. She’s awesome and she knows it.”
Twilight smiled and gulped nervously, “Well I was until the song started.”
Rainbow put a hoof over Twilight’s shoulder and said, “Don’t pay that guy any attention he’s probably the same one who wrote the song about me being lazy and wasting my talent.”
“I thought you said you liked that one,” said Applejack, raising an eyebrow.
“Sure thing you southern saint you,” said Rainbow, smirking at Applejack who blushed and didn’t say anything else.
“Don’t worry,” said Celestia, smiling at Twilight, “Like the song says, you shouldn’t pay any attention to the neighsayers. You have nothing to hide, and so much to offer. Believe in yourself and do what’s right.”
“Yeah,” said Pinkie, “It’s not like you’re a Mary Sue or anything, you’ve got character. We’ve all got character even Spike. Thank Faust for that.”
“Ooohh, Spiky I think this one’s yours,” said Rarity, scooting Spike towards the radio.
Spike blushed profusely and clasping his claws behind his back he shuffled and kicked at the ground.
“Aww, come on guys… I’m not that good. Really. I just try to help here and there.”
“Oohh, Spike you’re far too modest.”
“Sure Sugarcube, where would Twilight be without yah partner? You two are like apple-pie.”
“Seriously dude, you’re awesome… Deal with it!”
Twilight wrapped a hoof around Spike and snuggled him close to her cheek, saying, “I’ll admit this song is pretty nice. It’s absolutely right; you’re my very best friend Spike.”
“Thanks Twilight.”
“Spikey Party!”
“Not now Pinkie,” said everypony else.
“Aww…”
As the next song started Twilight let go of Spike and turned to her friends.
“Seriously though,” she said, “I am beginning to get a little worried. Where are all these songs coming from?”
“And how do they know about yer brother and Princess Cadence?” asked Applejack, tilting her head to one side.
“What!?” asked Twilight who hadn’t really been paying attention to the radio.
She listened for a second and then said, “Ok I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to try something.”
Twilight headed over to one of her shelves and started rummaging around.
“Whatcha lookin’ for Twilight?” asked Applejack.
“Ah-ha, found it,” said Twilight, pulling an old microphone from a pile of spare radio parts, “I’m going to see if I can tap into the same frequency, route the signal backwards and ask the pony in charge some serious questions.”
“Are you sure that will work?” asked Pinkie, readjusting her position and cutting the music off for a second.
“It’s worth a try.”
Twilight fiddled with the frayed wire of the microphone, cutting it down and straightening it, before she finally approached Pinkie and the radio.
Twilight inserted the wire into the back of the radio and her horn glowed for a second, fusing the wire in place, before she stepped back and lifted the microphone to her lips.
“Testing, testing. Hello can anyone hear me?’
The song stopped and there was static for a second then the announcer’s voice came back on.
“Hello, who’s there? Who is this?”
“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’d like to ask you about…”
There was a pop, a bright flash and sparks flew all over the room from the radio.
“A large Caucasian male… mix thoroughly until the batter is thick and creamy… can be yours for the low price of… the Democratic Party… my little po- pop-fizz-boom!”
Smoke rose from the radio and the voice coming from it began to vary in pitch, low to high, high to low.
“Welcome to Bronyville radio-bronyvill-radi-radio… Canterlot radeeooooow… It’s great to have you here today Dustykat… Up next Blackgryph0n… Twilight Sparkle is best poneeee!… Fighting is Magic… without a cease and desist Fallout Equestria should… Fiesta Equestria… next week… It’s a mystery. Anthropology…”
“Humans?!” screamed a mint green unicorn from the window and Pinkie lost her grip on the radio.
It hit the ground and rebounded several times from some small explosions. Sparks flew all around the room and the ponies took cover. The radio did some ziz-zags across the floor smoke shooting out the back like a rocket before there was a loud ‘POW!’ and all that remained of the radio was a black spot on the floor of Twilight’s castle.
Spike stuck his head up from behind the table he was crouched behind and said, “Is it safe?”
He fell over backwards as Twilight stood up in front of him and accidentally knocked him over.
“I think so Spike,” she said, walking over to the black spot, “I guess we’ll never find out who wrote all those songs.”
“Well, Twilight,” said AJ, stepping out from behind the chair, “I can say one thing fer sure. I don’t know about you bein’ ‘best pony’ but there sure ain’t a dull moment when yer around.”
“Heh, yah,” said Rainbow Dash, getting up like nothing had happened, “Although if it were me the explosion would have been much bigger.”
“What else can we blow up?” asked Pinkie with a big smile on her face.