It all came back to me, but there was so little. The others kept looking at me, waiting for me to share what I had learned, but I felt so embarrassed and small. I wasn't retarded, at least. For... For what I was, I was doing amazingly well. A stray tear escaped me even as I tried to logic it away. This was so frustrating... I should just tell the truth. They've never been anything but understanding and loving.
They may not be my parents, but they love me just as purely as any. They were my herd. If I couldn't trust them, then I was really lost. I took a soft breath. "I'm ready." All eyes turned towards me. "I'm not a girl, or a serial killer or anything like that... I was just a little kid." I raised a hoof a few feet off the ground. "I had no idea what was going on. That man I saw? That was my father, not my lover. I didn't have any loves but cartoons and cookies yet. I... I did leave him down there, in that basement, to die. My mother..."
Dust Kicker's hoof rested on my withers and smiled a little. Her presence felt so good, but was I worthy of it? I was still a little kid, in the body of an adult. What did that make me, and her? "I... I'm not sure what I am. Um, my mother, right, she went out, told me everything would be fine, then never came back. Looking back, I can only assume the ponies got her. That 'bunker' wasn't random friends, but family and neighbors, clinging to one another and hoping. When father began turning, they fled. They fled and locked him down there to die. I was too small, my vote barely counted for anything. I ran. I ran and I ran, and I ran, until I fell onto four hooves. I grew parts I didn't understand, and I still ran. I avoided all the other ponies, and everyone, until I collapsed in front of this funny-looking pink one and her companion, and they took me in."
I smiled timidly at William, Cindy, and Sandra. "Thank you... I don't know where I'd be, if anywhere, without you." I looked to Dust Kicker. Her strength and prettiness stabbed me. I wanted to know her as a girlfriend, but she was old enough to replace my mother, who didn't deserve to be replaced. I was torn and confused. She answered my many unspoken questions with a firm hug, pulling me close.
"Whatever you were, you're here now. I'm sorry this whole... thing... denied you your childhood. Do you want to slow things down?" She put a hoof under my chin and lifted my gaze to her dazzling eyes. "We'll go as fast or as slow as you want. You deserve that much."
She wasn't repelled by my story, and my heart thumped painfully in reply. "Y-you're OK with me? I mean, I'm not even ten!"
Sandra tilted her head. "Dear fucking god, that young!? You're... doing god damned amazing! You're a genius! After all this, you're a damn genius, Dusk Hope."
I shrank from her praise, even if it felt nice to hear, I could hear, and see, reactions to how young I had been. "I grew larger and larger over time, as I became a pony. When it was done, I was an adult, but my head didn't really change, except getting confused. For a while I thought I was just a lost pony. William and Cindy fixed that, reminded me I was a human."
Sandra put a hoof back on her side and across to her belly. "It's kind of odd to think I'm incubating the egg of someone not even old enough to vote."
Neon snorted softly. "You didn't know. He didn't know. I don't think he considers himself raped. Do you?" She looked at me with a raised brow.
I shook my head quickly. "N-no! I'm the one that asked. Please, don't feel guilty about it..."
William reached for me and delivered one of those lovely ear scratches. For a moment, all was right in the world. "You're part of our herd. If you want to go back to being a, uh, foal, then we'll respect that wish as best we can."
Did I want to be a kid again? I wasn't shaped right for it, and I had grown, inside, over the time I spent with them. Trying to play 'dumb'... I didn't think I could do that without feeling terribly guilty. For better or worse, I had grown up a lot to match my body. "No. No, I'm a part of the herd, like you said, and I can help, as a unicorn, and a stallion, not as a foal. I won't run away, not again."
I turned to Dust Kicker and reached for one of her hooves, lifting it up to kiss it gently. "Dust Kicker, I want to be your stallion." I felt my tail starting to wag excitedly as I spoke. "I want you to be my mare. I will always be faithful, um, as far as that goes in this crazy time. I will protect you as best I can, and love you."
Dust smiled gently. "That was an awkward proposal." She ran her other forehoof over my tear-stained cheek. "For now, I accept you as my stallion, but we're not married just yet. Let's see how well this fits us before we make it forever, hmm?" I was going to say something, but she went in for a kiss, and I was silenced against her. She tasted as good as she looked, and I could think of no other place I wanted to be.
Neon snickered and said something, but I didn't hear it. Whatever it was, it was enough to earn a solid smack from Sandra, who I don't remember hitting people very often.
William cleared her throat. "I think, in light of this, it should be official that any... activity, you know."
"Sex," offered Cindy with a bright smile.
"Yes, sex." William nodded in agreement. "Any sex involving Dusk Hope should ideally be his idea if anyone's at all, and never forced."
I could tell the entire idea of it was confusing to him. "I'm sorry." I nuzzled Dust gently and smiled at her. "You always have permission."
Dust burst into laughter at that. "I'm not that horny of a person, overall, but thank you. This whole thing has a wicked sense of humor, taking a child and making him oversexed like that." She nipped at one of my ears. "But you are no child now. You are Dusk Hope, a powerful unicorn stallion, and member of this herd that plans to save the entire world." She pointed at Neon. "Destroyer of wicked tyrants."
Neon got a sour look on her face. "Hey!" Her complaint was short lived as Sandra pulled her in for a hug and began cuddling her, and the two became quite distracted in one another. It was funny to me, that they had gone from locked in life and death combat to being such love-filled cuddling partners. It filled me with a little hope that we could put differences aside and find some way to put it all right again.
I wrapped Dust up in my magic and pulled her on top of me as I laid back. I hugged her with all four hooves and rubbed up against her. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I looked at so many people before settling."
Dust tilted her head down at me. "Stupid stallion, you're young and brash." She set a hoof on my nose. "I'll fix that." Her words sent a thrill of danger and excitement down my spine. I was in good hooves.
A soft knocking distracted all of us. The door opened and Lizzie poked her head in. "Was that true?"
William blinked at her. "Were you listening in?"
Lizzie had the dignity to look a little ashamed. "Maybe..." She looked at me. "How old were you?"
I swallowed dryly. "I'd rather not say. Under ten's good enough."
She nodded slowly. "It's like... You could be me, but a boy." She made a face, and she fled, slamming the door shut behind herself.
My confused hurt must have shown on my face. Dust shook her head. "She hasn't grown up, not like that. She's grown in a different way, learned how to hurt someone if she has to. I think I prefer the way you grew up, my soft-hearted little warrior."
I felt myself growing stiff and ready under the warm press of her body. Unlike humans, pony mares didn't have those curves. My distant memory of my mother came to me, all those soft curves that held me gently and told me everything would be alright, and then she stepped out, never to return. My mood crashed, along with the signs of it. "My mother might be alive. She was outside. She's probably a pony of some kind, but she could be alive, even in one of the towns we helped make. If she survived, found food and water, and didn't get shot or get hurt some other way... She could be alive..."
William nodded. "When we're done here, and New York is settled, we'll look for her, promise."
Cindy frowned. "It won't be easy... Fortunately you're here. We can use you to help find her, like a scent on a blanket!"
William huffed. "Must you dig in my memory for references like that?"
Cindy shrugged William's shoulders. "I just want to be understood. Was it the wrong reference?"
William turned and nipped her cheek. They were getting more affectionate the longer they were side-by-side. I wondered if he, er, she even noticed it. "No, that worked just fine. It's just a little strange whenever I feel you digging around in there."
Cindy rubbed noses with him fondly. "We're practically one person."
Karen grunted loudly with an angry look. "That's how they get you. They look down on us parasites, but we just take a little and go, they go for the whole thing."
Cindy scowled at Karen. "That's not true at all! And give Sandra back her body."
Karen huffed. "How is it not? You'll gobble up William, and he won't exist anymore."
Cindy pointed at herself. "I won't exist anymore either! A merger is making a new person, willingly. Just like a... marriage makes a new thing where once there were two people."
Karen pulled Neon tight. "I see you working down his defenses. He'll agree eventually, and then he'll be gone. He's a good person, he doesn't deserve to be devoured."
I didn't much like the sound of that. I pinned my ears back and looked at Cindy. "Please don't do that, even if Will agrees, please... You're both good friends of mine, and I don't want either of you to go away, even if that makes... some new person. They won't be the two friends I know."
Cindy looked pained by my words, and went silent.
William shook her head. "What, I stopped getting a vote in this? I like living, thank you. I'm not agreeing to 'die' like that."
She had said that, but I couldn't help but think of Karen's words. Would he eventually give in to Cindy's affections and love and become one with her forever?