My stomach had thankfully quieted down again once it was empty. That didn’t do the slightest thing to calm Fluttershy, though. Once she got over the shock of being barfed upon, she went into full-on nurturing mode. Naturally, I had no choice about taking a sick day from work, and Eepy gently but firmly shoved me into bed and got to work on a new breakfast that should sit easier in my stomach: toast with some sugar-free jam, a bowl of oatmeal, and some plain yogurt.
I missed haybacon and pancakes. Sure, my stomach might not care for it, but at least it actually tasted good. Okay, the yogurt and toast were fine, but I’ve just never been a fan of oatmeal. It was too reminiscent of the Guard-issue gruel I had to eat for years at West Hoof. Not to mention oatmeal has always struck me as looking a bit like somepony barfed in my breakfast bowl, and that was not a mental image I needed.
However, Fluttershy watched me eat with that small, hopeful little smile on her face, so I had no choice about finishing off all the food on my plate regardless of my opinion on the taste and composition of my meal. Once I swallowed the last spoonful of oatmeal, she smiled and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “There you go. Are you feeling any better now?”
“Yeah, I’m great.” I stretched out with all six limbs. “Certainly a lot better than I was a couple hours ago.” Whatever variant of the flu I had, it seemed to hit hard in the mornings before going a lot easier on me for the rest of the day.
“Good.” She took my plate before I could put it in the sink myself, and when I tried to get out of bed she gently held me in place. “Now you relax. I’ll take care of anything you need done. Would you like some juice? Or a fresh pillow? Or how about—” Whatever she was going to offer next was cut off by somepony knocking on my door. “Oh. Let me go see who that is. Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”
While I knew I was probably doomed to several days of unceasing care and love, I still desperately hoped that whoever was at my front door would be able to save me. Knowing my luck, though, it would be Rainbow Dash and I would end up stuck between Fluttershy’s gentle yet relentless nurturing and Rainbow’s grouchy saying-she-doesn’t-care nurturing.
However, the pony who entered my bedroom had a watermelon mane instead of a rainbow one. “Hey, Fluttershy.” Blossom gave her co-fillyfriend a quick nuzzle as she stepped in. “Is Cloud here? She didn’t show up for work today and Rainbow’s looking for her.”
“She is,” Fluttershy confirmed. “I hope Rainbow isn’t too upset, but Cloud wasn't feeling very well this morning and she’s going to spend the rest of the day in bed resting.”
“She throw up again?” Blossom didn’t seem at all surprised when Fluttershy confirmed that I had. “Figured that was probably what it was when she didn't come in. Rainbow said I could take the day off if she needs somepony to help out.” She trotted over to my bedside and kissed my cheek. “Hey, Cloud. I’m sure Fluttershy’s taking good care of you, but is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
“I'm fine now,” I assured both of them. “Really, I am. My stomach seems to have settled down after I emptied it out, and I’m holding down my second breakfast just fine. I’ll take a day off to relax, but you two don’t have to spend all day playing nursemaid.” I thought that over for moment and amended, “Though if you two do wanna stick around, I do have very nice nurse and maid outfits in my closet.”
Blossom raised a single eyebrow at my remark. “So, you want the two of us to play sexy dress-up for you?”
I nodded sagely. “I think I read something about how a whole lot of recovering from illness is psychological. You two dressing up would be good for my morale, and being in good spirits would help me get better a lot faster. So really, it’s medically sound.”
She rolled her eyes at that remark. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s why you want us to parade around your house in skimpy outfits, and not just because you’re a gigantic pervert.”
I grinned shamelessly and stroked one of her wings. “I prefer to think of it as multitasking.”
Blossom smirked and poked me in the chest. “Well you must be recovering if you’re well enough to be a shameless flirt again. Just to be safe, though, you should stay in bed for a few more days.” She put a hoof over my lips to cut off my next remark. “By yourself, before you start getting any ideas. You always say sex is one of the best forms of exercise in the world, but right now you need rest, not exercise.”
Curses, foiled by my own pick-up lines. Though I was cautiously optimistic about my chances at wearing down Blossom’s resolve.
Fluttershy checked my temperature for the twentieth time in the last hour or so. “Maybe we should take you by the doctor’s office too, just to be safe. They could make sure it’s nothing serious, and they’d probably know exactly how to make you feel better.” She smiled sheepishly at me. “Sorry, but I know more about upset stomachs in kitties than I do with ponies. I’m pretty sure you haven’t been swallowing too much hair while cleaning yourself with your tongue.”
Well, I had eaten a few hairy things in my time, but that hadn’t happened recently. Besides, there were more important things to focus on. “A doctor? Seriously? I feel fine!” Normally I wouldn’t have minded checking in with a medic to make sure all was well, but right now I just didn’t want to go to all that trouble. Everypony was making too much of a fuss about this as it was, and visiting a doctor would just make it twenty times worse.
“We don’t need to drag her to the hospital if she doesn’t want to go,” Blossom agreed. I was just about to thank her when she continued. “I'm sure we could get Redheart to make a house call. She does those sometimes, and Cloud needs her rest if she's still throwing up.”
Eepy’s ears wilted. “Of course, I should have thought of that. It is an awful long walk to get to the hospital—maybe somepony has a cart we can borrow?” She turned to me with an apologetic smile. I’m sorry Cloud, I didn’t mean to I didn’t mean to push you into walking all the way to the hospital when you needed to rest. I was just concerned and wanted to help you to get better.”
Ack, instant guilt trip. I swear, Fluttershy has a second special talent for making ponies feel just awful whenever they disagree with her. Between that and the nurturing instincts, she’s pretty much got the whole motherhood package down already. “I know. I appreciate how much you two care, okay?” I nuzzled her and Blossom both, and threw in a quick kiss for good measure.
“We know.” Blossom ran her hoof through my mane. “Maybe I’m being a worrywart, but I think you’re sicker than you want to admit. One session of morning barf could just be an anomaly, but doing it twice sounds like a trend to me.” She paused for a moment, then grinned and playfully poked me in the chest. “I don’t suppose you’re pregnant, are you?”
I snorted out a laugh. “Good one, Blossom.” Everyone knows that the first rule of being a playpony is to always use protection. I might not be playing the field as much as I once was, but I still kept things safe. “I told you, I’ve just got a flu of some sort. No big deal, there’s probably just some bug going around.”
Fluttershy’s smile radiated gentle understanding. “Okay then. If you really want to avoid a doctor visit, we’ll see if you feel better after a couple days of bedrest. But I want you to promise me that you’ll go to get checked out if you get sick again.” I opened my mouth to object to that caveat, but her eyes narrowed and voice became surprisingly firm. “No excuses, Cloud. If you keep getting sick for several days in a row, that might mean there’s something wrong with your stomach. I don’t want anything happening to you.”
Blossom put a reassuring hoof on Eepy’s shoulder. “Relax. It’s not that bad. Cloud’s not in the habit of dodging doctors when she needs help. If it’s just some new version of the flu that’s passing through town, then it’s nothing we haven't dealt with before. And Rainbow was understanding enough to give Cloud the rest of the week off, so she’ll have plenty of time to get better.”
“I get a week off? Nice.” With any luck, I could beat this bug in a day or two and then enjoy the rest of my free time. Hang out in the park, read a book, have a threesome with Blossom and Eepy, see about finding anyone they’d be okay with adding somepony to make it a four-or-more-some, the usual stuff.
Blossom nodded along, unaware of the wickedly sexy ideas already percolating in my brain. “Rainbow knows you need the rest. After all, you came into work yesterday when she told you it was fine to take the day off. And she tweaked the work schedules around so she could check in on you whenever I’m busy.”
Oh. Great. That really cut into my odds of being able to goof off with my sick days. Though it would almost be worth having Rainbow walk in on me mid-orgy just to see the look on her face. For all her tough talk, Rainbow flusters real easily when confronted with the practical realities of sex. Her incoherent sputtering and massive blushing would make for great teasing fodder. On the other hoof, I could find plenty of ways to tease Dash without making it look like I was taking advantage of her generosity with my sick days. After all, she’d probably figure that if I was well enough to bang, I was healthy enough to work too.
Fluttershy rearranged my bedsheets, tucking me in. “I know spending all day resting in bed doesn't make you happy, but sometimes we just have to do what we need to do to stay healthy. The sooner we take care of this, the sooner you’ll be healthy again.” She kissed my forehead. “If you try to pretend you’re not sick now, you could just make things worse and need an even longer time to recover.”
“Exactly,” Blossom agreed, smiling at Eepy. “So you just relax and let the two of us take care of you. It looks like Fluttershy’s got the food side of it covered.” She paused, looking around the room for ideas. “I can change the sheets when Cloud takes a shower.”
“Gee, I might need some help to take a shower.” I unleashed my best bedroom eyes on the both of them. “Maybe somepony to help wash my back. Or two someponies.”
Unfortunately, prolonged exposure to my Cloud Kicker Charm seemed to have rendered Blossom and Eepy immune to it. “Now, Cloud,” Fluttershy began patiently, “you know you need to rest.” She turned back to Blossom. “I think changing Cloud’s sheets would be really nice of you, Blossomforth. I can help make lunch and dinner between helping my animals. Maybe we could also do a little spring cleaning while we’re both here.”
I sighed and resigned myself to being under their care for the foreseeable future. If they really wanted to nurture me, it didn’t look like I would be able to stop them. “Thanks, guys. Really, this is great.” A bit suffocating, but still great. I mean, I knew they meant well and all, even if I did think they were taking it a bit too far.
Blossom grinned and booped me on the nose. “Hey, we just want to take care of you because we love your sexy, perverted little plot.” She turned back to Fluttershy. “Sounds like we’ve got it all worked out then. Would you mind writing up a list of anything we need? I'll go stock up on necessities while you’re here to keep an eye on Cloud. Might stop by Redheart’s too; if Cloud’s right and this is just some minor bug that’s going around town, she might know something that could help us out.”
And that was when a particularly sneaky idea popped into my head. Obviously I had no chance of escaping the Blossom/Fluttershy tag team, but if I could keep the two of them split up for a while... “How about I write that list up for you, Blossom? I mean, I know what I’ve already got and what I’ll need better than either of you would.”
Blossom thought that over for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah, sure. If there’s anything Fluttershy needs, she can just add it to the list once you’re done.” She retrieved a pen and some paper for me, and I quickly got to work filling that list up with whatever I could think of that would keep her running around town all day. I felt a bit bad for doing that, but sending her off on errands was better than just telling her, ‘You two are overdoing it with the loving care, and I’m going to go stir crazy if I’m stuck in bed for several days.’
Blossom frowned down at the list once I’d hoofed it over. “Uh ... you want fresh blueberries and raspberries? Those are gonna be a bit hard to find at this time of year. And you want me to take your costumes in for dry-cleaning too?”
“Yeah.” I grinned at her. “Berries always help settle my stomach, and if I'm gonna be stuck in bed all week, you two are gonna be getting some mileage out of that sexy nurse outfit. Might as well make sure it’s fresh.”
Fluttershy blushed faintly as Blossom trotted over to my closet and pulled out the nurse outfit; it was one of her personal favorites. Despite her pink cheeks, Fluttershy was smiling. “Oh. Yes, we should make sure it’s clean after last time.” Mentioning that just made her blush intensify. “Um, I can get help take care of some of those errands if you want help, Blossom. It would go faster if I took care of the cleaning while you found the berries. I’d rather not have to bargain with all the ponies in the market.”
I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “That sounds like a great idea, Eepy.” Though I probably needed to buy a bit more time. “I could use some new pillows and bedsheets too. I’ve been meaning to buy new ones for a while, so might as well handle it now. I need two pillows, one that’s soft, but not too soft, and another one that’s firmer. Plus new sheets. Silk, of course. And something that’s a nice shade of lavender, but not too close to the color of my coat.”
Fluttershy smiled and returned the favor by kissing me. “Don’t worry, Cloud, we’ll take care of everything you need. You just stay here and focus on getting better. We’ll be back before you even know we’re gone.” She paused, tapping her chin thoughtfully and glancing out the window. “Would you like some company while we’re gone? I’m sure I could get Angel Bunny to—”
“No no, I’ll be fine.” Even if that dang rabbit was in a good mood, he’d rat me out to Fluttershy in a heartbeat. If he was feeling like causing trouble ... well, I suppose I could always see how Storm felt about trying some rabbit stew. I could probably get most of Eepy’s friends to help me hide the evidence.
“Yeah, we shouldn’t be gone that long.” Blossom agreed, much to my relief. She shared my opinions on that grievously misnamed rabbit. “Cloud’s list is a bit long, but I don’t think she’ll explode if we leave her on her own for half an hour.”
“Oh. Right.” Eepy smiled sheepishly at me, then trotted over to Blossom to get a look at my list. “Oh my. Some of these items are ... interesting.”
I leaned forward in bed and snuck a quick kiss. “Well I am gonna be in bed All Day Long. With you two here. Even if I can’t do anything too vigorous, I’m sure we can find some ways to enjoy ourselves. I’ll just have to get creative.”
Fluttershy’s cheeks turned pink enough to match her mane, and her wings slowly spread open. “Oh. That sounds ... nice.”
Blossom rolled her eyes and gently rubbed my belly. “Well, you can't be that sick if your libido is still in overdrive.” She gave me a quick kiss goodbye, then put a wing over Fluttershy. “Though I suppose the two of us could always have some fun while you watch. I don’t think Cloud would wear herself out too much as a passive observer.”
“Um...” Fluttershy pressed her side against Blossom, but her eyes stayed on me. “I don’t think Cloud would be able to just sit back and watch like that.”
Blossom shook her head, then grinned at me. “You’re probably right about that. So I guess that means Cloud will just have to spend a couple days in bed actually resting, with nothing sexual happening at all. Can you do that, Cloud?”
“Yeah, sure thing.” I was lying, of course. We all knew that. I was just hoping that Blossom and Eepy figured I was lying about the wrong thing.
Once I was reasonably certain that Blossom and Fluttershy were gone and wouldn’t be back anytime soon, I snuck out of my own house and started carefully making my way to the Golden Oaks Royal Library. The ‘royal’ technically wasn’t part of the name, but I’d taken to calling it that ever since Twilight had grown wings and become a princess. I mean, when it’s a princess’s residence, it ought to be a royal something.
I’d been spending a fair amount of time around the library ever since Twilight hit princesshood. While I was on reasonably good terms with our resident royalty, I was mostly interested in her new bodyguard. It was nice to have some family around, and Storm and I did have a sparring match scheduled for this afternoon. I just had to hope that word hadn’t reached them about my supposed illness.
Thankfully it looked like I’d outrun the gossip train for once. Storm and Twilight were standing out in front of the library with two sets of practice gear, patiently waiting there for me. I was a little surprised to see that we also had an audience. “Hey, Twilight. Decided to watch the show?”
My cousin frowned faintly at that. “Princess Twilight.” Ever since she’d taken over as Twilight’s bodyguard, Storm had been waging a one-mare war to make the world treat Twilight with the same amount of respect and deference that they would use with Princess Celestia.
Of course, her biggest enemy in that eternal battle was the princess herself. “She doesn't have to call me princess, Storm. She's a good friend.” Twilight smiled and waved. “Hey, Cloud Kicker. How are you?”
I smiled and waved right back. “Pretty good. Just here to let my cousin beat me up for a while.”
“Your performance is improving,” Storm countered dryly. “Last time you nearly managed to land a hit on me, and one of our spars took a full thirty seconds to end.”
“That is something that you need a lot of practice to get better at,” Twilight declared as if she were in middle of a lecture hall. She’s a nice mare, but she’s always liked trying to teach ponies things, and I think princesshood kinda kicked that impulse into overdrive. “At least that's what my big brother always says, and what all the manuals and books I've read agree.”
Storm nodded along with her princess. “As the saying goes, if you do not use it, you lose it.”
“Yeah. I used to be way better,” I quickly agreed. “Hay, I taught Storm a lot of what she knows back when she was still a filly. Now she can kick my plot without even really trying.” I gave my cousin a slap on the back. “The little baby’s all grown up.” And a head taller than me, too. When did Storm get that tall, anyway?
Twilight grinned and teasingly poked me in the ribs. “You let soft civilian living dull your edge? Well that won’t do.”
“Which is why she wants to practice with me,” Storm concluded with a faint smile. “And while her skills are somewhat rusty, she is still a talented fighter.”
“You’re just better,” I threw in. Though in my own defense, Storm was pretty top tier. I mean, she medaled in fencing during the Equestria Games. No surprise, considering all the lessons she’d gotten from my mother, the two-time gold medalist. I’m sure Mom would’ve been proud of Storm’s performance.
No, I wasn’t bitter at all.
Twilight levitated some padding and a pair of dulled practice wing blades over to me. “Don’t worry, Cloud, I'm sure with time you'll be back in top form.”
“That's the theory, at least.” I started gearing myself up, and shot a grin at the princess. “So why are you here, anyway? Want to learn a few practical lessons in sparring, or are you just eager to watch two attractive mares get all hot and sweaty with each other?”
Storm frowned disapprovingly at me. “Her Highness does not have such prurient interests, Cloud. She is a princess.”
I was tempted to argue that point; I’d seen no evidence to back up the idea that wings completely kill a pony’s sex drive. Princess Cadance got married, so it’s pretty safe to say that alicorns still like all the things us lesser ponies do. However, this probably wasn’t the time or place to have that discussion.
Twilight seemed to have reached the same conclusion, pointedly clearing her throat to forestall any budding argument. “For your information, I'm here on an academic venture to see what martial exercises are like. I’ve been in a lot of combat situations even before I became a princess, and I don’t see that stopping now that I have royal duties to attend to.” She giggled nervously. “I mean, when Celestia and Luna vanished during that incident where the Everfree Forest went crazy, I was technically the acting Commander-in-Chief of the Equestrian armed forces. I need to know about military things if I might be in charge of the military again.”
That all made sense, but was way less fun than my explanation. Until I found evidence to the contrary, I was going to assume that Twilight was still going to be checking us out while we sparred. No reason a princess can’t multitask. “So basically you're watching to learn more about how real fights work?”
“Right,” she confirmed. She tossed a quick look her bodyguard’s way. “Also, Storm wants me to learn how to fight. Go figure, she thinks it might be easier to guard me if I can do my fair share to protect myself.” She paused, frowning thoughtfully. “And I guess she has a point after we ran into that one golem that I couldn’t use any magic on.”
“She's not wrong about that.” Even alicorn magic has some limits on what it can accomplish. Cold iron can mess up any spellcaster, and I vaguely recall one or two creatures from my old monster recognition classes that were just flat-out immune to magic. Guard unicorns and magi are trained in hoof-to-hoof combat for a reason.
Not that I would let a few inconvenient facts get in the way of teasing my cousin. “Though I have always wondered why princesses need guards for anything beyond ceremony. I mean, with alicorn magic and a little creativity, they should be able to take care of themselves just fine.”
One of Twilight’s ears flicked, and her tone became quite snippy. “I’ll have you know that Storm has been really helpful to me. Not even counting the time she saved me from a rogue golem, she's been giving me flying lessons whenever Rainbow is too busy and takes care of a lot of the little day-to-day things that I can’t leave to Spike.” She trotted over to my cousin and pointedly put a wing over her shoulders, which took a little doing with how tall Storm was. “And more important than any of that, she’s my friend.”
“Whoa!” I threw up my hooves in surrender. I certainly hadn’t expected her to react that strongly to what I’d intended as a little harmless teasing. “Easy, Princess! I didn't mean it like that. I was just poking a little harmless fun at Storm. I know she’s great, she was my little cousin a long time before she was your bodyguard.”
Storm put a restraining hoof on her princess’s chest, and Twilight closed her eyes and took a few deep, calming breaths. Once she’d settled down a bit she smiled at me and blushed, awkwardly shuffling her hooves. “Sorry about that, it was a bit of a reflex. A lot of ponies in town have been a bit touchy about me having my own bodyguards. They’re worried about what effect it will have on Ponyville if there’s a small Guard unit here. Not to mention issues like where all my guards would stay—I can’t fit all of them in the library.”
Twilight did only have the one guest bed, and Storm had been using that ever since she moved in. Or at least, that’s what the official story was. I would have to remember to tease them about that later. With how prim and proper Storm had been ever since becoming Twilight’s bodyguard, I was sure to get a good reaction out of her. “Ah, so you’ve been having trouble from the good old ‘new things frighten and disturb me’ contingent?”
Twilight grumbled under her breath and shot a glare towards Town Hall. “Yes, I think I would have an easier time pulling teeth than convincing some of the local ponies that this isn't going to be a negative change. At least some of the local business leaders like Filthy Rich are in favor of bringing in more potential customers, and the local construction firms are already debating who will get the contract to build a barracks for my guardponies, in addition to possibly creating ... other facilities.”
That pause before she said those last two words sounded significant. I wonder what exactly she had in mind. There were all kinds of support facilities you could attach to a guard unit. “Other facilities, huh? Sounds nice and cryptic, while very intriguing. You're really getting the hang of this princess thing. Just toss in some remarks about destiny and harmony and friendship, and you’ll be set.”
“Oh, haha, Cloud.” Twilight rolled her eyes and slapped me in the chest with a wing. “I've just been learning the fine art of politicking. Sometimes that means being very careful about your language and what you say and when so that you don't create a massive panic in town. The last thing I need is to have half the town show up at the library demanding answers or protesting my latest decision. Pitchforks and torches optional.”
“Relax, that’s not going to happen.” I slowly brushed against her side. “They’d only do that if you spent a week down in your basement laboratory, then started cackling madly about how your experiment finally succeeded and that now they’ll all be sorry they ever doubted you. You know half the town is just waiting for you to go mad scientist on us.”
“Oh, right, my crazy experiments.” Twilight’s tone reminded me why one of my nicknames for her was Twilight Snarkle. “Why, just the other day I finished creating a portal into this really weird alternate dimension where everypony walked around on two hooves and had these weird skinny tentacle-like things attached to their hooves that they used to pick things up instead of magic. Not to mention those weird alternate versions of everypony I knew.”
“Which is why we destroyed that portal and agreed to never speak of it again,” Storm finished dryly before turning a disapproving frown upon me. “Regardless, you could treat the princess with a touch more deference, Cloud. She is royalty.”
Twilight shot a faintly disapproving frown my cousin’s way. “Now now, we're all friends here, Storm. And this is just a nice get together, not some big official event with all the bells and whistles. There’s no need to insist on formality when we’re in an inherently informal setting.”
Storm stubbornly set her hooves. “With all due respect, Highness, if you always allow ponies to treat you informally, then they will not respect your royal authority when the time comes to wield it.”
“West Hoof Command 101,” I agreed with a nod. “Familiarity breeds contempt.” I trotted over to Twilight’s side and put a wing over her. “But I think there’s a difference between leading soldiers and being a princess—and to be honest, I never really bought that whole line of thinking anyway. Besides, I can’t really see Twilight being an iron-hoofed ruler demanding that everypony respect her authority or else. If that’s how she was going to do things, she would’ve taken over Ponyville by now.”
“Perhaps Princess Twilight should do so,” Storm countered. “The current mayor is adequate, but I think the town would do better under royal leadership. And a princess should rule over more than a library.”
“I don’t think Twilight’s really the ruling type of princess, Storm.” I met my cousin’s gaze levelly, but shot a quick apologetic smile Twilight’s way. “No offense, Twilight, but you’re too nice and friendly to go around throwing your royal authority in everypony’s face to get them to do what you want.”
Storm said nothing more on the matter, but I could see her thoughts quite plainly on her face. She agreed with me that Twilight was too friendly to order ponies around—the difference was that Storm saw that as a problem.
Twilight slipped out from under my wing to place herself between the two of us before we could go from a friendly discussion to an argument. “Since I’ve been here the whole time, how about I say a few things about how I plan to be a princess?” The two of us fell silent, feeling slightly chastened by her remark. “Cloud’s right that I don’t plan on being the kind of princess who rules over ponies. But I understand that Storm’s just trying to help me and has my best interests at heart. There’s nothing wrong with taking her duty or my rank seriously.” She paused and shifted on her hooves. “To be honest, there are still a lot of times when I forget that I’m a princess, and don’t think about how much of a difference that makes. I mean, it’s not like I have any real princessly role or any royal duties to perform. Half the time I just sit around the library or hang out with my friends the same way I used to, except with wings now.”
She trotted over to Storm and nuzzled her, much to my cousin’s embarrassment. Storm tried to hide it behind her stiff formal manners, but I could definitely see a faint blush on her cheeks. “It's been great having you around, Storm. I know you’ll probably say something about how you’re supposed to be my subordinate instead of my friend, but I still think you’ve been a wonderful friend to me.”
Storm was lucky she had a dark blue coat, since it made it much harder to notice when she was blushing. “Thank you very much, Highness. You are too kind.”
Twilight waved her answer away. “Oh, you don't need to thank me. You earned it.” She smiled fondly at my cousin “When I first became a princess I couldn’t imagine having a guardpony following me around everywhere. I’m kinda surprised how quickly I got used to having you around, even if we are working on a lot of the details.”
“It’s always an adjustment moving in with somepony,” I agreed. That rather uncomfortably reminded me of the fact that Blossom had recently floated the idea of moving in with me. And I certainly didn’t want to linger on that particular dilemma, so instead I decided to tease them. “I imagine it’s an especially big deal for you two. I mean, the whole bodyguard/princess thing is a very ... intimate relationship.”
That got a blush out of the princess, though she did her best to ignore what I was implying. “Yes, I suppose we don’t have very many secrets from one another. It’s inevitable when we spend so much time together—I mean, ever since she became my bodyguard she’s insisted on spending at least eight hours a day with me, not to mention she’s using my guest bed until we get some proper Guard quarters set up.” Something which I couldn’t help but notice neither of them seemed to be in any particular hurry to do. “I want us to be comfortable around one another,” Twilight continued. “It would be awkward to spend that much time together if we weren’t.”
“Makes sense,” I agreed, giving them both a moment to relax before delivering my next strike. “Not to mention how weird it would be to deal with stuff like seeing each other naked if you weren’t comfortable around one another.”
“W-what?!” Twilight sputtered, caught off guard by my remark. “That hardly has a bearing on anything! I'm almost always naked. I’m naked right now!”
I smirked and rather pointedly looked her over. “Kinky.”
Twilight groaned loudly and facehoofed. “ I would’ve thought that after you settled down with two different ponies you’d be a bit less ... you.”
I shrugged. “If I was less me, then who the hay would I be?” I chuckled. “Probably some stiff boring guardpony who doesn’t have as much lovable charm as I do. Like Storm.“
Storm seemed less than amused by my wit. “If you are quite done bothering the princess, Cloud, shall we get to the practice?”
I grinned over at Twilight. “I think Storm wants to kick my plot to defend your honor now.”
Twilight answered my smile with one of her own. “Well, I wouldn't want to stop her from doing that.” She winked at her guard captain. “Maybe I should give Storm my favor, the way ladies did to knights back in the old days.”
Storm turned to the princess and bowed formally “I would be honored to accept it.”
I couldn’t resist an opening like that. “Yes, Storm. You must carry your lady love's favor into honorable battle. For honor.”
My cousin answered me with a most unamused glower. “I am going to enjoy hitting you far more than I should, cousin.”
Twilight pulled a hoofkerchief out of her saddlebag and passed it to Storm. Then she struck a pose and spoke melodramatically enough to displace Rarity as the town’s local drama queen. “Oh my brave and loyal Captain Storm Kicker, please defend my honor against this rapacious barbarian Cloud Kicker, whose lewd comments so offend my refined princessly sensibilities.” She leaned forward and stage-whispered to my cousin. “Though really, feel free to get her. She’s kinda asking for it.”
Storm struck an equally ridiculous pose that probably came out of one of those operas she seemed so fond of. “Nothing would honor me more than the honor of defending your honor honorably, Highness. For honor.”
Twilight nodded along. “Of course, my wonderful and honorable captain. I am sure all my honor is safe in your honorable care. The honor that you do me honors my honor.”
With the two of them abusing that word into the ground, I just had to say something. “If you two keep that up, I'm going to start assuming that ‘honor’ is a euphemism for sex, and that you two are honoring each other on a very regular basis.”
The princess frowned at me, then turned to Storm. “Captain? Kick her plot.”
“Gladly, Highness.” Storm executed a quick half-bow to her princess, then turned to face me.
Storm closed in on me, aggressively testing my defenses. Normally she moved a bit more slowly and cautiously, giving me some time to warm up before she really got started. Of course, this time around I’d clearly gotten under her skin with some of my teasing, not to mention she probably wanted to put on a good show for her audience. “Don’t worry, Stormy, I won’t make you look too bad in front of your lady lo—”
The flat of a wing blade smacking the side of my head cut off the rest of that taunt. Ow. Lesson learned: spend less time poking fun at Storm and more time defending myself.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. Storm was very motivated to kick my plot, which was a real problem when she was also a much better fighter than I was. I spent most of the spar backpedaling and blocking, using every single trick I could think of just to keep from taking too many hits. Despite that, she would’ve killed me a dozen times over if we’d been fighting with real wing blades instead of practice ones.
However, there was a downside to her aggressive offensive: she might be roundly kicking my plot, but she also wasn’t minding her own defenses as much as she should. There was a definite flaw in her style, an opening that I could slip an attack through if I blocked her attacks a certain way and timed it just right. I won’t deny that knocking my cousin onto her ass sounded very appealing after all the sparring matches I’d lost to her. Doing it in front of Twilight was just icing on the cake.
I made my move, using my left wing to tie up both of Storm’s blades with a single high block that left them both out of position for any attack. Then my right blade darted in for her unprotected chest.
Or at least, that was the plan. Before my blade struck, she spun her entire body to the left, dodging my strike and disengaging both of her blades from my trap. Moments later, both her blades crashed down on my back, driving me to the ground.
That defeat particularly irked me, and it took a while for me to figure out exactly why, beyond the fact that I’d had a near-victory stolen away from me. “Hey! That was one of my Mom's moves!” A move I’d spent a long, long time trying to learn, but had never managed.
Twilight looked up from the detailed notes she’d been taking ever since the sparring match had started. Of course she was taking notes. “Is there something wrong with that?”
Yeah, it really stung my pride. “There's gotta be a rule against beating me with my mother's maneuvers. That’s just cold.”
Storm shrugged my objections away. “Your mother taught both of us. Of course I learned some of her signature skills. I am sure you did as well.”
Yes, but not as well as Storm had, apparently.
Twilight set her notes aside and pulled a dueling rulebook out of her saddlebag. At this point, I wasn’t even surprised that she’d stocked up on books about the topic—I was just surprised she hadn’t memorized the books yet. She flipped through the pages for a while, then shook her head. “Nope, I'm not seeing anything about that here. As long as it’s a legal move Storm can use it, no matter who taught it to her.”
I groaned and picked myself up off the ground, stretching my legs. “Alright then, there’s only one solution for this. I need to make my own rulebook.”
“Hmm. Speaking of your mother...” Twilight dug into her saddlebag again and pulled out a thin tome with my mother’s cutie mark on it. “Storm loaned me your mother’s diary recently, and it’s just full of useful information. I’ve never seen some of the things she talks about in any of the other combat manuals!”
“What?” I stared in shock at the book in Twilight’s hooves. “Why does Storm have my mother’s diary?”
My cousin turned to me, her face stoically blank. “Aunt Nimbus gave it to me when I graduated from West Hoof. She said that it might help me through the early days of my first command.” She nodded to Twilight. “And as Her Highness said, there is also a great deal of information about wing blade combat. I am sure your mother’s wisdom aided me in my performance during the Equestria Games.”
Right. I’m sure it did. I just wanted to know why the feather my cousin was the one who got Mom’s book instead of—you know, one of her actual children. Like me.
Twilight seemed to have figured out that the diary was a point of tension, and quickly stepped forward and presented it to me. “It really is a great read. It tells you all about how to fight and how to do certain moves. It even comes with step-by-step drawings to help somepony learn. It's not the same as seeing them in action, but it's still informative, I think.” She tossed a hopeful look my cousin’s way, then added, “And I’m sure Storm would be happy to let you borrow it, wouldn’t you, Storm?”
I didn’t give my cousin a chance to answer. If Mom wanted to give my cousin her big personal book of how to be awesome at wing blade combat, I certainly wasn’t going to argue with her from beyond the grave. “No need for that. She was my mother after all, I already know everything she had to say.”
So my mother left one of her most personal possessions to my cousin instead of giving it to me? In fact, she’d never even so much as mentioned that book to me. Fine. I didn’t care at all. And I definitely wasn’t angry about it. It’s not like it mattered to me. I mean, it’s not like her snubbing me was anything new.
I dusted myself off and tried to salvage as much dignity as I could after my quite thorough defeat. “I’m just glad this spar at least let Twilight learn something useful from watching my cousin beat me like a red-maned stepchild.”
The alicorn frowned uncertainly at me, but let the matter drop. “Oh yes, thanks for letting me watch you two. This has been very enlightening. There are some things you just can’t learn purely by reading about them.”
Storm saluted me, then bowed to her princess. “It was our pleasure, Highness.”
“Yeah, sure, pleasure.” I groaned and stretched, rubbing at all the place where I’d taken hits from Storm. Even with all the padding we both wore for safety, I was still feeling pretty sore. “I hope I don't bruise.”
My cousin frowned faintly. “I was careful to measure my blows, Cloud. If I struck too hard, then I apologize.” Her eyes dropped to the ground.
“I’m fine, Storm.” With how stiff and formal she tended to be around Twilight, I sometimes forgot that deep down she was still my kid cousin. A part of me still really missed the days when I was her hero.
Twilight stepped up and looked me over. “I know a couple basic healing spells that should be able to help with that. I’ve just been waiting for a chance to practice them.”
I quickly hopped back from the princess. “In other words, you want to use me as a guinea pig for some new spell you haven’t fully mastered yet? No offense, but I think I’ll pass on that.” Not that I doubted Twilight Sparkle’s mastery of magic when it came to most things, but I’d never seen her try any healing spells and I wasn’t exactly eager to be patient zero. I’ve heard a few horror stories about what happens when a healing spell goes wrong. Besides, I had a much better solution in mind. “How about instead of trying out some weird new spell on me, you just kiss all my bruises better?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and ignored my joke, but she hadn’t been my main target anyway. That distinction went to my cousin, and I could practically hear her teeth grinding. I did feel a renewed sense of kinship with Star—while I normally tried to stay neutral in the eternal low-level sibling warfare between the two of them, sometimes it really was too much fun to wind Storm up. Since I was having so much fun, I lifted up one of my forelegs, keeping it limp to feign an injury. “I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that princess kisses are supposed to have magical healing powers. Or was it sex with a princess? We should probably try both, just to make sure we get it.”
“Cloud!” Storm snapped, her self-control fraying at the edges. “You are speaking to a member of the royal family!”
“Is she, technically speaking?” I shot a curious look that way. “I know Princess Celestia officially adopted Cadance as her niece, but I don’t recall hearing anything about that happening with you, Twilight. I guess it would make sense to adopt you now that you’re a princess, but maybe she held off on that since you’ve already got a family.” I tapped a hoof thoughtfully on my chin. “Then again, now that you’re a princess I suppose you would just be a member of your own royal family if Celestia hadn’t adopted you. Though that just raises more questions about things like whether your parents count as secondary royalty...”
Twilight eagerly seized upon the academic question. “Actually, I wondered about that myself. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to Celestia about it, though.” Her gaze fell to the ground. “There’s ... a lot of things I haven’t really had a chance to ask her about my princesshood.”
Oooh, looks like that was still a bit of a sensitive topic for her. Though I guess I could understand that, given that so far the only real visible signs of her new status were her wings and the fact that my cousin followed her around like a lost puppy. “Hey.” I stepped forward and gave Twilight a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’ll be fine. Tell you what, let’s get together some time for a nice night on the town.” I shot a faint grin at my cousin. “Or hay, send Storm off on an errand for the evening and we’ll have a nice night at the library. There are a couple spells I’ve heard about that I would just love for us to try out. Or there’s that potion you made for me and the gals the other day.” I teasingly ran a hoof along one of her wings. “You really should get a chance to see how it works first-hoof.”
Storm glared at me when saw me kissing and flirting with her princess. Maybe somepony was just a little jealous. “Cloud, let me make this clear: you are my cousin and I care deeply for you, but you will show my princess the respect due to her office, or we will have a problem.”
I blinked in surprise, then glared right back at her. “I respect the hay out of her, cousin. I just don't see showing affection as disrespectful.” I took a challenging step forward. “And since when was she your princess anyway? I’m pretty sure I don’t see ‘Property of Captain Storm Kicker’ stamped on her plot anywhere, so why don’t you just back the feather off.” I shoved her shoulder with one of my forehooves. “Sure, maybe you can beat me in a spar when you’ve got my mother’s big book of wing blade fighting backing you up, but that’s just because I’ve got a lot nasty moves I wouldn’t use in what’s supposed to be a friendly spar!”
Storm met my mounting fury with a cold, determined glower. “Her Highness is not one of your floozies, and I will not allow you to treat her as such. Whatever you may claim, it is grossly disrespectful to her and her office.”
“‘Floozies’?” I repeated incredulously. “Did you just imply that Blossom and Fluttershy are floozies? You must’ve taken your stupid pills today, because you just crossed the line big time!”
I might have taken a swing at her then and there if not for the magenta shield that sprang up between the two of us. “That’s enough, both of you!” Twilight’s voice rang out authoritatively as she reinforced the barrier between us. Storm, of course, immediately snapped to attention at her princess’s voice. She probably would’ve kept that same parade-ground perfect stance if there hadn’t been any barrier holding me back from pounding on her.
Twilight turned her disapproval on her guard captain first. “Storm, you should know your cousin well enough to realize that she wasn’t trying to insult me. She’s just very friendly and flirtatious by nature. It’s harmless, and sometimes a little flattering.” Her expression hardened further. “And I didn’t care at all for what you had to say about her lifestyle. I’ll remind you that one of her current partners is a very good friend of mine. You always say you’re worried about my prestige and reputation; how do you think it would make me look if the captain of my guard was brawling in the streets of Ponyville?”
Storm’s ears were flat against her skull by the end of Twilight’s short but pointed lecture. She had shrunk lower and lower until she was practically flat on her belly. “My apologies, Highness. I beg your forgiveness—my behavior was inexcusable.”
Twilight walked over to her guard’s side, pressing against her. “I don’t need you to tell me that you were out of line. I can tell that for myself.” My cousin tried to flinch away, but Twilight restrained her with a hoof. “I want you to tell me why you acted like that. Something’s obviously bothering you, and we won’t be able to fix it unless you talk to me.”
Storm sighed and took a deep breath. “It is ... difficult to put it into words, Highness. I would not want your reputation harmed by being seen as ... well ... Cloud does have a reputation of her own. When jokes and rumors about Princess Celestia circulate, they have no impact because she is well known and respected. Your crown is still relatively new.” Storm pointed to Twilight’s head, which notably lacked an actual crown. “You are not well known in many parts of Equestria. If one of Cloud’s jokes were to reach the wrong ears, it could badly tarnish your public image.”
Twilight frowned, but also nodded along with Storm’s words. “Okay, I understand where you’re coming from. But Cloud Kicker is one of my friends. I suppose I don’t want a bunch of silly rumors circulating about me holding orgies in the library or something, but I also don't want it to seem like I’m ashamed of a friend and don’t want to be seen in public with her.”
“Of course not,” Storm readily agreed. “She is my cousin, and a fine mare. I simply wanted to avoid her antics becoming ... excessive. I fear I overreacted in that regard.”
“You think?” I snapped from behind the barrier. I don’t know where my cousin got off lecturing me. It’s not like she was my mother, even if she’d stolen my mother’s diary. I calmed down, took a deep breath, and tried to make a joke out of it. “So, no banging the princess in the middle of park? Darn, there goes my afternoon. I already sold tickets for the First Annual Princess Twilight Sparkle Sextacular Sexcapade and everything. I guess I’ll either need to refund all that money or glue a fake horn to Rainbow’s head, paint her purple, and get her really drunk.”
Twilight snorted out a laugh. “Cloud, I don’t think there’s enough cider in Applejack’s cellar to pull that off. Not to mention all the other objections I would have to that plan. In fact, I’m pretty sure there are laws against doing that.” She chuckled and shook her head, then turned back to my cousin. “Somehow I think Cloud and I will manage to show enough restraint to keep ourselves from acting that indecently in public. She has plenty of friends she doesn’t sleep with, you know.”
“Of course, Highness,” Storm answered dutifully. “I never meant to imply that you would act in such a manner. I simply wanted to point out that even a relatively innocuous public display of friendly affection could lead to unfounded rumors.”
Twilight sighed and ran a hoof over her face. “Right, especially with that town hall meeting coming up. And everything else.” She tossed a look my way. “Which reminds me, Cloud, I was hoping you’d be able to show up and talk to everypony. The meeting is to discuss what everypony can expect with my guards showing up someday. There are a bunch of crazy rumors flying around, and you’re one of the few Ponyville citizens who really knows what it would be like to have a Royal Guard force in town.”
“So you need somepony to reassure them that having a couple dozen guardponies around isn’t going to completely change everything about Ponyville forever,” I concluded. “Yeah, I can handle that. If nothing else, I can reassure all the local farmers that there won’t be a bunch of eager young guardponies chasing after their virgin sons and daughters. After all, I’ve already de-virginized all of them.”
“I rather doubt you were that thorough.” Twilight frowned at me skeptically.
“You can do a comprehensive study on it later, if you want.” Considering how much I’d toned down my swinger-ness since hooking up with Blossom and Fluttershy, it was a pretty safe bet that there were a few ripe new fruits I hadn’t plucked. Besides, even in my wildest days I never slept with every single pony I came across. I had standards.
Granted, sometimes those standards were ‘is not a total jerk or utterly hideous,’ but low standards are still standards.
Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No thanks, I think I’ve done enough studying of your sex life to last me a long, long time.” She sighed, and her smile slipped away as her attention returned to the purple barrier separating me from my cousin. “Okay, have the two of you settled down now?”
Storm immediately nodded. “I apologize for my behavior. It unbefitting of an officer and a gentlemare. Though my actions were driven by a devotion to my duty, that is no excuse for what I did.”
Twilight and Storm both turned to me expectantly. It took a second to realize what they were waiting for. I suppose I should’ve realized that they would want to do the standard post-fight thing where both sides apologize for losing their cool. Hay, Twilight would probably tell us to shake hooves afterwards.
I sighed, shrugged, and got it over with. “Fine. I guess I was out of line too. Sorry.” Instead of satisfying them, that apology just made both of them frown at me. I guess they’d been hoping for something a bit less ... half-assed. To be honest, I’m not even sure why I was being a bit of bitch to my cousin. I just wasn’t in the mood to give her a good apology.
Twilight glowered and opened her mouth, and I was pretty sure I was about to get a chewing out just like Storm had, but my cousin gently restrained the princess with a hoof on her shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, almost subdued. “Cloud, have I given you offense in some way? If this is about your mother’s diary, I would be more than happy to—”
“I don’t care about that,” I growled, waving her words away. “It’s just a stupid old book anyway, and she obviously wanted you to have it instead of me. So ... whatever. It doesn’t bother me at all.” Though it probably said something that even after she’s been dead for a couple years, she still found ways to let me know I hadn’t measured up to what she wanted.
And really, who better than Storm to pick? I mean, back when we were planning out my whole Guard career, Mom always said I should spend a few years in the Long Patrol to pick up some field experience, then get a nice prestigious post that would position me to rise up further through the ranks. Lo and behold, Storm had just finished off a four-year tour in the Patrol, and now she’d picked up a Princess of Equestria as a friend and sponsor for the rest of her career.
But I wasn’t bitter. Not at all.
Twilight hugged me, and close proximity to Her Adorkableness knocked me out of my funk after a few seconds. Storm probably would have bristled at some of the thoughts that ran through my mind when those warm, soft, feathery wings wrapped around me and pressed me tight against Twilight’s supple bosom, and I’d probably egg her about it later.
Or else I’d try and find a way to get more Twi-hugs. I’m only equine.
The barrier dropped, and a moment later Storm joined in on the hug. She wasn’t anywhere near as nice to hug as Twilight, especially since being family kinda limited the scope of my enjoyment, but I still appreciated the sentiment.
I gave her a quick pat on the back. “It's cool, Storm. I know you're uptight 'cause you care.” And given just how uptight she was, she obviously cared a lot.
“She really does,” Twilight agreed, breaking the hug and smiling at her guard captain. “It’s one of the things that I really like about her, now that I’ve gotten used to it.”
Storm positively beamed at her princess as she pulled away from me. “Thank you, Highness.” She paused a moment, and then to my utter incredulity asked, “Permission to hug?”
I rolled my eyes and stepped over to Twilight. “You don’t have to ask. Just hug her, you goof.” I gave Twilight another hug, just to demonstrate. I might have copped a feel on one of her wings too, but nopony could blame me if I did. She’s just so ... huggable.
Once I released her, Twilight smiled over at my cousin. “Permission to hug granted, Captain.” Storm immediately followed through on that, though her hug didn’t look nearly as fun as mine had been. Which is a shame, ‘cause I bet Twilight would’ve been fine with Storm getting a lot more touchy than I had.
I decided to give them a little encouragement, and made a passable attempt at imitating my cousin’s voice. “Permission to bend you over the kitchen table and bang you six ways to Sunday until you scream my name, Highness?”
Twilight pulled back from the hug, her cheeks flaming, sputtering indignantly. “I—you—wha—Cloud Kicker!”
I shot a smirk at my cousin. “Now that was inappropriate.”
“Quite.” Despite her best efforts to glare disapprovingly at me, I was sure I saw a hint of an amused smile on Storm’s face.
Twilight groaned and shook her head, but also couldn’t quite wipe the grin off her face. “You're terrible, you know that? Absolutely terrible.”
“It has come up before,” I allowed. “But as we established a long time ago, that's part of my charm.” I grinned and nudged Twi with my hip. “But let’s not linger on how charming I am. You never answered Storm's question. She did ask for permission to bang you.”
“That was you,” Storm grumbled. “Also, my voice does not sound that stiff and formal.”
“Yes it does,” I assured her. “Seriously, girl, use a contraction sometime. You sound like a robot. Or somepony’s butler.” I turned back to Twilight. “And okay, we know Storm didn’t actually say that, but pretend she did. Just for fun.”
Storm frowned at me, shaking her head. “That is impossible. I would never say something like that to Her Highness. It would be wildly inappropriate.”
“Exactly,” Twilight agreed. “You know Storm is too proper for that. It would be like asking how I would react if I saw you wearing a chastity belt.” She gave my shoulder a playful punch.
Ugh. I really didn’t like being reminded of what happened to me when Discord had his little breakout. At least Eepy seemed to have settled him down a bit since then. He was still a harbinger of chaos, but now there was a sense of fun to it instead of him causing problems for everypony.
I grinned and leaned in a bit closer to Twilight, whispering, “So, you like a mare who’s all polite and proper with you? How ironic. The mare you want to have bend you over the kitchen table is far too uptight to ever actually do so. You have no luck, Twilight.”
She scoffed and pulled back, pointedly standing next to Storm. “You’re being ridiculous, Cloud. We would have to have romantic feelings for one another to even do anything like that, and even if we did have those kinds of feelings, I don’t see either of us ever doing something like that because we’re polite, civilized ponies.”
“Not to mention how many regulations I would be breaking,” Storm expanded on Twilight’s point. “And the impact it would have on my career. If I were to become romantically involved with Her Highness it would be highly inappropriate and unprofessional. At best, my career would never advance beyond my current position as the leader of Her Highness’s guards.”
“Exactly.” Twilight nodded, but a moment later blinked in surprise and turned to my cousin. “Wait ... advance beyond being my guard?” Her ears drooped, and she seemed to find the ground near her hooves very interesting all of a sudden. “Oh. Er ... right, of course. I suppose you would eventually want to become a general or something. There’s not really a lot of room for career growth as a bodyguard, right?” She chuckled nervously, not quite meeting Storm’s eyes.
Storm seemed every bit as incapable of meeting Twilight’s eyes. A horribly uncomfortable silence reigned, until Storm very quietly murmured, “I should put the sparring gear up. If it’s left out in the open, it could...” She trailed off uncertainly, but got to work picking up the dulled wing blades and padding.
Also, Storm had used a contraction. A sure sign that something was bothering her.
Storm silently trotted into the treehouse, hauling all of our practice gear behind her. Twilight remained behind, staring silently at her own hooves. Being surrounded by sad ponies wasn’t doing my own mood any favors, so I decided to try and cheer her up with a little bit of my unique brand of charm. Or at least cheap off-brand charm substitute. “So yeah, casual sex. It’s a shame I couldn’t make you cool enough to do that.”
Twilight blinked in surprise, then chuckled halfheartedly. “Not through lack of effort, for sure.”
“Well, the trying was half the fun,” I shot back with grin. “And I'm obviously good at trying, since the other day Blossom said she found me very trying.”
Twilight’s smile turned a bit more genuine, and she poked me in the side. “Probably because you are. I think nearly everypony who knows you would agree.”
I pouted, sitting down and crossing my forelegs over my chest. “And all this time I thought I was endearing...”
“Don't worry, you're endearing too.” Twilight grinned and bumped shoulders with me. “Being a pain in the flank is part of your charm.”
I grinned and returned the gesture. “My charm is multifaceted that way.”
She smiled, fully getting into the swing of our familiar banter. “Has anypony ever told you that you’re very easy to please?”
I smiled and buffed a hoof on my chest. “That is what most of the ponies I took to bed said. Or was it that I had a very easy time pleasing them? Oh wait, it was both.”
“I think you’ve been taking too many modesty lessons from Rainbow Dash,” Twilight shot back, her grin now firmly in place.
“Well, she is my boss,” I pointed out. “It was inevitable we’d have some influence on each other. Just a shame I couldn’t break her prudish streak.” Though judging by how happy Pinkie Pie had been lately, Rainbow had finally gotten over at least some of her issues on that front.
We chatted for a bit longer before I judged the mood sufficiently relaxed to move on to the topic I was really interested in. I leaned in a bit closer and dropped my voice for privacy. “So really, things are good with you and Storm? I know it was a bit tense at first, but it seems like you two are really close now.”
Twilight’s smile very briefly flickered, but was back in full force a moment later. “We've worked out the roughest part, I think. Mostly it was me being grumpy about getting a guard and how that disrupted my routine, plus Storm not being the best at communicating and needing a while to get used to the way I do things. But that's all in the past now, we're getting along pretty great, minus a few hiccups.”
“Hiccups?” I prompted.
“Like the whole thing about not seeming too intimate with you in public,” she answered with a dismissive wave. “She means well, but there are some polite disagreements between us. But it’s not like I always agree with everything my other friends say either. I know Canterlot’s a lot more formal than Ponyville, and Storm probably expected being my guard to be a lot more like serving one of the other princesses. She’s adjusting.” Twilight paused and giggled, covering her mouth with a hoof. “I can’t imagine any of Celestia’s guardponies ever ask her for permission to hug her, after all.”
“She's a good mare,” I agreed, despite my current mild annoyance with her. It was a lot easier to stick up for my cousin when she wasn’t right there in front of me, constantly reminding me that she was a better Kicker than I was just by existing. “I might be a bit biased, but she’s probably the best guardpony you could ask for.”
Twilight smiled and nodded. “Well, I still think my brother’s the best guardpony ever, but I’m pretty sure Cadance has him locked up. Storm’s definitely a close second though, even if she is, as someponies who will not be mentioned might say, a bit of a stick in the mud. I still feel like I'm lucky to have her, and I’m glad I stuck things out with her despite our early disagreements.”
“And she's lucky to have you,” I agreed. “I think working with you could do a lot to help her loosen up.” I paused and shuffled uncomfortably before admitting. “It’s ... when I left the Guard, a lot of the big family hopes and dreams for my future wound up shifting onto Storm. I suppose she had to deal with a lot the same pressure that I cracked under.”
“And you think she handled it a lot better than you did,” Twilight concluded with a sad smile. “No wonder you’re a bit tense around her. You moved to Ponyville to get out from under your family’s shadow, and now here she is as a living reminder of it.” Twilight sighed and shook her head. “I guess that’s something for the two of you to work out on your own, though I’d be glad to help if there’s any way I can.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I assured her.
There was a brief silence between us before Twilight shifted topics. “So, uh, how has everything else in your life been? Are Blossomforth and Fluttershy doing well?”
“Yeah, we’re all great.” I paused, and reluctantly amended. “Well, aside from this mild stomach flu that's been bugging me for the last couple days.”
Twilight frowned and quickly checked me over. “You should’ve mentioned being sick earlier. It’s nothing serious, is it? I can use a medical analysis spell on you if you would like. Just to play it safe.”
“Nah, I’m fine,” I assured her with a casual hoofwave. “I got through an entire sparring match without any trouble, so it can’t be that bad. Besides, you've already done enough to help me out.”
“If you're sure. I mean I'm always happy to help, and we are friends.”
“I'm sure.” I grinned and patted her cheek. “Thanks, though.”
“Alright.” She smiled and leaned ever so slightly into my touch. I’m sure that would’ve pissed Storm off if she’d been there to see it, but thankfully my cousin was still in the library. “And really, thanks for letting me watch the spar. It meant a lot to me. I don't get as much study time as I used to, so I like to get the best I can with the time I have.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “But I guess I'm reliving history a bit when I'm talking about having trouble with somepony I just met, only to make great friends with them later. A lot of friendship is just about getting used to each other, after all.” She grinned at me. “I'm not completely ignorant of my flaws.”
“Flaws just make you charming,” I asserted.
Twilight grinned and teasingly poked me in the chest. “Oh, and is that why you’re so charming?”
“Yup!” I readily agreed.
“Poor, charming, deeply flawed Cloud Kicker.” Twilight gave me a pat on the back, smiling condescendingly. “What ever shall you do with yourself?”
“Have wild sex with many beautiful ponies?” I suggested.
“That's always your answer for everything,” Twilight shot back dryly.
“It’s a good answer,” I offered in my own defense. “Like Applejack always says: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
“It seems to be working out pretty well for you,” Twilight agreed.
“Yup. Couldn't be happier.” Why should anything change when I was perfectly happy with my life the way it was?