//------------------------------// // Lyra Meets The Boondocks // Story: Lyra Meets The Boondocks // by dark ganymede //------------------------------// Lyra Meets The Boondocks By genocidal brony Derpy Hooves used to be my best friend. Used to be. Every day and every night we would hang out with each other, play pranks, tons of other things too. It was great. Just the both of us eating and baking muffins, walking in the park, the whole best friends deal. But then things changed. Derpy stopped hanging out with me. At first it was subtle, and I barely noticed it. For example, she would say 'Sorry Lyra I'm busy today.' and I would reply 'Oh that's fine, see you tomorrow then!' and I would see her the next day. But then she started making more and more excuses day by day, and soon we only met once a week. Then it turned into once a month. I knew something was wrong then. So I set out to find just why she wasn't hanging with me, her best friend, anymore. What I found was appalling. Somehow during one of her visits to Sugar Cube Corner (I had followed her there without her knowledge) I saw her conversing with some earth pony named Bon-Bon. Of all the ponies, she was talking with Bon-Bon! But wait, it gets worse. From then on, I followed Bon-Bon and Derpy Hooves every single day. And every single day, they hung out with each other! What the buck! How could she do this to me? How could she become friends with such a repulsive mare!? I confronted both of them about it, and asked why Derpy had left me to be some cut rate friend. You know what she said? She said it was because Bon-Bon makes better muffins. From then on I resented the two of them. I couldn't stand the sight of them! I wanted to leave Ponyville. And I did. I knew I would need magic to get out of Ponyville, so there was only one unicorn for the job. "Twilight Sparkle? Are you there?" I said as I knocked on the door. At first I believed she was sleeping, considering it was dark outside, and I almost left. But luckily for me, she answered. The wooden door of the library opened and Twilight looked right at me with bags under her eyes. "Yes?" She yawned. "Do you have any transportation spells?" I asked. "What?" She was slightly thrown back by my question and I understood, transportation magic was usually for magic experts and prodigies. I was just the average betrayal stricken unicorn. "Do you have any spell books on transportation in there?" I repeated slowly. She grinned. "Yes I do actually! I never knew you were into high level magic!" "Yeah it's very interesting. So, how about that book?" "Come in and I'll get it for you. I was just reading it actually." As I trotted inside the vast library I was astonished. Maybe I should have visited here with Derpy more often...If it wasn't for bucking Bon-Bon! "Is something wrong Lyra?" Twilight asked. "Oh no I'm fine. Just excited about transportation spells." "Ok then. Here's the book." She put this monstrosity of a spell book on the floor, and it sounded like it was going to fall right though. I still remember it now. "You can take a look in it, just make sure to put it back when you leave. I'm going to go back to sleep." She yawned once more, and trotted up the stairs. Now I have the time in the world to look at that book, and just as much time to finally get out of here. Let's see...aha! Inter-dimensional teleportation. 'Unlike standard teleportation, or intra-dimensional teleportation, this spell allows for the user to travel through different dimensions and planes. Experts only.' Even better! I can be dimensions away from that stupid mare and my former best friend now. Hm. This spell doesn't look that complicated. Wait what's this? 'Editor's note, be wary of where you land when casting the spell.' No big deal. Well Twilight, I would love to say goodbye and such but I'm my way to bigger things now! Goodbye, parting is so much fun. With a simple flash and a pentagram I was off! Off away from Equestria and the two banes of my existence, and into a brand new world. I didn't really care which one honestly, as long as it was something new and bold. I got more then my bits worth. ----- "Naw you two kids betta behave while I'm out with Tom, othe-wise, no nigga in the world is gonna find ya. Understand? Bad enough I got dragged into meeting him evewy week to go drinkin, and I don't need you niggas makin it wurse. Got it?" "Alright grandad." Huey said. The door slammed, and Huey turned to Riley. "While grandad is gone, I'm in ch-" "Yah yah, don't need to remind a nigga twice. Especially after you jailed yah own flesh and blood while grandad was being Mr. Bitches up in Puerto Rico." Riley interrupted. "Whatever. Just don't do anything stupid." "I'll be in my room like a good gangsta don't worry. Spittin rhymes so fast I ain't got the time, niggas see me like damn he fine." Before he could finish "spittin rhymes" there was a loud crack, and green flash of light illuminated the upstairs hallway. "What the hell was that!?" Riley shouted. Even Huey was slightly worried. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with Stinkmeaner again. "Should we grab our guns?" Riley asked. "Why not." Huey replied. The two choose the best weapons in their ball bearing arsenal, and stealthily headed up the stairs. Huey was in the center of the stair case, while Riley was just next to the doorway where they last saw the flash of light. Huey motioned to Riley, and he nodded back. With two Uzis in his hands, he quickly turned and faced the inside of his room. "Hello!" Lyra said. "Aaah! What the hell is that shit!" Riley shouted. Huey dashed up the stairs, and ran inside the room to find what he believed to be a unicorn, and his brother screaming his head off. "It's a unicorn Riley." Huey said indifferently. What's a unicorn doing here? "Nigga I don't care what the fuck it is shoot it! Shoot it!" "Riley calm down! If it was going to do something to us it would have already." Huey faced the strange creature. "Can you talk? Or understand us at least?" "Yes. My name is Lyra Heartstrings." "I've never talked with a unicorn before. My name is Huey Freedman. This is my brother, Riley Freedman." "Nigga why'd you tell it my name! It's gonna hunt me down and murder me!" "Murder you?" Lyra snickered. "I'm peaceful don't worry." "Where did you come from?" Huey said, still fascinated by the visitor. "Well, I come from Equestria. It's this place where..." ----- "So I left and came here." Lyra said, finishing her epic tale of Princesses, Changelings, and monsters. "That's something." Huey said, fascinated by the prospect of other dimensions and worlds. "Well I guess this nigga is alright. Scared the hell out of me though." "Sorry about that." Lyra said. "Nah nigga it's cool." Riley replied. "I suppose we should teach you about our customs and such, to get you used to our world." Huey said. "We're very different from your society." "Aight nigga," Riley said to Lyra. "Tha first thing you need is gangsta swag. Without that, you gonna get capped on the streets, or robbed. Now the first part of gangsta swag, is having a chain, a hat, low hanging pants, some tattoos, and a piece. Lucky for you, I am a master of gangsta swag and have all those things right in this room." "Riley, normal people don't dress like that." Huey said. "Exactly! Normal niggas get capped, gangsta swag niggas fuck bitches and get money." "It shouldn't be too hard having gangsta swag I suppose." Lyra said. Huey sighed. "Alright, put on this hat, and this chain, and these low hanging pants, and here, take my gun too." Lyra put on his clothes, which just happened to fit the mare, and looked at herself in his mirror. "Not bad nigga. But you missing something..." "Intelligence?" Huey muttered. "Glasses! Need an ill pair of shades! I got just the thing." Riley tore through his dresser until he found a large pair of black sunglasses. Lyra put them on, and stood up on her hind hooves. "Do I have gangsta swag now?" "Not yet. You need to talk like a gangsta nigga too." "Riley you don't know much about modern fashion trends do you?" Huey said. "Nigga fashion is gay! This is some street gangsta swag shit here! Right Lyra?" "Right nigga! Am I doing it right?" "Hell yeah!" Riley said. "Better then that hobo shit Huey has on." "Are you done?" Huey asked. "Yeah you can go teach her the right faggot ass way. I'm gonna go watch some T.V." Riley said as he left the room and went downstairs. "Ok. Do you normally wear clothes in Equestria?" "Nope." "Well you can take those useless things off then." "Good. This gangsta stuff is pretty tough." She said as all of her clothes floated off, and landed folded neatly on the ground. "I still don't believe you traveled from your own dimension to get away from one of your former friends." If only I could get away from here... Huey thought. "Well if she was a better friend I wouldn't have had too. All because Bon-Bon had 'better muffins'. She can't cook at all for Celestia's sake!" "Maybe Derpy was planning this from the beginning?" "What do you mean?" "From what you told Riley and me, she seems to be pretty ditzy in general, but it also appears that she could be doing it on purpose as well. Did you do something to her in the past?" "No not at all. Like I said we were the best of friends. She just stopped hanging out with me. We had a lot of similar interests too, I don't know how she ended up being friends with somepony else just because of their cooking. And now that I think of it, I'm probably going to end up back in Equestria anyway. Considering how Riley acts. Do the rest of your, people, act like this? I'm sorry if that's offensive." Huey took a deep sigh. He despised modern society, and a large majority of the people that came with it. There were no more intellects, no more theologians, no one who wanted to make a difference. He knew the world was slowly becoming a worthless place, and it pained him. Huey felt a connection with Lyra, not in a sexual sense, but a connection of understanding. She had only been here for a few hours and she already was shocked at the behavior of the average human. If she knew about everything else in the world she would probably flee. So for the first time, Huey finally spoke his mind. His true mind. After a long, heart felt discussion between the two, they had finally found someone who they could relate with. A true friend. Lyra's understanding of politics in Equestria (she was a Canterlot council member after all) matched Huey's idea of a near perfect society. "Lyra, do you still remember the spell that brought you here in the first place?" Huey asked. "Yes surprisingly. Why?" "If you're going back to Equestria, I want to come with you." "I'm sure the Princess wouldn't mind a new citizen. Plus Derpy would be jealous. But considering I don't care about her anymore it's besides the point now." "Thank you. When should we leave?" "I don't really have a preference, but the sooner the better for me. Unless you want to say goodbye to your family and friends tomorrow." "I'll write a letter." He grabbed a lone pencil and a sheet of paper from Riley's trash bin, and started to write. It was addressed to everyone he knew. Tom, Sarah, A Pimp Named Slickback, Ed Wuncler III, Lord Rufus Crabmiser, Wedgie Rudlin, Gin Rummy, everyone. He folded the note, and walked to his room. He read it over once more, and placed it on his bed. He didn't shed a single tear. "Ready to go?" Lyra asked. Faintly, he smiled. "Yes. Goodbye Riley." With a flash of light, the two of them disappeared, never to be seen again. In Huey's universe that is. The Equestrian universe would never be the same.