Staring out of the window, Tarnished Teapot thought about the recent goodbyes. He had left Ponyville under better circumstances. Twilight Sparkle had bade him a fond farewell. Pinkie Pie had hugged him and then kissed his cheek. This time he had left with the distinct feeling that he was welcome to return.
The train headed east, rolling and rocking along. The car was almost empty save for a few business ponies with fine clothes. Tarnish wore nothing, Maud was wearing a smock, and his mother wore a pinstriped bowling shirt, and Tarnish suffered the odd sensation of feeling out of place being the one pony that wore nothing.
There was an open bottle of Cadance~Cola in the cupholder on the leg rest. It almost glowed pink and filled the immediate area with the scent of cotton candy and bubblegum. The top of the bottle was smeared with lipstick.
A telegram had been sent ahead to let the Pie family know that they were coming.
Alone with his thoughts, Tarnish began to process his feelings on recent events. He glanced at his mother, wondering how he should feel about her. Part of him was angry. A very small angry part of him wanted to blame her for everything that had happened. It wanted to lash out at her. Make her hurt. Make her cry. Make her suffer in the same way that Tarnish had suffered.
And Tarnish was ashamed of the small part of him that felt that way. The rest of him was happy just to have his mother back. He glanced down, looking at the sapphire embedded in the amulet around his neck. Twilight had told him that it was enchanted. It would not slip from his neck unless he intentionally removed it. The sapphire glowed with a soft blue light. A soothing blue light. Light blue was now the colour of life that was trouble free.
Looking up at his mother, Tarnish saw that his mother’s mane was also blue. Looking at his mother, Tarnish began to wonder about himself. His mother was long legged and long bodied. She was tall by any standard. Tarnish, who was not done growing, wondered if he would be tall like his mother, with long gangly legs… or short and stocky of build like his father. For now, Tarnish was just plain gawky, like most colts his age tended to be.
His eyes drifted to Maud and he began to study her form. She was solid, stocky, an earth pony among earth ponies. Quite without meaning to do so, Tarnish began to wonder what their foals might be like. Would they be unicorns or earth ponies? Thin and delicate? Solid and stocky? He knew that Maud liked the colour brown. A lot of rocks were brown. He wondered if future foals might get a chocolate-brown pelt. Or Maud’s understated but beautiful grey.
“You’re staring,” Maud said as she looked up from her book.
“I was just thinking about making foals with you,” Tarnish replied, being honest with his thoughts but giving no heed to what it was that was coming out of his mouth.
Maud’s eyes widened somewhat and she made a deep inhale. “The things you say.”
Tarnish, his cheeks now on fire, watched as Maud returned to her reading, and his mother’s snickering filled his ears as he realised what had just come out of his mouth. He blinked, took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to recover this situation.
“I… I was just wondering if they would be tall and long legged like my mother and I am hoping that I turn out tall and long legged… or if they would be beautiful grey like you… or if they would have brown pelts or grey… and I wasn’t being dirty,” Tarnish stammered.
Maud looked up from her book once more and repeated her earlier statement. “The things you say.”
His mother was chortling now, and her muffled laughter made Tarnish want to crawl beneath his seat and hide. “Even without my magic cursing me, I still manage to screw everything up.”
“Rock Haven!” the conductor cried in a loud, clear voice. “Rock Haven!”
Weary, Tarnish lifted his head. He had been resting it against the window. He watched as his mother snorted into wakefulness. Maud was still reading and she had sat almost unmoving for most of the trip.
“Rock Haaaaaven!” the conductor sang out, his voice waking several sleeping ponies.
“It’s a bit of a walk from here to the rock farm,” Tarnish said to his mother as she yawned. “I hope they got the telegram.”
“I can’t wait to be home,” Maud said in a sleepy voice that might have actually been sleepy. Maud blinked, her eyelids moving in their usual slow, sedate way, and then the earth pony mare drew in a deep breath. “I wonder what my parents will say.”
Ahead, at the end of the road, there were lighted windows. Tarnished Teapot, even though he was limping, quickened his pace a little, anxious to be home. This was home. He felt his heart racing. He suspected that they had received the telegram; the lights were on and they were up late. The telegram only said that they would be coming home and that there would be a guest, but no mention of the marriage had been made.
Above them, a million stars twinkled in the sky and a quarter moon hung just over the distant hills. The road was dusty and dry; each step produced a little puff of dust. The only sound was the faint rustle of saddlebags, the soft sound of three ponies breathing, and muffled thuds of hooves treading over soft dust.
Pinny Lane, a pony of considerable grace, trotted in a weightless manner, almost as if she was gliding over the ground, keeping pace beside Maud. She had started the journey with her horn lit for light, but had dimmed her horn more and more until her eyes had become accustomed to starlight.
“You know Tarnish, this will be a good chance for us to test out how well the tea works,” Maud said as she trotted towards home. “Trixie’s magic had severe problems here at the rock farm. We can test Pinny’s magic under the effects of the tea and without.”
“I’ll admit, I am curious,” Tarnish replied.
“So am I.” Pinny looked over at Maud Pie and then at her son, Tarnished Teapot.
Maud Pie, looking homeward, turned to Tarnish and said, “I think I just saw the front door open.”
“This is Pinny Lane. Tarnished Teapot’s mother,” Maud said to her parents and her sisters. “There is quite a story here. Tomorrow will be a good time to tell it.” Maud paused and then looked at Pinny. “This is Igneous, Cloudy, Marble, and Limestone.”
“Greetings,” Igneous said, nodding his head.
“Hello,” Cloudy said, studying the unicorn mare with her eyes.
Marble yawned and Limestone was almost asleep with her head resting upon Marble’s back. Marble managed to make a sleepy smile and then waved with her hoof.
Maud took a deep breath, looked at her mother, and then made an announcement. “Tarnish and I got married.”
Limestone’s eyes opened and she yanked her head away from her sister’s back with a snort. She looked around, first at Maud, then at her mother, then at Tarnish, her gaze shifted over to Pinny Lane for a moment, and then at last, she looked at her father, her eyes wide.
Marble blinked but said nothing. After a long moment, she smiled.
“Oh thank goodness… I was so worried… after all, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free,” Cloudy said in a huff as she closed her eyes. “I am so relieved.”
An awkward silence descended. Marble, sensing trouble, took off lickety-split, scooting inside of the house, deciding that it was way past her bedtime. Limestone took one look at her mother, then at Maud, and then was gone, following her sister.
“Just what is that supposed to mean?” Maud asked.
Cloudy’s eyes opened and she looked at Maud. She saw Pinny backing away. It was in that moment that Cloudy realised the mistake she had made. “Nothing… look, I misspoke. I should not have said that. Maud, I was worried, I’ve been worried. I’ve had a mother’s worry.”
Igneous watched as his wife tried to recover, and he stood beside her, silent, and waiting. She had voiced his own feelings as well, but had done so in the worst way possible. Glancing over, he could see the worried look of panic on Tarnish’s face and Igneous felt bad for the colt.
“Maud, I come from a different time with different values. I really am sorry… I didn’t mean it the way it sounded… I was so happy for you that it didn’t even bother me when you told me about it… I just wanted you to be happy… I didn’t care that you weren’t married… but I worried because I’m your mother… I’ve made a mess—”
“Mom, it’s okay. I think I understand. We’ll talk later. I’m not upset,” Maud said.
Igneous decided it was time to intervene. “It is very, very late and all of us are tired. Before anything else gets said, we should all get a good night’s rest. Pinny Lane, you can stay in Pinkie’s room. We’ve already made up the bed.”
“Thank you,” Pinny replied as she stood there, feeling nervous and worried.
Alone in his room, Tarnish set his saddlebags down. Everything was right where he had left it. The bed had fresh blankets and sheets. He heaved a weary sigh and then heard the soft creak of hinges as the door opened.
Turning, he saw Cloudy standing in the door. He smiled at her, still feeling nervous from earlier.
“What are you doing?” Cloudy asked.
“Going to bed,” Tarnish replied.
“No, I mean, what are you doing in here?” Cloudy’s eyes narrowed.
“Did I do something wrong?” Tarnish asked, taking the direct approach.
“Yes!” Cloudy’s head nodded and the matron mare scowled. “You left my daughter all alone in her bed! That is not how a marriage works!” Cloudy stepped out of the doorway and made a gesture with her hoof. “Don’t you ever leave Maud to sleep alone in a bed if you can help it! Now you get in there and you get in that bed and you do what is right! You have a duty to rest your head next to hers for the rest of both your days!”
Ears drooping, tail between his legs, Tarnish scooted out of his room, crossed the hall, opened Maud’s door, and ducked inside, with Cloudy hot on his heels. He cringed, feeling guilty, not realising that he had done something wrong. He felt a strong hoof press against his backside and give him a forceful push towards Maud’s bed.
Maud, laying in bed, blinked and looked at her mother, then at Tarnish.
“Good night. Both of you. Now get in that bed!” Cloudy said in a commanding voice as she turned off the lights and then pulled the door shut.
“I think I goofed,” Tarnish whispered in the dark.
“Marriage is serious business for her, I think.” Maud lifted up the covers for Tarnish.
Standing at Maud’s bedside, Tarnish wondered how this was going to work. Maud had a single bed and she took up most of it. He climbed into the bed, wiggled closer to Maud, and then almost slipped and fell out of the bed because most of him was hanging over the edge.
He felt Maud wrap a foreleg around him and pull him close. Nose to nose, legs tangled together, he felt Maud wiggle back towards the other side. There just wasn’t enough room for two ponies in this bed, not unless they got a whole lot closer.
“You’re wearing a nightgown,” Tarnish whispered as his belly brushed up against soft fabric. “Is it the light blue one with little sheep? I like that one.” Tarnish felt himself pulled even closer to Maud, close enough to be arousing from the contact.
“Tarnish, tell me, what did I do to cause that?” Maud asked.
“Well Maud, you see, colts are natural optimists. They have a need, they show that need, and they believe the universe will somehow provide for that need,” Tarnish replied as he tried to get comfortable, but with each movement of his body he made his problem worse. “I keep poking you in the stomach, I’m sorry.”
“I could try rolling over—”
“No, don’t do that… something about being up against your back that is a real turn on,” Tarnish said in a low whisper.
“How am I supposed to sleep with that stabbing me in the stomach?” Maud asked.
“I dunno, Maud, I’m real sorry,” Tarnish replied.
The dark of the night was filled with faint, almost imperceptible laughter. Tarnish’s ears perked and so did Maud’s. It was difficult to hide any sort of sound in the still of the night. The muffled laughter was soon joined by more laughter.
“Your mother… did she… did she just prank us?” Tarnish asked in a low whisper. “She seemed angry… but that… but that sounds like… it sounds like her laughing.”
“Marble gets it from somewhere,” Maud replied in a soft monotone.
“She totally pranked us… she made me get into bed with you knowing how difficult this was going to be.” Tarnish tried to hold still as he clung to Maud and he tried not to think about how he was stabbing her in the stomach right now.
In the distant dark, the laughter continued.