"What do ya think we should do with him?"
"Well...he looks like he had a fight with a bull. Maybe we should just leave him."
"Applejack...that's rather mean."
Applejack sighed, glancing from her sister to the draconequus curled up underneath the apple tree. The lids and skin around both his eyes were puffy and purple and there was a small red mark just underneath his left cheek. If Applejack didn't know any better, she could have sworn he'd been mugged by somepony, but that seemed rather far-fetched, considering who he was. Which had to mean that his appearance somehow fit into an elaborate plot of some kind. Potentially as innocent as ruining her day, but more likely relating back to that harem whatsit he was talking about before.
"Oh piteous me," Discord let out a soft moan. "I have been slain!"
"Disord..." Applejack sighed and took a couple steps closer. "What trouble have you gotten yourself into today?"
"Ah, it was no trouble. Just a crime of passion. Twilight is fitting into her tsundere role rather nicely...but I had not anticipated how much it would hurt..." he considered. "Maybe I should rephrase that...she seems to be much more yandere than tsundere..."
Applejack sighed again and flicked her tail in exasperation. "So you're claiming that Twilight, the princess of friendship herself, was the one that gave you both them shiners?"
"It's a travesty, isn't it?" he said, trying to open his eyes a little bit wider, but was clearly unable to do so. "I hate to ask this of you, Applepony, but could you perhaps lend me some aide?"
"It's Applejack, and no. I'd rather not," Applejack turned to go, but felt something latch onto both her hind legs. She looked over her shoulder to see Discord latching on and looking up at her, his ears laid back against his head, looking like he wanted to cry. Celestia help me! she thought, seeing those eyes. "Alright, fine. But don't go causing any more trouble, hear? I'll patch you up, but then I want you to leave."
"Promise," Discord said with a grin.
Applejack doubted he'd stick to that promise, but she didn't call him on it. Maybe Twilight had taught him a thing or two...but he had to have done something bad to piss her off so royally. She led the way back to the farmhouse, going inside to fetch some gauze for that scrape and disinfectant. There really wasn't much she could do for his eyes, but it really didn't bother her.
Coming back outside, she found him curled in a ball, Winona barking at him with an almost vicious look on her face. Applebloom was chasing the dog around in a circle, trying to get the family pet to stop.
"What in the hay did you do to my dog?" Applejack demanded, trotting close.
"Absolutely nothing. I promise," Discord said miserably. "You should be asking what she did to me."
"Discord," she said in a warning tone.
"Alright, fine. I booped her. I thought it was cute."
"What do you mean "booped"?"
"Like this," the draconequus said, snaking close and then pressing his muzzle against her flank.
Applejack jumped up into the air at the uncomfortably ticklish feeling, dropping the supplies. "Discord! You can't go around touching other ponies like that!"
"I wasn't touching. I was booping," he said in response.
"Boop-Discord just stop it!" Applejack growled. "I'm irritated enough that you decided to come to me for help. Why did you do that anyway?"
"Because you're my one true, stoic love," he said in response, his eyes growing big.
And there it is Applejack thought.
"Discord, I ain't your nothin. Is this the kind of nonsense that you were going on about to Twilight? No wonder you're such a mess."
"But it's true," he said with emphasis, looking distressed. "Twilight's the tsundere. You're supposed to be the quietly supportive one."
"Look, Discord. You and I? We're barely even friends. I'm in no way your true, stoic anything."
"You and I are meant to be together," Discord said. "We're like the sun and moon, day and night, destiny and future just wrapped into one. Where I am charming, handsome, and altogether lovable, you're quiet, unattractive, and lonely. It's simply meant to be."
"I'm what now?" Applejack said.
"My sister is beautiful!" Applebloom said, giving up the chase.
"Yes, from a certain point of view, she most certainly is," Discord said. "Just not the common point of view. That's what it means to be the stoic. But don't worry, dear. I'll accept you for who you are no matter what!"
"Dear sweet Celestia," Applejack muttered. "Applebloom," she said in a louder voice. "Why don't you go help Big Mac out? I'll deal with this here mess."
Applebloom sighed. "Alright."
"And take Winona with you," her older sister added.
The filly began walking away. "C'mon Winona," she said and the dog hesitated before following, leaving Applejack and Discord by themselves.
"If you wanted to be alone with me, all you needed to do was ask," Discord purred.
"Is that what this looks like to you?" Applejack asked, gathering up the disinfectant and gauze. "Alright, Discord, hold still for me."
Discord lowered his head enough for her to reach and then sat very still, his eyes trained on the ground. Applejack took the disinfectant first and sprayed his wound.
"Yeouch!" Discord said, jerking up, his hand over his face. "That hurt!"
"It'll hurt more if it gets infected," Applejack retorted. "C'mon. Stop struggling."
Discord grumbled something under his breath and then came down again so she could reach. Applejack placed the gauze over the scratch and taped it to hold it in place.
"Alright," she said. "I've treated you. Now get out of here."
"But I still hurt," the draconequus complained. "Surely there's something more you can do."
Applejack bit her lip. "Fine. I'll bring out some ice for your eyes. Stay here."
"Can't I come inside with you?" he asked. "I promise, my love, I won't mess anything up."
"You promised you'd leave right away too."
"That isn't what I said," he said in response. "I promised I wouldn't cause trouble."
"You've been causing trouble from the moment you arrived!"
"No one has died yet."
"Is that your definition of not causing trouble?"
"Basically, yes."
Applejack rolled her eyes and proceeded to ignore him, going back inside the house. She attempted to close the door before Discord could follow, but he stuck a paw out, using it as a wedge and forcing the door back open. Seeing that it would probably be more trouble to kick him out, Applejack simply walked back inside. "Alright," she said. "Sit down." She then went to the freezer and pulled out several cubes, putting them in a little bag and then carrying it over to the draconequus. "Here."
He took it from her and glanced at her face like he needed further instruction.
"Put it on your eyes," she said.
He closed his eyes and draped the bag across his face, leaning back in the chair. "I can't tell you how glad this makes me feel. Your love is just so overpowering. It would move me to tears if I could cry through such agony."
"I don't think you're really in that much pain," Applejack commented. "Now you really need to drop this whole "harem" idea. It's obvious that Twilight didn't feel anything towards you and neither do I."
"So you say, but you're a stoic. You would be too embarrassed to admit the truth."
"Alright, then. I'm embarrassed to say this but...I don't like you. At all. Barely as a friend. Maybe not even that. But definitely definitely as any sort of romantic partner." Of course she wasn't embarrassed at all, in any sense of the word, but it was obvious that Discord was pretty invested in his fantasy.
"My love, it makes me giddy to hear you deny it so heartily. Maybe you're the tsundere and I was merely mistaken! Then Twilight can fit perfectly into the yandere role!"
"I don't understand what that means, but no, Discord. That's untrue."
"Just say one thing for me."
"Will you drop it after that?"
"Say "baka"."
"Will you drop it?"
"Say it. Say it! Sayitsayitsayit!"
"ALRIGHT!" Applejack took a breath. "Baka."
Discord let out a squeal, his feet stomping on the ground.
"It's so cute when you say it! Definitely! Definitely you're the tsundere!"
"DISCORD!"
"I absolutely adore you Applejack! The tsundere is the main love interest, you know? It's fate, no, destiny, no, infinity for us to be together! It's the entire crux of the universe! Space and time and-!"
"Discord," Applejack said in a carefully composed voice, stopping him in his tracks. "Stop it or I swear I might be the one breaking your face in next."
"Applejack...I don't know what to say but..." He took the ice from his eyes, dropping to one knee. "Will you marry me?"
Applejack stared at him, this black-eyed draconequus with the deep voice and the strange words, and said the one thing any sane mare would have said in her place. "Absolutely not...baka."