It took one Leap of Faith to destroy mine.
I'll never get it back.
The faith in those around me, doesn't shine.
It doesn't hurt me a little bit, to be truthful with my lack of slack.
I wallow in disdain, not distress
I'm not looking for any sympathy
I'm looking to forget my mental stress
And I don't think I'll ever see the end of this tortuous symphony,
The ruler has lift the red card
And comes chaos over harmony.
I sat in my seat, still scornfully glaring at Rarity for just being in the same booth as me; I can't even fucking travel to a different city without a Full Detail latched onto my Cutie Mark. Apparently the Elements were worried about me leaving the city without telling them, like I needed their god damn permission to be a grown mare who don't need no fucking follower.
"Miss, please," A mare in a blue attendee suit stood above me, her green disdainful glare attempting pierce my heart and get to fear. I looked up disinterestedly, knowing for the third time in a row what she wanted me to do. I took a deep inhale of smoke and let it exhale from my nostrils, the nicotine filling my body and making my head buzz lightly. "There are reasons why ponies don't smoke on a train, it's courtesy."
A sickly looking passenger looked at me, pleadingly he silently begged me to put out my lit fag. I noticed his oxygen tank under his seat and his mask latched tightly around his muzzle. I shot a sharp glare at the pony and he quickly went back to his soduko puzzle and hacking coughs, as if it would help me pity his situation and put the cigarette out.
"Twilight," Rarity didn't even look up from her phone, but she did take my cigarette from my lips with magic, snapped it in half, and threw my cigarette out the window. I grit my teeth tightly, before I said anything to gather attention. I looked back at the train attendee and I flicked my ear with an annoyed expression.
"Shoo!" I dismissed, which made the blue suited mare glare at me fiercely. "And get me some chocolate pudding."
"Seriously, Twilight?" Rarity looked away from her phone to lightly glare at me, "It's ten in the morning."
I looked back at the attendee and crossed my fore-hooves, this mare was interrupting my intensive reading of Darkly Dreaming Decimal. "Seriously though, go away, you have split ends you need to take care of."
"Can't you at least pretend to be nice?" Rarity whined, which made me groan and sink further in my seat. The attendee was quickly going away from my cabin, her chin lifted slightly too far up to be insulted. The attendee was going to retreat, cry, maybe down a little vodka, and hopefully reevaluate her life before she decided she was big enough to try to pierce me.
"No," I answered, trying to focus reading.
"Not even for this train ride?" She continued whining.
"Fuck off, Rarity," I tried to dismiss.
"Please?"
"With a cherry on top?"
"...Sure?"
"Alright then,"
I turned to her with the biggest scowl I can muster.
"I hate cherries,"
"Oh... well..."
"Go fuck yourself,"
The minutes flew past, and I was constantly rubbing my eyes too keep myself awake from my boredom. I flicked my ears, fluttered my eyes, tied and untied my tench coat restlessly, and kicked the seat in front of me (much to the despair of Rarity and Cloud Chaser). I yawned and my eyes traveled over the other passengers, examining all of them because I felt like judging ponies.
It didn't take long before I caught eyes with a stallion, who was trying a little too hard to avoid being detected looking at me. The stallion was orange with a flipped back blue mane, a darker shade of blue covered his irises. He was sitting in a way where I would be in the corner of his eyes, his hooves covering his chest.
There were two bottles of hard liquor on his retractable platform, both of them empty. I chuckled dryly, this pony was drunker than Berry Punch on New Years Day. Further inspection on his face, he had a red tinge on his cheeks, obviously from drinking, and a dumb smile. I fully turned my head to him, my chin resting on my hoof, I raised my eyebrows at him but lidded my eyelids; giving him bedroom eyes with a sultry smile.
The, probable tipsy, stallion may have internally panicked, looking ahead and avoiding my gaze. I chuckled, turning my head forwards. You see, I find the reactions of flirting with random stallions hilarious. It's always the surprise, they're eyes would widen slightly and they would flinch slightly. Then the upcoming lust in their eyes, and then the need in their eyes for something they can't have, me as an example.
I know it's a little whorish, but I'm twenty-four; I'll do whatever the fuck I want.
Besides, it's not like I go around fucking any good looking stallion. I prefer being what stallions call a cold hearted bitch, allowing them to court me when I had no intention of sex or a relationship. Because of this, many ponies know better than to attempt to court me at all; if I feel lonely at night, I'll just get drunk at a bar and go home with someone.
That was sarcasm, you perverted fucks.
I honestly have no regard for romance anymore, as given by me barely recognizing this stallion as Flash Sentry. Despite my best ways to make it clear I had little interest in him, despite the events that had transpired in the mirror, the debauchery with Simmering Sunset, he had fallen for me. Rather hard. I was flattered, but that was only days before the pain started.
I stood up, careful not to wake a sleeping Rarity, and stepped out of my seat. I leaned into Flash Sentry's seat, which made his face go redder due to the proximity of our bodies. I placed a hoof on his thigh, my head pressing against his head. Softly I nibbled on the tip of his ear, just barely grazing.
"No," I simply whispered, my voice still seductively just for the added teasing. "Not in a million years, even though I'll outlive you.
~~~
I say that, although, moments later: I'm walking out of the bathroom with an unconscious and spent Flash Sentry sitting on the toilet, his body covered with my trench coat. I closed the door, the sliding plastic door making a clicking sound as the locks inserted into their proper place. I had to fix my mane before Rarity got suspicious, so I just simply tied it up into a ironic ponytail now. Pushing aside the shame of screwing a pony I don't even love, I felt more relaxed and a skip in my hooves.
I blinked, and the there was a ghostly figure of a disappointed Spike, arms crossed and his eyes judging severly. I rolled my eyes at him and continued my stroll back to my seat, even though it felt like I wasn't even moving. I looked at my hooves and I was moving my hooves, but it was like I was on a treadmill.
"You have a wonderful way of coping," Spike remarked dryly, an eyebrow lowered as the other one raised.
"I could always become a hermit, but I'm not that crazy," I groaned, "Go away."
"You went against your own morals, your principles, by sleeping with that stallion," Spike shook his head, "You know he's madly in love."
"With me, yeah yeah, I addressed this already," I quickly dismissed, "I know I shouldn't and I have no intention on doing it again; can you go away now?"
"Not even a little greeting? I'm offended," Spike calmly picked at his teeth, even in the afterlife he can't take care of his own personal hygiene. "You know I can read your mind, right?"
"I was hoping you could," I shot sarcastically, "It would have been terrible if you just left my mind, can you go away now?"
"How many times do I have to apologize?" Spike groaned, his hand being dragged across his face in frustration. "I had no intentions of dying, okay?"
"Oh fuck off," I rolled my eyes, "And go away."
"But you're a idiot," Spike leaned on the wall, his eyes digging into mine. "You're pushing away everypony that just wants to help you, pretty soon: you're going to end up alone."
"Think of the change in my life like a Chemical Reaction, it can't fucking revert itself," I finally grabbed control of my mind and stepped away from Spike, walking into a different and isolated cabin filled with crates and goods.
On the highest box, there was Spike laying on his stomach and lazily glancing at me. "You didn't even ask why I'm still here,"
"I don't care," I groaned. "Go away."
"You know I'm not entirely here, all the way at least," Spike continued, "What about you? Are you entirely here?"
"What are you talking about, I'm pretty sure I'm a physical entity," I shot back, rubbing my aching head. "Go away."
"Ouch," Spike rolled his eyes, "My body-less soul aches with every time you tell me to go away."
"My head hurts the more you bullshit around," I spat, throwing some hay off the ground at him.
"Twilight, use your head," Spike groaned finally, "I'm trying to be omnipotent and stuff, and you keep messing that up for me."
"You used omnipotent wrong," I remarked dryly.
"No I didn't," Spike defended, which made me roll my eyes.
"You're not a God, there, Ghostboy," I mocked, "You meanOminous?"
"..." Spike looked at me blankly before growling in pure frustration. "FINE!"
"Go away," I sighed, wishing he would leave.
"whatever, shut up and listen," Spike snapped, I closed my mouth and listened. "These crates are weapons."
"Fucking bullshit," I called.
"Check," Spike tapped the crate next to me, "I'll bet my eternal soul and my 72 Virgins."
I used a levitation spell, Fluitantis Items to pry the lid off of the orange crate. I peeled it off effortlessly and dug through the hay, my hooves touching something metal and wood. I grabbed it and pulled it out, my heart skipped a beat when it came into the light and my brain recognized what it was.
An AK 47.
"That's fucking metal," I said examining it, "But what does it have to do with me?"
"Well," Spike jumped down from the boxes, "There are ponies about to rob this train...."
"So?"
"And possibly kill everyone on board..."
"Well shit," I rolled my eyes, "I call bullshit."
"Twilight, you do realize they're kiling everyone by sending a suicide bomber?"
"Oh shit," I stretched out my wings, "It would be a shame if I just started flying away."
"You wouldn't!" Spike cried out, "Twilight! Innocent Ponies will die!"
"Not all of them are innocent," I rolled my eyes.
"You're willing to let hundreds of ponies die because it'll let Rarity die too?!" Spike gasped.
"Sounds like a plan," I grunted, "Fucking hate her anyways, telling me to fucking sit like a lady."
"You're being sarcastic... right?"
"Fine, I'll go help these idiots."
"and Rarity,"
"Ugh,"