Chapter 6: Adventures in Ponyville
“Now,” said the Fonz, “First things first. You need to be a confident. Strong.”
“Confident, Strong,” Spike said, scribbling on a piece of parchment, “What else?”
“Firstly,” said the Fonz, ripping the paper from Spike’s claws, “Cool guys don’t write notes. That’s for nerds.”
“Oh… Uh right!” Spike said, giving Fonzie a claws up.
“Now give me a big Eyyyyyyyyyy.”
“Eyyy?”
“Not Eyyy? Eyyyyyyy.”
“How is that different?”
“You wouldn’t understand. Cause you ain’t the Fonz.”
“Ok.”
“Not ok. Eyyyyyy.”
“I don’t get how this is supposed to make Rarity like me.”
“Woah. It works for me don’t it?”
“I guess so.”
“So try it.”
Spike cleared his throat and let loose his manliest, “Eyyyyyy.”
He looked to see Fonzie holding back a grin.
“That was… uhmm… ‘snicker’ good for a beginner.”
“Yeah right.”
“Just put in a little practice and you’ll be ‘Eyyyy’-ing with the best.”
“Really?”
“Well obviously not the best. Because that would be me.”
“Oh.”
“Let’s try again. Eyyyyyyy.”
“Eyyyyyyyy.”
“There we go,” Rarity said stepping back from her mannequin where she had de-sparkled Fonzie’s leather jacket, “I’m sure Arthur will be quite pleased.”
The door opened and Rarity turned expecting to see Arthur.
She looked around and then down to see Spike in dark shades and a leather jacket just like the Fonz’s.
“Eyyyyy Rarity,” he said in quite a manly voice, “How’s it goin’?”
“Oh Spike,” Rarity said, “It’s just you. I’m fine thank you. I was actually hoping you were Arthur. You see I just finished de-glitterifying his jacket and I thought he would come sooner for it.” He eyes opened wide and then, “Oh Spikey-Wikey, I would be ever so grateful if you would run this jacket over to him. Would you?”
Spike felt his heart melt.
“Uh, sure-“
Then, remembering what Fonzie had taught him he said,
“Sorry Rarity, but I got other things to be doin’. Maybe you should ask Fonzie to come and get it himself.”
“Oh I understand if you’re busy Spike. I was just hoping that I could save Arthur a trip.”
Then, noticing Spike’s odd attire she said,
“Pardon me Spike but are you feeling alright? You don’t dress like this often. Is something the matter?”
“Oh it’s just that I’m done being a wimpy nerd.”
“A wimpy nerd? Oh Spike, you’re not a wimpy nerd.”
“I’m not?”
“Not at all! Why you’re just the cutest little dragon-wagon I’ve ever known. You’re my little Spikey-Wikey.”
“Eyyyyyyy,” Spike said, “Not cool. Not cool at all.”
“Spike?” Rarity said in a worried tone, “Are you feeling alright? You’re speaking like Arthur.”
“Maybe I’m just trying to be cool. Is that wrong?”
“Well Spike. There’s nothing wrong with being you. But being somepony else never seems to work out. I learned that when
Trenderhoof came to Ponyville.”
“Yeah well maybe this is me.”
“Odd how you didn’t act like this until Arthur came along.”
“This is me! Why just watch.”
Spike turned and walked outside with Rarity following.
“Ahem…” Spike yelled to the crowds of ponies, “Spike’s giving out free kisses to any mare who wants one.”
Silence.
“Didn’t you hear me?”
More silence.
“Spike,” Rarity began.
“No Rarity, I got this. Uh… HANDS!”
“I’m not falling for that one again,” Lyra said as she and Bon-Bon strolled past.
“Spike,” Rarity started.
Spike felt his claws sweat and his stomach churn.
“Uh I got this Rarity. I’ll be right back.”
Rarity shook her head as Spike dashed off to find the Fonz.
“FONZ!!” screamed Spike as he ran over to Fonzie.
“Yeah Shortstack?” said the Fonz, sitting at the diner eating a sandwich.
“I tried what you said and it didn’t work!”
“That’s understandable.”
“What? Why?”
“Well I’m the Fonz and you’re a… well a…”
“Nerd?” Spike said with an eyebrow raised.
“Yeah. So Rarity probably likes you for the fact that you’re you. And she likes me cause I’m me. Also, nopony can rock the Fonz like the Fonz.”
“So what do you suggest?”
“Be Spike. I’m sure that’s who she wants you to be.”
“Ok. If you’ll excuse me then, I’m going to go help Rarity.”
He sped off to Carousel Boutique, leaving Fonzie with a smirk on his muzzle, “Now the kid’s learnin’.”
“Rarity?” Spike said as he flung open the door to the Boutique.
“Spike,” Rarity said as she levitated the Fonz’s jacket into a cardboard box, “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you because you ran off so quick. I thought about it, and I figured out why you were acting like Arthur.”
“You did?” Spike asked, perspiration dripping off his face.
“Yes. You saw that I enjoyed Arthur’s company and so you thought that I didn’t like you because you weren’t like Arthur. But I like you for you Spike.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” Rarity said, “You’re my little Spikey-Wikey. You’re a wonderful friend Spike.”
“I am?”
“Yes you are,” Rarity said.
And with that, she leaned forward and gave Spike a peck on the cheek.
Spike blushed and started helping Rarity with her designs.
“The last time you were here I don’t think I showed you the collection of animals I have. Did I Potsie?” Fluttershy asked as the threesome walked into Fluttershy’s cottage.
Discord placed Fluttershy’s small suitcase on her couch.
“Thank you for carrying my bag Discord,” Fluttershy said, flashing Discord a sweet smile.
“Anything for a good friend like you Fluttershy,” Discord said, wiping his brow.
“Here,” said Fluttersy, offering a glass of lemonade to Discord.
“Thank you.”
Discord took the glass, drank it down in one gulp and handed the lemonade back to Fluttershy. She stared at the liquid in her hoof that was not contained by a glass and threw it into the garbage. It exploded softly in the trash can. A white mushroom cloud slowly wafted up to the ceiling.
“May I show you all my animal friends, Potsie?”
“Sure.”
“Well you met Angel Bunny,”
“Fluttershy,” Potsie interrupted, “Why didn’t you let Firedancer watch him like everypony else?”
“Because I don’t want to show favoritism among my pets. All the other animals were so upset last time I left Angel with Spike. They thought I loved Angel more. And I don’t. I love them all.”
Angel Bunny stuck out his tongue at a nearby Bluebird.
“This is Hummingway,” Fluttershy said as she nodded at a green hummingbird, “He was going to be in the choir but he came down with laryngitis last minute. How are you doing Hummingway?”
She passed him possibly the smallest bit of medicine and after some refusing, he swallowed it.
“Good boy,” Fluttershy said, “So I had to get Mr. Cardinal to stand in.”
A rabbit ran up to Fluttershy’s leg and nuzzled her.
“Hello Mrs. Cottontail. This is Mrs. Cottontail, Angel’s sister. She’s married to Mr. Cottontail and they have one hundred and twenty-two children.”
“One hundred and twenty-two kids?” Potsie asked in awe.
“Yes,” Fluttershy said, “Rabbits can have a lot more kids than us ponies… and umm, humans… I think at least.”
“Umm, Fluttershy,” Discord said, looking around, “Where’s Nonsense?”
“Nonsense?” Potsie asked, confused.
“Nonsense is Discord’s pet parrot,” Fluttershy said.
“I named him that because he only talks in nonsense!” Discord said.
“Sugarchips, Alienpopsiclefour!” squawked a parrot from across the room.
“NONSENSE!” Discord said as he ran over and hugged his pet.
“Windowseightstinks,” said the bird.
“See,” Fluttershy said, “he only talks in nonsense.”
“Playgroundbluejeans, spaghettitornadohonda.”
“And why do you like having a pet that makes no sense?” Potsie asked.
“Because he’s just like ME!” Discord said cuddling his parrot, “And just look at him. Isn’t he cute?”
“Magentaenterprisecake Spokgreenbutton. Megamaniageorgemoonchild.”
Potsie examined the bird. His eyes were crooked, one was hazel and the other green. His neck hung limp from one side. His feathers were green, purple and blue. One of his legs was shorter than the other. He wheezed like a chew toy as Discord squeezed him against his chest.
“Ok,” Potsie said, viewing the strange sight of a draconoquus hugging his pet.
“Thank you Fluttershy for watching Nonsense while I was busy with some chaos.”
“Well he’s no trouble to watch at all.”
“I appreciate the favor. I have to get Nonsense back to my place now, thanks again.”
He snapped his fingers and he and Nonsense boarded a flying carpet and flew out the window.
“Cute little bird,” Fluttershy said as she waved out the window.
“Yeah,” Potsie said, “Can you show me the rest of you animals now?”
“Sure thing,” Fluttershy said, stepping away from the window and walking out into her backyard with Potsie in tow.
“Ah-ah-ah-tschoo!!!”
Rarity sneezed in a very unlady-like manner.
“Ah-ah-ah-tschoo! Oh Pinkie Pie!” she yelled.
Ralph and Pinkie hid in the bushes a ways back from Rarity’s front door with a can of sneezing powder in Pinkie’s hoof. Rarity stared at them for a moment, and then burst out laughing. It was impossible to be angry with two such happy ponies.
“Come along Ralph,” Pinkie said, wiping her eyes from the laughter, “We have more pranks to pull. Come along Gummy.”
She and Ralph walked away, Ralph pulling a wagon with joke supplies and Gummy inside.
They trotted up to Twilight Sparkle’s castle and placed a box with some spitting snakes on the step. They knocked on the door and ran. Twilight opened the door and looked at the box for a second. She then levitated the box into her house. After a moment, Ralph and Pinkie heard the box open and Twilight scream.
“PINKIE!!!! RALPH!!!!!”
“That would be our cue to leave,” Pinkie said.
Pinkie and Ralph left the castle in a blur and ran over to Sugarcube Corner. Derpy walked out with her daily muffin in a paper bag.
“I know what to do,” Ralph said, “We can trip her. It will be a riot.”
“Nopey-dopey,” Pinkie said, shaking her poofy-maned head, “Trust me. The last thing you want to do is make Derpy drop her muffin. The last time something like that happened… well… it didn’t end well.”
Ralph nodded his head and he and Pinkie snuck up to the door and held a trip wire in front of the door. When Bulk Biceps came out with his own paper bag, he was sent flying… not by his choice. After he had let Ralph out of a headlock, Pinkie offered to buy him another muffin and Bulk calmed down. He even laughed about the prank himself.
“What can I get you?” asked Carrot Top at her carrot stand.
“Two dozen carrots please Carrot Top,” Fluttershy said, laying some bits on the table. Then, turning to Potsie, she said to him, “I have a lot to buy. If you would like to wait for me, you could just explore Ponyville.”
“Sure thing,” Potsie said, walking away from Fluttershy and Carrot Top.
He walked down the street observing all the ponies shopping. Not focused as he was, he didn’t see who he was about to bump into. He crashed into an unknown pony. A paper bag flew through the air and landed in the mud.
“I’m terribly sorry,” Potsie said.
He stood up and came face to face with an angry pony with two gold eyes that weren’t aligned.
“I really am sorry,” Potsie said, staring into the pony’s face.
The mare snorted and pawed the ground with a hoof.
“Derpy,” Fluttershy said, stepping in between them, “I’m very sorry and I’ll pay for the muffin. You can get the same kind of muffin at Sugarcube Corner.”
“Ok,” Derpy said, taking the money from Fluttershy and trotting back to Sugarcube Corner.
“Who was that?” asked Potsie, watching the pony leave.
“Derpy,” said Fluttershy, “She has a small obsession with muffins.”
“Yeah, small.”
“I’m done with clearing the skies,” Rainbow Dash said as she flew to a stop above Fonzie’s head, “You wanna race?”
“Why would I race you?” The Fonz asked with a smirk.
“To prove you’re as awesome as me!”
“Didn’t I prove that with my sonic coolboom?”
“Mildly. But I think a race is in order. We race to Cloudsdale and back, winner takes all. So what do you say Fonzie? You chicken?”
“Eyyyy, no uh… pony calls the Fonz a chicken.”
“So you game?”
“Tell you what. I’ll give you a head start.”
“Alright. Readysetgo!”
Rainbow Dash disappeared in a flurry of colors. Fonzie smirked and dashed after her.
Several minutes later, Rainbow Dash sped back into Ponyville, finishing the race.
“Beat him,” she said, flipping her mane in pride.
Then she turned around to find Fonzie sitting at a table, waiting for her.
“But… how… huh?” Rainbow Dash asked, her brain dissolving.
“You are asking the Fonz to explain himself?” Fonzie asked with a smirk, “Isn’t that an oxymoron?”
“Who are you calling a moron?” Rainbow shot.
“Stay. Out. Of. My. WAY!” yelled a familiar griffon to the scared Fluttershy.
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said.
She then turned on her hooves and ran out of the market.
“What are you looking at?” Gilda screamed to Potsie, who glared at her.
“G,” Rainbow Dash said from the table where she and Fonzie were, “What are YOU doing here?”
“I came back to see if your cool had returned. But I can see it hasn’t. That is if you’re still hanging out with that loser Pinkie Pie and that wimpy Pegasus that just ran off. Who’s this new lamo you’ve got Dash?” Gilda said, motioning to the Fonz.
“Eyyyyy,” he said.
“Didn’t you hear what happened at the party in Canterlot? Fonzie here beat up Prince Blueblood. That’s what I call cool.”
“I’ve seen Blueblood. A squirrel could knock him out. “
“Eyyyyy, do you wanna find out how hard I CAN punch?”
“Ha, you’re all bluff no bluster. Just like Dash.”
“Eyyyy, NOT cool.”
Fonzie stared at Gilda with a look of hatred in his eyes.
“G, have you forgotten what happened the last time you got too mad at somepony?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yeah, and that’s why I’m here. To get revenge on Pinkie Pie. Where is she?”
“Are you looking for me?” Pinkie Pie asked as she popped her head out of a potted plant.
“There you are Stinky Pie. I came back for a rematch!”
“Why? We didn’t do a sport or anything like that!”
“Arrgghh. You’re just as dorky as I remember! Well I’m going to get you for last time Stinky Pie!”
“You’re not very imaginative with nicknames, are you Gilda?
Gilda grabbed Pinkie Pie and hoisted her up by the neck.
“Hee hee, stop. That tickles!”
“Shut your mouth!”
“Aww Gilda, you’ve just gotta learn to love and tolerate.”
“What? Listen I’m not here to have a chat with you. I mean business!”
“Gilda,” Pinkie said, swaying gently from the griffon’s grasp.
“BE QUIET, STUPID!!!!!!” Gilda yelled.
“G,” Rainbow Dash said, drawing the griffon’s attention away from the pink mare in her clutches, “You’re not really acting cool. You know that? You’re really acting like you’re the lame pony, or griffon, not Pinkie.”
“Yeah well you’re a flake who hangs out with ponies who are so beneath you!”
“Aww, Gilda,” said Pinkie from the ground, “That’s not what being friends is all about.”
“How did you get there?” Gilda asked, dumbstruck.
“Nopony knows,” Rainbow Dash said, sensing Pinkie’s plan.
“Oh somepony knows,” Pinkie said from the other side of Gilda.
“What?” Gilda said, shocked, turning around.
“What what?” Pinkie answered, smiling, from the other side.
Gilda started backing away is fear.
“You haven’t seen the last of me Stinky Pie. I’ll be back!” Gilda yelled as she tore out of Ponyville.
“Wow,” Pinkie said, “She must like Arnold a lot!”
With that Pinkie and Ralph happily skipped off with Gummy and the wagon in tow.
“She makes no sense sometimes you know that?” Rainbow said to Fonzie as they observed them hop off.
“Eyy,” Fonzie said with a smirk, “I’m getting the feeling Pinkie is like the Fonz. Some things she does just ain’t explainable.”
“Listen to us Cakes,” Flam said, “We have the machine that will turn your little playpen into a thriving business.”
“Trust us,” Flim continued, “The Brisk, Brilliant and Breathtaking Bread Baker 9000 will produce cakes faster than you can bat an eyelash.”
“Well, we didn’t really plan to expand anytime soon,” Mr. Cake said as he and his wife eyed the enormous contraption, “And if we were to buy your machine, we would need to buy a whole new building to put it in.”
“But, if I may have a moment my good Sir,” Flam persuaded, “This bad boy will pay for itself. You’ll be able to pump out thirty cakes a minute,”
“Or one-hundred muffins in sixty seconds,” Flim said.
“ONE-HUNDRED?!?! Derpy said through the window, drooling.
“I’m afraid that we just can’t afford that today,” Mrs. Cake said, ushering the brothers to the door, “But, uh, thanks for dropping by.”
“But my dear,” Flim continued, “We are willing to give it to you absolutely free.”
“FREE?!?!” Mr. and Mrs. Cake said in unison and shock.
“Why of course,” Flam said, “We can gain the value of the machine in other ways.”
“I was thinking that we receive seventy percent of the total earning?” Flim said.
“And we’ll even throw in the magic to power it,” Flam said, smiling.
“Umm, not today,” Mr. Cake said, “Thanks for the visit though. Would you like a muffin to go?”
“Well,” Flam said, thinking out loud, “If you refuse to work with us, then we will just have to be competitors. Flim and Flam’s delectable goodies, how do you like the title brother?”
“It has a nice ring to it brother. Good day Cakes. We have a business to set up.”
The brothers turned and left Sugarcube Corner.
“What will we do Honey?” Mr. Cake said looking at his wife
“I don’t know. But Flim and Flam will put us out of business for sure!”
“Maybe we should have just bought their silly little machine and have been done with it. You remember what happened with the
Apple Family when they came to town the first time, don’t you?”
“Here sweetie, have a lemon drop. Maybe that will make you feel a little better.”
Mr. Cake popped the sweet into his mouth. His eyes bulged and a tongue of fire shot from his mouth.
“What ‘wheeze’ is in those lemon drops Bon-Bon?”
“I didn’t make those,” Bon-Bon said, sticking her head through the kitchen door, “I’ve been too busy making a batch of caramels.”
A chorus of laughter came from behind the counter. The Cakes and Bon-Bon walked over and found Pinkie and Ralph collapsing in a fit of giggles. Gummy sat idly by staring at his crazy owner.
“PEPPER in the lemon drops.” Pinkie said through happy tears, “That one always gets them!” Then, noticing the Cakes distress she asked, “Hey, what’s the matter? Wasn’t it funny? ‘Gasp!’ Did I go too far?”
“I’m sorry Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake said, “But were just aren’t in a jovial mood today. The Flim-Flam brothers just came to offer us a deal. You didn’t hear?”
“Aww no. Ralph and I just snuck in through the back door.”
“We don’t have a back door, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake said.
“How do you know that?” Pinkie said with an air of mystery about her.
“Well anyway,” Mrs. Cake went on, “They tried to sell us the bingo, bango, bongo and some such of making baked goods. We refused and now they are going to open up their own bakery. They’ll put us out of business!”
“That’s awful!” Bon-Bon said.
“I’ll say,” Pinkie said.
“I know,” Mrs. Cake said, “We’ll lose everything!”
“No not that!” Pinkie said, “I meant it’s awful that you can’t smile and be happy. Well it’s the job of Pinkie Pie to make sure that ALL my friends smile no matter what! I’ll get right on it!”
She sped out of the bakery with Ralph right on her heels. Gummy held a tight grip of Pinkie’s tail as usual.
“We’re doomed,” Bon-Bon said as she and the Cakes watched their only hope fade into the distance.
“Hi Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said when Pinkie sped over to her friends in a pink blur, “Wanna see Fonzie and me race, again?”
“No time Rainbow, I need Fonzie,” Pinkie said, “It’s the Cakes. The Flim-Flam brothers are opening a shop and they’ll put the Cakes out of business! We gotta help them!”
“Not again!” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes.
“Who are the Cakes? Who are the Flim-Flam brothers?” Fonzie asked.
“And that’s why we need the Fonz!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down in a frantic manner.
“Eyyyyyy!” Fonzie yelled, “Cool it! Now, I have a few questions, may I ask them?”
“Okie Dokie Lokie,” Pinkie said, quitting her hopping midair, “How may I help?”
“First you could return to the ground,” the Fonz said, staring at her, hovering above him.
“Okie Dokie Lokie,” Pinkie said, falling back to the ground.
“Who are the Flim-Flam brothers? And who are the Cakes?”
“The Cakes are a couple who own the bakery, Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie said.
“And the Flim-Flam brothers are twins who show up in Ponyville every so often to cause some trouble,” Rainbow Dash finished.
“Ok,” said the Fonz, “Now, shall we go?”
Fonzie, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash walked, flew and skipped down the street of Ponyville towards Sugarcube Corner.
“Come one, come all,” Flim yelled to the multitude of ponies in the square, “To the brand new Flim and Flam’s delectable goodies. Free samples for everypony!”
A torrent of ponies came tearing into Flim and Flam’s new store.
“Are these those Flim-Flam whatever-you-call-‘em?” The Fonz said as he, Pinkie and Rainbow approached.
“Yeppie-Deppie” Pinkie said, hopping along happily.
“Eyyyyy, you guys,” said the Fonz, marching right up to the Flim-Flam brothers, “Are you makin’ trouble with the Cakes?”
“My dear sir,” Flim said, “It is perfectly legal for us to open up a sweet shop.”
“It promotes competition,” Flam said, smiling.
“And that can only help Ponyville’s economy,” Flim finished.
“I don’t care nothing about economy. I’m thinking you should be caring about my fists, or… hooves.”
Flim and Flam sized Fonzie up.
“You know brother,” Flim said, “I was thinking that the market for our talents would be more diverse somewhere else.”
“I completely agree brother,” Flam concurred, “Let’s go.”
They disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“They were getting on my nerves,” said Fonzie, glaring down the road at the fading images.
“FONZIE PARTY!” screamed Pinkie out of nowhere.
Fonz found himself once again hoisted up into the air.