//------------------------------//
// The Desert 
// Story: Jonah Hex in A Fistful of Apples 
// by Octavia_Melody 
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Applejack was an orange earth pony with a yellow mane who almost never went anywhere without her rugged brown brimmed hat. More than that, she was the bearer of one of the six elements of harmony, the Element of Honesty, as somehow represented by the three red apples on her flank. None of this was of any concern to her at the present moment, as she wearily trotted through a seemingly endless desert full of cacti and tumbleweeds. Applejack’s tongue hung out of her slack-jawed mouth as she panted and sweat soaked her fur. The sun beamed down on her mercilessly and she gave a worried gulp as two buzzards began circling overhead.
Applejack had been to the desert near Appleoosa before, but for some reason this one felt much more threatening. In fact, she had the strangest feeling that she wasn’t even in Equestria. Then where was she? Some barren desert that she had no memory of traveling to and that she was about to pointlessly die in. Applejack knew that the end was near when all four of her knees buckled under her and she collapsed face first in the dust. She closed her eyes in exhaustion, wondering if she would ever open them again.
Applejack woke up with a painful gasp as she began coughing and sputtering. Somepony or something was shoving her muzzle into a puddle of water.
“Drink you danged horse, drink! You ain’t no good to me dead!” shouted a harsh, twangy, and unfamiliar voice.
Applejack instinctively bucked behind her, flinging whoever it was into the dust.
“Damned horse, you nearly broke my legs!” the voice complained, “Are you aimin’ for a whippin’?!”
Once Applejack was again aware of her surroundings, she noticed the large puddle of rainwater beneath her that somepony had apparently tried to drown her in. She spun around on her back hooves to face her attacker. A strange, bipedal figure was keeled over on the ground, trying to stand. The figure slowly managed to stand up and Applejack gasped and drew back at the sight of a tall and fearsome human.
The man had stringy grey hair and wore a tattered grey hat similar to Applejack’s. He also wore an even more worn grey wool overcoat and faded breeches. His feet were clad in spurred brown boots but his most noticeable feature was the torn and melted skin on the left side of his face that left a gaping hole where part of his lip should be, revealing much of the teeth in his jaw. His left eye also appeared damaged, bulging, and slightly out of place.
“Whatchu lookin’ at girl?” the man said in the same gruff manner, “Ain’t never seen a saddle bum before?”
Applejack continued to stare, trying to come with the words that would make sense of her situation.
“Who am I kiddin’, yer just a stupid horse.” the man commented, “Ain’t like you can speak anyway.”
“What in tarnation are you?” was all Applejack could muster.
The man glared for a few moments as the strange horse’s words fell on his ears. He then retrieved a metal flask from underneath his coat and threw it on the ground.
“Whiskey must be goin’ to mah head.” he assumed, “Now I’m hearin’ talkin’ horses.”
“I can talk!” Applejack insisted, “Now why in Celestia’s name were yah tryin’ to shove mah face into that puddle?!”
“What’d they put in that whiskey anyway, peyote?” the man wondered, “Ain’t no way I’m hearin’ this right.”
“What’r you talkin’ about, fella?” Applejack continued, “Ain’t y’all gonna answer me?”
“If this really is the peyote talkin’, I hope it ends soon.” the man responded, “I cain’t be ridin’ Balaam’s donkey into town.”
“Answer me already, stranger!” Applejack demanded, “Who are you and where the heck am I?!”
“Name’s Jonah Hex.” the man relented, “And yer about a good ten miles south of Applewood, South Dakota.”
“Jonah Hex?” Applejack repeated, “I’m supposin’ yer a human? I thought human folk were just a myth.”
“An’ I thought talkin’ critters was just a myth.” Hex replied, “Reckon that makes us both wrong.”
“Now why were you shovin’ mah face into a puddle?” Applejack asked again.
“Ah was tryin ta get ya to take a drink.” Hex explained, “Guess the old sayin’ really is true. Anyways, I found ya half dead with tha buzzards about ta pick yah clean. Had to drag yer carcass at least three miles before it started ta rain. Now yer gonna return tha favor.”
“Whadda ya mean by that, stranger?” Applejack asked with a sneer.
“Ah mean ahI’m gonna ride ya inta town and yer not gonna give me any trouble about it on account a the fact ah saved yer sorry hide.” Hex said, “An’ don’t start flappin’ yer yap to the townsfolk unless ya want somebody ta shoot ya or sell ya to tha circus.”
“Hold on there, partner.” Applejack argued, “Ah’ve read a thing or two about humans. Tha stories say that you folks are a good bit bigger than us little ponies. Why ah should only come up just past yer knee.”
“Ya look plenty big enough ta me.” Hex said.
Applejack took a good look at Hex and noticed that they were about at eye level. In fact, she was a good bit bigger than him. Either the stories were wrong or she had somehow ended up place that had magically increased her scale. Worse still, kindness dictated that since Hex had indeed saved her life, it was only fair that she help him. Applejack begrudgingly scraped the dust with her hoof and literally swallowed her pride with a gulp. Hex grabbed a small leather saddle he had also been carrying and strapped it to Applejack’s back.
“Ah reckon ah owe ya one fer savin’ me, but ah ain’t yer pet neither.” Applejack warned, “As soon as we get inta town, ah’m findin’ a way back home.”
“An’ just where is home, little lady?” Hex asked as he climbed on top of her.
Applejack groaned in discomfort at the human’s added weight and almost started bucking but relented with a heavy sigh.
“Ah live in a place called Equestria, but ah still don’t know how ah got here, much less how tah get back home.” Applejack explained.
“You do realize that ‘equestrian’ means ‘horse-ridin’, don’t ya?” Hex commented with a chuckle, “If that don’t beat all.”
“Where’s mah hat?!” Applejack suddenly demanded, “Don’t tell me yah left it in tha desert?!”
“Not tah worry, little lady.” Hex said as he procured Applejack’s crumpled up hat from underneath the saddle, “Ah figured it belonged to yer previous owner.”
“Ah ain’t got no previous owner!” Applejack asserted, “Ah’m mah own pony. And yah better not’ve ruined mah good hat!”
“Here yah go, little darlin’.” Hex said as he placed the hat between Applejack’s ears, “But there is one more thing.”
Hex retrieved a leather bridle from under the saddle and strapped it over the orange pony’s jaw. Applejack made muffled protests as he extended the bridle into a band that made up the reigns. Applejack was fit to be tied and started bucking until Hex stroked her mane.
“Now listen girl, wha’d ah tell you.” the human explained, “Ya cain’t be flappin yer yap or y’ull just cause trouble fer both of us. It has tah look all proper with me ridin’ ya inta town like a regular horse. Now jus’ calm down an ah’ll turn you lose as soon as we get tah town. Understand?”
Applejack relented and began reluctantly trotting wherever Hex directed her with a tug of the reins. She didn’t really trust him; much less the fact that he had muffled her mouth, but so far he was the only one to turn to, and somepony (or somehuman) that went out of their way to save somepony’s life couldn’t be all bad. But still, there was one nagging question bothering her that Hex hadn’t given her time to ask.