Hello, I am the narrator for this story. This story contains randomness, references, ponies, and randomness.
Proceed with caution; this story might have the same effects of a scientist watching Uncle Grandpa: your brain might hurt afterwards.
You have been warned.
This story begins in the town of Ponyville, where two ponies are having a PERFECTLY normal chat...
"Whaaaaaaat? Free cruise tickets? Are you sure?" Neon Screen said.
"Of course I'm sure. Somepony gave them to me since he didn't want to go on the cruise anymore. So, I'm giving one to you." Grace-Shout said.
"Well, how many are there?"
"Five."
"Oh, cool. But why would one pony need so many tickets? Kinda weird for one pony to have five tickets, don't ya think?"
"I have absolutely no idea. And, yeah, it does seem suspicious..."
"Hm. Then, who should we give the other three to?
"I dunno. Let's put names in a hat and then, whichever three names we pull out can come with us!" Grace said.
"Sounds good. I'll get to writing the names!" Neo said enthusiastically.
"And I'll gather everypony to the centre of town so that you can announce who won the tickets!"
"Great idea. Let's go!"
And so, the white and cherry ponies split up. Grace went around town, sharing the news that three tickets for a cruise are waiting to be won, and that they have a chance to win one, while Neo wrote down the names of all the ponies she knew in Ponyville.
After about half an hour, everypony was gathered in the centre of Ponyville. Grace and Neo went on stage to pull out the names.
"Hiya everypony! As I've told you all, there are three tickets waiting to be won, and you stand a chance to win them! These are tickets to a-" Grace said, but was interrupted by somepony in the crowd.
"For the love of Celestia, get on with it!"
"Uhm... Ahem. Okay. Neo, pull out the names!" Grace said.
"Okie dokie!" Neo said in a cheerful tone as she pulled out three small pieces of paper.
"And so, the first winner is... Twilight Sparkle!" The crowd cheered as the Princess of Friendship went on stage.
"Thank you. But you didn't have to put my name in the hat, y'know." The Alicorn said.
"Well, if I wasn't going to write down your name at first, but I didn't want you to feel left out, so I wrote it down anyway. The next winner is... Pinkie Pie!"
A pink blob jumped up from the crowd and into the air. Pinkie screamed, "YAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" As she defied the laws of physics by hanging in the air for a few seconds. Neo smiled. She was going to spend the cruise with one of her best friends.
Pinkie trotted onto the stage while humming a happy tune.
"Congrats, Pinkie!" Grace said.
"Congratulations, indeed." Twilight said.
"Okay, the final winner is... Derpy Hooves!" Neo exclaimed. Just as she said so, the grey mail mare was approaching, fast. She was in flight, obviously out of control. Again. Derpy was a special pony, she had a lazy eye, and she had the tendency to mess things up.
Derpy crashed on the front of the stage, skidding for a second on the hard wood floor.
"What'd I win? Did I win muffins?" The derphorse asked.
"Err, no. You won a ticket for a cruise." Neo said.
"Ooh! Goodie! Who'll be going?"
"Neo, Pinkie, Twilight and I." Grace answered.
"Okay! When are we supposed to go?" Derpy asked.
Neo took a look at the tickets. "In fifteen minutes." She answered.
"Oh, oka-FIFTEEN MINUTES!?" Twilight said. "We shouldn't be late! Where's the port?"
"Uhm.... It's at Manehattan..." Grace said.
"THEN WE MUST BE OFF!" Pinkie said as she jumped onto Neo's back.
"Onward, my pegasus steed! Fly us to Manehattan!"
Neo chuckled. "I would be able to carry you all," she said, "if I was some kind of beast. Twilight, you have wings, you can carry Grace. Derpy... I'm pretty sure you can manage by yourself."
"Twilight, have you, by any chance, learned a super speed spell?" Pinkie asked. This was the first cruise she was going to go on, and she didn't want to miss it.
"As a matter of fact, I have! I thought that it would be useful for getting to emergencies really quickly." Twilight answered.
An aura surrounded her horn, as well as Derpy's wings, Neo's wings, and her wings. Then the aura disappeared, and the two pegasi and the Alicorn felt much stronger.
"Okay, let's do this! Pinkie, hold on tight, we're going for a ride!" Neo said as she outstretched her wings and took off at a mane-raising speed.
"Wow... That's fast." Somepony in the crowd said.
Grace hopped onto Twilight and held on for dear life. "I'm ready to go!" She said.
Twilight took off, just as fast as Neo, followed by Derpy. There was no chance that they would miss their cruise now.
-------------------
They arrived five minutes before the ship was off, so they wasted no time and went straight inside. When they managed to find their rooms, the two tired out pegasi and the drained Alicorn collapsed on their beds. Pinkie and Grace, however, was still full of energy. They were bouncing in place, and giggling.
After nearly two minutes of panting and giggling, oh dear Celestia that sounded wrong, Neo was the first to speak.
"Hey, while we were coming in, I couldn't help but notice that nopony else was on board. Don't you think that's a little strange?"
"Maybe everypony had had a very long and tiring journey, so they might all be resting in their rooms!" Pinkie suggested.
"Yeah. Ever since the Grand Galloping Gala with the Smooze incident, you've been more distrustful than usual. You need to loosen up a little, take a break!" Grace said.
"Ugh, fine. But if we end up being stranded on an island, then it's gonna be me saying 'I told you so.'"
Everypony giggled.
"What? I'm not joking."
"Oh, Neo, you silly filly..." Pinkie said.
--------------------
It was the morning after the five mares had boarded the ship. Neo was up bright and early, which was very unlike her. She usually slept in, due to the fact that she likes to stay up late and play online. But, her suspicions made her wake up unusually early. She knew she had to be alert, even if her friends, and the derphorse, said that she needed to relax.
She went out to the buffet lounge, and saw a grey filly walk past her, with her head held up high, her eyes closed as well. Silver Spoon's eyes shot open and she spun around when Neo entered the lounge.
"Neon Screen!" She shouted.
Neo turned around and walked up to Silver Spoon.
"Hiya, Silver Spoon. Wheres Diamond Tiara? Don't you both hang out with each other, like, all the time?" Neo asked.
"Well, actually..."
"Hm... You both hang out so much that I'm surprised that I haven't seen the Internet make a ship of you two, since I post so many pictures of both of you online..." Neo muttered.
"Wait, what!?"
"NOTHING! I never said anything. Anyway, is there anything you needed to tell me?"
"Yeah, it's kinda important."
"Well, spit it out."
"I'm... Kinda.... I'm kinda your..."
"Yeeeeees?"
"I'm your biggest fan, Neo."
"Okay, that's weird."
"That's not all I have to tell you. You see, I kinda... Uhm....I kinda have..." Silver looked at Neo uncertainly, but a hoof motion from Neo signaled her to continue.
"I have an undying love for you." Silver said, her face going red.
"I've had these feelings for you ever since we both went out and made chaos at the school."
Neo's eyes widened, and she started to slowly back out of the hallway. 'First of all, I DID NOT WANT TO BE AT THE SCHOOL THAT DAY! Second of all, HOW COULD CAUSING CHAOS BY GIVING ALL THE FILLIES AND COLTS RECESS FOR THE ENTIRE DAY MAKE SOMEPONY LOVE ANOTHER PONY!?' Neo shouted in her head.
"Well, Uhm... I'm famished! If you'll excuse me, I need to, uh, eat... dinner... Uhm... Yeahbye!" As soon as Neo finished that sentence, she zoomed into the other room, a purple trail with a light purple streak behind, and leaving a confused Silver Spoon standing there.
"Eat... Dinner?" She questioned nopony in particular. "But isn't it six in the morning?"
--------------------
Neo flew behind one of the many grand pillars, panting like crazy.
"A little filly likes me!? What the heck!? By the name of Celestia, things have been getting weirder and weirder!" Neo said.
She was correct, since things have been getting weird, VERY weird, in fact, with her. Once, Fluttershy had asked her to rob a bank with her. Another time, a drunken Derpy asked her out. Boy, that was one of the weirdest moments ever. Well.. At least, she hoped she was drunk! With Derpy you couldn't really tell. On a similar occasion, a drunken PRINCESS LUNA asked her out. She once was trolled online by Trixie, but that was expected from her. That brought back an awkward memory of her being caught under mistletoe with Trixie. Ouch....
And there was that one time with Mister Cake... I better not go in that direction.
On a random occasion, Princess Cadence and Sunset Shimmer blew up her house with a tank. Neo had the urge to murder Gilda one day, so, she did. There was that very, VERY, awkward day, when she woke up, and found herself sleeping next to Apple Bloom, only to later find out that they had had a baby together. Thank goodness that was a nightmare! A few weeks ago, Princess Luna moved in with her, and she had no idea why. A couple of times, Scootaloo had gotten a dare from the other crusaders to kiss Neo. Neo was okay with it, though, only because they were dares. Neo was forced to be Diamond Tiara's secret Santa one christmas, while being stalked by King Sombra. Wait.. King Sombra? What? Anyway... One time, she had an epic party with Rarity, and a few times, she partied hard with Discord, even though she really didn't want to. Once, she was forced to go to the spa with him.
One weird time, during Hearts and Hooves day, Fluttershy walked up to her and asked her to be her special somepony, after saying something about "suddenly being attracted" to Neo. I'm totally okay with that since this pony is adorable. One awkward time, she found out that Babs Seed, Apple Bloom's cousin, has a statue of Neo made out of gum in her closet. One day, Neo became mortal enemies with Sweetie Belle, for no apparent reason.
Neo was starting to think that this was all Discord's fault, since he was the definition of weird, but she then found herself staring into yellow eyes.
She knew exactly who they belonged to.
"Err, hi, Derpy... You're up early."
"Hiya Neo! I wake up early so that I can get muffins before they're all gone!"
"Oh, well, there's a table full of muffins right over there." Neo said, pointing her hoof in the direction of the table.
"Thanks!" Derpy said, brushing past Neo. That reminded Neo of the awkward memory of Derpy asking her out. That was so weird...
Neo decided that she was safe from the little grey filly, so she came out. She walked over to a table serving simple foods, mostly because she was used to foods like that, being very poor, and all. Even though most ponies assumed that she was really rich, because of the amazing amount of video games she has, they always thought that she never wanted to fix her house—which was actually an abandoned building—because it felt homely. That wasn't the case at all.
--------------------
It was the afternoon, and after Neo had seen a large amount of other guests, the others said that she should put her worries to rest. But, Neo stayed skeptical. Grace and Twilight had gone to relax at the onboard pool, and Derpy had asked Pinkie to teach her how to make her favorite muffins. Neo was left all alone, with nothing she could do. She had asked if there was an area for all the fillies and colts, and there was, and it had what she was looking for; video games. But, unfortunately, the wrong kind. The kind that teaches young foals spelling and such.
'Uugghhhh, fine... But just for this afternoon.' Neo thought, finally taking her friends advice. She walked over to the room and went inside. She went into the bathroom and started running a bath. Neo rarely took baths, she mainly took quick showers. But, when she takes a bath, it's usually a very long one. Most ponies assume she falls asleep in the bath, when in reality, she's deep in thought.
Do not think that this is weird. Neo is just gonna be thinking. The narrator NEVER lies.
She stopped the water, and climbed in. She had the water going all the way to her chin. Steam was coming from the water. Neo started to think about what was happening these days, because she had no conspiracy theories to think about.
She thought about all the strange events she had seen, and why a pony would give up five tickets to a luxury cruise. Neo couldn't help but feel slightly drowsy in the waters heat. She could feel sweat on her forehead, and she could tell that the top part of her mane was wet because of the massive amount of vapor in the air. Neo drifted to sleep.
--------------------
Neo woke up when she found herself on the bathroom wall.
'What the heck?' She thought. 'Why is the room sideways?'
The door opened, and she flew through. She saw Pinkie and Grace lying on the... Wall? Whaaaat? And picked them up. Neo flew through the hallways and the various rooms. When she made it to the deck, she saw that there were no life rafts left.
She looked to the deck, and saw Mister Cake standing with a rifle. He saw Neo, and he shot her in the wing. She plummeted to the deck, and when she landed, she landed on her head, knocking her out. She kept bouncing along the deck, until she was in the water.
--------------------
Neo felt something wet, and something rough on her back.
"No, mom... Fifteen more minutes..." She quietly mumbled.
She felt something tugging at her tail, but she didn't mind. 'Probably just mom trying to wake me up...' She thought.
She felt something tugging at her ear.
"Mooooooom.... Just fifteen more minutes..." She mumbled again.
She then felt a stabbing pain in her right wing. Neo got into a sitting position, and screamed. When she was finished screaming, she laid back down again, eyes wide open, and panting like crazy. Every so often, she would let out a small scream, whenever the pain seemed to spike back up.
She then noticed something... She wasn't in her room, and she remembered that her mom was dead. That could only mean one thing.
She had no idea where she was.
A few seconds later, she saw Grace, Twilight, Pinkie and Derpy leaning over her.
"Wh... What happened?" Neo said, after the pain had gone down a bit.
"Well, the boat hit a big rock or something and the hull got damaged, causing it to sink. You came and kinda saved Pinkie and I, but Mister Cake shot your wing. You fell back to the ground, you went unconscious when you hit the ground, and fell off the boat with us. Luckily, Twilight and Derpy saved us by bringing us to this island." Grace said.
"ISLAND!?" Neo screamed, getting into a sitting position and frantically looking around her.
"No.. No.. Nonononono! This can't be happening THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Neo screamed, and she pulled her ears down and started hyperventilating.
"First of all, I told you so! Second of all, I-I can't stay on an island! What if we cant find food? What if we end up eating each other? What if nopony ever finds us? What if we stay here forever!?" Neo says, still hyperventilating.
"WHAT IF-" Twilight clamped her hoof over Neo's mouth before she could make any more assumptions. Twilight needed to calm her down.
"Don't worry, Neo. We will be able to make it back, I'm sure of iYAAAAA!!!" Twilight said, after pulling away her hoof, which had a slight amount of saliva on it. Neo looked at Twilight with a smug look on her face.
"Did you just lick me!?"
Neo nodded.
"It was the only way I knew to get your hoof off my face." She said. "Rainbow taught that trick to me back in flight school."
"I should've known. Neo, you don't have to worry about food." Twilight said, as she pointed her hoof at some coconeigh and manego trees.
"...oh." Was all Neo could say. She got to her hooves.
Neo chuckled.
"Also, if any of those things happen, I'll say 'I told you so' for a second time in this story."
"Wait, what?" The other four said in unison.
"Errrr... Nothing."
Neo chuckled again.
"Well," she said, "let's go and make a bit of shelter."
--------------------
It had been well over three months since they were stranded on the island, and still nopony had arrived to save them. For the past month, Derpy had been acting strange around Grace. And, ever since the first month on the island, Neo got the "island madneighs". This horrible... Disorder? Let's just call it that. This horrible disorder caused Neo to go absolutely bonkers. Pinkie got it, too, and Grace had nicknamed them "The Mad and the Madder", hinting at a movie starring Derpy. Neo had become so mad that she had put a face on a coconeigh, and named it Neighbour.
Grace had become very, VERY, introverted ever since Neo's shift into insanity, so she usually spent her time on the opposite side of the island, where none of the others would usually go. Twilight, however, hadn't changed a bit. She was worried about Equestria and the rest of her friends, as well as the health of Neo and Pinkie, but she never showed it.
It was like any other day on the island, but Neo was acting EVEN CRAZIER than usual.
"Neighbour... What should I do? I dunno if I should do it or not? Should I? SHOULD I!? HUH!? SPEAK TO ME YOU HAIRY EXCUSE FOR FOOD, SPEAK TO MEEE!!!" Neo was talking to her coconeigh again. Twilight just facehoofed whenever Neo did. Pinkie was climbing a manego tree with a giant wet fish. When she reached the top, she started whirling the fish above her head. She had her free foreleg wrapped around the tree for support.
"WHOOHOOO, IM DA KING OF DA WUURRRLD! BOW TO MEEEE! I CAN SEE MAH HOUSE FROM HEEERRE!!! I HAVE A FEEEESH!" Pinkie screamed, making Twilight facehoof again.
"LOOK, MA, NO HOOVES!" Pinkie said, as she let her other foreleg go.
"YEEEAAAAY-WaooAAAH!" Pinkie said, as she fell to the ground with a thud.
Neo sighed dreamily.
"Did you see that, Neighbour? That's the pony I see everyday. I wanna marry, but, I don't have the guts." Neo said to her coconeigh. Even though Neo and Pinkie weren't a couple, she still wanted to marry. What a strange pony... Pinkie suddenly materialized out of nowhere, barely two inches from Neo's face.
"IF YOU WANTED TO MARRY, THEN WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SO!?" Pinkie's voice was booming, it had gone up a few decibels since the island madneighs came. Neo yelped in surprise, and threw her coconeigh into the air.
"P-pinkie!? What the heck!?"
"IF YOU WANNA MARRY, THEN, LETS MARRY!" Pinkie repeated. Neighbour landed right next to Neo, smashing it open and sending bits of coconeigh-y stuff all over the two mares. Neo yelped again.
"Well..." Neo said, unsure of what to say. She then remembered the bits of coconeigh on her.
"NEIGHBOUR!!! NEIGHBOUR IM SORRY!!!" Neo screamed. Pinkie hugged her.
"Cmon," she said, her volume much lower, "let's get the wedding ready."
--------------------
It was the day of the... Err... 'wedding', and wedding stuff happened. Except the kiss. That was replaced by sandcastle building. While Neo and Pinkie was frolicking in the sand, Derpy had something very important to tell Grace.
Derpy brought Grace to the part of the island where the introvert always hung out, the perfect place to tell.
"Sooo... What do you need to say?" Grace asked.
"Well... Err... I.. Uhm..." Derpy just couldn't say it.
"Weeeell? I've got some serious thinking to do, so, come on, say it!"
"I've got... A serious... Crush." Derpy finally said.
"Oh. Is that it? On who?" Grace asked.
"Err... You." Derpy admitted, while trying to avoid eye contact with Grace.
"Wait, what?" Grace said. Derpy, looked back at Grace, became eye level, closed her eyes, and leaned in. Grace knew what was happening, and wasn't comfortable with it AT ALL. She lifted her hoof in front of her mouth just before Derpy's lips met hers.
"Uhh, what are you doing?" Grace said. Derpy opened her eyes to see that she was kissing a hoof.
"Oh, uhh..."
"Listen, Derpy, I'm not trying to be mean, but..." Grace started, but she trailed off.
"I gotta go." Grace said, as she walked to the other side of the island.
She saw Pinkie and Neo in a gigantic, and I mean GIGANTIC sandcastle. It was so big that they could both go inside. Twilight was sitting by the waves, and staring out to sea. Grace suddenly felt very hungry. Neo felt it, too. Neo and Grace walked up to Twilight. They've never tried pony before, and they're both sick of coconeigh and manego for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every single day. This is the only chance they've got to try.
Plus, it's an Alicorn! A. FREAKING. ALICORN! And who needs someone to rule over friendship when it's everywhere? Neo literally started to drool. Since most ponies, and probably all, are vegetarian, they have never eaten anything with meat. Neo remembered a dream she had had, with something called 'chicken wings' and 'steak'. It was a strange dream, but a very strange version of her dug right in. It was almost as if she was right there, tasting the meat herself.
Neo couldn't resist. She jumped onto the unsuspecting princess, and started to bite at her neck. Grace followed suit, but bit at her left hind leg. For some reason, Neo and Grace got razor sharp teeth. I have no idea how, my script—if you can even call it that, since this story is written—doesn't explain why. Whatever. SCIENCE MAGICKY STUFF! There, that explains it.
"AAAGH! What are you two-GAAAAHHH!!!!!" Twilight screamed in pain as Neo ripped off some of her flesh. Twilight was trying her hardest to kick, or push, them away. But she was unable to escape the two cannibal ponies as they tore at her flesh. Pinkie and Derpy were both witnessing this, and both of their jaws were practically touching the ground. Heck, Derpy was even looking straight for once!
After about, like, five minutes of that, Twilight went limp. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she seemed to drool a little.
But, the cannibal ponies didn't stop.
After, like, another twelve minutes, Twilight's feathers were everywhere, her blood was in a pool around her, and she was missing a lot of flesh on her neck, back, and hind legs. Neo and Grace were covered in blood, with some feathers sticking to them due to the fact that blood is sticky-ish. Oh, and the only thing left of Twilight's wings was bone.
After a few more minutes, when Neo and Grace finished savoring their meal, they went back to normal. Neo looked at herself and saw what she was covered in. Grace did the same. They both screamed really, REALLY, loud. Seriously, if you were there, your ears might bleed.
Pinkie looked to the sea, and saw a boat in the distance, heading straight for the island.
"Hey, look!" She said, pointing at the boat after Neo and Grace's screams subsided. Neo and Grace glanced in the direction of the boat, and then looked at Twilight.
Grace was about to say something, but Neo started singing a song as Grace opened her mouth.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pSYx5RfSrBc]
A giant "I Told You So" was sung that day.
When Neo finished singing, she turned to Grace.
"And we are gonna go to court..." She said.
She was right.
They were going to go to court for murdering the princess.