Eyes unopened, a half awake Tarnished Teapot yawned. He could hear birds chirping. He was warm, wrapped up in a blanket with a warm body beside him in the grass. There had been a lot of stargazing last night, he and Maud had taken turns. Tarnish had hazy, fevered memories of laying on his back with Maud straddling him, looking up at both her and the stars. Or Maud below him, looking up at him, and no doubt seeing stars as well.
Tilting his head back, Tarnish’s nose bumped into dew covered grass. He stuck his tongue out, licking away the dew, trying to moisten his dry mouth. He didn’t feel like crawling out of the blanket and being exposed to the cool dawn air. He didn’t feel like waking up Maud, who was still sleeping, somehow looking just as bored when she slept as she did during her waking hours.
He was sore and ached all over. He had a worrisome nagging thought about Pinkie Pie showing up with breakfast. He felt like he needed a shower. There was something else as well, something that nagged at his mind. Flopping over, he fumbled for his amulet, trying to see the sapphire. It was not the soft, faded shade of blue it should be. It had grown a little darker and was now approaching a purple dusk colour.
Worried, Tarnish was wide awake now. Feeling alarmed, he scrambled out of the makeshift bed, stumbled over his own wobbly legs, and went down face first into the grass. Grumbling to himself, he picked himself up, lurched off towards the tent, put the kettle on to boil, and realised that the cast iron stove had gone out at some point during the night.
Whimpering, Tarnish began to feel strong panic. He didn’t want things going wrong. He looked around, trying to figure out what to do, all while feeling the growing urge to go out and empty his bladder, which was now awake and very, very unhappy.
Using his telekinesis, he stuffed some wood into the stove, added some tinder from a box by the stove, and then thought about hot thoughts. Passion made fire, strong emotion, or anger. His brain presented him with nothing and no magic came forth.
“Fudge,” Tarnish swore, his tail swishing with irritation. “Come on, I need some magic. I hope it’s safe to use magic at this point. I need boiling water.”
He forced his brain to think about something passionate. Passion. There had to be something that made him feel something that would work to get the fire going. He thought about last night. Maud’s sleepy expression. Her heavy breathing. The way that Maud’s ear would twitch just before she climaxed.
“Gah!” Tarnish cried as his horn blazed with a piercing light and fire sprang up from the tender. Now he was aroused, needed to go pee, and worried about his magic causing a disaster. This was going to be some morning.
“You know, you could have used a match.”
Tarnish turned and looked at Maud. She was standing in the opening of the tent, naked, without her smock, watching him. She looked sleepy, but she always looked sleepy. As he stood staring, Maud yawned, showing her flat, square teeth and that little dangly thingy in the back of her throat.
“Tarnish, let me fix the tea. I can tell by the way you keep shifting around that you have other pressing concerns. Everything will be fine. Go on, go look after yourself.”
“Right. Thank you. You are amazing.”
“I know. There is no point in bragging about it. You’ve already won me over.”
“I love you in stupid, crazy ways,” Tarnish said as he made his exit.
Sipping tea, Tarnish was glad to see the sapphire in his amulet glowing a cool blue. His stomach rumbled. He watched as Maud entered the tent once more, stepping inside after taking care of her own needs.
He watched as Maud approached, drew near, he watched her head tilt, and then his vision was filled with Maud, who was kissing him, a sweet good morning peck, a gentle touching of the lips. She pulled away, stepped back, and sat down, getting comfortable beside Tarnish. There was a second cup of tea sitting on the low wooden table.
“One cup of tea, hot, no sugar,” Tarnish said.
“Marvellous.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Tarnished Teapot, we were up all night.” Maud blinked. “I slept very little.”
Staring into Maud’s face, Tarnish had another epiphany. Much like Maud’s voice, Maud’s face left much to the imagination. It was blank, almost expressionless, and he had to rely upon his imagination to try and capture her emotion. He had to think about Maud, try to reason out what she might be feeling and why. Much like her voice, it was like looking at a mare in a long dress and wondering what she looked like beneath it. What her cutie mark might be. By not being expressive, Maud was mysterious and appealing.
“You’re staring.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Well, don’t stop. I like it.” Maud lifted up her teacup between her hooves and blew into her tea. She closed her eyes, her long eyelashes now resting upon her cheek, unaware that what she was doing was stoking Tarnish’s fire and giving his imagination something to work with. The steam from the cup rose and was sucked into her nostrils.
“Maud, what happens now? I mean, what’s next for us?” Tarnish asked.
Opening her eyes, Maud looked at Tarnish. “We get your leg checked. It’s been about four weeks, it might be healed enough. We get that cast removed. We gather up supplies, get our notebooks, pack everything into my wagon, say goodbye to those we love, and then we hit the road. After that, we go to sites of geological interest and I continue to survey those sites, trying to learn all I can about them.”
“That sounds good,” Tarnish said.
“Our first stop will be the Ghastly Gorge. There is a nexus there that I’ve been dying to investigate and all kinds of interesting geological formations. After that, we go to the Scariest Cave in Equestria.”
“Oh, that sounds delightful.” Tarnish took a sip of tea.
“That is not a normal reaction.” Maud looked Tarnish in the eye.
“I’ve given up on any pretence of normal. I have a weird wife, might as well live a weird life.” Tarnish tossed his head back to get his mane out of his eyes. “Let’s face it Maud, you and I were made for weird. We’re not normal ponies.”
“No. No we are not.” Maud resumed staring down into her teacup.
“We are ideally suited for one another and our chosen professions. A shared destiny. To go out and walk the ways of the weird. To walk the tattered fringes of reality.” Tarnish tilted back his teacup and took a swallow.
“You make it sound so romantic. It makes me want to kiss you,” Maud said, sounding as though she would drop into a deep slumber at any moment, showing the same amount of enthusiasm for kissing as one did for cleaning toilets.
Just as Tarnish was getting ready to say something flirty to his bride, the tent flap opened and Pinkie Pie poked her head in. She had her eyes squeezed shut and her ears were perked.
“Here I am! Here I am! Stop whatever it is that you might be doing and pay attention! Sister delivering breakfast!” Pinkie Pie waited for some kind of response, a smile upon her face.
“Come on in Pinkie. Tarnish just threw me down on the floor and was about to ravish me,” Maud said to Pinkie Pie in a voice of utter flatness.
“Maud, I can’t tell if you are being funny. Is it safe to open my eyes?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“We’re drinking tea and talking about what we’re going to do next.” Tarnish cleared his throat. “Come in, it’s safe.”
“Whew!” Pinkie Pie opened her eyes and looked around. She had a picnic basket balanced upon her back. “Your mother plans to be by in a little while. She wants to spend some time with both of you. Twilight Sparkle sends her best wishes. I can’t stay long. There is some kind of cutie mark crisis and the map is sending us off on an adventure!”
“Map? Crisis?” Tarnish, confused, stared at Pinkie.
“Never mind about that. It’s a lot to explain.” Pinkie Pie beamed. “But we have time to have breakfast together!”