To appease you know who, I'll start off this chapter with one perfect, 100% genuine joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Banana you glad I didn't make a joke about elephants?
(Your laughter and applause here)
Wow, that sure was funny. Even a humorless subhuman would have to acknowledge that! Now then, time to get down to business.
Applejack's animated corpse tilted forward at a perfect 42 degrees as the laser guidance system in her anus lined her up perfectly with a nearby tree. A tree that was about to be kicked. Then, with the grace of a swan, she struck out with all the precision and grace of a swan, hitting the tree with her hardened horse feet, destroying the tree outright in a fiery explosion because it wasn't an apple tree.
"All other trees must be purged," she rationalized her outrageous tree xenophobia, not even bothering to fake a Spanish accent because she was all alone at the moment.
That's when she heard the sound of talking coming up over a nearby hill with her oversize pony ears. She quickly trotted over to the source, eager to get some company that wasn't trees for the first time in weeks. She got up to them, finding that it was her good friends Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and that one human. "Hola amigos," she burped in the vilest taco-tongue in all of Ponyville. "My neeeples are so teeeender," teased Applejack knowing that Rainbow Dash had a problem with her bloody nips and was very sensitive about it.
However, it was Twilight, not Rainbow, that butted in. "This really isn't the time, Applejack. I'm about to make a lot of dollars- I mean we need to fix a problem."
Applejack tilted her head as if to ask 'what problem', when suddenly a pulse of magical scanning energon raced its way through her entire body. This prompted her to look over at the human, finally realizing he wasn't the same human that she normally saw beating up animals at the edge of the Everfree. "W-hat?" she wondered aloud while putting on a hat with a large, stylized 'W' on the top.
"I just scanned you," started Noman, "and it turns out you're yet another new species. I just finished naming you."
Twilight looked at him, anger stenciled on her normally-blank face, "you didn't."
"I thought the name 'icky-sicky fart beast' was appropriate," he said shyly with a blush.
"Aw jeez!" Rainbow Dash spewed, hitting herself in the eye that she didn't hit last chapter, giving herself a second black eye. Now she had two black eyes. She had 2 black eyes. That's as many as two ones. And that's terrible.
Twilight shrugged, not really seeing the problem. "I think that name describes Earth ponies quite nicely," she said, racistly.
Applejack was so mad, but even she had to admit that the name fit her pretty well. This conversation had only been going on for 8 minutes and she'd already farted 8 times. She'd farted eight times. That's as many as four twos. And that's terrible. It was a well-known fact that ponies of all species fart at least once a minute, but Earth ponies tend to fart slightly more, averaging an extra fart every half hour over other pony types. That's the magic of Earth ponies for you!
"So where are ya'll going?" Applejack wondered, her accent incredibly inconsistent because the writer/narrator can't be bothered to care.
"These two stinkin' ponies want to see my super cool space ship," explained Noman, flexing and showing off his guns. He had an assault riffler and a snipper riffler and a blasty gun.
"Wow, that's pretty swank, dawg," acknowledged Applejack. "I wanna come too, yo."
"Alright, I'll send you a party invite," said Noman. He didn't like sharing experience and loot, but it'd be a lot faster if she was affected by his crusader aura. He did, then she did, and they were all in a party and ready for adventure like the Dora the Explorer.
"Where's ya'll's ship anyhow?" wondered Applejack, referring to him in plural because she's an uneducated cretin who dropped out of school to kick trees.
Noman's eyes dilated, sweat dripping from his every pore like whipcream flowing like waterfalls onto my pizza (P.I.Z.Z.A), as he turned and fixed Applejack with outrage clearly visible on his helmet-covered face. "T-t-the Everfree Forest," he explained, stuttering because that's what Rainbow Dash had called it.
"T-t-the Everfree Forest?!" his three party ponies parroted punctually before being cut off as the writer/narrator got tired and decided to leave it hanging here until next chapter.