Dodge was nervous.
Actually, “nervous” was a really weak word for his situation; he was sweating bullets. The large, grey policecolt counted the minute movements it took for him to raise a hoof to his face. Brushing his midnight-blue mane from his purple eyes, he slightly adjusted the lavender aviators that he’d been getting snarky comments on throughout the train ride to Canterlot.
They could all go buck themselves, he thought. Right now what he needed was a security blanket, and these damn sunglasses would fit the bill. Actually, when he stopped to think about it, what he truly needed was a fifth of Applejack Daniels to calm his nerves, and then a shot or two to chase it down. Maybe another shot to give the previous two a little pep talk, try to get ‘em ready for the day ahead. Oh, Celestia, today.
He mentally kicked himself as he involuntarily swore using the Princess’ name. She was the last mare he wanted to be thinking about today. Or at all. Ever.
Officer Dodge Charger was seated stone-faced next to his partner Cherry n’Berries on the noontime train from Ponyville to Canterlot. She had opted for a quick nap along the way, while he had slowly reverted back to his Royal Guard training and was now completely immobile on the bench. His eyes were fixed on a specific point in space that training had burned into his brain, securing them faster than every muscle in his body. If somepony tried to look at him for too long, they’d have to blink from the effort.
The two policeponies were dressed in all of their post’s finery. Crisp-looking caps covered their heads, bearing a silver police shield above the brim. Over their normal armored vests, they sported deep blue uniforms, pressed and starched until the creases could cut steel. Dodge wistfully remembered a day that he had actually tried that after reporting for a uniform inspection. A few of the bars sealing off their department’s cell block still hadn’t been repaired.
They both wore their equipment belts cinched around their waists, loaded with batons, pepper spray, hoofcuffs, extremely unreliable walkie-talkies (powered by a combination of gemstones and prayer), and Dodge’s pack of Mareboro Red cigarettes. He hadn’t touched a smoke since they had boarded the train. Cherry had noticed in between her regularly-paced powernaps. Stifling a groan, she sat up and cracked her slim back before addressing the unnaturally uptight pony.
“Dodge, you’ve gotta get a grip. We’re almost there. Let’s just get through today, get back home, slam a few drinks at The Filthy Whore, and hit the sack.” Cherry blinked the sleep out of her bright blue eyes as she finished waking up. Vaguely she thought that it should have been physically impossible for her partner to have sat totally immobile for nearly an hour, and that she should probably be more concerned than she was…but, again, it was a very vague thought.
“Look, yes, you’re gonna have to walk next to the Princess for a while. Yes, she’ll definitely remember you, and yes, she’ll probably take advantage of you the first chance she gets. Yes, I’ll be taking juicy photos the entire time. But you shouldn’t let any of that get you down! And depending on how much you spot me for drinks tonight, I won’t even show the Chief anything involving you being molested by a Sun Goddess.” Her stone-faced partner didn’t budge. The thousand-yard stare continued. Somewhere outside the train, a songbird died in midflight as Dodge’s gaze shattered its fragile heart.
“Dodge. Dodge. Look at you. What would Feathers say?” He grunted unintelligibly without moving a single muscle. Well, it was a start. Bringing up the most recent addition to the police force’s numbers always ruffled him up a bit. “That’s right. She’d probably laugh at you. Call you a real lame-o. Are you gonna take that from the chick that just got slapped with Dispatch duty?” The stallion cracked his mouth open slightly, grinding his teeth as he pictured hearing her chew him out.
“That’s better. Are you gonna be a big, brave policepony today?” She cooed playfully, giving him a rough punch on the shoulder. The impact against his tense body made her hiss painfully; for all she knew, she’d just punched concrete.
Almost below the level of equine hearing, Cherry could make out one word as her partner’s lips opened and shut.
“Yes.”
“Great! Because we’re here. Let’s get you assaulted and take some photos to laugh at in the years to come. C’mon.” The train was pulling to a stop, easing up to the platform as the conductor leaned outside and shouted at a few colts playing near the tracks.
Cherry hopped to her feet and joined the line of ponies slowly filing out of the car. She turned to Dodge and nodded her head towards the door, eventually persuading him to step away from the bench and out of the train with her. Even on his feet he maintained perfectly rigid control of every muscle, staring into the distance and moving with a slow, deliberate step that a pony might use on the way to death row. It looked exhausting.
“MOVE IT, CHARGER!” The white mare stepped behind Dodge and shoved him as hard as she could, forcing him to keep a decent pace as the two made their way towards Canterlot Castle. She knew that if he really, truly, wanted to stay there, nothing short of telekinetically lifting him all the way to the palace’s gates would make him move. She’d seen dirtbags facing twenty-five-to-life more enthusiastic than this. “It’s about one o’clock now, and the parade starts at half-past three. We need to get to the palace and report in to the Princesses within the next fifteen minutes. Can you at least move with a purpose?” He grunted noncommittally, but picked up his pace a bit.
They passed several ponies setting up for the parade, erecting booths full of interesting wares and carting heaps of food towards the final parade field where the Princesses would finish their ceremony. A silvery-maned unicorn mare had begun tidying up a small stage on one street corner, setting several props behind the curtain and adjusting her robe and wizard hat. Down another alley two gangly unicorn stallions were busily rehearsing a short musical number, something that involved a lot of royalty-directed flattery and hopes for future investment in questionable brewing equipment.
Today was an important day for Equestria, and all of Canterlot was out in the streets getting ready. It was the first Lunar Light celebration since Princess Luna’s return from the moon and her possession by Nightmare Moon. Tonight’s lunar calendar called for the largest, fullest moonrise in the past seven centuries, and the younger alicorn would be raising it above the horizon after the parade had finished and before the festivities were set to commence. Already the shopkeepers were stocking their racks full of glitter-coated tiaras, sparklers, fireworks, and mouth-watering moon pies. A few of them catered to the after-dark and adults-only portion of the event, stocking glowsticks, flashing strobes, and copious amounts of alcohol. All kinds. Dodge looked on pitifully as several competing bartenders began practicing their craft against each other for the evening. The idea of drinking himself numb began to grow stronger.
With all of the problems the citizens of Equestria had endured over the past year, including the return of Nightmare Moon, Discord, and most recently, the Changeling Swarm, everypony was in a pretty good mood for a little celebration – especially the Princess of the Night herself. Rumor had it that even though she had been attempting small forays into the outside world again, she was still silently blaming herself for the fear of Nightmare Moon that her citizens often felt near her. This festival revolved around her beautiful night sky and the time that she took to prepare it for the ponies around the world every evening.
That also meant that absolutely nothing could go wrong, and even though Cherry and Dodge were there more as a novelty than legitimate protection, it was their job to make sure the Princesses were safe throughout the day and into the night. The Royal Guard was always present, but the policeponies would be escorting the Princesses on their circuit around the city personally.
Speaking of the Guard…
“Halt. State your business at Canterlot Castle.” A bleached-white hoof stopped Cherry and Dodge from entering the main gate to the palace’s reception hall. Flanking either side of the doorway was a pegasus Guardspony, who stood snorting at the two members of Ponyville’s finest under their heavy golden armor. “Wait…hey, Steel, is this who I think it is?” His hoof still barring their way, the leftmost guard began to smile.
The owner of the offending hoof grinned at his partner, breaking his rough Guard demeanor to look Dodge up and down like he was judging a head of lettuce at the supermarket. The second Guard, apparently named Steel, nodded gruffly and resumed staring off at the horizon. He didn’t want to deal with this.
“Captain Dodge Charger, in the flesh. Oh, whoops, looks like it’s Officer Charger now, huh? Say…you don’t have to escort Princess Celestia, do you?”
“Nimbus…” Steel warned his partner, his demeanor stoic even while reprimanding the dense pegasus.
“Hey, hey, I’m not intimately acquainted with Her Highness, Charger. Would you mind giving me a few pointers on how to get there? How to Woo a Goddess in 10 Simple Steps? Dating With Alicorns? Maybe the Magical Rape Victim’s Awareness Guide?”
“Lieutenant Cumulo Nimbus. Shut. Up.” Steel broke his pose to glare at the excited Guard. Cherry was getting a little steamed, too; she was the only pony around here allowed to talk shit to Dodge. This joker hadn’t earned the right. Before she could drag him to the side and give him a little wall-to-wall chat, the idiot blabbed one last time:
“Heard you quit the Guard because you couldn’t handle the heat of the sun shining from your a-”
Dodge’s sunglasses slid off, his face suddenly inches from Nimbus’. The pegasus froze in terror, staring helplessly into the gigantic earth pony’s gaze. Beyond his pupils, Nimbus could see a dread he’d never experienced before in his life. Worlds burned, ponies wept. Horrors his mind couldn’t fathom reached out through two empty purple eyes.
Without a word, Dodge slipped his shades back on and walked through the gate. Cherry regarded the still-frozen pony for a moment and shrugged to Steel, trotting after her partner. Nimbus’ forced gasp caught up with her ears as she entered the castle.
“Steel…Steel, dude. What did he do? I can’t see. I can’t see a thing. Shit, Steel, I’m blind, what did he do?”
“You bucking idiot…stumble your way around the grounds until you bump into a medic. I’m not helping you.”
-----
They breezed inside the castle, letting the din of the palace staff drown out the cries of a panicked Guard out front. The reception hall stretched out in front of the two ponies, and a red carpet led up a grand staircase to the Great Hall where the Princesses ruled from their thrones. Tapestries filled the spaces between intricate stained-glass windows which rose a dozen meters off the ground. The hustle and bustle from the city had found its way inside as servants and Guards ran back and forth, frantically making preparations for the evening. Cherry pointed and laughed every time two or three of them collided in a heap on the marble floor, sending bits of armor and carefully packed supplies flying.
As soon as he had stepped through the door, though, Dodge had completely locked up again. For a flickering second, Cherry wondered if he’d be okay, but the rattling of the camera in her pocket reminded her that she still wanted something fun to hang on the wall at work. She considered herself a true master of her art – which, while not traditional photography, was immensely satisfying in its own right. Collecting blackmail material had always straddled the fine line between “innocent hobby” and “dangerous obsession.” Ah, hell, Dodge would live. He’d been through tougher stuff.
“C’mon, big guy, let’s get it done.” She led the way up the staircase, weaving around frenzied servants all the way up the daunting number of steps. Dodge followed closely behind her, moving entirely on autopilot. He believed without a doubt that his mortal soul had nearly left his body. Time seemed to slow around him as he remembered climbing this same staircase every day, wearing the heavy, fitted plate armor of the Guard and proudly protecting an immortal ruler.
He couldn’t even picture her in his head without the visual being dominated by her terrifying grin. Nopony else ever saw that grin. Nope, he had unwittingly been a very special addition to her personal guard. Finally, the great pair of double doors cracked open, allowing the two policeponies into the throne room. Flickering images of a rat slinking into an open trap spun through Dodge’s head.
An incredibly smooth, reassuring voice greeted the officers in dulcet tones as the doors quickly slammed shut behind them.
“Ah, hello, my little ponies.”