//------------------------------// // 6. Denial Isn't Just a River in Neighgypt // Story: The Diamond in the Stars // by Distaff Pope //------------------------------//         My sewing machine jammed, and a quiver full of very unladylike words loosed from my lips. From her spot in the study, Twilight laughed. “And just what is so funny?” I asked, turning from the banner I’d been sewing to look at her. The last few days certainly hadn’t done anything to diminish my feelings for her, but we’d both been so busy I hadn’t had the time to dwell on them. Still, there were those moments at the end of each day, when the both of us had finished our work and we sat talking about some little thing that had captured our interests, where I was made acutely aware of my feelings. Sometimes, cold showers are a mare’s best friend.         “Nothing,” she said, still giggling. “I just didn’t think you’d have the worst language out of all my friends.”         My face twisted into mock shock. “Twilight Sparkle, I’ll have you know my language is impeccable. I can weave beautiful tapestries out of the foulest and basest words in the Equestrian language. How much better could my language be?”         She smiled and put down her quill. “So that’s what you call swearing: ‘weaving a tapestry.’ I think you could give Applejack and Rainbow Dash a few lessons.”         “Like I said, it’s an art form, Twilight. I spent years practicing how to speak properly, and during that time, I also learned how to speak very improperly. What’s the saying? ‘In order to talk like an angel, you have to swear like a devil,’” I said with a little laugh.         “You just made that up,” Twilight said, shaking her head.         “Did I?” I asked, shrugging and taking a few steps towards her. I’d spent the last four days sewing banners for her court; a few minutes for friendly banter wouldn’t be the end of the world. “Well, it should be a saying. The point is that in order to know what’s good, you also have to have a detailed understanding of what isn’t. Plus, in the world of the nobility, every statement has to be layered in meaning. If you want to insult a pony, you need to give them just the right compliment.”         “Right,” she said. “I kind of got that. I heard stories when I was in Celestia’s court, but I thought most of them were just exaggerations, and I really didn’t care either way.”         “Well, it’s something you’ll have to get used to,” I said, trotting to her desk. “And speaking of political intrigue, how is your docket looking?”         “Oh! I finished that a while ago, it’s probably been my easiest project so far. I just cross-referenced the severity of the request with the time the request was received, so if somepony had a big problem, they’d get seen earlier than the pony who was upset by my court’s colors who submitted the request at the same time as them,” she said, while I looked over the docket she’d passed me. Her system was certainly clever, and in a perfect world, it was absolutely fine. Unfortunately, the world of the nobility was anything but.         “Now, pardon me for asking a silly question, but what would you do if somepony came in with an urgent request minutes before your daily court started?” I asked, finishing my reading of the docket. It was, to be polite, a mess – perfectly egalitarian, but still a mess.         “Well,” she frowned. “I suppose if their request was really urgent, I’d move them to the front of the day’s docket. At the very least, I’d make time for them at the end of the day.”         “And if twenty ponies came to you with ‘urgent news’ at the start of court?” I asked, floating her quill over and making notes in the margins.         “Then…” She frowned in thought as the bit dropped. “You’re saying I’ve incentivized the system to reward ponies who over-exaggerate the nature of their problem,” she said, grabbing a sheet of paper and scribbling. “Thank you; I need to completely redo my criteria for determining appointments. Should I just institute a first-come first-served policy, or–?”         “What about this,” I said, sitting down next to her and trying to contain my thrill at being so close to her. Professionalism, Rarity. “We keep your policy in place for regular ponies, since I doubt they’ll have the resources or inclination to game your court, and we’ll only allow four or so nobles to meet with you a day, with appointments to be determined by your assistant.”         She nodded and tapped her hoof. “Okay, but… could you be my assistant? At least until I can find somepony else. You’re so graceful and poised, and I’m sure nopony else will be able to handle the nobility like you can. You’re really the only pony I know who can do the job.” I smiled at her. “I was about to suggest the very idea to you, Twilight.” Well, no, I wasn’t. At all. Taking tea with nobles to discuss their needs was hardly my idea of a good time these days. But perhaps it wouldn’t be too intolerable. “Although that’s only if the position is temporary. I do want to re-open the Boutique some day.”         “Of course,” Twilight said, floating a volume of the Equestrian tax code over. “And if you can take care of this for me, then I can devote more time to understanding all the potential legal nuances and ramifications of my rulings. Obviously, I’m not going to break the law on my first – or any – day of court.”         “Yes,” I said, sighing and imagining her nights spent obsessing over the potential implications of some half-forgotten decree issued eight-hundred years ago when applied to another half-forgotten decree issued three-hundred years ago. Princess Celestia had many strengths, but a millennium of rule had led to a legal code that was a confusing mess of contradictory rules on the best of days. Honestly, if not for the ‘recency rule,’ nothing would be illegal in Equestria save murder. “Well, are there any factors you wish me to weigh when determining who gets an audience with you? The nobility will find out about them, and try to exploit them in the future.”         Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Rarity, that’s it!”         “What’s it?” I asked, tilting my head. I hadn’t said anything particularly insightful, just that the nobility excelled at manipulating rules to their favor.         “You said earlier that the nobles will want to somehow win my favor for their personal prestige, and I complained that maybe they should do something useful instead. Well, I’ve kind of been thinking about that since then, and you just gave me an idea. If you were to reward nobles who engaged in philanthropic efforts or were patrons of the sciences and arts with an audience, then maybe they’ll compete with each other by doing things that are actually useful. It’s… do you think it could work?” she asked, looking up at me. She was so close, I could smell her. Not perfumed, like most ponies, but her scent wasn’t bad. There was something so unmistakably Twilight Sparkle about it. She smelled like an evening curled up next to the fire reading a book.         “It certainly could,” I said, nodding my head. “At the very least, it’s worth attempting. It’s not as if you can make the nobility worse.” Well, I suppose she could. They were incompetent, vain, and self-deluded, but they weren’t particularly malicious or sadistic. Still, Twilight’s idea didn’t seem as though it would be likely to nurture those qualities.         “Great,” Twilight said, jotting down her new policy without bothering to look away from her book. “Imagine how great it will be if this works. The nobility might actually turn into leaders of Equestria, like they’re supposed to be. Can you imagine it? Ooh! I should create a record noting the changes in the nobility’s behavior as my experiment continues. Maybe in a few generations, they’ll start naturally selecting for altruism.” And just like that, she’d turned the whole thing into an experiment. Then again, I suppose everything was an experiment for her.         “If that’s it, then, I’ll just look through the list of nobles requesting an audience with you, and write informing them they need to speak with me at their earliest convenience,” I said, moving back to my sewing machine and warming my horn up for the mending spell I’d have to cast to undo my mistake. ♦♦♦         I resisted the urge to sigh as I stared across the desk in my office at the pink mare with white mane sitting across from me. If I squinted, she reminded me of Diamond Tiara before Sweetie helped her. Which reminded me, I needed to write and see how she was doing. Whatever part she may have played in Sweetie’s downfall was small and unintentional, certainly far smaller than my own role. Besides, her store was one of my top dress sellers. Ooh, I needed to finish my fall line soon.         Where was I? Yes, sitting across from the single most tedious mare in Equestria. What was she saying now? “...And I’m sure Princess Twilight would’ve greeted me sooner, but one of her underlings, like yourself, must have lost the paper and didn’t realize just what an important pony I am…” You are a viscountess who ‘owns’ some undeveloped prairie, and you’re speaking to a mare who helped save your tiny unimportant patch of land and the rest of Equestria at least three times. I probably had at least five more minutes until I had an opening to deny her request.         Oh yes, I had an office now. The day after I agreed to help Twilight arrange her meetings, the castle sprouted a brand new wing of administrative offices, and even had the courtesy to engrave my name next to one of the doors. We also had royal kitchens, a barracks, and servants’ quarters, all freshly spawned by the Tree of Harmony. I wonder if the Tree could start catapulting ponies out of my office. How many nobles could I launch through a window before it started getting boring? Fifty? At least fifty.         Once I was done with today’s appointments, I had to get Twilight’s torque from the jeweler, then I had to make five more banners to stay on schedule, and prepare for tomorrow’s meetings. Why had I agreed to help Twilight, again? Right, because she’s a friend and needed the help. That’s really all there was to it. Still...  One day all this will end, and you can go back to living alone in the Boutique. Oh, speaking of living alone, you need to choose Twilight’s guard roster. When court starts, she’ll absolutely need somepony to keep the nobles from harassing her at all hours.         I smiled at Viscountess Fertile Valley. How many children did she have? With a name like that, you’d expect at least a few. What were her parents thinking? Even if her name dream was literally nothing more than an image of a fertile valley, there had to be at least some better names they could come up with. “Yes, I’m sure this was all just some massive misunderstanding, Viscountess. Unfortunately, Twilight Sparkle can’t see you for the next few seasons at least. How does next year look for you?” I asked, slipping into my script and pulling out my calendar.         “No! I’ve waited long enough, I demand–”         My eyebrow shot up. Ah, she was going to argue with me. That was nice, far better than the stuffy posturing and vapid assurances. “Oh, you demand? Well, that certainly does put the matter in a different light entirely. I’ll just go to the princess and tell her that you demand an audience with her, then? I’m sure that will endear you to her. Unlike Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle has no obligation to see you. A meeting with her is a privilege and should be seen as such.”         But common ponies don’t have this trouble getting a meeting with Princess Twilight, she’d say if she was following the same script the rest of the nobility were using.         “But I heard from my friend, the Viscountess of Desert Bluffs, that commoners don’t have this trouble getting an audience with her,” she said, adding a bit of improvisation to her line.         I smiled my best conciliatory smile. “I understand, Viscountess Valley – but you must understand, Princess Twilight Sparkle’s reputation as the common pony’s princess is very dear to her, and she wants them to always have a voice in her court. Obviously, she wants to see the cream of the nobility as well – but she must apportion her time, and there are far more common ponies than there are gentry. Of course…” Give her the bait.         “What?” she asked, going back on script and biting the hook.         “Well, like I said, Princess has a deep and abiding interest in the common ponies, and wishes for nothing more than their betterment. Perhaps if you were to display a similar interest, she’d be interested in meeting with a kindred spirit. Obviously, I can’t make any promises–” Even though I’m one hundred percent in charge of determining which nobles see Twilight on what day. “–But it can’t hurt your chances. Besides, I’ve heard generosity is its own reward.”         A spark of dull recognition lit her eyes up. It was going to become an inferno in a few seconds. “Oh, yes, generosity… doesn’t she live in this town with the rest of them?” I do so love being reduced to just my element.         “Indeed she does. Why do you ask?” I said, smiling at her. I knew exactly what her motives were, but we had to keep up the pretense for a few more seconds.         “Well, I was thinking that perhaps she could help me come up with some ideas to impress Princess Twilight Sparkle. They are friends, aren’t they?” she asked. Even though I’d had this speech with about thirty nobles by now, they never told each other just who Twilight’s assistant was. I suppose it’s harder to hold a faux pas against somepony if all their peers committed it as well. Twilight had her work cut out for her.         I smiled. The look on her face was going to be priceless. At least, it would be if I hadn’t seen it thirty times before. “Yes, I suppose I could be persuaded to offer some assistance in that regard.” I extended a hoof to her. “I’m Rarity, the Element of Generosity, and it’s very lovely to meet you, Viscountess Valley.” Petty? Possibly, but also immensely cathartic. Sometimes, you just need to see a pony’s look of abject humiliation when they realize what a titanic all-devouring ass they’ve been. “Please feel free to make an appointment if you ever want what advice I have to offer.”         She didn’t say a word as she scurried out of my office, and as the door shut I slumped down into my desk. “Spike!” I called a minute later. “I need you.” The side door to my office swung open and the tiny dragon click-clacked in.         “Heh, could you have told me that before I met Mina?” I glared at him. “Anyways, what’s up?”         “Do you have the list of guard candidates?” I asked. “We have a few minutes before my next appointment, right?”         “Uh-huh,” he said, nodding and sprinting back into his side-room. “Got it all right here, and you’ve got about half an hour before your next appointment. You really want to look through the guard stuff now? We can do it later.”         “Yes, but if I get it done now, then later I can take a nap, or design one of my dresses, or talk with Twilight. If we get it done now, I’ll be done with work that much sooner,” I said, levitating the folder from his claws.         “I guess that makes sense,” he said, hopping onto the desk. Something told me Twilight wouldn’t approve, but it was faster than him dragging his stool in from his office.         “One day, Spike, we’re going to hire ponies to do all this work for us, so we can take a well-deserved vacation.” I flipped open the folder and leafed through the pages. “Anypony here stand out to you?”         “Uhmm… one pony does,” he said, his claw darting into the folder and pulling out a paper with an orange pegasus on it. Flash Sentry. An invisible vise squeezed my lungs.         “You know, Spike, perhaps it would be for the best if we didn’t choose a pony Twilight had a previous romantic entanglement with. It could compromise her security,” I said. That made sense, didn’t it? Yes, if they got together and broke up, it would be foal’s play for him to be turned against Twilight.         “But they don’t have a romantic... whatever. That was with human Flash. I don’t think Twilight and pony Flash have said more than a few words to each other,” Spike said, narrowing his eyes. “Besides, I thought you’d like the idea of Flash guarding Twilight. Don’t you have a whole shelf of books about princess-guard romances?”         “It’s not an entire shelf,” I said, “although I admit, with the wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Cadance a few years ago, the number of such romances has soared. Anyways, my point is that while such things are all well and good in stories, we can’t just apply story logic to Twilight’s safety and hope things work out.”         “Uh-huh,” Spike said, still staring at me. “So you weren’t applying story logic when you were gushing about how romantic Cadance and Shining’s wedding was?” When did he get so sharp? He was probably too old for me to distract him with a gem, wasn’t he? Yes, almost certainly. Plus, I didn’t have any gems in my office.         “That was different,” I said, struggling to come up with justifications. “Flash’s human counterpart has proven to be unreliable, and considering how close our similarities are with our other selves, I feel bringing him here would only be inviting disaster and risking Twilight’s safety.”         He raised a scaly eyebrow at me. “Oh, I get it. You like Twilight. Kind of obvious when I think about it. You two talking in her study until early morning, all the glances you’ve been giving her, the way you hang on her every word when she’s lecturing about something. You don’t want Flash here because you’re afraid of the two of them getting together.”         “I– I–” I stammered, struggling to find an argument that could adequately capture just how wrong he was. I failed. He wasn’t. “Oh, Spikey-wikey, would it be so terrible if you were right? Yes, Twilight’s very dear to me, but… I can’t keep Flash from her just because I’m jealous. If he’s one of the best candidates for the job, then we’ll contact him.”         “But how can you contact him if we never got his application,” he said, ripping Flash’s application to pieces. “Whoops, clumsy me.”         “Spike, that’s…” Incredibly immature. Not that I was any better at the moment. “Why did you do that?”         “Because Twilight’s been way happier since you started living here.” Well, I didn’t think I was living here, just… Yes, I suppose I was living here, but he made it sound like it was some sort of permanent thing. “And you haven’t seen the way she looks at you while you’re working?”         “Spike, don’t be silly, Twilight just sees me as a dear friend,” I said, pulling my attention back to the file of potential guard candidates and sorting them into two piles. No. Yes. Yes. No. No. Certainly not. So much work to do to get ready. “Whatever you say,” Spike said, not bothering to conceal his eye-roll. “You should tell her how you feel.”         “And just what would that accomplish?” I asked, keeping my attention on the folder. No. No. No. No. “I’ve already damaged one friendship, and I have no intention of repeating my mistake. Once is an accident, twice is malice, isn’t it?”         “I don’t think that’s what that saying means,” he said, stamping the “no” papers with a big red REJECTED. Well, at least this way, we won’t have to worry about the rejected applicants being confused with the accepted. I’ll have to come up with a nice form letter to let them down easy. “Besides, you can’t just not tell a pony how you feel because you’re worried about messing up your friendship. We turned out okay, didn’t we?”         “We did, but we also never acted on anything. There’s a small difference between acknowledging an infatuation and dating for years,” I said. He winced. No, that wasn’t my nicest moment, but still, the situation was completely different.         “Why are you being so difficult about this? Applejack moved on, and you were the one who dumped her. If you like Twilight, that’s cool and you should totally go for it. But… at the very least, you should tell her how you feel. Things might go better than you expect,” Spike said, and it was my turn to wince. Yes, Applejack was fine now, wasn’t she? She had her nice perfect little life, and I still felt like I was one bad push from crumbling in on myself. Applejack, Sweetie Belle... I couldn’t add Twilight Sparkle to the list.         “Because, I just… I am. It’s easy to rush into love when you’re young and the whole world is opening up for you – but when you’re older, as the scars start building up, you stop seeing what you’ll gain, and start seeing what you’ll lose. For Twilight, the cost is too high for me to risk it.” Give him a few centuries, let him see how it feels. No, what am I saying? I wouldn’t wish time upon anypony, certainly not a dear friend. “Spike, when I’m with Twilight, I feel better than wonderful, like I can do things never thought possible, and I’d love to date her – but at the same time, I can’t lose that feeling, and I don’t exactly have a sterling relationship track record.”         “I guess I get it,” he said, sighing. “Between Blueblood and Applejack, you do have a pretty bad romantic history, so I can kind of see why you don’t want to try. But maybe with her next to you, you can do the impossible.”         “Very clever, Spike,” I said sighing. When did he learn how to use rhetorical flourishes? “I promise, once all this – once Twilight’s court has started, I’ll tell her how I feel. But if things go as poorly as I fear, you’re in charge of getting me my ice cream.”         “Fine, sure, and if it starts raining chocolate milk, I’ll carry your umbrella,” he said. Of course, that wasn’t likely to happen... not until Pinkie’s next birthday party, anyway.         Twelve names. I had twelve names. Six from the Solar and six from the Lunar guard. There was a wonderful symmetry to that. Equidistant between night and day sits twilight. Ooh! I could give her court that duality theme, but… No, much better to having Twilight existing in her own space, and not defined by her relation to the sun and moon. “Spike, write the captains of the Solar and Lunar guard and let them know I want to speak with these ponies,” I said, smiling at him. “And no, I’m not trying to change the subject. You have my word that once court starts, I’ll speak with Twilight. But for now, I need to focus on my–”         “Knock-knock,” a familiar voice said from the doorway. A white stallion with a blue mane and mustache strode in, wearing his signature tuxedo and monocle. “I do hope I’m not intruding by being so early, but I was in the neighborhood, and thought I might visit my good friend Rarity before my appointment.”         I smiled and sat up straight. How strange an old crush appears now, while I’m thinking about… Yes, strange. Fortuitous? A sign? I searched for some ember of that flame, but only saw flashes of purple. “Oh, no problem at all, Fancy Pants. I’m always happy to see you. How’s Fleur?”         He laughed and sat down as Spike hopped off the desk and out of the room. “Sissy’s as good as can be expected, I suppose. Back visiting our mother’s family in Prance, and by all accounts, having a wonderful time. So, what do I have to do to pay my respects to the newest princess and wish her luck in court? I hear it’s rather exclusive.”         “To some, perhaps,” I said, pulling out my schedule. “She wants to give common ponies a voice, and that translates to less focus on the nobility.”         “And it’s about time, too,” Fancy Pants said with his characteristic cheer. “You know, my father’s father’s father, or something like that, was a commoner. Lifeblood of Equestria, they are, but you won’t hear most nobles acknowledging that. So, how are they taking not having unfettered access to Princess Twilight?”         I sighed and shook my head. “They’re not pleased. I believe I’ve been referred to as ‘an overstepping ingrate with no respect for authority’ at least a dozen times now. Those ponies will not be getting their desired appointment with Twil– Princess Twilight anytime soon, no matter how many charities they found.”         Fancy Pants raised an eyebrow. “Ahh, so that’s why seven new charities were founded just in the last week, and my own foundation suddenly has more donations than I, frankly, know what to do with. Very showy donations, too. Lots of posturing for the papers. Still, more money means we can start more projects in the Badlands.”         “Oh?” I asked, making a note. “I didn’t know you ran a charity.”         “Well, I don’t particularly enjoy advertising it. So many ponies try to speak for the good they do instead of letting the good they do speak for them.” His eyes twinkled. “What is it they say about generosity?”         I laughed. Still, I wasn’t unhappy to see him. It was like having a visit from an old friend. “Oh, I have no idea – but you know, I hear the Element of Generosity lives in town. Maybe you could ask her.”         “You know,” he said, adjusting his lapel. “I think I just might do that. Word on the street is she’s a ravishing beauty, and has the ear of Princess Twilight. Maybe I should try talking to her about getting an appointment instead of you.”         “Oh, something tells me you won’t have a problem with that,” I said, writing his name down in my schedule. “In fact, how would you like to be the first noble to pay their respects to Twilight? It might give the rest of them a model to aspire to.”         “Well, I certainly won’t complain, if that’s what you want,” he laughed. “But, and I’m asking this between friends, do you think you could arrange something a little more intimate between the two of us? I’d very much like to get to know her without the rest of the court around.”         My heart froze. Intimate? No, he couldn’t mean… No. No, he couldn’t. “Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask your intentions, first.”         “Oh?” He laughed. “Did I mishear the rumors? Is it Princess Twilight’s eye you have and not her ear? My, that would be marvelous. So many nobles coming to stake their claim, and you’ve already beaten them to the punch. Well, good on you, she’s a damn sight better looking than Prince Blueblood, and I hear her personality’s better to boot.”         I shook my head as my cheeks reddened. Did he think I was some sort of title chaser? I mean, I was, but not anymore. “No, nothing like that, just looking out for my friend’s best interests. She’s… she lives in a much better world than ours, and I want to keep her there. The further she is from a life of court intrigue, the better.”         “And so you volunteered for the rather thankless job of being her gatekeeper,” he said, nodding. “Well, your intentions are admirable. Innocence is all too rare a thing these, and so easily trampled under hoof. No, to answer your question, your friend left quite the impression when I met her on her birthday, and I wanted to see if all the stories about her are true. Aside from that, I thought we might talk about our charitable efforts. Princess Luna’s Academy has sparked a renewed interest in scholasticism, and I thought we could build some centers of secondary education. Ponies should know how to do more than just their special talent, don’t you think?”         “I do, and I’m sure Twilight – excuse me if I drop the honorific – will be very interested in hearing your idea. Just draft up a written proposal, and I’ll see she reads it before your meeting,” I said, making another note in my planner. Either Fancy Pants knew exactly what to say, or he was genuinely interested in Twilight’s causes.         “Capital,” he said, getting up on his hooves. “Well, that went far faster than I expected. Please, feel free to stop by my Ponyville or Canterlot address any time. I’m always happy to talk with friends.”         “Of course,” I said as he trotted to the door. “The same goes to you whenever I resettle in the Boutique.”                 “Actually, there is one small favor I’d like to ask before I leave,” he said, stopping in his tracks and turning around to look at me. “I know I’ve already made a few requests, but this one is… of a personal nature. You see, I’ve decided it’s about time I settle down and give the family life a try... but the number of mares I know that I could consider spending five minutes – let alone the rest of my life – with is dreadfully short, so I thought perhaps I could recruit your aid? You’ve made a habit of surrounding yourself with mares of quality, and I thought, if it’s not too much trouble, and you know a mare who might be interested in a yacht ride by moonlight, you might consider putting in a good word for me?” He looked at me, eyes reading my every movement.         I smiled at him. Of course, I knew mares of quality, but only one who might be single besides myself and Twilight. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said as the door shut. That was… My thoughts turned to past encounters with Fancy Pants, the time he came to my Boutique before it burned down. We’d danced around a relationship before, but it was never the right time. If I’d wanted to… he’d given me the perfect opportunity to salvage the situation with Twilight, to keep me from doing something I’d regret. A life with him wouldn’t be so bad, and that way I could keep my friendship with Twilight unchanged. I shook my head. That wasn’t fair to Fancy Pants, was it? Dating him just to avoid my own feelings for Twilight struck me as a recipe for unhappiness. Besides… I closed my eyes. I promised Spike I’d tell Twilight the truth. I’d have to find somepony else who might be interested in Fancy Pants – but who?