//------------------------------// // The Ticket Conundrum // Story: Prototype: Equestria & The Rise of Pariah // by The Joeker //------------------------------// Today I was helping AJ, Twi and Spike with AJ's farm, I was still in human form, with my spec op gear on. "No. Nope. Nope-" said Spike, getting rid of bad apples, which I picked up and consumed for biomass, although a small amount it counted for the amount of bad apples there were. "Thank you kindly, Twilight and Pariah, for helping me out. I bet Big McIntosh I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime. If I win, he's gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one of Grannies girdles." chuckled AJ. "It's fine, not like I have anything better to do." I said. "No problem at all, Applejack. I'm glad the goal is lunchtime. All this hard work is making me hungry." said Twilight. "Bad apples are still good to me." "I know, right?" said Spike to Twi's question. "Puh-leez, Spike, you've been lounging on my back all morning while we worked." said Twilight. "And I love not being able to get tired." I said with a sigh. "Exactly. You three are taking so long, I missed snack-time." said Spike. "Eh, I guess we better get some food." said Twilight and laughed nervously as her stomach grumbled. "Nope. Worm. A-ha!" said Spike, I took the wormy apple and consumed both, worms were like a treat inside the apple for me, lately I had been craving more biomass lately for Mass. "Oh Spike, that looks delicious." said Twilight as Spike ate it. "Spike." groaned Twilight. "What?" he asked as he burped before burping again, this time out came a letter. "It's a letter from Princess Celestia." said Twilight and read it. "Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh, yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest." he said "The Grand Galloping Gala!" exclaimed both mares. "Err..." I mumbled. "It a party in Canterlot for only the high and mighty, it's the event everypony wants to go to." explained Spike. "The Grand Galloping Gala!" repeated the mares. "Woo-hoo!" cheered AJ. "Look, two tickets." said Spike as he burped and they appeared. "Wow, great! I've never been to the gala. Have you, Spike?" asked Twilight. "No, and I plan to keep it that way. I don't want any of that girly frilly frou-frou nonsense." said Spike. "Yeah, me and Spike don't gallop." I said and we fist bumped. "Aw, come on boys. A dance would be nice." said Twilight. "Nice? It's a heap good more than just nice. I'd love to go. Land sakes, if I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chowin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home. Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here. We could replace that saggy old roof, and Big McIntosh could replace that saggy old plow, and Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip." said AJ. "And that's how your day crumbles." I chuckled. "Why, I'd give my left hind leg to go to that gala." said AJ. "Oh, well in that case, would you like to-" started Twilight before RD dropped on top of me and I caught her. "Whoa! Ugh thanks Big P." said RD using my new nickname she gave me and nopony else uses. "Thats ok RD." I said and put her down. "Are we talking about The Grand Galloping Gala?" she asked. "Rainbow Dash, you told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples. What were you busy doing, spyin'?" asked AJ. "No, I was busy napping, and I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket?" said RD and we saw a makeshift bed in a tree. "Yeah, but-" started Twilight. "YES! This is so awesome. The Wonderbolts perform at The Grand Galloping Gala every year. I can see it now. Everyone would be watching the sky. Their eyes riveted on The Wonderbolts, but then in would fly Rainbow Dash!" exclaimed RD. "Ok..." I said. "I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut." she said. "Cool..." I mumbled. "Then, I would mesmerize 'em with my Fantastic Filly Flash. And for my grand finale, The Buccaneer Blaze! The ponies would go wild!" she exclaimed. "And you would be famous?" I guessed. "The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their routine, and then welcome me as their newest member." she finished. "Mmm hmm..." I said with a smirk. "Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. You gotta take me!" she said as AJ took her down. "Hold on just one pony pickin' minute here. I asked for that ticket first!" exclaimed AJ. "So? That doesn't mean you own it." said RD. "Oh, yeah? Well I challenge you to a hoof-wrestle. Winner gets the ticket." challenged AJ and they got started. "Girls, these are my tickets, I'll decide who gets it, thank you very much. Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?" asked Twilight rhetorically. "Drummin' up business for the farm?" asked AJ. "A chance to audition for The Wonderbolts?" asked RD. "Can you two just fight it out already? whoever ends up in hospital loses the ticket?" I asked Twilight and she shook her head. "Money t' fix Granny's hip." they started stating now. "Living the dream." sighed RD. "Oh my, those were all pretty good reasons, aren't they? Listen to that, I am starving. I don't know about you, but I can't make important decisions on an empty stomach, so I'll, uh, think about it over lunch and get back to you two, okay?" said Twilight as her stomach rumbled. "Okay." they said as we walked away and AJ and RD restarted the arm wrestle. "So, who you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight?" asked Spike, I turned back into my pony form. "I don't know Spike, but I really can't think straight when I'm hungry, so where should we eat?" suddenly a certain pink party pony crashed into us. "Gah! Bats! Bats on my face! Help! Wait, these aren't... tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?! It's the most amazing incredible tremendous super-fun wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria! I've always always always wanted to go!" said Pinkie. "Lord above..." I fake cried and Twilight shared a sympathetic look. "Oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me, oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me, hip hip hooray! It's the best place for me For Pinkie... with decorations like streamers and fairy-lights and pinwheels and piñatas and pin-cushions. With goodies like sugar cubes and sugar canes and sundaes and sun-beams and sarsaparilla. And I get to play my favorite-est of favorite fantabulous games like Pin the Tail on the Pony! Oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me 'cause it's the most galarrific superly-terrific gala ever In the whole galaxy wheee!" she finished and I absobed the biomass I sealed my ears with... even though I don't hear with my ears unfortunately... "Is it over?" I asked, receiving a nod from Spike. "Oh thank you, Twilight, it's the most wonderful-est gift ever." said Pinkie. "Um, actually-" tried Twilight. "Are these what I think they are?" asked Rarity. "Uh-" she tried again. "Yes, yes, yes! Twilight's taking me to The Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot." said Pinkie, I swear a Devastator could sort this... "The gala? I design ensembles for the gala every year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour! It's where I truly belong, and where I'm destined to meet him." she said. "Him! ...Who?" asked Pinkie. "Him. I would stroll through the gala, and everyone would wonder, "Who is that mysterious mare?" They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville. Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Princess Celestia herself, and the princess would be so taken with the style and elegance that she would introduce me to him, her nephew: the most handsome, eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot. Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt. Our courtship would be magnificent. He would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say, "Yes!" We would have a royal wedding, befitting a Princess, which is what I would become upon marrying him, the stallion of my dreams." sighed Rarity. I twitched. "Is there anypony who doesn't want these tickets?" I asked. "Twilight, I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie Pie so she can... party, and prevent me from meeting my true love. How could you? Hmph." said Rarity and pouted. "Hey!" said Spike as Angel stole the tickets. "Angel, these are perfect." gasped Twilight. "Uh, listen guys, I haven't decided who to give the extra ticket to." admitted Twilight, finally getting a word in edgeways. "You haven't?" asked Rarity and Pinkie. "Um, excuse me, Twilight. I would just like to ask, I mean, if it would be all right, if you haven't given it to someone else-" started Fluttershy. "You? You want to go to the gala?" asked Rarity. "Oh, no. I mean, yes, or, actually, kind of. You see, it's not so much The Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden that surrounds the dance. The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria. For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom... and that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna. There's loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz. White-blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos!" said Fluttershy. "Gee, Fluttershy, it sounds... beautiful?" asked Twilight. "Wait just a minute..." came RD's voice. "Rainbow Dash, were you following me?" asked Twilight. "No. I mean, yes. I mean, maybe. Look, it doesn't matter. I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anybody." said RD. "Wait just another minute." came AJ's voice. "Applejack, were you following me too?" asked Twilight. "No. I was followin' this one to make sure she didn't try any funny business. Still trying to take mah ticket." said AJ "Your ticket?" asked RD. "But Twilight's taking me." moaned Pinkie. Twilight sighed. "SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!!!" I roared, tendrils shooting from my back and holding me in the air and my voice shaking the ground, Twilight clenched her eyes shut but gave me a thankful looks afterwards, obviously she'd question the tendrils but oh well... "And then I said, "Oatmeal, are you craz-" oh." said Pinkie and noticed Twilight waiting. "Girls, there's no use in arguing." said Twilight. "But Twilight-" moaned Rarity. "Eh! This is my decision, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I certainly can't think straight with all this noise... not to mention hunger. Now go on, shoo." said Twilight as everypony else grumbled. "And don't worry, I'll figure this out... somehow." she called. "Spike, Pariah, what am I gonna do? All five of my best friends have really good reasons to go to the gala. Applejack, or Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy, Rarity... Oh, who should go with me?" asked Twilight and picked a sunflower. "Have you made your decision?" asked a waiter. "I CAN'T DECIDE!" yelled Twilight. "Twilight, he just wants to take your order." "Calm it." I said. "Oh. I would love a daffodil and daisy sandwich." she said. "Do you have any rubies?" asked Spike, earning a look from the waiter. "No? Okay. I'll have the hay fries, extra crispy." he said. "I'll get the most organic thing you have." I said and he nodded and left. "What do you think, guys?" asked Twilight. "I think we have to try another restaurant. I mean, I like grass just fine, but would it hurt anybody to offer some gemstones?" asked Spike. "Yeah, I mean is it hard to catch worms? maybe I should order unwashed veg from now on..." I mumbled. "I mean about the gala and the ticket and who I should take." said Twilight. "Oh. You're still on that?" asked Spike. "It's an important decision Spike, I mean, Twilight will go grey just thinking about it." I chuckled "Spike, Pariah, listen. How do I choose? And when I do choose, will the other four be mad at me? I mean, I could give up my ticket and give away two, but that would still leave three disappointed ponies. What if I-" started Twilight "Ah, your food." said the waiter. "Oh thank you. This looks so good. I'm sure everything will be much clearer once I eat." said Twilight and went to take a bite as did I of... a mound of ear- a worm! better... a family of worms! I instantly consumed it, when suddenly we heard galloping. "Em, madam? sir? Are you going to eat your food in ze rain?" asked the waiter. "It's not raining. What's going on?" asked Twilight as rain pattered around us. "Hi there, best friend forever I've ever ever had. Enjoying the sunny weather?" asked RD. "Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?" asked Twilight. "Whaddya mean? I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I'd kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace, that's all." said RD. "And what about the male at her side?" I asked. "Oh yeah, you to Big P." smiled RD. "Rainbow, you're not trying to get extra consideration for the extra ticket by doing me extra special favors, are you?" asked Twilight. "Me? No no no, of course not." denied Dash. "Uh-huh." said me and Twi in unison. "Seriously, I'd do it for anypony. Heh heh, eh." said Rainbow as we saw ponies running indoors. "Rainbow, I am not comfortable accepting unwanted favors, so I'd appreciate it if you close up that rain cloud right now!" said Twilight. "Ugh, fine. [zip]" said RD and closed it like a zip. "That's better." said Twi and went to bite her sandwich before the rain dampened it and she groaned. "Twilight, it's raining." said Rarity with an umbrella. "No, really?" she asked. "Detective Rarity on the case." I mumbled. "Come with me before you catch a cold." said Rarity, we were taken to the boutique, Twilight shook off the water and got Rarity splashed. "Heh heh, oops, sorry." said Twilight. "Oh no, it's quite all right. After all, we are... the best of friends, are we not? And you know what the best of friends do?" asked Rarity. "Uh..." started Twi. "Makeovers!" she exclaimed and a cover appeared and Rarity dressed Twilight in all sorts of costumes. "Ugh, Rarity, ow, this really isn't fixing it. I mean, thank you but, ooh, that's too tight." said Twilight. "There. Oh, you're simply darling." said Rarity and Twi was dressed in a pretty blue saddle. "Uh, yeah, it is kinda pretty, isn't it?" asked Twilight. "Sure is Twi." I complimented and she blushed. "And you two. Oh Spike, I have a dandy little outfit for the dashing gent." said Rarity and summoned the cover again and Spike tried to escape. "D-ah, ow, oh, hey, wow, watch it, whoa!" "Oh, Spike." giggled Twilight sweetly as he was dressed in a nobles wig and costume. "Now you just need a hat." said Rarity and put his hat on, she turned to me but I stopped her. "Bring that stuff anywhere near me and I'll burn your shop down." I said and she chuckled nervously and threw them away. "Ugh, I told you, I don't want any part of this girly gala gunk. See you back at the library." said Spike. "Oh, who needs him anyway? This is all about you, and how fabulous you'll look at The Grand Galloping Gala." laughed Rarity and put a mirror in front of Twi who pulled some cute poses. "You look nice Twi." I said and she blushed before she realised what Rarity said. "Wait, The Grand-" started Twilight. "And oh, my goodness, what a coincidence. I happen to have an ensemble of my own that matches yours to a T. We would be the belles of the ball, you and I. Everyone would be clamoring for our attention. All eyes would be on us, and then everyone would finally know, the most beautiful, most talented, most sophisticated pony in all of Equestria is Rarity the unicorn. Ah, and Twilight Sparkle, of course." she laughed nervously. "I see what's going on. You're just buttering me up so I give you the extra ticket. Well it's not gonna work. You're going to have to wait for my decision just like everyone else. Now if you'll excuse me, I've been trying all day just to get some lunch." said Twilight and we walkd out to be greeted by a cart full of treats, courtesy of Applejack. "Did somepony say lunch?" said aforementioned pony. "You've got to be kidding me!" shouted Twilight. "I got apple pie, apple fritters, apple tarts, apple dumplings, apple crisps, apple crumblers, and apple Brown Betty. Uh, the dessert, not my auntie. What do you say there, best friend?" asked AJ, I could tell Twilight as about to explode. "Is that a yes?" asked AJ as Twilight's stomach grumbled. "No. No. I don't know who I'm giving the ticket to, and all these favors aren't making it any easier to decide. In fact, I'm less sure now than I was this morning. Ugh!" groaned Twilight and we ran. "So, that's a maybe?" asked AJ. As we approached the library Twilight groaned. "Ugh, I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating." said Twi, we saw Fluttershy cleaning in the treehouse and humming a familiar tune... "Fluttershy, not you too?" said Twilight. "Oh, well, hello Twilight. I hope you don't mind, but we're all doing a little spring cleaning for you." smiled Fluttershy. "It's summer." said me and Twi in unison. "Oh, well, better late than never, right? It was Angel's idea." pointed Fluttershy at the cheeky rabbit who was tossing a salad. "You're not doing this for the ticket, are you?" asked Twilight. "Oh no, I'm doing this because you're my very best friend. Right Angel?" asked Fluttershy but Angel stared at her. "You were saying?" I asked. "Oh, yes, we are just doing this for the ticket." Angel presented Twi with the salad. "No, no, no! Well, this was all very nice of you and Angel, but I'm not accepting any extra favors until I've made my final decision, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave." said Twi and opened the door to reveal many ponies. "SURPRISE!" yelled everypony and dragged Twilight out and tossed her in the air and caught her. "Oh bollocks..." I groaned. "Twilight is my bestest friend whoopie, whoopie!" sang Pinkie "Pinkie..." said Twilight. She's the cutest, smartest, all around best pony, pony! "Pinkie." tried Twilight. I bet if I throw a super-duper fun party, party! "Pinkie!" she exclaimed. She'll give her extra ticket to the Gala to me! "PIIINKIIIE!" yelled Twilight and was dropped on her flank and was on her back. "Yes, Twilight?" she asked. "At least the other ponies tried to be subtle about the ticket." said Twilight. "Wait, what ticket? What gala?" asked a pony. "Oh, you didn't know? Twilight has an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!" said Pinkie. "My god mare, what have you done?!" I exclaimed. "The Grand Galloping Gala?" said everypony. "Have I ever told you how much I love your mane?" We tried to run. "I'll wash your dishes." Tried again. "Would you like any help with your gardening?" "I have a cartload of extra carrots." "I'll paint your cart." "What are we gonna do?" asked Spike. "We-" I cut Twilight off. "Whatever you were going to say I have a better idea..." I said. "What?" asked Twilight. "Run!!!" I yelled and we did. (God bless Benny Hill... RIP legend.) We managed to act as a mother and father pushing a baby carriage with Spike in it as the horde ran past us, and we ran the opposite way, a pony saw and pointed at us. We hid under a bridge and the crowd ran over us. Spike fell in the water and we ran again, we posed as models in a shop window, me in a tux and Twi with a clown outfit, and SPike in a Haywiian hula outfit, they ran past and we legged/hoofed it. Suddenly we were backed into a corner. Ponies were offering favors. "I'll do your taxes!" "Never corner a fox." I said, grabbed both pony and dragon and breathed hard, sending a web of biomass i front of us so they couldn't see as I jumped high and air dashed toward the treehouse. "Where is she? Where did she go? She's disappeared." "TWI!" I yelled a we were about to amh into the trunk, then Twi teleported us inside. "Ugh, warn me next time you're both gonna do that." said Spike. "That was awesome Pariah! I didn't even know it was gonna happen. Now quick, lock the doors." said Twi when suddenly the 5 ponies were in front of us Yaaaargh! I can't decide, I just can't decide. It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference, because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just can't!" she said. "Twilight, sugar, I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you, and if it helps, I don't want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. I won't feel bad, I promise." said AJ "Me too. I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful." "And me too. It's no fun upsetting your friends." "Twilight, it was unfair of me to try to force you as I did." "Yes! That means the ticket is mine. Ha ha, I got the ticket, I got the ticket-" she sang. Everypony including me gave her a death glare. "You know, I haven't perfected my signature moves for The Wonderbolts anyway. I don't need that ticket either." she said. "We all got so gung-ho about going to the gala that we couldn't see how un-gung-ho we were making you." "We're sorry, Twilight." they all said. "Spike, take down a note. Dear Princess Celestia," "I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to The Grand Galloping Gala." said Twilight and enclosed the tickets. "What?!" said everypony. "If my friends can't all go, I don't wanna go either." said Twilight. "Interesting..." I said and took down my own notes, I had to learn these ponies customs as well, I took down the act of selflessness. "Twilight, you don't have to do that." said AJ. "Nope. I've made up my mind. Spike, you can send the letter now." said Twilight. Spike sent it via dragonfire "Now you won't get to go to the gala either." said Fluttershy. "It's okay, girls. I couldn't possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me, so I would rather not go at all." said Twilight. "Hgh... hgh... urk... urk..." Spike choked. "Well wallop my withers, Spike. Isn't that just like a boy? Can't handle the least bit of sentiment." said AJ, I went over to him. "Spike buddy, you ok?" I asked with concern, he looked to be choking. Suddenly he burped out a letter and I caught it. "Whoa Nelly!" said AJ as my hand was burned but it repaired as I winced. "A letter from the princess? That was fast." said Twilight as i handed Spike the letter. ""My faithful student Twilight," started Spike. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Six tickets to The Grand Galloping Gala." said Spike. Everypony gasped. "Now we can all go." said Twilight. Everypony cheered. Twilight's stomach rumbled. "Allow us to treat you to dinner." said Rarity. "What a great way to apologize." said AJ. "And to celebrate. Come on everypony, the cupcakes are on me." said Pinkie. "Would that cupcake get fur in?" I asked and everypony laughed. "How come I don't get a ticket to the gala? Hurk! "And one for you, Spike." he giggled. "Hurk!" exclaimed Spike and another letter came through. "And one for Pariah." said Spike and I took it in my hand. "Yes! I mean, gross, I have to go too?" said Spike and giggled as he ran. AJ chuckled.