Her leg ached. She tried to pull it, but it remained firmly strapped to the table. She kept her eyes closed. Opening them would just be a distraction and she needed to concentrate. The anti-magic field she had been forced though was powerful, but she was crafty. She let her magic probe against the ‘wall’ that encompassed her horn, feeling for any cracks in the enchantment.
Ordinary anti-magic fields were designed to block a unicorn's magic by surrounding it with an impenetrable barrier that would last an hour or so. This one was much stronger. On a normal unicorn it may have been able to last a day or two; however, she was no normal unicorn.
She was RARITY, Agent of the Queen’s Secret Service.
She ignored the evil cackling. Honestly, why did they always have an evil laugh? It lasted too long, usually to the point of annoyance, although the southern drawl certainly added a certain eccentricity to it. She filed it away for later contemplation, perhaps during a warm spa bath once she finished here.
Wahahaaaaa, she silently laughed to herself as her magic found a weak point in the barrier. All it would take is a little finesse… and… THERE. A single spark shot from her horn as she shattered the barrier. She quickly opened her eyes and smiled. If there is one thing I do so love about the diabolical laugh, it certainly keeps them distracted. Now we simply wait for the right moment…
The Apple Bucker finally finished the aforementioned diabolical laugh and grinned at Rarity. “An’ now A’hv got the illustrious Agent Rarity at my mercy.” She strode over to the table where the white unicorn was restrained. “The princess ain’t gonna be able to turn down my demands any longer.” She let out another laugh.
Rarity just rolled her eyes. “Another diabolical laugh so soon? You must be quite certain that Princess Celestia will just abide whatever mad plan you have this time.”
An angry frown crossed the Apple Bucker’s face as she came up next to the table. “It ain’t a mad plan, that’s why Ah got ya on the cider table.” She reached behind her and wrapped her hoof around a rope and gave it a pull. A curtain overhead fell open revealing a huge relatively flat stone. She gave the rope another tug and the rock very slowly began to descend.
Rarity blinked, this had to be a joke. “This has to be a joke.”
“I assure ya, this ain’t no joke, missy. When this here rock comes down, it’s gonna crush ya into tha finest cider around.”
Rarity lightly hit her head against the back of the table. Ouch, should not have done that. “A rock, honestly, darling are you even trying anymore? At least the apple cutter was creative and the pie tin was a stroke of genius, but a rock? It’s hardly even moving, why, I would have to lay here for almost an hour for it to even touch my mane. Speaking of which, you had better hope that not a single curl is out of place.”
“Aint’ nothin’ wrong with a rock. Rocks live a good honest life. Err well they sit a good honest… sit.” The Apple Bucker finished lamely. “It ain’t mah fault, comin’ up with new death devices ain’t the easiest thing in the world, ya know. Comin’ up with the whole ‘Apple Dress Event’ I used to capture ya was hard enough.”
With a quick flick of her magic, Rarity unlocked her shackles and swung a back hoof into The Apple Bucker’s nose, knocking her on her back. Before she could get up, Rarity was on top of her. Straddling her chest and holding The Apple Bucker’s arms over her head.
“Applejack-“
Applejack struggled and kicked as she tried to knock Rarity off. “DON’T CALL ME APPLEJACK! Ah’m The Apple Bucker.”
Rarity sighed. “Apple Bucker-“
“THE Apple Bucker.”
Rarity ignored her and continued. “Why do you insist on all this?” She waved her hoof at the table, with the rock still very slowly descending. “Why all the effort?”
“Cause ya still don’t think Ah’m good enough for ya."
“I told you back when you still went by-“
The Apple Bucker glared up at her.
“-your old name.”
“Yeah well Ah’m gonna prove that Ah’m better than P." The Apple Bucker began to struggle under Rarity. "I'm gonna come up with a lair so incredible yer gonna have to take me seriously."
Rarity sighed, Applejack hadn't changed. "Darling, you simply must-." She was cut off as The Apple Bucker leaned up to kiss her. She barely managed to pull her head back before their lips touched.
The shift in balance was all The Apple Bucker needed. She planted her rear hooves against the floor and thrust her hips up, knocking Rarity forwards. She then scrambled out from under Rarity and rushed to the wall next to one of the beeping machines. Her hoof pounded the regulation hidden switch and the machine moved, revealing a rather comfortable seat, which she quickly took. "I'll be back Agent Rarity, you may have escaped my death trap this time, but next time yer gonna be mine!"
The red door slammed shut and a rocket blast temporarily deafened Rarity. She rushed over to the hole in the wall to see a red apple shaped escape pod fly away. "Oh Applejack." she muttered to herself before walking over to the side of the lair where a cage sat. Inside sat a young yellow coated mare with red mane and tail. “Applebloom, you simply must stop making lairs and death traps for your sister.”
“Ah know Ah know, but she’s always so sweet when she asks fer ‘em. Ain’t till they are finished when she goes all oranges.”
“Bananas, darling.” Rarity said as she effortlessly picked the lock and the cage door swung open. “Next time at least give her some better ideas, this was just embarrassing.”
Applebloom trotted out of the cage and stretched her legs. “Can’t be as embarrassin’ as her getting away with a kiss, again.”
"Yes yes, I know, I was here for it after all. Now be a good filly and scoot. Please."
"Ah ain't a filly anymore, ya know."
"I am aware, but I must destroy this lair and I would prefer that you were not in here when I do." Rarity said as she pulled a pink hair pin out of her mane.
"Hmph fine." Pouted Applebloom as she trotted out of the exit.
Rarity shook her head then snapped the hair pin in two with her magic. She tossed it behind her and galloped out of the room. Shortly after a huge explosion erupted from the lair complete with streamers and confetti. Leave it to P, thought Rarity, she keeps to a theme.
One very visually impressive intro sequence later
After seeing Applebloom to the train station and getting yet another promise that she would stop making evil lairs and death machines for her sister. Well, not so much a promise as Applebloom kicking a rock, looking guilty and mumbling something about not doin’ it again, just like the last time. Rarity arrived back at headquarters.
As soon as Rarity walked through the doors she stepped to the side and lit up her horn. Less than a second later a pink blur sped past her and was caught in her magic.
“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,” whined P. “Ever since you became a super duper secret agent you never let me get the drop on you.”
Rarity continued trotting into the building, levitating P behind her. “It’s good to see you as well, P.”
P giggled and spun herself around as she hovered behind Rarity. “You know, you can just call me Pinkie Pie.”
Rarity scoffed, “Oh please. Titles are important, dear.” She trotted through a door at the end of the room and down a flight of stairs.
“Why are we going to control?” asked P as they entered a long hall with a pair of large steel doors at the end.
The doors swung open revealing another pair of doors. “I must give my report to Queen Celestia.” Rarity continued down the hallway and they slid open around her and P.
“Ohhhhhhhh...” A blank looking wall greeted them. As Rarity walked up to it, it slid up into the ceiling. “Why?”
“The Apple Bucker,” Rarity sighed, “prevented me from completing my mission to confront 'The Bookworm'. I must report this to Queen Celestia and hope she can track down 'The Bookworm' again.”
A wall with bars on it blocked them, until they approached it and it slid open. All that was at the end of the corridor was a simple phone booth which Rarity stepped into, levitating P beside her and gently setting her down on the floor.
P reared up and rested her front legs over Rarity and laid her head on Rarity’s rump. “I miss them.”
The phone glowed as Rarity lifted it from its cradle and held it to her ear as she dialed a few numbers on the rotary dial. “I do too, darling.” She hung up the phone and the floor dropped.
A cry of, “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” could be heard throughout the room, shaking the plate glass windows.
Celestia raised an eyebrow and peaked around the stacks of paperwork on her desk. The shouting ended and the door opened. Rarity strode in with P hopping in behind her.
Queen Celestia’s face lit up. “Ahh, Agent Rarity and P, so good to see you both.”
Rarity bowed and P gave a playful salute. “An honor to see you again, Your Highness.”
"Hiya Princess."
Rarity turned to P. "No no no, it is Queen Celestia, not Princess."
"Ooops, sorry Rarity, I forgot."
"You know Rarity. I never minded being Princess Celestia."
Rarity gasped. "But Queen Celestia. It just is not proper for a secret agent to work for a Princess. A secret agent must have a Queen to serve. Even agent Hard Candy agrees."
Queen Celestia waved her hoof through a hole in the tower of paperwork. “Yes yes, we have had this discussion before,” she said as she tried to find a good opening to see them before finally deciding to just get up and walk around the impressively large red wood desk. “Anyway, how was your mission?”
“I apologize Your Highness, but The Apple Bucker interferred and-“
Celestia interrupted her. “You were captured again by The Apple Bucker?”
Rarity sighed. “I am afraid so.”
Celestia shook her head. “How does this keep happening? This is the fourth time she managed to best you, and the second time she has interrupted a mission.”
“She did not best me, she just… surprised me. I can’t help if she knows all my weaknesses,” Rarity coifed her mane. “It’s not as if she is capable of preventing me from escaping.”
“And yet you still haven’t prevented her from capturing you.”
“I can hardly be blamed for that. She had a ruby that was the size of a cat fit into the most delightful-.”
P giggled. “You just rhymed.”
Celestia ignored P, “Have you at least recovered her?”
Rarity grimaced, “Not… exactly.”
Celestia rubbed the top of her muzzle with her hoof. “You can escape any imprisonment she puts you in but you are unable to capture or prevent her from capturing you.”
“No one can capture Rarity and keep her, she’s the best super-secret agent ever!” P piped up.
“Thank you, P, however aside from that first death trap of hers. You remember me telling you about that one, Your Highness?”
Celestia tapped her chin, “that was the one with the blades, rockadile and the goat in the dress right?”
Rarity nodded. “Aside from that one, I get the feeling she wasn’t really trying, especially with her last one, it was just a rock she was going to slowly lower onto me.”
“Then, why even bother capturing you?”
“Well, she appears to be attempting to win my favor by proving that she’s better than P.” Rarity nuzzled her pink companion.
“Wait wait wait, Appleja- I mean The Apple Bucker keeps attacking because she’s got a crush on you?”
Rarity nodded. “It certainly seems that way, P.”
“I thought she was just super jealous of that apple-pie I made you for Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Be that as it may, we must do something about her. We cannot have her continue to interfere with apprehending The Bookworm, The Awesome, and The Stare,” said Celestia.
Before Rarity could reply, Pinkie interrupted. “You know, I don’t mind sharing you, Rarity”
Rarity choked on her water sending a stream of it flying across the room and dropping her glass which shattered on the floor. Or she would have it she was drinking, or holding a glass. Instead she just choked on her own breath.
“DON’T WORRY, RARITY!” Shouted P as she ran behind Rarity then reared up on top of her. She wrapped her arms around Rarity’s chest and began giving her the Heimlich maneuver. "I'll save you."
Celestia rolled her eyes and walked back behind her desk. She performed a quick calculation and decided it would be about four and a half minutes before they got finished. She looked over the contract she had been working on when Rarity and P came on. Two griffin agents to guard an inventor, a rather standard request, but finding griffins who worked really well together was difficult, perhaps-
A crash diverted her attention, she peaked over the papers on her desk to find Rarity and P rolling around on the ground. Back to the paperwork-
*mmmmhmmmm*
That, doesn’t sound normal. Celestia peeked over the stacks of paper again. And they are making out, again. Time to get them out of here. She stood up and cleared her throat. “You are dismissed, Rarity. I will send you a new mission tomorrow.” A golden glow surrounded the Queen’s horn.
Just as Rarity looked up a bright flash blinded her and she found herself in her bedroom with Pinkie still wrapped around her. She sighed and tried to fix her mane. “We really have to stop doing that in front of the Queen.”