//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1: Realisation 
// Story: Friendzoned: A declassified survival guide 
// by Marshall_Evergreen 
//------------------------------//

	Spike wouldn't call himself unlucky in the matters of love. Indeed, he often struggled to win back the affection he so desired, but he had really hit home a couple times.

First there was that occasion with the Diamond dogs. Risking everything for his dear lady Rarity, Spike had galantly lead the rescue party to find his damsel in distress. He'd shown humility too! Like when that Trenderhoof character came into town. He'd helped Rarity try and win his affections, despite the jealousy and pain that ensued. Then there was the time he ended up getting Rarity cursed, but he'd had her best interests at heart, right? I mean, sure he'd hit rock-bottom in his popularity as 'World's #1 assistant' with Twilight, but that always happened when he got a bit too egear to win acceptance and praise. He wasn't greedy...per se, he just liked feeling appreciated.

Then there was the holy grail of all insatnces; where he'd grown into a full sized Dragon, and destroyed nearly half the town.

...
...

Okay scratch that. But he had managed to win a kiss from Rairty! Twice! That had to count for something.

However, his more cynical friends didn't exactly see it that way. When he'd told Discord about it, he'd merely laughed and slapped him on the back.

"Splendid, simply splendid!" He'd roared in laughter through his tears. "Ya know, little buddy. You and I would make a pretty unstopable duo as lords of chaos...well, you'd be more of a sidekick but you can't win everything, am I right?"

"Haha, Discord," Spike had spat out sarcastically, "I'm talking about the kiss."

"what about it?"

"It was the most magical thing..."

At this remark, Discord had guffawed and grunted in restrained amusement, "You...y-y-you *wheez* really think that *chortle* she's..."

"What?" Spike had demanded, visibly peaved.

Discord didn't suppress it anymore. He rolled his long serpent-like body back in hearty laughter, pounding his fists against the floor, hooting and whooping. 

"Oh please! That imagination of yours is going to land you in some serious trouble one of these days my friend. You sure she wasn't kissing you to say 'thank you for not flattening the other half of Ponyville'?"

Spike had pouted for a bit, but that didn't stop his acursed logic from running on its own. What if Discord was right? What if Rarity meant nothing by it?



All these thoughts returned to Spike as he was walking back to the castle. It was a warm, sunny afternoon, a light breeze easing Spike into his thoughts. He glanced around noticing a few couples cantering down the streets of Ponyville. Why was it that the couples always stood out more? Spike looked on blankly as he saw a couple stop in front of Sugar Cube Corner. The colt stopped, opening the door with a hoof while keeping half-lidded eye contact with his marefriend. They exchanged a remark or two before the filly took two trots inside, stopping to nuzzle her special somepony. Then the door closed behind them.

Spike just stood there with relaxed posture, starring curiously. It had been a small gesture of kindness, but one that still seemed to mean so much more to his sweetheart. How was he so lucky? Spike had done it before and Rarity'd never nuzzled him like that. She'd just smile and say how grateful she was, ending the scentence with a term of endearment.

Though this was a reward in itself, it wasn't the same. Wasn't that how things work though? You do something and get a reward, right? No. Spike scolded himself. He shouldn't expect rewards. He did everything out of love...but a little appreciation would be nice...

Spike knew himself quite well as a person. He was hard working and compasionate with his friends, but one obvious thing was that he tended to be a sucker for acceptance. Maybe it was because he was a Dragon in a land full of ponies? Or because he felt secluded? Whatever the reason, Spike understood that he did things out of love, but being a dragon, his greed often got the better of him.

'Zoinks', Spike thought to himself, 'I gotta stop hanging around Twilight. I think I'm coming down with a serious case of philosophical thinking.'

...
...

'Or am I?'

'Dangit.'




Having arrived home, Spike was reaching his hand out to the doorknob. It was at that precise moment that the writer decided to get some comic relief out of the story. Seconds before his hand reached the doorknob, he felt the door slam into his face, causing him recoil backwards, landing, rather roughly, on his scaly behind.

He was sitting dazed in the dirt. He reached a hand up to his forehead, cursing and snd snorting smoke as he fought back the painful tears. He then tilted his head up, his hand still covering an eye and most of his frontal lobe, trying to find the culprit.

Applejack

She stood in the doorway wide-eyed, a hoof covering her mouth in shock.

"AJ, what the hay?" Spike grunted, trying to force back the pain.

"Heavens ta Betsy! Spike, I'm so sorry," Applejack said scrambling forward off the porch, trying to help Spike to his feet, "I didn't know you were back ther sugarcube."

"That was obvious..." Spike grumbled, then sighed, resolving to be a bit more gracious, so as to not offend Applejack.

"Well real sorry 'bout all this, you ain't hurt are ya?"

Spike pushed up onto his feet and stood for a moment before smiling. "Naw, I'm fine," Spike chuckled brushing some dirt off, "It'll take a bit more than a door to bruise me. Maybe next time you try and kill me, you find some Kryptonite first, huh?"

Spike laughed a bit more genuinely this time and Applejack giggled. Spike had a good sense of humour and always strived to lighten the mood in his own way.

"Well Ah'd better push off." Applejack said, excusing herself.

She took a step to the right only to be blocked by Spike, who had also stepped there as to let her leave to her left. They repeated this twice more before they both chuckled awkwardly.

Without any warning, Spike then took hold of both her shoulders, picked her up and turned. With his back now facing the castle and Applejack's the way home, he placed her back down and struck a victorious pose.

"There. Easy."

Applejack didn't speak, blushing, she merely starred up at Spike. When had he gotten so tall? And strong! Had he always had that saprk in his eye? Why did she always get like this when she was with him?

She then realised that he was starring back at her with a puzzled expression. The heat in her cheeks sky-rocketed, she could actually feel how red she was.

Quickly, she tipped her hat down to cover her eyes as she turned around, shattering the moment.

"T-t-thanks. G'bye now." She splutered quickly in her southern drawl before turning and bolting down the path, not chancing a look back.

Spike simply starred on in stupefied silence. He shook his head, freeing himself from the vice of his thoughts.

Mares. He'd never understand them.



Spike entered the castle and stretched out his limbs, rewarding him with a couple satisfying *pops*. Glancing up the stairs, he found Twilight looking down from the top as she leaned on the banister. She was smiling expectantly at him.

"I completed my chores Twi. Anything else you need?" Spike asked leaning against the wall.

"No that's all. Had a good day?" Twilight asked trotting down the stairs.

"Meh."

"Okay. Do you care to expand on that?" Twilight asked, a twinge of annyonce and concern crossing her brow. She hated short, monosylabic answers and Spike knew it.

Spike smiled, happy to know he'd gotten her full attention. "Well after taking a little detour, I managed to get hit in the face by AJ upon my arrival."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine! Just a little graze. The universe is out to get me Twilight, I swear."

Twilight chuckled, seeing Spike was in good humour. "Oh no, Spike. The universe is much too vast to take specific notice of you."

"Am I supposed to be offended by that?" Spike asked, frowning.

"No, silly! I was teasing."

"Of course..."

Banter aside, Spike and Twilight carried out their usual routines before settling down on the couches, a mug of hot chocolate in hoof...or, erm...claw. Twilight insisted that it was vital to keep good communication between each other. Spike certainly took pleasure in sitting down to talk about his day and other topics of interest that arose during the conversation. 

It also allowed Twilight to get a lot off of her chest. Both of them hated the feeling of empty loneliness that seemed to haunt the castle, so they made it part of the agenda to invite friends over, as well as hold daily discussions with each other.

When Spike had been younger, he'd found it boring and annoying having to talk to Twi about all her problems. But as he'd grown, he'd found new pleasure in talking. There was so much to discover just through conversation, that it was exciting! But more than anything, it was just nice to be with family.

"So what'd AJ want?" Spike asked, curious to know as to why she'd been in the castle. He hadn't missed a tea party had he?

"She was here to pick up a book," Twilight smiled, taking a sip of her drink, "something from the 'Dummys' collection I think..."

"What, like, 'Maths for Dummys: maths made so simple that a dummy could understand'...something like that? But AJ's not stupid!"

"It might have been something else, either way, it was a pretty obscure title." Twilight said, tapping her chin with her hoof.

"Did you write it down?"

Twilight hit her forehead with her hoof, scolding herself. "DUH! Of course! Thanks Spike."

Twilight jumped out of her seat and rushed to the library section of the castle. Spike chuckled to himself. Twilight always got so excited when it came to her librarian duties. She considered it a service to her subjects, but Spike knew she loved it more than any of her other jobs. All the order, categorising and cross-referencing got her more hyped than any espresso latte could.

Spike caught up to her as she trolled through her records, looking for the check-out.

"Eureka!"

"Found it?"

"You bet."

"Well?"

Spike waited patiently as Twilight examined the document more closely.

"Okay..." Twilight mumbled to herself, "aah, here we are. The book was 'Friendzoned: A declassified survival guide'.

Spike lost his footing, tripping up a bit. "Excuse me?"

"Well, that's what it says." Twilight said, shrugging.

Spike was puzzled to say the least. What the devil would Applejack want with a book like that? But Twilight's next comment caught him even more off-guard.

"I've got another one, booked under your name."

"WHAT!"

Twilight giggled. "I did it. Thought you could take a couple tips."

"Like I said...WHAT!"

"Oh, don't get so stressed out Spike." Twilight mocked playfully.

"Me? Yeah, says the one! What would I want with a book like that?"

Twilight tutted and shook her head. "Didn't you hear me? I thought you could use some tips."

"Wait," Spike was beging to catch on, "is this about Rarity?"

Twilight gave a knowing smile, but Spike looked revolted.

"You think I'm in the friendzone? I'll have you know, I am far, VERY FAR from it." Spike huffed defiantly, crossing his arms to emphasise his point.

"That's not what Discord told me."

"Yeah, well Discord's... wait, why the hay was Discord here?"

"He and Fluttershy came over for some tea and crumpets earlier. We had a fun little conversation, and Discord brought up the topic."

"The cheeky little..." Spike grumbled, cursing.

Twilight stepped forward and placed her hoof on her brother's shoulder.

"Hey," She said, trying to comfort him, "you're a great guy. I have no doubt you'll settle down with a mate someday, but you can't keep chasing Rarity like this. It's not healthy. You're going to get dissapointed, maybe hurt!"

Spike smiled and patted Twilight's hoof allowing to fall off his shoulder. "Look, Twi, I appreciate the concern. But I'm okay, really! We're meant to be. I'm her Romeo!"

Twilight frowned. "Romeo dies, Spike."

"You know what I mean. It was a funny joke 'n' all, but you shouldn't worry because nothing wrong is going to happen."

Twilight sighed and shook her head in defeat. "Alright Cassanova. I see I can't change your mind. Just...just be careful."

Spike smiled and nodded before scampering off. Twilight hung her head and sighed again. he was so innocent and optimisitic. She only feared what would happen once he was inevitably denied. 

'It's not Rairty's fault...Spike just...lives in denial of truth and fact. He's smarter than that and he knows what will happen.'

But he was faithful and loyal, and Twilight knew he'd continue to try untill it broke him.

She turned on one hoof and walked out of the library.



Spike was standing pressed up against the wall, hidden in the shadows cast by the great library doors. He watched patiently as Twilight left the library, her head low. Spike knew she was thinking of him. She was always thinking of him.

Spike had been Twilights assistant and little brother for donkey's years. She knew him best and felt it her greatest responsibility to look out for her little bro. But Spike knew he had to make his own decisions. And he'd chosen to go after Rairty; he intended to see it through to the bitter end. Or sweet. A sweet end would be nice.

Once she'd passed from his vision he came out and ran into the library.

'Like a boss', He thought happily, 'a boss ninja. The Ninja of bosses.'

Spike went straight over to the records until he found what he was looking for.


Friendzoned: A declassified survival guide
Under reservation for Spike Theodore Oswald Horatio Benjamin blahblahblah...
Found on shelf 3, under 'F'


'Bingo!'

Now Spike, although optimistic and fun also had a serious and logical side to him. He was certainly smarter than he let on. And if one thing were certain now, it was that he was desperate. Desperately desperate. That's like, double desperate! His moves on Rarity were failing. Discord and Twilight were right, he was in the friendzone. He'd come to accept that, and it was killing him, he needed out. Where was the eject button?! So he was going to use the guide to help him. He was going to survive this and win Rarity's affections. Simple!

Spike rifled through the books on shelf 3 before his hand came to reast on a small, camouflage patterned manual. He pulled it out, his curiosity piqued. Why had he never seen this book before? Then he realised that with Twilight's library collection, only she was able to remember all her books.

Finally, he'd found it! There was a white tag on the front with 'DECLASSIFIED' stamped on in a bold red, military style font.

Dude, did it look official.

Overall satisfied with the find, he ran out of the library making his way to his room, where he could study it in private. Spike wouldn't mind picking up a couple tips from this tome of ancient 'bro' knowledge. Frankly, he needed it. So he flipped it open and began to read.




Welcome, friend, to Friendzone 101;
a declassified survival guide for all our fallen brethren in the dreaded frienzone.
With each chapter presenting a step-by-step guide to surviving the loathsome loneliness, 
the tenacious temptations, 
the forever forlorn feelings. 
Join us brethren, you are not alone in this quest for affection.
*****
First, brother, is the initiation to our corps.
First, we must all realise for ourselves, that we are in the zone of friends.
Once done in all honesty, you can never deny this knowledge
Your quest begins here brother.




Spike whistled. "Dude...This is some seriously official, next level poetry."

"Let the initiation begin!"