Author’s note: OK! Now we’re movin’ along!
P.S. Did someone say something about a Hummer?
-
The morning seemed to come too quickly as I flew awake. I rubbed my eyes and found that Dash was no longer in the car. Ulik was curled up in the passenger’s seat with a beam of morning sun glistening off his scales. I adjusted my seat and sat upright. I felt much better today. I turned my attention to the sunroof and found a single light blue feather caught in the seam. I plucked the feather from the seam and held it up to my eyes. It was definitely one of Dash’s. I tucked the feather into my breast pocket and grabbed my rifle from my feet. I cleared the action and snatched the rifle round from the chamber and tucked it into my pocket with the feather.
I turned my attention outside and saw that the town was awake before me for once. The sun was brighter than I had ever seen it and it sent me reeling for my sunglasses. I slipped them on and took comfort in my blue tinted world. With the sun bearable and my rifle in hand, I opened the door and jumped outside. The Hummer adjusted to the new weight distribution and I closed the door behind me. I filled my lungs with the crisp, clean air and walked over to the trunk. I pulled it open and saw the various spare parts that I had brought with me. I slung the G36 over my shoulder and grabbed the tool kit. I needed to check some of the fluid levels and make sure that all the bolts were tight or I could risk busting something irreplaceable on the bumpy-ass roads of this world.
With the tool kit in hand, I walked around the hood and unlatched it. With a burst of strength, I lifted the hood up and set up the support bar. I looked over the tools and found that I had most of what any basic level garage would have. I placed the tools on the engine block and unscrewed the oil cap. I yanked it out and pulled a white cloth from the kit and wiped it before slamming it home. I pulled it back out and found the oil sat at nominal levels. I took a deep breath and placed my hands on the engine block.
Without the slightest warning, a current surged through the engine and into my hands. I felt like I was being hit with a stun gun. I grimaced as my hands locked into place and my feet began to feel weak under me. The back of my hands began to burn with an unrelenting fury as the Hummer was lifted off the ground in a grey-hued aura. I wanted to rip my hands free of the engine block but my muscles betrayed me. A crowd gathered around me as I nearly yelled in pain. With most of my view blocked by the hood, I could hear metal being bent and shifted around as the pain slowly traveled up my arms. I watched as what looked like a tire tread began to wrap around my fingers in addition to my mark. I felt a single tear of pain well up in my eye as my fingers began to twitch and an unknown energy began to build below them.
I heard a collective gasp and a blue light began to emanate from my hands and the engine. Without warning, I was blown across the street and the Hummer slammed back onto the ground. With my rifle still on my back, I connected with the building behind me and my sunglasses hung awkwardly off of my face. My head slumped into my lap and I blacked out from the pain.
-
“Give him some space ya’ll.” I heard a voice call from the darkness.
With my eyes still sealed, I brought my hands up to the sides of my head and grasped it. My head pounded as I rubbed my eyes and tried to open them. The sun immediately blinded me as I sealed my eyes again. I tried to move and my back protested. I slumped back and searched around for my sunglasses. I patted myself down before finding my sunglasses still hanging off of one of my ears. I replaced them and opened my eyes again. I was greeted with a crowd of unfamiliar ponies and Applejack staring over me. I tried to sit up before Applejack placed a hoof on my chest to stop me.
“You ok partner?” She asked with a genuine tone of worry.
“Yeah, I’m ok. Hurt like a motherfucker though.” I said as I rubbed the side of my head.
I sat up and felt my G36 peel off of my back. I knew that in the morning I was going nice, rifle shaped bruise on my back. Worried for my gun’s sake, I spun it around and rested it on my lap. Other than a few scratches, the gun seemed fully operational. I watched as the scratches filled in and disappeared.
“What the hell happened?” I asked as I placed the stock of my rifle on the ground and used it to hoist myself up.
It seemed that as soon as everyone figured out that I was ok, they all wandered off back to their duties and errands, but Applejack stayed behind.
“You we’re messin’ with that machine of urs’ and flew back from it after some grey magic changed it.” She explained as she pointed over to my Hummer.
I turned my head to see that the Hummer was now a grey color and had been modified. On each of the doors now sat my mark and a series of tire tread decals ran across the sides. The tires had grown in size and were widened to handle more difficult terrain. On the top of the roof, just above the windshield, sat a row of fog lights. Finally, on the grill was a reinforced ram and winch.
“Holy. Shit.” I said as I lifted my hands and saw that the same tire treads lined my hands and fingers that lined the side of the Hummer.
“Fancy.” Applejack said as she took a step towards me and took a look at my hands.
I let my hands fall to my sides and I walked over to the door. I peered into the window and saw that Ulik was still asleep on the passenger’s seat. How the fuck could he sleep through that?! I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“How the hell did Ulik sleep through that?” I asked no one directly.
“Heavy sleeper?” Applejack inquired.
“That was a rhetorical question.”
“A re-whata question?”
“Never mind.” I said as I stepped back to the front of the Hummer and retrieved the tools that were now scattered across the ground.
After placing them all back in the box, I walked them around to the trunk and set it back in its place. I slammed the door shut and retrieved my spare suit from the backseat. I rubbed the pain from my back for a moment before turning back to Applejack and gave a two finger salute (probably my trademark by now).
“I need to get cleaned up and after that I’ll make my round to see all of you.”
“All of who?” She asked if puzzled.
“You and the rest of the Elements. I still don’t know where most of you live.” I explained.
“Ah told you that we don’t need no ‘protectin’.” She explained as though she were a little annoyed.
“I’m just doing my job ma’am.” I said almost mimicking her accent.
“Don’t call me ‘ma’am’. AJ will do just fine.” She explained with a friendly tone.
“Sure thing, boss.” I said as I made my way to Twilight’s door and pushed it open.
I was greeted by both Twilight and Spike. It seemed that Twilight was in the middle of a reading frenzy as books flew across the room and nearly hit me. I dodge a few books as I tried to make my way to the bathroom without disturbing her. I was almost in the clear as a single book clipped the back of my head. All of the sudden, all the books fell to the ground and Twilight’s head snapped to me. Spike gave me a single look of ‘Get out while you can!’ before I shot into the bathroom. As soon as I stepped inside, I heard the opera of books start up again as I pulled off my suit coat and laid it on the floor.
“Hey, bud.” I hear Spike’s voice call through the door “Try not to interrupt Twilight when she is studying. Only bad things can come of it.”
I walked over to the door and said “Thanks little man, I’ll be sure to remember that.”
“Just toss your stuff out here and I’ll get it taken care of.” He said as I heard little feet patter away from the door.
I unslung the rifle and placed it in the corner of the room and tried to unbuckle my holster. Due to the position of the holster, I needed to arch my back which immediately communicated pain. I grimaced as I toughed through it and snapped it off. With the holster off, I tossed it next to the rifle and did the same with my knife.
I slowly undressed myself as I cataloged every new bruise and cut. After a few minutes, I tossed my clothes (minus my belt and shoes) outside the door and went along with my business.
-
After cleaning myself up, I stepped in front of the mirror and looked over my hands. They still burned with a passion as I looked over them. My mark of the 1911 firing above the pile of shell casings still sat on the back of my hands but was now accompanied tire marks surrounding it. The marks travels up and down my hands and spiraled around my fingers. Every place that the tire treads covered stung like a swarm of bees had all stung me at once. I ran them under some cool water from the sink and was relieved of some of the pain.
I cut the water off and made my way over to the door. I snaked my hand outside and grabbed my clean suits. I dressed myself with the first suit that Rarity had given me. It wasn’t as snazzy as the other suit but it seemed to be more comfortable. Before throwing my suit coat on, I buckled my holster back on. I now threw my coat on and buttoned it up. Outside it was starting to feel like fall was moving in and the added protection wasn’t amiss. I slung my rifle on and placed my extra suit over my right forearm.
When I opened the door, Spike was waiting for me. He placed a claw to his lips and motioned for me to keep my mouth shut. I nodded and he motioned me to follow him. He snaked around the outskirts of the room as Twilight sat in the middle and had the books orbiting her as she concentrated on one directly in front of her. I heard about people who were militant about studying but not to this degree. Spike slowly opened the front door and I stepped out and silently thanked him.
Goal for today: Avoid Twilight’s at all costs.
When I stepped outside, the sun was now at its highest point in the sky and I needed to get a move on. Cleaned up and feeling refreshed, I made my way over to the Hummer and climbed inside. Everything on the interior seemed the same but I believe that it is what under the hood that counts. I rounded my hands over the steering wheel and noticed two things that had changed. The fucking fuel gauge and the key slot were gone, replaced by pieces of black plastic.
“How the fuck do I start it?” I asked before think that it might not even work.
I ran my hands along the dashboard before thinking back to the G36. I placed my hands on the wheel and thought of the Hummer starting. Without a single chug, the Hummer shot to life and gave a thunderous roar. Ulik shot to attention and I could see through the window that Twilight was in a rage for being interrupted. I gave a short laugh before shifting into gear and pressing on the gas.
All the ponies in town immediately turned their attention to me and shuttered, before stepping to the sides of the street. I turned to Ulik and saw that he was right at home in his seat as I drove down the center of town.
It was going to be a red letter day.
-
I casually drove towards the edge of town before I slammed on the gas and let the full force of the 6.2 liter V8 throw me and Ulik down the dirt road. The rear tires kicked up a hail of brown dust before they found their mark and gripped the road. We shot down the road as the engine roared at 70mph. I was a little timid to go any faster due to the shitty conditions of the road. After a minute of flooring it, I saw a farm appear in the distance. As I neared the farm I saw the name ‘Sweet Apple Acres’ hang over top the gate. I braked a bit, slowing down to about 25mph before pulling into the gate.
The farm was like something you’d see in Amish country. There was a large orchard that spanned the horizon with a large red barn and a farmhouse in front of it. I pulled up to the farmhouse and put two and two together. Applejack had to live here and it was only right I paid her a visit first. The Hummer’s engine rumbled before I removed my hands from the wheel and it cut off.
This should be fun.
“Stay here until I give the all clear.” I told Ulik as I grabbed my rifle and opened my door.
Ulik mimicked my two finger (two claw?) salute as I jumped out of the Hummer and closed the door behind me. I wrapped my left hand around the rail of the rifle and pressed my right hand on the door. I placed my hand on top of my mark that sat prominently on the door and the locks shot down with a loud click. I gave a devious little smirk before turning around and held my rifle with both hands. I stood in front of the farm house with the Hummer towering over me from behind. I could see some shadows in the front windows of the house as I walked towards the front door.
Every time I looked directly at the shadows, they would retreat away before returning. I placed one foot onto the porch steps and my shoes clicked on the hard material. I was still impressed with how nicely the shoes fit considering Rarity never even made anything for a human before me. I walked up to the door and tapped my rifle barrel on it three times. I could hear hushed voices behind it and one of them was Applejack. I found it funny how they thought they could be sneaky around me.
“You need to try harder; I can hear you.” I announced through the door.
The voices stopped before the door swung open and I was met with Applejack and a small, yellowish pony with a red mane and a large bow in it.
“Friend of yours?” I asked, motioning to the small red, mane pony.
Applejack seemed to be weighing her options before saying “She’s mah little sister.”
“Ahhh,” I hummed “I’m Ryan, little one.” I said trying to put on the same demeanor I did for Ulik.
“A-ah’m Applebloom.” She struggled out.
I lifted the barrel of my rifle up to my shoulder and rested it against it. I adjusted the shades on my face before an idea popped into my head.
“How would you like to make a new friend?” I asked before receiving a weary look of Applejack.
“What’cha mean?” The pony asked in unison.
“Applejack, you remember Ulik right?” I asked before receiving a nod “I need to find him some friends. I’m not exactly the best person to be around all the time. He needs to be a kid for once. I’m afraid that if he stays around me, he will start to become violent.”
Applebloom perked up at the idea of a new friend before Applejack spoke up.
“How do ah know he won’t get inta trouble or hurt anypony?”
“Has he done anything yet?”
“No…”
“There is your answer.”
“Fine.” Applejack muttered as I beat her in a game of wits.
I spun around to walk back to the Hummer before I heard Applebloom scream behind me.
“What the hell?!” I shouted as I ran my hands up to my ears to protect them from the assault.
Applejack shut Applebloom up in a hurry.
“Ah’m gonna let ya talk in a minute. Calm down.” She commanded to her little sister.
Applebloom nodded before pointing to the Hummer and tried to find words. I laughed before walking up to it and leaning on the door.
“It’s a machine.” I said as I banged my fist of the metal to exemplify my point and unlock the door “Why does everyone freak out?”
I pulled the door open and helped Ulik out the door. Ulik jumped down to the ground and looked at me before returning his quizzical stare back to the duo. I dropped to a knee and tried to find a way to explain to him.
“I need to go and work. I need you to stay with them and play nice. Got it soldier?” I asked him with authority.
Ulik gave me a stark nod before stepping back, saluting me, and giving me a hug. I chuckled a bit before he ran off and held out his claw for Applebloom. She stared at it for a moment, obviously unsure before she shook with him and spoke.
“Hello Ulik! Ah’m Applebloom.” She exclaimed.
Ulik waved before she gave him a funny look. I knew her question before she asked.
“He’s a mute.” I explained solemnly “He can’t talk.”
Ulik nodded at Applebloom. Applebloom’s expression returned to a cheerful one.
“That’s ok! Let’s go meet my other friends!”
Ulik nodded before he stepped over to her side and ran off into the distance.
“I can see the kids now.” I chuckled from the Hummer before climbing it.
“Ah heard that!” Applejack exclaimed from the doorway.
“Good!” I shot back before starting up the Hummer and accelerating towards the road again.
I pulled out of the farm’s yard and started on my way back to the town. I still needed to check on Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Dash. With that in mind, I punched a Clutch CD into the player and opened my windows. The song ‘Electric Worry’ shot to life on the radio as I continued along the road.
I never thought I’d miss driving but something about driving in a world where you are the only one with a car gave me a sense of freedom that no drug could compare to. The wind blew through my short hair as I drove along the road at 45mph. I didn’t really want to push the Hummer since I didn’t really know its limits in this new form. The road was relatively bumpy but I’m sure that it was never intended for an automobile, let alone something the size of a friggin’ Hummer.
Without warning, I heard a familiar voice emanate from the rear of the car. I looked in my rearview and saw that Dash was following me. I smiled and figured that if she wanted to catch me, she would have to work for it. I spun the wheel to the right and drove into a nearby field. The terrain threw me around as the tires connect with uneven ground. I stomped on the accelerator and increased my speed to 75mph and listened as the engine began to roar like a damn T-Rex. I looked in my rearview before seeing Dash behind me with look of determination. I cut the wheel to the left, sharply. The rear tires kicked dirt into the air and the Hummer pulled a 180 on the soft ground. I killed the radio and opened the sunroof. Taking this as an invitation, Dash dropped down into my lap and pushed her forelegs into my chest.
I grunted and said “I little rough, don’t you think?”
Dash retracted her forehooves from my chest and sat down into my lap.
“I think I won.” I pointed out.
She brought a hoof up and pushed it into my stomach.
“No,” she said “I won and you know it. I did catch you after all.”
“Fine, you win O’ Great One!” I said with a coating of sarcasm.
“You know it!” she said, basking in her fake glory.
I unslung my rifle and tossed it into the passenger’s seat. Dash watched as I removed my sunglasses and put them in the console.
“Where is Ulik?” she asked as she winged her head around the cabin, trying to find him.
“I sent him off with Applejack’s little sister.” I explained.
“That’s cool. Now you can hang with the coolest Pegasus in the land.” She said while checking her hoof nonchalantly.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I still need to check on Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity.” I pointed out.
“Already did that. Fluttershy is at her cottage, Pinkie is busy making a cake, and Rarity is out and about in town.” She said still trying to play it cool.
“I see you planned this.”
She only giggled a bit before flying over to the passenger’s seat and lifting the rifle over to me. I snatched my rifle from her and wedged it between my seat and the console. I turned my attention to Dash, who was sitting in the passenger’s seat and impatiently tapping her hoof.
“Waiting for something?” I asked as the Hummer continued to roar in the background.
“Back at the Gala, you said that you’d take me for another ride in this thing.” She explained.
“Ok, fine then.” I said as I shifted into gear “Brace yourself.”
She seemed to revel in the anticipation as I slammed on the gas. The acceleration threw Dash and me into the back of our seats as the tires kicked up dirt. The Hummer barreled down the field.
-
After showing off for a few hours, the day was well into the evening. The sun was starting to head down as the Hummer jumped over a hill and held some air for a few seconds. The Hummer dropped back down to Earth and threw me around violently. When the Hummer leveled out, I turned my attention over to Dash and saw that she was enjoying every minute of the ride. I watched as she closed her eyes and tried to soak in all of the unnatural acceleration. I stepped onto the brakes. I watched the speedometer slowly lower and Dash open her eyes again.
“Why did you stop?” She asked with a puzzled look.
I pointed to the clock and said “I’ve been driving for hours. I think it is time to head back.”
“Fine.” She said, obviously a little miffed “I was having so much fun too.”
I watched as she pouted and sat back into her seat. I rolled my eyes and turned the Hummer around. I knew that we didn’t go far, but we did go a decent distance from the town. I turned the Hummer around and began our drive back to town.
-
It was another half an hour of driving before the sun began to climb down and I flicked on the Headlights. The road ahead lit up a bit before I switched on the fog lights and turned night into day. Dash was staring out the window and I knew better than to bother her now. I sped up and saw the town come into view. I drove towards the town before Dash reached over and Pushed the wheel to the left, causing me to veer off into a field.
“I know a place.” She explained before letting go and motion me to head into the distance.
With nothing better to do, I complied and continued on. She suddenly motioned to left and I shot up a hill. Without a second’s notice, she motioned me to stop. I pressed onto the brakes and the Hummer skidded to a stop. We sat on top of a hill overlooking the town as the sun started to go down. I pulled out my aviators from the console and slipped them on. I had a decent day for once.
I released my hands from the steering wheel and the Hummer’s engine cut off almost instantaneously. I lifted my hands up and studied them once again. The tire marks had finally stopped stinging. Dash looked over at them and stared for a moment.
“That would explain how your machine looks different, huh?” She asked with her eyes tracing the tread marks.
“Yes it would. Hurt like hell.” I explained.
The small talk attempt was shot down before it could take off. I just sat back in my seat and stared into the distance. I swear that by the end of my time, I will have acquired a ‘1000 yard stare’.