So it was probably about half an hour or so since the nurse got me ready to go. They surely had taken their time getting me out of that place, and I certainly wanted some fresh air. Anyone would after having been what I'd just been through.
It was almost as soon as I walked out of the hospital that it hit me where I was: Ponyville. Unless there's another out-of-place crystal tree in some other place I probably never heard of, but I was willing to bet... well, a lot of money that this was Ponyville. The architecture of the nearby buildings seemed familiar enough, and then I couldn't dream of not noticing the treetops of what could only be the infamous Everfree Forest. You could seriously tell that thing apart from any other forest just by looking at the treetops.
That one dude also came with me. We were silent for about the first few minutes of our walk (which was actually probably ten minutes, since I still hadn't mastered walking), until I decided to break it. Someone had to.
"So, um, it wouldn't set you off any if I, er, asked what your name was, right?" Upon asking that, he stopped and gave me a sad look, before sighing and deciding to flap his gums.
"Yellow Rock." In response to this, I stared at him blankly for a good five seconds, before the right corner of my mouth twitched into a slight grin, and I had to stifle a laugh.
"What's funny?" He asked in an irritated tone.
"N-nothing, it's just... when you learned colors in school, whenever they said the color 'yellow', did you say 'yes,' thinking they were talking to you?" I barely managed to say without losing it. The bemused look he gave me didn't help that struggle at all.
"I can see it now! 'What is this color?' 'Yellow!' 'What did I do wrong now?!'" I practically fell over laughing. Poor dude must have had a miserable early childhood! Class shouts out an answer to a 'what color is this' question and he thinks they're yelling at him! Oh the money I would pay to see that!
I probably rolled around on the ground for a good minute, gaining looks from numerous ponies, but I didn't really care then. The scenario just kept repeating in my head, being a little different and funnier each time. I finally had enough of it and struggled to my hooves again, to which I was greeted by a quite sour look on his face.
"At least I can walk."
"Hey, I'm new to these things, give me a break!" Oops.
Almost instantly he raised an eyebrow, which I then did the next best thing; I put on my best bad poker face.
"U-um, I mean, I don't remember... aheh, well... walking." Man, did his eyes go big. I didn't think pony eyes could get much bigger. How wrong I have been.
"You don't. Remember. Walking?!" He practically shouted in my face.
"Uh, well," I started, rubbing the side of my head which recently felt like it had taken a blaring trumpet to the ear, "Not like... um, this?"
And then he started to grin.
"So... you don't remember going to the restroom, either?" Oh no.
"I, uh, well, aheh, er, um, you uh, see, I..." I'm doomed.
It was then his turn to burst into uncontrollable laughter, and now the ponies that had looked at me funny earlier looked at him. We were going to be known as the insane couple now, weren't we? ... ugh, this was going to take some getting used to, being a mare.
"I'm gonna- ha ha ha - have to buy you- heh ha - adult diapers, aren't I?! AAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" I can't say I'm ashamed of what happened next. To be honest, my patience with the guy was already wearing thin. And what's worse, he wouldn't stop laughing about it. And there was probably only one clear way to end this. For all my fellow bros out there reading this, prepare to wince in pain.
He rolled on his back for an extended period of time, ending his time of rolling around like a madman, and in doing so he exposed his... man-bits. Honestly I didn't see how ponies didn't see that as- nevermind, moving on.
Well, since I was rather fed up right then, with the combined irritations of various unpleasant factors, I probably did the worst thing I could have done in the history of ever.
I stepped on his nuts.
As unsanitary as that was and as much as that grossed me out doing it, I was almost satisfied with the bloodcurling scream that resulted. Now, just to be clear, I didn't stomp on them. That would have led to him losing a lot more than just his sense of humor, and also much more complicated things in the future. Rather, I just lightly tapped them. Unfortunately, since them parts are rather sensitive and hooves are not exactly soft, I might as well have stomped on them. Fortunately, no blood was spilt, so I at least knew I didn't pop something. Oh God, I'm hurting myself just thinking about this.
I'm sure in some dark recess of my mind I was laughing my head off at the wailing stallion on the ground, but I was almost as hurt as he was just watching him roll around in teared agony. Granted probably about one-millionths of a percentage of the pain he was in, but I was still suffering right along with him. And I had a dawning suspicion I was going to regret doing what I just did. In fact, I already was.
Ack! Ew, gross! I touched another guy's... blech! Is there sanitizer around here?!
I do believe it was about a whole five minutes or so before he stopped crying, at which point I had the audacity to go up and ask him, "You ok?"
I didn't receive an answer. Well, actually, I did. If taking a hoof to the face counts. The impact almost knocked me out cold, sending me flying back probably a good ten feet or so.
I'm not sure how to describe getting hit in the face by a hoof. I can't really relate to whatever comparison I give. Nonetheless, I'd say getting a hoof to the face is like slamming a brick into your face. Both hurt like absolute hell, but one hurts worse because Earth Ponies. And Yellow was an Earth Pony. And apparently being an Earth Pony gives you ridiculous amounts of strength. Particularly in the hooves.
When I once again got to my hooves, a look in his direction revealed that he now angrily stormed over to me. Unfortunately for him, I somehow managed to nail him in the face with both my hind hooves. Somehow. I don't know how I managed to pull that one off.
As expected, he went flying back a few feet, before shaking it off (how?!) and then full-on head-charging me. It was in that moment I also learned that a pony didn't have a big head for looks. Seriously, that thing might as well be a fucking rock. Well... I could say the same about a human skull, but... I think a pony's head is harder. I can't say for sure, though.
He tackled me to the ground and proceeded to land a hoof where I think my stomach is or was as a human. I felt a large amount of air leave me as the hoof hit, and about as soon as he raised his foreleg to make another strike, I rolled into him and forced the two of us into a series of rolls, until finally we came to a stop with me laying on the ground on my back, and he standing over me with a victorious smile and a mean look in his eye. We locked gazes for a few moments, saying nothing as we let our eyes speak for us, and then the last thing you'd expect to happen happened: we laughed.
We both, at the same time, broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. I laughed because I realized that I had actually just wrestled a pony, which sounded absolutely crazy. And he laughed because... well, who knows? I stopped laughing first, primarily because I then realized... I was laying on the ground... and he was on top of me... and our pelvic areas were awfully clo-
"GAH!" I freaked and flipped him off of me, rolling onto my belly and looking over at him to catch him hit the dirt with a thud, after which he looked at me with a surprised expression on his face. And then he laughed again. And I joined him in laughter. That time, I had no idea why I was laughing.
Reminds me of that one time back home in the early part of the school year. I was in class and I guess someone said something that tickled me in a funny way, because next thing I knew I was laughing and crying at the same time.
'What's wrong?' The teacher had asked, and I replied by saying, 'I don't know!' That random outburst set the rest of the class into a kind of awkward silence, followed by some 'I can't believe that just happened' and the teacher telling me I was crazy. I think I finally crossed the line of insanity.
He recovered first, shaking any dirt he collected after landing and then lending me a hoof, which obviously got me back on all fours. We exchanged an awkward smile before we giggled for just a second. Well, I giggled and he chucked.
"We should get on home. The kids have been worried since the accident." He said, then resuming his walk.
I followed him for about five seconds before stopping dead in my tracks. "Wait, kids?!"