Chapter Five
Spider in my Parlor
Heartbreak rubbed her ears in disbelief and looked at Doctor Marshmallow, her face twisting up. “What?”
The stallion cleared his throat. “Copulation, it’s the medical term for having-”
“I know what copulation is!” Heartbreak retorted, her voice wavering in and out. “The question I have is ‘why are you asking me about this?’!”
“Well, as a doctor,” he floated a pen out of his pocket and checked a few things on the form before him. “I need to rule out the possibility of odd hormonal changes being caused by engaging in certain activities such as-”
“No!” Heartbreak shouted abruptly cutting off Doctor Marshmallow’s question, before snorting and turning away. “I have not had any sex.” She replied putting a hoof over her mouth in attempt to push away a wave of nausea attempting to overtake her.
“There’s no need to become defensive, Mis- er, H.B.” The doctor pulled his clipboard back, then smiled nervously. “After all, we’re both full grown adults.”
He paused and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his muzzle. “With needs and desires...” He continued with a knowing look in his eye.
“I don’t.” Heartbreak responded sharply.
“You don’t what?” He blinked, his pen scrolling down the side of his clipboard.
Heartbreak frowned and looked away, her angry expression now accompanied by a harsh blush.
“Come now, there isn’t any need to be embarrassed. Would you prefer a doctor of your own gender? Should I call Nurse Goodfilly back, perhaps?”
“Ye... No! No, that’s ok. It’s just that... Well, I don’t have those feelings or sensations,” Heartbreak quietly admitted, turning away before folding her front hooves over each other. “At all.”
“Interesting...” He quickly made a few checks on the clipboard. “So you are experiencing numbness in your more... private areas?”
Heartbreak grimaced and rolled her eyes. “I guess that’s one way of putting it...”
“And how long has this numbness persisted?”
“All of my life,” Heartbreak continued to squirm and frown at these questions. “Seriously, what does this have to do with my-” She began to cough and hack till she felt something loosen in the back of her throat. “-my current situation...”
“Nothing at all. However...” The stallion tapped the pen against his lips. “Odd hormone levels could be a sign of something more serious... When was your last physical?” The embarrassed rose in Heartbreak’s cheeks quickly drained and was replaced with pasty green.
“Ph-ph-physical?” She asked, her legs involuntarily tucking together more tightly.
“Hmmm, that’s what I was afraid of,” Doctor Marshmallow replied, clicking his tongue. “I would like to fit you in as soon as possible...” He smiled an overly cheerful smile. “How’s right now sound?”
Heartbreak rubbed her head, before blinking and coughing. “How about... No? Ugh.” She turned from where she was sitting, taking a moment to rest on her forehooves. “Seriously, I’m just fine. I don’t even know why Fluttershy took me here...” She muttered.
Doctor Marshmallow raised a hoof to Heartbreak’s forehead before absentmindedly looking at the clipboard again. “Your temperature is above normal. I would say that you aren’t fine. I was however, just joking about the physical: the paperwork alone would be a pain to fill out.”
“Besides,” He paused, resting on the medical table. “I could only do an observational-” His words were cut off as he realized that the medical table was a lot more squishy than he expected it to be. “...examination.” He turned and realized the reason behind this new sensation.
Heartbreak’s senses snapped to attention as she suddenly felt a cold hoof touch her stomach.
Marshmallow suddenly felt the giddy feeling of an ill timed laugh being replaced with an acute sensation in the back of his head that he was being stared down by some fierce predator. Looking up, he could have swore that was exactly what he was seeing.
A harsh snarl curled over Heartbreak’s face and her eyes seemed to warp the light into sharp points. Her mane seemed to almost be alive as it twisted and writhed like live snakes.
“No. Meansss. NO!” She bellowed before a solid blow cracked the doctor across the face, sending him hurtling into a wall, landing into a medical bed.
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As Fluttershy waited nervously in the sitting lounge, she pondered if she had done the right thing by bringing Heartbreak to the hospital.
Of course you did, Fluttershy! We’ve been over this. H.B. is terribly sick and needs serious medical attention. And I’m sure that Doctor Marshmallow isn’t a bad doctor! The soft-spoken pony felt herself calming down. Yes, H.B. will see that the doctor isn’t something to be afraid of! He’s only here to help!
“No. Meansss. NO!” Heartbreak’s voice came bellowing out of the examination room.
Fluttershy quickly darted under the waiting bench as the cacophonous sounds of metal bowls and what was unmistakably the sound of a pony crashing against a wall clamored out of the adjoining room. As the door to the doctor’s office creaked open, she slowly peered out from her hiding spot, just in time to see Doctor Marshmallow peel off the hospital wall and into a medical bed.
Heartbreak slid off the examining table groggily and began muttering to herself as she walked out of the room. Fluttershy covered her mouth in fright at the sight.
“H.B.? What happened?” she asked, finally bolstering a bit of courage. “Why is the doctor in a medical bed? You didn’t hurt him, did you?”
Heartbreak turned and looked at Fluttershy, who jumped back from the pointed glare. “I need a doll...”
“A doll?” Fluttershy asked as she cautiously moved forward, a look of confusion painted on her face. “Why do you-”
“To show where he ...touched!” Heartbreak exclaimed half-heartedly before crawling back onto the waiting room bench. “Ugh, forget it... Too tired. Short story? He touched me.”
“For an examination?” Fluttershy asked, her wings flitting back and her hooves trembling. “But that’s what doctors are meant to-”
“For a physical!” Heartbreak weakly stomped her hoof and snorted. “And I told him no. And he touched me!” she whimpered, pausing briefly to consider the dark, safe-looking underside of the waiting bench before going to sit on top of it instead.
Nurse Goodfilly’s head popped around the corner and peered at the spectacle as she sat down at the front desk. “Oh, did Marshmallow’s hooves go somewhere they weren’t meant? Ugh, I told the head staff that taking him out of the foal’s wing and into the adults’ section was a bad idea. He knows how to police himself around the colts and fillies, but the adults? Just doesn’t know which jokes to make and which to keep to himself. Somepony needs to beat him over the head with traffic signs.”
“He’ll get beaten over the head with... uhm, something alright...” Heartbreak grumbled. “Ugh... Wanna go home now...”
Nurse Goodfilly cringed before giving an oddly delighted smirk as she looked at the doctor’s impression left on the wall. “Ooo! Nice shot, right in the bed. I’d give that one ten points. And extra points for actually finding an empty medical bed! I mean, if anypony’s counting.” She said twirling a pencil on her hoof as she sat down and returned to her newspaper.
“I’m terribly sorry for what’s happened here, Nurse Goodfilly.” Fluttershy said. “This is hardly the first time it’s happened. Applejack said that Big Macintosh was complaining about a ringing in his ears for a few days and-” The nurse only smiled and waved a hoof in return while sighing.
“Fluttershy, there’s no need to apologize or make amends, for when you came to Ponyville, you and I became friends!” She caught herself and giggled. “Oh! Looks like I’ve been doing more of the ‘Daily Rhyme-Time’ and not enough of my actual job.” She put the newspaper aside and pulled a bag with a small prescription label stuck to the side before setting it on the counter. “This is something highly unorthodox, but if your friend - Heartbreak, was it?”
Fluttershy nodded. “She prefers to be called ‘H.B.’”
“Right, right. H.B.,” the nurse replied, waving her hoof. “If H.B. feels more at ease in her own home, rather than the hospital, then I think I can fill out the proper paperwork for you.”
“You would?” Fluttershy asked with a smile. The nurse nodded and pulled out a few papers. “Oh, thank you so much! H.B. has had a really hard time adjusting to life in Equestria. From what I understand, Minneighsota is very different.”
“I can imagine it is,” Nurse Goodfilly replied. “There are several bags of tinctures in there. Just pour each into hot water and make sure she drinks every last drop of it when she wakes up tomorrow morning. Before you know it, H.B. will be on the road to recovery!”
Fluttershy lifted a hoof and examined the bag. “Oh, is this grass? She really doesn’t care for the taste of grass.”
Nurse Goodfilly smiled as she tapped her hoof on the bag, pointing out the label. “Good thing that it’s lemon grass, then. Just add a dollop of honey and she’ll think that she’s drinking hot lemonade, or you could pass it off as medical herbal tea.” Fluttershy giggled and made note of the sneaky trick. Then again, sometimes to get animals to take their medications, you had to be sneaky. Otters, weasels, ferrets and rats were especially keen to any tricks!
“Thank you ever so much again, Nurse Goodfilly.” Fluttershy repeated while picking up the medication and putting it into her saddlebags.
“Fluttershy... Why so formal? We’ve known each other for over two years... I really wish you would call me Robyn, ” Nurse Goodfilly said, looking over her glasses with a grin and wink.
“Oh, well... If that’s what you really want. Thank you once again, Nur- uh.. I mean, Robyn,” she replied, gently prodding the groggy Heartbreak from her comfortable sitting bench. “H.B.? It’s time to go...”
Heartbreak groaned and whimpered, glaring at Nurse Goodfilly. “That mean nurse stuck a needle in my ...hindquarters. Why there? Is it really that hard to do the shoulder? The pain... Hurts... A lot,” she muttered, limping.
“I know. I’ll try my best to make it feel better, alright?”
Heartbreak coughed hoarsely, then smiled, wearily looking up at Fluttershy. “You’re best p-pony... Fluttershy...”
“I’m just making sure that you start to feel well again.” The pegasus blushed and only momentarily wondered if Heartbreak was being sincere. She was, after all, not in her right mind. “But that is a very nice thing for you to say.”
Nurse Goodfilly smiled and popped a piece of bubble gum in her mouth as the two ponies left the hospital. She knew that Heartbreak was going to be in good hooves with Fluttershy tending to her. The same couldn’t be said for Doctor Marshmallow Triage, who was starting to regain consciousness.
“Nurse... Did you get the plate of that carriage that hit me?” He weakly asked in confusion.
Nurse Goodfilly merely rolled her eyes and chewed on her bubblegum. “What a foal this doctor be...” she muttered to herself before pulling down some paperwork and blowing a bubble.
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I had no idea that Nurse Goodfilly thought of me as a friend! We’ve only said hello on the street from time to time, Fluttershy mused with a smile as the two ponies exited the hospital. Though there was that one time that she didn’t have enough bits in the line at the store and I covered for her. Well, it’s nice that she thinks of me as a friend.
Suddenly, a poof of pink and smiles came into her line of vision and interrupted her thoughts.
“Hiya, Fluttershy! I got your letter!” Pinkie exclaimed. She quickly covered her mouth as she saw Heartbreak whimper and her ears turn back.
“Uhg... Pinkie... Loud...” the sick pony murmured, before turning her head and coughing into her foreleg. “Needs volume control... knob, yeah, knob...”
“Oops!” Pinkie whispered loudly. “Sorry, H.B.!” The tan mare only responded by weakly waving her hoof back before spitting something foul out of her mouth.
“Thank you so ever so much for coming, Pinkie,” Fluttershy softly said, nudging the pink pony away from Heartbreak. “Did you bring it?”
“Uh-huh...” Pinkie found it difficult to tear herself from looking at the state Heartbreak was in. She finally shook her head and pulled out what could only be described as an odd looking bicycle sidecar. “Wow, it was a good thing that I did ask you to check in on her, I knew that one of my twitch-a-twitches was right! How in Equestria did she get so sick?!”
“Uhm, H.B. thinks it’s because she doesn’t have any natural immunities!” Fluttershy explained. Just then, Heartbreak moaned as she leaned against a nearby tree.
“Pinkieshy- Flutterpie... Not too- ugh...” Heartbreak looked up with a forced smile on her face. “Back to couch, please?”
“Oh! Sorry!” The two ponies replied in stereo.
“Do you need any help taking her back home?” Pinkie asked, after latching the sidecar to the bike.
“Up you go,” Fluttershy said with a motherly smile as she assisted Heartbreak into the sidecar, before mounting the bicycle. “I should be alright...”
“Okie-dokie-lokie! Get well soon!” Pinkie yelled quietly while the two ponies rode off into the direction of the soon-to-be-setting sun.
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The setting sun’s twilit amber hues glistened upon Ponyville as the two ponies finally arrived back to Heartbreak’s house. Fluttershy let out a long sigh of exhaustion, before she dismounted and parked the the bike in the front yard.
“H.B...” she whispered, while nuzzling at the semi-conscious pony’s neck. “You’re home...” Fluttershy cooed.
“Huh?” Heartbreak drowsily shook her head and took a few wobbly steps out of the sidecar. “Oh. So we are.” Before turning to look at Fluttershy, she quickly retrieved a line of snot back into her nose. “Ewww...”
“Do you need a tissue?” Fluttershy asked, ready to rummage through her saddle bags.
“No, I’m fine,” she once again insisted as she waved a hoof. She coughed a bit before pushing herself to walking down the rock path. “Ugh...” Fluttershy turned her head in the direction of her cottage, before biting her lip and trotting up to Heartbreak’s side.
“Gah! Just. Open!” Heartbreak exclaimed, frustratingly hoofing at the door handle.
“Do you-”
“No... I’m f-” Just then, a yellow hoof reached up and pushed the door open. Heartbreak looked over at a smiling, yet worn-out-looking Fluttershy, “... fine.”
The two ponies barely said anything as they walked into the house. Heartbreak merely made the smallest of squeaking sounds as she pushed herself onto the battered and worn-looking green couch, in what she had dubbed to be her ‘parlor’ room.
“Oooh...” she softly sighed, pulling down a blanket that had been draped over the couch. “Yes...” She yawned and turned as Fluttershy closed the window curtains. “So much better...”
“Do you need me to sing you a lullaby?” she asked.
Heartbreak snickered and gave a small smirk before sniffing hard. “No, I’m fine,” she repeated once more, before coughing quietly a few times. “Thank you for offering, though,” she answered raspily.
Fluttershy set the medicine down next to a lamp, only to hear the soft snores coming from the couch.
Out already? Fluttershy walked back over to tuck Heartbreak in. Pleased with her work, she took a moment to take in the whole of what happened within the span of one evening. With how peaceful she looks, all snug and cosy, it’s really easy to forget all the terrible things she’s been through! Or even some of those unpleasant things she’s said. I can understand that she doesn’t like doctors poking and prodding at her, but-
“Eeep!” Suddenly, Fluttershy jumped as she found her hoof abruptly grabbed and pulled on! She tried to fight against the snare, but then looked towards its source to find that it was a trap made of Heartbreak’s forelegs wrapped around her hoof.
“Fluttershy...” the tan mare muttered in a half-wake quagmire. “Fluttershy, stay...”
Fluttershy whimpered before biting her lip. Her animal friends were waiting for her back at her cottage, and they really were looking forward to being fed! But Heartbreak was still so terribly sick! What if she needed her in the middle of the night, what if something terrible happened? How could she contact her animal friends and tell them about what was happening?! No animals would come-
Just then, she heard a tapping up on the ceiling. Well, it was more like the small tapping of tiny legs skittering delicately against wooden beams, a sound that was distinctive to one group of creatures that her keen ear had learned to hear.
Looking around, she saw the telltale sign of their presence: a fresh, silvery thread that had been anchored to the couch. With her free hoof, she leaned forward and gently tapped it.
“Hello?” she asked, looking up intently hopeful that her summons would be answered. “Mister, or Miss Spider? Are you up there?” Fluttershy’s calls out to the darkness were met with the shine of eight eyes, two of them pea sized and the other six nothing but glints. She tapped the thread once more. “Oh, there you are! Could you please come down? I need some help...”
After a few moments pause, out from the shadows, a few spindly legs wiggled forward, and dangling after them on a single thread was a blue coated spider that had to be the size of a small mouse. A spider of that size was no doubt female, but Fluttershy found herself amazed by what species that was now dangling down into Heartbreak’s parlor.
“Oh my, a Veneighzuelan sad-faced spider!” she quietly exclaimed.
The spider dropped down on its silken thread for a better look at who or what had been plucking its threads. Tapping back on the threads gave the spider a clearer image. Pony and ponies were too big to be food. There were lots of ponies out there but the vibrations of this particular pony had been passed through the webs before. This was kindness pony.
“Eh- excuse me, Miss Sad-Faced Spider...” Fluttershy cleared her throat and the spider turned to face her. “I’m sorry to trouble you, but could you help me?”
Talking with spiders was something of a sticky situation, and not just because of the webbing. Spiders communicated through pheromones and vibrations instead of vocalization, and it was hard sometimes to make out the nuances.
The spider dangled its legs down further and swung itself to the wall. If the pony was attempting communication, the Queen spider would want to know. Maybe it would even raise her in rank among the colony! That would be something! Perhaps she would be by her side in the winter months, rather than what happened to the rest of the colony...
“Yes, pony?” The spider tapped out.
“Thank you for coming down.” Making sure to keep a hoof on the spiders’ threads, Fluttershy leaned forward. “There aren’t too many animals living in this house.”
“It is because of strange pony,” the spider replied, bluntly and without hesitation.
Fluttershy blinked. “You can tell that she’s... different?”
“Yes...” came the reply after a short pause. “Strange pony, fearsome pony... maybe not pony? We don’t know.”
Fluttershy whimpered and was glad that Heartbreak wasn’t awake to hear this awkward conversation. Not that she could understand spider. At least she hoped that she didn’t understand spider: if H.B. was anything, it was a mare full of surprises.
“If she’s so dangerous, why does your colony stay?” Fluttershy asked.
“We like it here,” the sad-faced spider stated.
“You mean you’re not bothered by her?” Fluttershy asked, tilting her head.
“Why would we?” The spider clacked back. “Much food here. Few predators. Strange pony, yes. Threat to us? No.”
Fluttershy blinked at this and then shook her head: the conversation was getting off topic. “I’m sorry for calling down out of your webs, but I really could use your help...” The spider tilted its body to the left and clattered its pedipalps. “You see-” she started, gently tugging on her hoof again. “I’m in a bit of a bind...”
“Strange pony has kind pony bound? Is saving her for later snack?” the spider asked. “We shouldn’t tamper with others’ food...”
“What? Oh no, no, no. She’s... not well,” Fluttershy explained. “And she doesn’t want me to leave. And I have other animals that are expecting to be back home!” The spider gave a confused look at all the information being thrown at her.
“Does pony want spider to wake strange pony up by crawling... biting?” she asked.
“Oh! No! She needs her sleep,” Fluttershy replied, trying to hide her fright. “I was wondering if you would be ever so helpful and deliver a message to my animal friends back at my cottage so that Angel knows what to do...”
“Leave house?” The spider clacked her mandibles together worriedly. “We are ...third tier spider. Must ask Spider Queen...”
“Please tell her that it is very important that H.B. gets well soon!” They have spider queens? Oh, I am learning so much!
The spider began to dance out a message upon its silken webs in a series of wiggles, shakes and leg-taps. It paused for a moment before it rapidly repeated the elaborate form of dancing communication before finally waggling its front legs at Fluttershy.
“Did she say yes?” Fluttershy asked, her hoof taps full of hope.
“Well,” the spider’s reply started. “The Queen, while not hostile to one of the colony performing this task for kind pony,” the spider paused momentarily before continuing. “Wishes to know why she should risk a third tier spider.”
“Well,” Fluttershy bit her lip again.
That was another difficult thing about working with spiders. Merely asking them to do things wasn’t the same as asking her animal friends to do things. With animals, all you needed was a soothing voice and soft eyes- with the possibility of a reward of some kind for added incentive- to get them to agree to any sort of favor! That didn’t always work for spiders (and insects in general).
“Well-” Fluttershy took a deep breath as she thought about this. “Please tell your Queen that it is very important for H.B. to recover and get well. If she doesn’t and something happens to her, then she might have to go somewhere else for a long time. Leaving the colony open to attacks from predators that would have normally kept away.”
Fluttershy whimpered a little as she realized how matter of fact she sounded with that statement. It was true, but it wasn’t very nice. It sounded more like a threat than anything. “Also, please tell her that if she is willing to do this favor for me, then in return, sometime in the future, I will do a favor for her.”
The poor little sad-faced spider continued to dance and waggle before finally falling to a resting position. After a few moments, it pushed itself back up to tap out the Queen’s reply.
“Our queen sees your point of view, kindness pony,” the spider tapped out. “She shall send a second tier spider to kindness pony’s place of dwelling.”
“She will?” Fluttershy smiled brightly. “Oh, thank you so much!”
“Yes. Tired now. Finding place for rest,” the spider replied, barely tapping its leg on the line as it crawled back into a darkened knot hole in the ceiling.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said meekly. “I’ll let you rest, thank you once again for your help,” She turned back to the softly snoring pony that was still clasping her hoof. “H.B.? H.B.?” She softly crooned before tugging her leg back. “Can I have my leg back?”
She was only met with a half muttered, muddled response and a loud snort, followed by a slightly tighter grip around her hoof.
“Well,” Fluttershy’s ears drooped and she laid down on the floor. “I guess this is ok too...” Reaching forward, she lightly nuzzled Heartbreak before resting her head down. “Good night, H.B.”