So I'm sitting there, tending bar, when in comes one of my most intriguing customers, Daring Do.
Now, a lot of ponies know of Daring Do's alter ego, A.K.Yearling and of her brilliant written series of novels depicting her own exploits. Heck even I have a few of them in my own private collection.
So she walks in and I can already tell that she's got a lot on her mind. Her eyes are darting down, her hooves are dirty and her mane is completely ruffled.
"Mornin' Ms. Yearling", I wink at her.
She just gives me a slight nod.
"A drink for your thougths?" I ask her.
"Sure", she said, "Just give m usually coffe liquor".
"Right away ma'am", I said and poured in her liquor.
"I hope you don't mind me asking", I said, as she glanced at me, "but what happened to you lately? You look quite beaten up".
"It's that damn Ahuizotl again!" she exclaimed, slamming her hoof at the table, "I mean it's always the same thing. i find an artifact and he poofs into being right behind me with those mangy cats of his. It's getting quite annoying", she said angrily.
"I can only imagine", I said.
"And you know what's the worst part of it all?" she asked me.
"No, what?" I responded.
"I can't just off that nimrod", she said and gulped some of her liquor.
"Really?" I stated, "Why's that?"
"Well", she began, "As it turns out Mr. Ahuizotl is the last of his kind and would have seen extremely irresponsible and, not to mention, very damaging to both my career and cause, if word got out that I am responsible for the extinction of an entire specie".
"Well, can't you sent him to Tartarus?" I asked.
"You think I haven't tried!" she yelled "The damn Ahui rights activists were extremely angered at me, calling me an 'opressor'. Oh yeah, I am an opressor and the guy who once tried to take over the world is just an 'innocent little kitty kat'. Spare me the lecture", she ranted furiously.
She was quite upset about these activists as it turns out.
I mean, you could literally see steam coming out of her nostrils. It was insane.
"Why don't you just retire then? Quit all of it and live off of your books", i suggested to her.
Daring sighed.
"Unfortunately, I can't do that", she said, "There are still a lot of those hellish artifacts out there, just waiting to be grabbed by some slimy clutches. Whether it be Ahuizotl or some other greasy creature, I can bet you donuts to bits that if I don't find those artifacts, one of them certainly will, and that is a fate I cannot allow this world to suffer".
"Can't you find a replacement?" I asked her.
"Well", Daring began, "I could, but answer me this: What kind of pony could possibly witheld such things that I have gone through and come out victorious? And Rainbow Dash doesn't count. She's got enough on her plate as is. Plus her fanmail creeps me out", Daring joked.
I pondered for a bit and sighed in defeat.
"That's what I thought", she said and gulped the rest of her drink.
"Thanks for the chat anyway", she tipped her head, "I assume these will suffice", she said and tossed me two ripe rubies.
"Most certainly", I said and waved at her as she left.
You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.