I Will Never Love You

by eLLen


A Bouquet of Rainbow Flowers

Ten, nine, eight…

You smooth back your hair with the palm of your hand, flattening a few finicky strands.

Seven, six, five…

You glance down and give yourself a once-over, admiring the trim-collared flannel tucked into a pair of slimming pants. Dressed in best clothes a human can get in a pony world, you look striking… and you know it.

Four, three, two…

Taking a whiff of the flowers clutched tightly in your other hand, you couldn’t help but heave a sigh of both nervousness and excitement. At the very least, the bouquet of roses created a rainbow of color in their petals.

One.

“Eight P.M.” you say with a glance at your wrist watch. After fiddling with your shirt for a moment, you raise your hand to the cloud door in front of you. Forcing back hesitation, you rap three times against it and decide not to bother questioning how a cloud could make a knocking sound.

In a few moments, you hear the sound of shuffling before the door flicks open, revealing… her. Her mane a swirl of color, shining with every color of the rainbow, the mare named Rainbow Dash stepped out into the light of the evening sun. The sunrays played upon her fur, casting a light, cyan sheen across her coat and sending a sparkle across her eyes. She may not have been “gussied up,” but her natural beauty beat out anything make up and lipstick could do for her.

God, she’s beautiful… you think.

As soon as Rainbow looks up to your taller form, her eyes widen to saucers. “Whoa, hey. Didn’t expect to you see up here.”

You let out a chuckle, gesturing around to the cloud house. “Yeah, Twilight helped out a bit. No way I could’ve gotten here on my own.”

“I figured as much,” she says. Her eyes give you a glance-over but freeze at the sight of the bouquet. For a moment, a hint of something you couldn’t make out appears, but it fades away just as quick. With a grin playing on her lips, Rainbow moves aside. “Good to see you. Wanna come inside?”

“Sure.”

As you step in, you pause for a moment. It looks even better on the inside, you think, admiring the living space. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was at Rarity’s. You take a seat on the cloud couch as Rainbow shuts the door behind her. Turning toward you, she springs onto the nearby arm chair with a flap of her wings.

“What brings you by?” she asks.

Quite aware that the flowers are still clutched in your hand, you reply, “Nothing much. Just thought I’d see how the ‘best flier in Equestria’ is doing.”

“Ha! Well, I think Equestria’s best flier is doing quite fine, thank you,” she says, mocking a noble accent. “So how are you doing? Still settling into Ponyville?”

“More or less,” you say, waving your hand. “I think everything’s gotten pretty normal by now. At least, as normal as a hairless monkey can be in a world like this.” She lets out a few chuckles, making you have to hold back the urge to sigh. She’s so cute when she laughs… you think.

The two of you make small talk for a few minutes, discussing nothing in particular, just anything that came to mind. For whatever reason, the Wonderbolts seemed to come up a lot.

As Rainbow laughs off another story, she straightens up in her chair. Although she still smiles, you could sense a level of seriousness in her demeanor. Suddenly aware of just how much your heart is beating in your chest, you mirror her actions.

“So…” she begins.

Oh boy, you think, but you try to cast away your anxiety. I’ve come too far to give up now… Ugh, why does dating have to be so nerve-wracking? Steeling your resolve, you reply, “Yeah? Something up?”

She doesn’t respond right away, only staring without a word for a few long seconds. She shrugs. “I dunno. Just wondering what brought you by.”

Because I wanna be with you! “Because I just wanted to see you. Like I said earlier.”

“Yeah, but…” Her eyes shift toward the flowers in your hand. In your conversation, you’d completely forgotten you had them! Holding back a cringe, you hold them up for her to see. “Oh, these?” you say, trying and failing to sound casual. “They’re just… uh…”

Rainbow’s lips scrunch up and her brow furrows, putting her skepticism on full display. “Uh-huh… Why are you here again?”

Your break eye contact, throwing your gaze elsewhere. This is it… you think. Steeling your resolve with fantasies of what you two could be—beautiful, happy, and carefree lovers—you face her again. “Rainbow…” you begin. “I’ve had some… thoughts recently.”

“Thoughts?”

This time, you can’t hold back the cringe. Awful, you think. Just awful. Should’ve planned even more. Nonetheless, you push on, knowing you’re far beyond the point of no return. “Yes. You see… I-I’ve kinda…”

Rainbow cocked her head, a frown on her lips, and eyes making passes to the rainbow of flowers. “Kinda… what?”

“I think I…” You sigh. Aw, screw it. She likes the direct approach anyway. With a sharp inhale, you shove the bouquet in her direction. “These are for you!” you blurt out. It only takes a second for you to berate yourself, knowing how goddamned awful you must look.

Having leaned away from your sudden outburst, Rainbow blinked a few times as she regained her senses. “These… for me?” Her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she speaks again. “I, um… huh?”

Not sure whether to take her shocked reaction as a good sign or bad sign, you nod your head. Through gritted teeth, you manage to say, “For you. Rainbow, you’re a… a kind and… beautiful mare.” Why?! you want to scream. Why does this have to be so hard?! I look like a fool! …in front of her.

Her eyes shift from the flowers to your own, the dumbfounded expression still plastered on her face. Her mouth flounders for a second, trying to find words that aren’t there.

Unable to bear the awkward, foolish, stupid, failing, pointless, needless—

You sigh, trying to calm the torrent of emotion flooding your head.

Unable to bear the moment any longer, you channel all your attention to the task at hand. With a fire in your eyes, you set your sights on the prize. Your dear, your darling, your lover. You shove off from the couch and plant yourself in front of the pegasus, kneeling before her. Since she sits on her armchair, your eyes meet at equal level.

Taking a final glance at vividly colorful bouquet of flowers, you set it down at her hooves with a shaky hand. “Rainbow…?” you say.

She doesn’t reply, only staring, never blinking.

“I-I’ve been thinking of you so much…” you say, no longer caring how weak you may sound. You needed to say this. “You’re all I can think about. I love the color of your mane, a-and I love the way sunlight plays upon your fur. You’re brash—in a good way!—yet you have such a soft, kind smile.”

You reach for her hoof and take it in your hand, encountering limp resistance. You gaze into the shiny cerise of her eyes as if trying to convey your emotion through a longing stare. “When I look in your eyes… you take me to another world…

“Rainbow Dash… I love you. I love you so much.”

As the light echo of your words faded away, leaving the loudest silence you’d ever heard in its place. The two of you remained wordless for the moment, her blank faced and staring, and you kneeling and hopeful.

Finally, she spoke up. “I… I… You really mean all that? You love me?”

Hearing her say it sends a wave of self-consciousness through you, causing you to shrink back. “Uh, yes… I do.” At seeing Rainbow’s quiet, unreadable reaction, you take the initiative. Please… you plead inwardly. Bringing her hoof closer, you close your eyes as you lean forward. Even though you couldn’t see her, the tiny gasp Rainbow made gave you an idea of her reaction. Although the movement only takes a second, it drags into eternity as you wait for her to return the kiss, hoping she would return it.

For a moment, you feel her push both her hooves against your chest, and it sends a rush of excitement down your spine. Could she actually be leaning to me? The thought thrills you.

Then her hooves suddenly push you away, causing your eyes to fly open. As you regain your senses, you freeze at the sight of Rainbow’s face. She… she looks terrified. you think.

“I can’t,” she says, her voice high and rushed. “I just can’t.”

Feeling a creeping darkness rising in your gut, you can only stare. “What do you mean? You don’t have to be scared?”

She shakes her head. “I’m not scared, just… stressed. Ugh, why did you have to do this?” she says aloud, not speaking to you but to no one in particular. “Okay, okay, so you love me.”

“…” You remain silent, having no idea how to respond.

“So… thanks?” She facehooves. “No, no! Forget I said that. Ugh, how do I say this?”

Oh no…

With a sigh, she returns to your gaze, displaying nothing but sympathy and guilt. “I… can’t say I feel the same way… Sorry…”

Her words smash into you like a freight train, forcing you into realization. She’s saying no, you gasp. She’s turning me down! “Wait, wait!” you say, not caring about the panic in your voice. “Is something wrong? What’s holding you back?”

“No, it’s just… I can’t. How could I?” she says, shrugging helplessly.

“How could you?” you repeat under your breath. “What do you mean?”

Rainbow purses her lips as she appears to search for the best way to word her thoughts. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re a great guy, really! I might’ve given this a shot if it wasn’t for…”

“For what?” you plead. “Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”

“You can’t fix it…” she mutters, glancing away. “Just, just look at yourself. Then look at me. We don’t even walk on the same number of legs.”

Then it dawns on you. “It’s because I’m human.”

She nods, slow in her movements. Although she got her message across, you see it doesn’t make her any happier. “You know I’ve got nothing against humans, but I just don’t find your kind… attractive.”

“B-but,” you stutter, “Ponies date other species all the time. Like griffons. They’re like five species in one.”

“Yeah, but they’re similar to us. Humans are like… trying to find a monkey attractive.”

You let out a sound akin to a sigh mixed with defeat. Pushing yourself to your feet, you turn away. “…I get it. I should’ve figured. This would be weird. I mean, really? A pony and a human?” A few dry chuckles escape your throat. “I came from a world where equines are barn animals. I’m just weird… Sorry for wasting your time.” Taking a moment to readjust your flannel one last time, you set a pace for the door.

You hear Rainbow gasp. Springing to the floor, she pounces in front of you and cutting off your leaving. “Wait! Wait! Where are you going? Don’t think like that! I mean, um, who wouldn’t find me attractive?”

For some reason, her attempt at humor falls on deaf ears. Any other day, you would’ve laughed.

“Okay, forget I said that,” she says, shaking her head. “Listen to me. You’re an awesome guy, and I’m not just saying that. Just because it won’t work out between us doesn’t mean you should put yourself down.”

“…When you say it won’t work out between us,” you start, “do you mean it won’t ever work out between us?”

She swallows. “Well, I’m just… not into that kind of thing.”

You grimace at the words, thinking, She makes it sound like some kind of fetish… She may as well have said, ‘I will never love you.’

Not bothering to look back, you step around Rainbow. “I’m going to go now. Twilight’s been waiting for me to signal to her what to do, and I think she’s been waiting long enough. Thanks for your time, Rainbow.” Tossing open the cloud door, you trudge outside and head for the edge of the cloud the entire house rested on.

“I’m sorry!”

You can tell she’s not following based on how loudly she yelled. A swirl of emotions plow through your head, anger, misery, and depression just a few to name. Even so, you steel yourself a final time and cast a stare over your shoulder.

She’s so beautiful is the first thing that comes to mind as you see her standing in the doorway, evening sunlight dancing across her just like when she first appeared. Your mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to latch onto words to say. Part of you wants to return and beg for another hopeless chance, and another part wants to tell her to go screw herself, but above all, you just want to leave.

“See you later, Rainbow,” you say. Then you turn away and walk, approaching the cloud’s edge. You’re vaguely aware that you left the flowers in her house, but you couldn’t care less by that point. Let her have them…

I picked them out just for her anyway.