//------------------------------// // Part II // Story: The Best Laid Plans // by Insert Pen Name //------------------------------// The Best Laid Plans Part II A FiM fic by (Insert Pen Name) Twilight Sparkle prided herself on being a morning pony. Ideally she liked to be awake, washed, fed, and washed again just in time to watch the summer sun rise, and if all that could come after a solid hour of early-morning study, then so much the better. Being up early meant getting ahead in the game, and Twilight was very far ahead indeed. Rainbow Dash, however, was not a morning pony. Where Twilight endeavored to be up at the crack of dawn, Rainbow much preferred the crack of noon. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered Twilight so much, were it not for the fact that she and Fluttershy had been camped outside Rainbow’s house for the past five hours. The two ponies silently observed Rainbow Dash’s cumulus abode from a carefully selected strategic position behind a nearby bush, eagerly awaiting the culmination of their mischievous efforts from the previous night. Rarity, Applejack, and Spike, for their part, were maintaining a vigil of their own over Pinkie Pie’s place. By her own account, Fluttershy had been successful in her mission to plant the Doppelganger candles by Rainbow and Pinkie’s beds as they slept, a delicate operation to be sure, but no problem at all for a world-class “shhh” champion. All that remained now was to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labours. “Okay, I think I see movement!” said Twilight at last, as she scoped the house with a pair of binoculars. The two ponies listened eagerly for the telltale screams of a certain otherwise rainbow-haired pegasus discovering an unexpected reduction in her visible spectrum, but no such sound escape the house. In fact it was well over an hour before they saw any further sign of activity at all. It was then that the vapourous door to Rainbow Dash’s house swung open, and Rainbow Dash herself appeared on the veranda, as sky-blue and rainbow-haired as ever, if not more so. Without even the slightest hint of awareness as to the mischief she had been apparently spared, Rainbow spread her wings wide and took off on the morning breeze, leaving two very confused mares in her wake. “What the... How did...? But she should be...” Twilight suddenly turned to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, what colour was the candle you planted here last night?” “I-it was pink,” stammered Fluttershy, who cringed under the Twilight’s inquisitive glare. “Just like Pinkie. That’s how it was supposed to go, right?” “Right... and you’re sure you actually lit it?” asked Twilight with narrowed eyes. “Oh, yes, absolutely,” answered Fluttershy with a nervous nod. “I really don’t know what went wrong. Maybe it went out sometime last night? Cloud houses are kind of drafty.” “I guess,” said Twilight with an exasperated sigh. Her first and most brilliant prank ever, and already things were going pear-shaped from square one. “Why don’t you fly up there and check it out.” With an affirmative nod, Fluttershy softly propelled herself to Dash’s bedroom window and peered inside for a moment before returning to Twilight. “It’s still lit!” exclaimed Fluttershy. “Just the way I left it!” “Huh, well that’s weird,” muttered Twilight. “I wonder why it didn’t work. We followed the formula... Do you think we missed a step or something?” “I don’t know, I was just following your instructions like you told me,” said Fluttershy with a weak smile. “Well, it might not be a total loss,” sighed Twilight. “Maybe A.J. and the gang are having better luck with Pinkie Pie. Though now that I think about it, I don’t think Pinkie will be quite as freaked out as Rainbow would’ve. Heck, she’ll probably enjoy it actually.” * * * Applejack, Rarity, and Spike were already waiting for Twilight and Fluttershy outside the library. Any hope of their success Twilight may have once harboured was swiftly dashed by the disappointed expressions on their faces as they exchanged anxious whispers. “Hey girls,” said Twilight flatly. “Any luck?” “None whatsoever, Twilight,” said Rarity. “Pinkie Pie is just as, well, pink as she ever was. I take it you girls fared the same?” “Oh yeah,” said Twilight glumly. “So much for our big payback prank.” “So wait, neither of them were affected?” asked Spike. “But then, where did we go wrong?” “No idea,” said Twilight. “But I guess the prank is off.” There was a collective groan of disappointment from all those present. “Yeah, I know,” said Twilight. “Don’t worry, we’ll come up with something else later, maybe something a bit less complicated. Anyway, I have a library to run, so I’ll see you girls later. C’mon Spike. Let’s get things opened up.”          * * * The rest of the morning passed uneventfully for the Ponyville librarian. In between organizing the card catalogue, Twilight had taken to perusing the formula for the Doppleganger Draught in the hopes of discovering any errant step that may have contributed to the failure of her revenge-driven attempt at mischief. She found none. Again and again she replayed the events of the previous afternoon in her head, and again and again she came to the same conclusion; that their production of the Draught had been utterly and completely flawless, apart from the irritating fact that it incidentally didn’t work. “I don’t understand it...” said Twilight frantically to herself. “It should have worked. We did everything the book said. Everything! So why didn’t it work? Somepony, anypony, send me a SIGN!” At that exact moment, the front door to the library burst wide open and a distraught white unicorn hurried into the room. “Oh for crying out- WHAT NOW?!” yelled Twilight. “Twilight, you have to come with me,” said Rarity urgently. “Something’s... happened.” “What do you mean ‘something’s happened’?” asked Twilight. “Honestly, you have to see for yourself,” said Rarity. “Come now, we haven’t a moment to lose!” “Have no fear, Rarity!” declared Spike. “We’ll help you with whatever it is you-” “Actually, Spike, you’d best remain here,” said Rarity, rather awkwardly. “But... don’t you want me to...” “Now Spike,” cooed Rarity. “If I dragged both you and Twilight off to deal with my problems, then Ponyville would be left without a functioning library, and that would be just selfish of me. You wouldn’t want me, Rarity, bearer of the Element of Generosity, to have to do something selfish, would you?” “Uh... well no, but...” “Splendid! Come now Twilight, you must see this!” The two mares hurried out of the library as Rarity led Twilight through the streets of Ponyville. “Nice job with Spike, Rarity,” said Twilight as they ran. “But what’s the real reason you didn’t want him along?” “Decency, Twilight, decency. Spike is a baby dragon after all, and I simply don’t think he’s... mature enough to handle this situation,” said Rarity bluntly. “Why, what’s happened?” asked Twilight. “Is it something bad?” “No...” said Rarity hesitantly. “Not bad per se. Again, you have to see for yourself.” “But where are we going?” asked Twilight. “The park,” said Rarity. “The park?” “Yes, the park. Applejack and Fluttershy are already there.” “What about Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie?” Again Rarity hesitated. Realization suddenly dawned on Twilight. “Oh no, it’s not about them is it?” “I’m afraid it is...” said Rarity quietly. “But like I said, it’s not bad, it’s just... never mind, you’ll see soon enough.” * * * The Ponyville park was rather sparsely populated for a Sunday afternoon, but this was hardly surprising given the weather. The sky was clear and blue, and the warmth of the sun was complimented by a soft breeze. The verdant flowerbeds were in full bloom, and the crystal waters of the fountain sparkled happily in the sunlight. In short, it was so nice out that only the most valiant of ponies were actually able to bear it for more than an hour or so before suddenly feeling the need to pop back inside and close all the shutters for a while. Twilight and Rarity ignored all that and made directly for Applejack and Fluttershy, who were standing beneath a large oak tree. “Okay, we’re here,” panted Twilight. “Where’re Dash and Pinkie?” With a have of her hoof, Applejack indicated in the direction of the oak tree before them. “Take a look,” she said without doing so herself. “Where, behind the tree?” asked Twilight. “Look up.” Twilight did so. Her eyes went up. Her jaw came down. Upon one of the tree’s stout lower branches sat Rainbow Dash, resting comfortably with her back to the trunk as was her custom. What was not customary, however, was that Pinkie Pie was up there with her; more accurately, she was lying on top of her with her arms wrapped tightly around the pegasus’ neck as she peppered Dash’s face with sweet rapid-fire kisses, while Dash tenderly stroked the earth-pony’s candy-floss mane. It was, simply put, the spitting image of a classic schoolyard jeer made manifest.          For several moments Twilight stared up at the arboreal spectacle, her mind bereft of any tangible thought, and her mouth quavering as her brain clumsily attempted to shift gears without first depressing the clutch, with predictably poor results. “Er, Twi? You alright?” asked Applejack. Twilight was at a complete loss for words. Nowhere in the vast and fertile plains of her vocabulary could she even begin to find the language that could properly form a reaction to the sight before her. So she decided to use some of Applejack’s instead. “WHAT IN TARNATION?!” she shouted. A soft giggle from behind followed her outburst. Two giggles in fact. Fresh spectators had arrived in the form of two mares, one a cream coloured earth-pony, and the other a spearmint-green unicorn, both of whom gazed upon the tree-borne couple with indulgent smiles. “Aw, isn’t that sweet?” cooed Bon-Bon as she watched Rainbow and Pinkie’s public display of mutual affection. “Remind you of anypony we know, dear?” “Perhaps,” said Lyra. “Y’know, I always thought she would end up with Fluttershy,” said Bon-Bon dreamily. “Yeah, me too,” answered Lyra. “But I guess Pinkie Pie is more her speed.” “Yeah... wait, hold on. Who are we talking about?” asked Bon-Bon, suddenly confused. “Uh, Rainbow Dash,” said Lyra. “You just said you always thought that Rainbow Dash would end up with Fluttershy, and I said-” “Rainbow Dash? I was talking about Pinkie Pie!” said Bon-Bon. The two mares stared at each other in disbelief for a moment before suddenly bursting into laughter and continuing on their way. Temporarily forgetting the situation in the tree, Twilight and company turned to Fluttershy, who had now curled herself into a tight ball with every aspiration of sinking unseen into the earth below. “Fluttershy...” asked Twilight, suppressing a smirk. “Is there something you’d like to... tell us?” Fluttershy peered up and shook her head, avoiding eye-contact, but nonetheless imparting the gesture with a sense of weight and purpose that transcended mere denial. “Because you do know that we are your friends...” offered Rarity with a grin. Fluttershy nodded slowly. “And we won’t judge you, or anything if you-” “I’m not with either of them!” shouted Fluttershy before curling back into a ball and hiding behind her mane. “Now calm down, sugarcube, we was just teasin’ ya,” said Applejack softly. “I-I know,” said Fluttershy. “It’s just, a lot of ponies have been saying things lately and I, um...” “Are they saying anything hurtful to you dear?” asked Rarity firmly. “Oh no!” answered Fluttershy quickly. “Not like that. It’s just that I’m not really that into... um, you know...” “I got you, Fluttershy,” said Applejack with a comforting smile. “My barn door don’t swing that way either. How ‘bout you Rarity?” she added with smirk. “Applejack!” cried Rarity in indignation. “I fail to see how that’s any of your business... Though I will say, for the sake of argument, that while I have naught but appreciation for feminine beauty in all its forms, my preferences do tend to lean towards the... male element.” “How ‘bout you, Twilight?” asked Applejack with a chuckle. “I think we’re getting off topic here, Applejack,” said Twilight, gesturing at the couple in the tree. “Oh, uh, right. Sorry,” mumbled Applejack. “Just let me do the talking,” said Twilight. “Pinkie Pie! Rainbow Dash! Come down here, we need to...  we want to ask you something!”          Pinkie Pie poked her head out over the side at the sound of Twilight’s address, broke into a wide smile, and leapt off her lover’s chest to the ground, provoking a pained grunt from Rainbow Dash as she did so. “Ooh, ooh, Twilight, Twilight, I really, really, really need to talk to you!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie in traditional Pinkie-Pie fashion. “You do?” asked Twilight, visibly taken aback by this sudden reversal of roles. “Uh-huh, I wanted to talk to you yesterday, but I figured you were still mad, and maybe still on fire, so I thought I’d wait until tomorrow, which is now today, but then I got sidetracked again because I was up here in the tree making out with Rainbow Dash all morning, so I never got around to seeing you, but now you’re here and you’re not on fire anymore, so now I can tell you I’m sorry!” Twilight blinked. “You’re... sorry? For what?” “For making you flip out and wreck your book, silly!” said Pinkie. “Yeah, that pretty bad of us,” said Rainbow Dash, who had just descended the tree to join her friends. “Like, even by my standards.” “So like I said, we’re really, honestly, truly very sorry we indirectly ruined your book,” said Pinkie with a cheerful nod of her head. “In fact, we’re also sorry about you girls too!” she continued, turning to the rest of the gang.          “Yeah, sorry if we freaked out Granny Smith, Applejack,” said Rainbow with visible sincerity. “S’alright, Rainbow, I forgive ya both,” smiled Applejack. “And don’t worry none about Granny, she’s made of sterner stuff than I give her credit for.” “We’re also really sorry about you, Fluttershy,” said Pinkie. “We didn’t mean for you to get pranked as well.” “Oh, that’s okay, Pinkie,” said Fluttershy gently. “I know you didn’t mean any harm.” “What about me?” asked Rarity. “What about you?” said Rainbow. “Nothing went wrong with you. We’re just apologising for the... uh, what’s the word I want, Twilight?” “Collateral damage?” “Yeah, what she said.” “Well, that’s very good of you to own up and apologise girls,” said Twilight brightly. “Sounds like you’ve got your next friendship lesson to send to the Princess.” “Yeah, I guess we do,” said Rainbow. “Well, I guess we’ll see you two later then,” smiled Twilight. “Say hello to Princess Celestia for me, bye.” And with that said, Twilight took leave of her friends and set out for home. “Hey, Twilight?” called Applejack after her. “Yes, A.J.?”          “Ain’t we forgettin’ somethin’?” “Oh, shoot, hold on you two!” yelled Twilight as she spun around to rejoin the group. “I have to ask you something.” “Okay, what is it?” asked Rainbow Dash. “When did... this... happen?” asked Twilight, waving an awkward hoof in the direction of the two apparent lovers. “When did what happen?” asked Rainbow with a raised eyebrow. “Y’know... you.” “Me?” “No no, both of you.” “Twilight, you’re not making any sense,” said Rainbow. “What Twilight’s tryin’ to ask,” said Applejack bluntly, “Is when did you two suddenly get in on the whole tongue-wrasslin’ scene?” “Oh... that,” smiled Rainbow with a sudden blush. “This morning.” “This morning?!” “It’s kinda a funny story,” said Pinkie Pie. “I had the most wonderfullest dream last night. It was all about Rainbow Dash, about how awesome she is, and how fast she is, and how much fun she is to be around, and how she has the coolest mane and the cutest tail-” Rainbow Dash blushed violently at this remark. “And then I woke up and I couldn’t stop thinking of Rainbow Dash. Everything reminded me of Rainbow Dash, it even smelled like Rainbow Dash, and that’s when I realised-” she paused for breath, “I LOVE RAINBOW DASH!!!” “How... romantic,” deadpanned Rarity. “Uh-huh,” nodded Twilight. “How about you Rainbow?” “Pretty much the same story, actually,” shrugged Rainbow as she put a fore leg around Pinkie’ shoulder. “Including the part where it smelled like Pinkie Pie?” asked Twilight. “Yeah, now that you mention it,” said Rainbow, who proceeded to punctuate this statement by burying her muzzle in Pinkie’s mane and taking a long sniff. “Hooo-boy,” muttered Applejack as she averted her gaze. “Ooh, ooh, what do I smell like, Dashie?” asked Pinkie eagerly. “Please say ‘cotton candy’, please say ‘cotton candy’...” “Actually, Pinkie, you kinda smell like strawberries,” laughed Rainbow Dash.         Nopony had ever seen a more disappointed Pinkie. “Right, well, that’s all we need to know,” said Twilight with feigned cheerfulness. “You girls have fun now, and we’ll catch up with you later.” “Okay, see you later,” said Rainbow before turning to her new girlfriend. “Hey Pinkie, what say we head over to the lake for a little... dip?” “Okay, Dashie,” giggled Pinkie Pie as Rainbow gently nipped her on the ear. “I’ll even race you there! Ready, one, two, three, GO!” And she was gone. It wasn’t until Rainbow saw the pink streak hurtling over the next ridge that she suddenly realised what had happened and promptly took off in hot pursuit, leaving her four remaining friends to discuss the day’s latest developments. “Right, we definitely screwed somethin’ up with them candles!” began Applejack. “I mean, she woke up and it smelled like Rainbow Dash? Ain’t no question about it!” “B-but I don’t understand,” squeaked Fluttershy, who was clearly not accustomed to the rigours of argument. “How could we go from making them change colours to making them fall in love with each other?” “Now Fluttershy, magic is hardly an exact science,” said Rarity in a level tone. “Even the slightest deviations can have far-reaching consequences.” “No, Fluttershy has a point,” said Twilight. “I’ve seen spells go wrong, and this is way too clean-cut to be an accident. Plus I’ve been looking over the recipe; as near as I can tell we followed it perfectly.” “So what, it’s all just a coincidence?” snorted Applejack. “Maybe, maybe not. But something is definitely not right. Come on girls, back to base!” * * * Within minutes, the four friends had arrived back at the library with every intention of immediately investigating the sudden infatuation that their two most colourful friends had so unexpectedly developed for one another. Alas, that noble purpose would have to wait. At that moment, the library currently had a visitor; a lone pegasus mare whom the four ponies recognised immediately, partially because of her grey coat and straw-coloured mane (a distinctively dull combination among the pastel populace of Ponyville), but mostly because of her eyes, which were large, yellow, and each of which had very much its own ambitions concerning how it wished to behave. “Hello there, girls!” said the mare cheerfully. “Hey Derpy,” they all answered in unison. “How are things going?” asked Derpy Hooves. “Bad,” answered Twilight before she could stop herself.         “Why bad?” “Er, never mind, forget I said it. So what brings you over, Derpy?” “Oh, nothing much,” said Derpy. “I wanted to do some baking this afternoon, but then I remembered I don’t have a cookbook anymore, so I figured I’d come and borrow one from you guys.” “Well that is what libraries are for,” said Twilight. “What happened to your old cookbook?” “The pages are all stuck together. That’s the last time I use an electric mixer.” “Okay, Derpy, you’re good to go,” said Spike, who had been quietly processing Derpy’s request during their conversation. “It’s due back in a week.” “Thanks Spike,” said Derpy as she placed the book in her saddlebags. “You have a good day. Oh, Twilight?” “Er, yes Derpy?” “There’s a piece of paper or something under that chair over there. See you later, bye!” Twilight smiled sweetly as she saw the grey mare out the door, then made for the chair, which was indeed sheltering an errant piece of paper. “Not a whole lot gets past Derpy,” chuckled Applejack. “Gotta give her that.” “Hardly surprising seeing as her field of vision is probably half-again as wide as everypony else,” answered Twilight as she magically lifted the paper from the floor. “Though it must be tough for her to read like that. Now let’s see what we got here...” It was a thin and aged sheet of paper, clearly a page from a book. Printed upon it was a recipe for what Twilight swiftly deduced was very likely the most disgusting potion she had ever seen. Many of the ingredients caused her stomach to turn at the very thought of their name. It was the final and most important ingredient however, that caused the unicorn to stop dead in her thoughts.         ...Finally, apply a physical sample of the pony who is to be subject to your mixture... “Spike...” asked Twilight with a barely discernible shake to her voice. “Is my alchemy book still open?” “Uh, yeah. Just the way you left it,” answered Spike diligently. “What’s the page number for the Doppelganger Draught?” asked Twilight. “Just a minute... Doppelganger Draught, page 183,” said Spike. “And the recipe itself, what page is that on?” “Uh, 184 obviously.” “Is it?” “Of course it is!” answered Spike impatiently. “It’s right here on page... 186... Now that can’t be right, where’s page 184-and-5? With a trembling horn, Twilight turned over page 184 to view the other side. The first thing she saw on page 185 was the title. Burning Passion The second thing she saw was the anxious face of Spike hovering over her as the purple dragon shook her back to consciousness. “Twilight! Can you hear me? Say something!” “Ihwazzaluvposhun!” slurred Twilight, her mind still swirling from her sudden swoon. “Uh, say again, Twilight?” asked Spike. “A love potion!” cried Twilight. “We made a freakin’ love potion!” “We know,” said Applejack flatly. “We can read too, y’know.” She motioned over at Rarity, who was herself reading the page, her expression growing steadily graver as Fluttershy attempted to read over her shoulder. “Oh dear me Twilight, this is all my fault,” she said sullenly. “Your fault? How is it your fault?” asked Applejack. “I should have checked to ensure I had all the pages before I repaired Twilight’s book. Then none of this would have happened!” moaned Rarity in her typical melodramatic fashion. “There, there, Rarity, you mustn’t blame yourself,” said Fluttershy gently. “I didn’t notice there was a page missing either,” offered Twilight. “Neither did Spike or Fluttershy.” “Besides...” said Applejack. “We all make mistakes. It’s what makes us equine. I’ve made my fair share of dumb moves, I can tell ya.” “Yes, Applejack, but I highly doubt any of your ‘dumb moves’ have had consequences quite as dire as this,” said Rarity glumly. “Oh yeah? How ‘bout the time I roped a tree into Twilight’s bedroom?” Rarity’s lips formed into a reluctant smile. “I’d forgotten about that,” she said with a good humoured chuckle. “In any event, this is actually kind of a good thing,” said Twilight. “I mean we didn’t really screw anything up, we just... did something entirely different from what we thought we were doing.” “That sounds a lot like screwin’ up in my book,” muttered Applejack. “Yeah, I guess. But now we know exactly what we did and, more importantly, we can figure out how to fix it!” “Hold on!” shouted Spike. “Back up. What did we screw up? What are we fixing? And what was that thing you were saying about a love potion?” The four mares suddenly became very quiet. Rarity was the first to step up to the plate. “Perhaps I should explain all this to Spike while you girls work on fixing our little... problem,” she offered. “Good idea,” said Twilight. “We’ll be in the basement when you’re done.” “Excellent. Come now Spike,” said Rarity in an orderly tone. “You and I are going to have a little chat... in private.” The three other mares giggled at the great red blush that crossed the dragon’s expectant face as they descended the stairs to the basement. While Applejack and Fluttershy gathered about the steel worktable, Twilight began a thorough perusal of the Burning Passion missive. A great laugh suddenly erupted from upstairs. A moment later, Rarity came hurrying down the steps, the young Dragon’s peals of uncontrollable laughter still resonating across the ceiling. “As I feared, he is simply not mature enough to grasp the gravity of the situation,” sniffed Rarity. “Well the situation’s about to change,” said Twilight eagerly. “I’ve got the solution to our problem right here on this page. Listen: ‘As long as the flame of passion burns, so too will the fires of the heart. But should that flame be snuffed, so too will die the flame of love’.” “Was that supposed to be poetic?” asked Rarity with a grimace. “So all we gotta do is put out them candles?” asked Applejack. “Pretty much,” shrugged Twilight. “Snuff the flames, and Rainbow and Pinkie are back to normal.” “Well then what’re we waitin’ for?!” yelled Applejack. “Let’s get on over to Pinkie’s place right now! Just make a wish and blow ‘em out!” “Uh, Applejack, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” stammered Fluttershy. “Oh? And why not?” asked Applejack. “You want to end up like Pinkie Pie?” said Rarity sardonically. “Ah, good point.” “Nothing’s really stopping us, A.J.,” said Twilight. “We just need to take a few precautions... SPIKE!” The grinning face of Twilight’s number-one assistant peered down from the basement door. “Yes, Twilight?” he asked, suppressing a snicker. “Get me... the box.” The dragon’s eyes widened in alarm. “The... box?” “The emergency box...” To be concluded...