"Um... I'm looking for a... um... 'Sea Gal'?" was the first words that came to my mouth when entering the only bar near the motel I stayed at. "The Lucky Charms", a bar run by cereal mascots... or just Tony the Tiger and Lucky. There was piano music that gave a peaceful vibe to this place, until my request ended it. The colorful building fell silent and seemed to turn dark as fingers pointed to the bar.
Sitting on a stool was a petite girl wearing a WWII Aviator Pilot helmet with black hair sticking out. She wore a while cloak with a grey end on the bottom that split in three pieces, the middle one being smaller than the identical pieces. It was held together by elastic at the top of the cut that ended just before her shoulders. Under that, she wore a white shirt with cargo jeans and boots.
"That's her?" I asked.
"No sh*t Sherlock," Shrek shouted from a table.
I want you to track down Sally Shore. Go to the Lucky Charms down the road and ask for Sea Gal.
"Sally Shore? That's an interesting name," I said.
Her parents named her Sally to reference a tongue twister. Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. We both know that you're not stealthy enough for this coming mission (especially with your ultimatrix) so I want to send you off on a quest that is so off topic that its on topic. The topic is Number One, the quest involves...
"Involves What? ...What're you doing?"
Creating suspense. The quest involves...
"Hello, Ms. Sea Gal?" I asked as I neared her. I noticed her hood had the impression of a seagull on it, so I saw the hood's beak instead of the girl's eyes.
"Don't call me miss, ma'am, or anything like that unless you want to be bird bait." She replied, a gold fish cracker materializing in her fingers. A bird swooped in from the window, grabbing it before flying off. "What d'ya want?"
"Well, I want to feed birds," I replied. "The reason is classified besides the fact I have no idea why I need to do so."
She tossed the glass from her possession to Tony, leaving a Mine Craft emerald on the bar, "I was told you would come some day."
"Sorry, what?"
The past hour after that was spent with me in my civilian light armor being chased by seagulls on an out of place beach and Sea Gal somehow flying around and raining bread and goldfish crackers like she was 'Seagull Jesus' or something! ...Basically this was an exercise to make me not fear bird poo or something.
"Stop running!" Sea Gal shouted.
"No!" I screamed, the sand slowing me down as I ran. Behind me, the many white and gray birds pursued me as I saw the white liquid fall.
"Its not going to kill you!"
"No!"
"You can just wash it off!"
"Get rid of the crackers, you fool!" Rouge shouted. I tossed the crackers and bread slices behind me as they followed it, fighting for the food.
"We're running from poop! We've faced dragons and yet we're running from bird poop!" Cortana exclaimed, furious. "We've even traveled sewers yet pony crap isn't worth being scared of!"
"They keep coming after me," I shouted, "What do I do?!"
"How about you stop acting stupid and feed some birds?"
<He will trip on a rock.>
Suddenly my vision was dark and I felt a dent in my boot slowly repairing itself while I question the soft, gritty texture on my face. Realizing the bubble protecting my eyes, my head shot straight up as my body knocked something behind me. As I coughed out sand, I looked over to see Sea Gal on the ground, making sand angels.
"That almost hurt," she said, looking up at the sky. I sat there, ignoring the seagulls above us as they slowly flew off one by one, their squeaks and squawks disappearing. The sky was nearly clear, except from clouds made by pegasi to resemble people and items foreign from Equus. Nothing was said as I blankly stared at the... lake, I guess. It looked like the ocean, but I can question everything later.
The rock I tripped over decided to reveal the grey hermit crab in a sand covered shell, waddling away after being disturbed. The slightly salty air flew past us, doing little to nothing to my short hair.
"Why do you wear armor?" the almost southern voice of Sea Gal sounded.
What kind of question is that? Why would she ask that? "Um... I've always wore armor."
"Always? What is your costume to you?"
Q and A with seagull girl. I haven't met her for long, but that doesn't mean I feel like lying. "Like when I was Displaced? Simple. I've seen crossovers, whether or not it was on YouTube, official crossovers, or fan crossovers... I was interested in the possibilities."
"The possibilities?"
"Yeah. What if there was a bridge. Old series met new series, remakes meet original, movie meets mini series, etc." I said, looking at the clouds, watching as a Mario coin and Bubby from 'The Misadventures of Flap Jack' merged, somehow forming a Metroid from its namesake. "It began with an online game: Cartoon Network's Fusion Fall then recently with Screw Attack's 'Death Battle'. Just knowing the endless combinations and possible outcomes make me more excited than Wonder Woman wielding Thor's hammer."
"Nerd."
I turned my head to her, "What was that?"
She tossed some bread on the ground, "BIRD!"
Just as the seagulls swarmed around me, I got a message from Time-base, read by Cortana. "...I don't see the point of this, but your "mission" is complete."
Sea Gal laughed as we parted ways, both saying that we would meet again.
Great job.
"And what was the point of the mission?" I asked, sitting in front of my laptop.
Your mission was to distract Sea Gal. Number One would've hired her abilities with birds to steal a generator, but without her; he bought the generator and doesn't have enough money to bail a friend out of jail.
"How would she be able to steal what he needed? I mean, aren't generators big?"
Feeding birds is her hobby, manipulating birds for cash is her job. She has standards, but she owed Mr. Uno for saving her life years ago. In fact, not stopping Number One will get him caught and give his past self a bad name, causing current day Number One to go rogue and steal a time machine. That paradox will give the Number One we're stopping an alternate motive, but the plan is similar.
"My brain... It hurts..."
That's why I was built. Not every organic can process all of what I see constantly. "Operation Time Pretzel" has changed slightly and the motive is even more hidden, but its not revenge... I think.
What did he just say?! "Woah! You think?!"
I never thought you were cruel against machines, but later in this conversation your intention was asking why I'm guessing when I should know these events. I nodded. Tell me or don't tell me, because you did in an alternate timeline: Was I made to read minds or tell time?
"Not everything is known-"
It is impossible to know everything. I don't know my own future unless I let myself know. Will I be successfully hacked? When or how will I be destroyed? Will I be replaced? Is my knowledge absolute or is it edited?
"OK... I never thought of that."
I can predict scenarios because I saw them in another "life" or another "time". I study every version of everything, because I have all the time in the world and I'm holding cards that are not mine to hold. Now, back on track. Here's your next mission.