//------------------------------// // Intimate // Story: Lessons in the Moonlight // by Harmony Split //------------------------------// Chapter nineteen: Intimate My dreams were peaceful, just as expected at Twilight's side. Some pressure under my belly woke me, and I blinked the sleep away in confusion, trying to find out what caused the feeling. I recognized it once I took our position in. During sleep, we somehow managed to cuddle into each other sideways, my muzzle buried into her chest fur and my underbelly straight between her hind legs, pressed deeply against her. It was a wet, hot feeling that caused me to blush furiously upon realizing exactly where I was lying. Moving was impossible, her hind and fore legs trapped me in my position. I also doubted that she wouldn’t feel me move, so I simply stayed where I was, completely frozen. What if she wakes up now? Damn, what now? The only thing that shot through me was a burst of unbridled fear. I had images of Fire Breeze and Golden Glory in my mind. Every mare in my world wound up leaving me. Would Twilight leave me, too? If I continued and she wound up leaving me, what would the point be? For once in my life, I was afraid. And it was because I was afraid to get any closer to Twilight, to go any further. A slight shift from Twilight made her rub against me, making my blush redouble its efforts to burn my face off. I could have easily have done something to her, taken advantage of her position and the closeness. I doubted that she’d actually resist, and she’d probably enjoy it. But I didn’t want to make that move. If I did, then it would be real, and I’d be losing that much more if she left me. Her chin lowered until it was on the top of my head, holding me close to her chest as she snuggled into me in her sleep. Even though I felt it, I couldn’t bring myself to smile as the feeling of pinpricks raced to my eyes. I didn’t want to lose her, I couldn’t handle being torn away from anyone else again. Most of the other mares I had been with had died, and as much as I knew that wasn’t much of a possibility with Twilight, I was still afraid to lose her. She was more important to me than any of the other mares, and not just because she was the first mare I fell for after I rediscovered myself. It was more likely that she’d leave me on her own accord, which twisted my heart a little as I thought about it as a possibility. Despite the awkward position, I couldn’t help but squeeze her slightly, burying my muzzle into her chest fur as I forced the thought out of my head. I didn’t want to lose her, and I didn’t want to have to be alone anymore. She was more important to me than I could have ever admitted, but I didn’t want to let myself get too close to her if there was a chance she might slip away. Twilight didn’t wake up from her sleep, instead shifting closer against me and murmuring something in her sleep. I didn’t know what she said, but I didn’t really need to know. She was there at that moment, and that’s all that I really cared about. The fact that she was there was enough to make my heart settle down and stop hurting at my rampant thoughts. As long as I don’t do anything stupid, she’s mine. With that thought, my mind went back into an unsteady slumber. *** I woke up again, this time from something shifting around in my hooves. I knew that it was Twilight, but I really didn’t want to open my eyes. Once she took in our position, I was sure that I would be forced to sleep in the guest room once again. Surprisingly, the only thing that happened was that she nuzzled my forehead. “Good morning,” she purred. Okay, didn’t she notice anything? I slowly opened my eyes, just to find myself in the same position as I slept in again, and a practically grinning Twilight. “Sleep well?” she asked with a slight blush across her cheeks. "Uh... you noticed?" I asked in nearly a whisper. "Of course. It was weird and new at first, but I have to admit that I really liked it," Her blush burned furiously at her own confession. My blush soon matched hers, "You did? I... I'm still sorry that it got so intimate and... and," I trailed off, not sure how to end that particular sentence. "And?" She asked with a smile. "I don't know what to do or say," I squeaked, not sure if that was really my voice. She looked uneasy, maybe even hurt, "Was it too fast? Did I do something wrong?" I stopped her with my hoof on her muzzle, "It's not you. I'm the problem here. I don't know if I'm ready for more yet. Because of my past, you know? And no, it's not because there’s something wrong with you or anything like that," I explained, quickly trying to shut down her fears before they grew. She hugged me with all her might and I enjoyed it, no matter the wetness from our position, "You can talk with me about everything," she said with a smile. I had never once thought that my words would be able to cause that sort of reaction. I even thought that she might not allow me to sleep with her for another night, but it seemed like she wasn’t about to kick me out. My Princess is full of surprises. Yes, I had to smile about that, and cuddled deeper into her coat, enjoying the warmth from her body. However, a suddenly wet touch on the top of my muzzle told me she wouldn’t let it rest. As I looked up, I just did it in time to see her tongue pull back. “You know… I’m not biting,” she said with a beautiful smile before nuzzling me. “I really thought you would freak out and throw me out,” I mumbled, earning a slight giggle from her. “Well, it just seems right. I know it might seem early to be that close, but I feel good,” she answered and pulled me tighter as to strengthen her words. I had no idea how to respond to that. I hesitated, but not without reason. There was a memory in my head about Fire Breeze, me and a promise. I had no intention to let these things repeat like in my past, and continuing with Twilight meant risking exactly that. Is a memory… a sting in my heart worth stopping right here? “I can see that there’s a lot you’re not telling me about. Talk to me, maybe I can help you,” Twilight gave me a reassuring smile. “It’s mostly because of my past with Fire Breeze,” I admitted. “You mean that beautiful, fiery mare you used to be with?” she asked me. I looked directly into her eyes. No pain, no envy, nothing. She truly meant every single word she said, “It’s about a promise we made to each other,” I said, “It was long ago but… it still exists in my mind, and I’m afraid that I’m stomping her memory with my hooves now.” “I’m sure that you aren’t,” she answered simply. “How can you be so sure about that?” “Because I know you, Night Glider. I think you are a wonderful and beautiful mare, and I know that you wouldn’t do anything to damage her memory or anything you promised her,” she said before leaning down for a quick kiss. I squirmed nervously, only for the movement to remind me that we still were in that ‘wet’ position. Twilight blushed furiously upon my movements, and I knew that I caused her more new feelings than I really wanted right in the moment. “Sorry,” I whispered. But it’s still sweet to see her blush. “For what? You are my marefriend, so you don’t have to be sorry for that,” Twilight smiled softly, seemingly trying to get rid of her red cheeks. “I’m sorry that I’m making things more hard and confusing than they have to be.” Twilight simply looked at me for moments, before suddenly asking, “Tell me about the promise.” “It was quite a few years before the war and her passing. The best time of my life before the rebellion happened. We were happy, Luna cared for us, we simply had everything. It,” I stopped, blushing furiously, “After being together for so long, we started to think about having a family. I loved the thought of little colts or fillies with my coat and her mane running around our hooves,” I explained, a deep blush coloring my cheeks as I explained. When Twilight didn’t say anything, I continued, “At night court, I asked Luna if there was a possibility for us to have foals of our own. She explained that there is a spell that would make it possibly, we just had to… sleep with each other while it was active. I told Breeze about it and she was simply overjoyed, asking if we could have some right at that moment. After some talking, we decided to wait, but I gave her the promise to be there for her, forever. And that I would have some little foals with her some day.” “That almost sounds like a beautiful romance from a book,” Twilight said with a smile, an inquisitive glint in her eyes as she listened to me. She didn’t look upset or lost, in fact, she looked interested in what I had to say. Wiping away an errant tear from the corner of my eye onto her chest, I gave a little chuckle, “Well, I’m kind of a romantic, in case you can’t tell,” I joked, looking up to her to give her a small grin. “Oh, I can tell,” Twilight replied, smirking as she pulled me into a tighter embrace, “And I think it’s incredible,” she said, nuzzling into the top of my head gently. It was a nice embrace, it helped me to not feel so bad about my situation. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess about this,” I said, trailing off with a morose smile. Something that happened a thousand years ago, and I was still hung up over it. As much as it might have been like it was straight out of a romance novel, it was still preventing me from moving on, even if the mare I was currently with made me want to move on. “You don’t need to apologize to me, I understand,” she said softly, kissing the top of my head, “You made a promise that you’d have a family and a life, and that you’d be happy. I know that things didn’t go quite the way you’d hoped, but you’re still here now, and you’re still holding on to that promise,” she said, leaving her chin resting on top of my head. I sighed softly and closed my eyes, leaning into her gently in silence. She was right, I was still holding on to a promise, and I was still here. I didn’t know whether or not that made me a good pony, but I couldn’t let go of it. The fact that it happened over a thousand years ago didn’t make any difference to me, I just wasn’t ready to open myself up like that. “But, I think you may be looking at your promise the wrong way,” Twilight said, leaning back to look at me with an encouraging smile and a soft look of acceptance. I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I looked up at her and waited for her to continue. “You promised you’d be happy, that you’d have a life and a family. But you can’t have any of those things if you’re holding onto a past that you can’t change,” she said, gently cupping my muzzle with one of her hooves, “You need to see the positives of the promise. You need to let yourself be happy,” she said softly, a caring smile sneaking onto her features. I can’t have anything like that if I hold on to my past? Is she saying… no, that can’t be true. But it sounds like she’s assuming it. But she had a point, I was still living partially in the past. I was dwelling on a promise that ensured my happiness, but by dwelling on it I was taking my own happiness away. I couldn’t just move on, but at the same time, I couldn’t be happy if I just kept worrying about my promise. If I wanted to be happy with Twilight, I’d have to start letting myself relax, as hard as that might be. “How about we just enjoy the day? I don’t have any duties today, so we could go to bed and just cuddle, and maybe you could tell me a bit more?” Twilight gave me a smile and I nodded. I slowly pulled back from her embrace, desperately trying not to cause her any more feelings than I already had. As soon as I stood onto my hooves, I saw the mess. Her juices were dripping down from my coat, and a quick look between her legs caused me to blush at the sight. Twilight blushed, but also smiled as she stood up and we went inside, heading for her bedroom. Maybe it’s our bedroom now? Blinking, I noticed that we were already in front of the big door, and Twilight opened it, pulling me in. I could only watch in awe as she slowly walked to her bed and hopped onto it before settling down and patting her side with a wing, clearly inviting me. I hesitated, but her smile melted into my heart and I quickly made my way to her side. As I laid down next to her and her coat pressed up on my side, she gently nuzzled me. "Anything special you would like to know about me?" She asked with a smug smile, surprising me. “Uhh,” I had no real idea what to ask. “Really, nothing you would like to know about your marefriend?” she asked, gently planting pecks onto the side of my muzzle. “What was it like to study under Celestia’s wing?” I asked her after a few moments of careful consideration. Twilight rubbed her muzzle softly against mine, humming, “It was very interesting, to say the least. She was always my role model, and I wouldn’t be the mare I am today without her.” I smiled softly, “And not to mention that you lived in her enormous castle!” “Well, I had my own chambers in one of the towers. It did had its advantages,” she chuckled, “That I got Spike in the acceptance test was another plus.” “Mhh, and now you got a wonderful marefriend, too,” I purred, gently kissing her. “Oh, so much confidence,” Twilight giggled, “Wanna tell me now why you’re afraid of more… close contact?” “I’m not afraid of close contact, Twilight,” I replied. “Oh, yes, sorry. You already said that,” she blushed, looking down. “Hey, don’t worry,” I said and nuzzled her, “Not your fault, it’s just mine. I just can’t forget the past. I,” I stopped, not sure how to say it. “You what?” she asked softly. “I don’t want you to leave me,” I admitted, looking directly into her eyes. Twilight looked taken aback by that, “Why would I ever do that? I’m still here, even after what Luna told me, after what you told me, right?” “It’s complicated,” I mumbled. Twilight simply snuggled closer and laid her head over my neck, “We’ve got time, and I’m not heading anywhere,” she said. I sighed softly, knowing that she wouldn’t let it rest, but I was okay with it. My marefriend had the right to know everything about me, my life, my thoughts. My fears. Enjoying her warmth, I collected my thoughts, “I already told you about the promise. It’s not only that. Every single relationship I had ended with me being alone. Either just alone or in front of a dead body. One part of me knows that it’s silly, but the other is afraid that it happens again and again. It happened four times in my life, I don’t want more.” “Four?” Twilight perked up, “I just know about two.” “Well, Luna. And my old Centurion, while I was still in training. My Centurion died not even a week after we started to date, and Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon, somepony that wasn’t interested in me at all as a mate. The other two, I told you about them,” I ended with a sad smile. “I know that your past wasn’t easy, and in this case I can understand where your fear comes from,” Twilight started before pausing and kissing me softly, “But there is no reason why I would leave you. There is no war, and I’m an alicorn,” she continued. I could feel a tear forming in my eye, “I know that! Still, I don’t want you to leave me, I don’t want to lose you!” I stopped, sobbing, “I love you, Twilight!” Twilight quickly unfolded a wing and laid it over me, pressing me as tight as she could to her side, “I love you, too, and you’ll never lose me!” she softly whispered, and I could clearly hear that she was sobbing now as well. I couldn’t deny that I trusted her words and believed her, yet I couldn’t stop crying into her coat. We were both clinging to each other, tears staining our coats, but we still loved the embrace. “We will stay together and face everything together,” Twilight whispered through her sobs, “I won’t let anything happen to you, and I know that you will protect me.” Hearing Twilight say that made me smile, despite the anxiety I had over the possibility of losing her. I pushed my muzzle into her coat, burying myself in her scent and her warmth as I tried to hide from the possibility of her leaving me. As nervous as I was, she made me want to believe her, that she’d never leave me. She pulled me tightly against her, wrapping me in limbs and love as she held me and cried against me. In turn, I cried into her, letting her hold me as tightly as she desired as we shed our tears. Minutes or hours passed before we finally teetered off, our sobs turning into contained sniffles, and then finally silence. I looked up at her through sore and swollen eyes, and had to hold in a laugh at the sight. Twilight was a mess, almost as much as I was, her face was matted with dried tears and messed up from rubbing up against me. I managed to give her a light smile as I met her gaze with my own. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, leaning up towards her before giving her a gentle kiss on the muzzle. She returned the kiss, closing her eyes and leaning into me as we held the touch for a few moments. When we broke apart, she let out a soft but content sigh. “You have nothing to apologize for,” she said quietly, giving me a happy little smile as she gently cupped my chin in one of her hooves and held my head up to look at me. She was absolutely beautiful, and as I gazed at her tear stained face, I knew that I loved her. I knew that I wanted to be there for her, no matter what, and I wanted to be hers for as long as she’d have me. “I’m not going to leave you,” she whispered softly, breaking the silence between us as she leaned in and planted another kiss on my muzzle. This time it was more intense, more heated, a kiss that conveyed more than just innocent feelings of love. The passion she poured into the kiss was intense, something I had never experienced in a thousand years of life. The kiss lasted a lot longer than I was used to, with our tongues battling for dominance as if our very lives depended on it. When we finally broke apart, both of us were panting, and it felt like the distance between us had been filled with an immense heat and desire, burning away like the wick of a candle. “Night Glider,” she whispered, leaning in so that her muzzle was next to my ear, and every pant made the sensitive hairs stand on end, “Please. I need you,” she whispered, her forelegs tightening around me, “Will you be mine?” she asked in a breathy tone, as if she had lost all semblance of voice during our kiss. How could I say no to that? This chapter continues here for all of you interested in the clop!