//------------------------------// // Interlude How to raise a Foal part 3 Who shall win? // Story: Making Foals, with SCIENCE! and magic // by titankore //------------------------------// "Hello everypony and welcome back, this is Pinkamena Diane Pie and for our listeners at home just tuning in we have the competition of a lifetime. In one corner we have our favorite to win, you've known her since the dawn of time, Princess Celestia!!!" said Pinkie, bedecked in a tweed jacket, glasses, and a bristle mustache behind a old time radio mic. Polite applause built up to a deafening roar in support of the solar monarch who politely waved before realizing there was no pony there.         With a twitch of her new found mustache, Pinkie continued. "And in the other corner we have - excuse the pun - the dark horse contender..." at this the invisible crowd gave a laudable groan of contempt with Luna giving a noticeable blush behind a sheepish grin. "... The regent of the night, the mare who put the mare in Nightmare and current spokespony of Spock's Socks, Princesss LUUuuunnaaa!"         With this the crowd went straight to a deafening roar and wild stomping in beat with a chant "LUNA LUNA LUNA...." Luna's blush deepened, who unlike her sister enthusiastically waved and blew air kisses across the mostly empty classroom. "The current score is 3 to 2 in favor of Princess Luna. So how do you think she was able do do this Twilight?" Pinkie said as she turned to a familiar purple unicorn. "Pinkie, how did I get here?" she asked. "Well these things always need two commentators otherwise its Boring with a capital B just like it was earlier in the sentence. Besides, you were planning on going to Canterlot soon anyways," replied Pinkie. "Wait, how did you know I was going to Canterlot?" Twilight questioned. "Well you always go to Canterlot to use the University’s library when you study with Dusky Wusky," she said making sure to emphasize the last part in the most seductive voice she could muster. "Pinkie, it's not like that, we are like siblings, and we just like to study together," Twilight defended. "Well you still need to help me with commentary," Pinkie stated, undeterred. "Fine... from what I've seen, Luna has up to date information from the latest experts on foalcare, which is good, except to her it is all theory and no practice, while Celestia is relying on her experiences from a few hundred years ago and what time she has spent with each generation of the royal family. So she has solid experience, but with each generation it seems she has had less hoofs on experience and thus has become severely out of date." "There you have it folks, Book smarts versus Street smarts, Newschool vs Oldschool, we will see which one wins in Foal Fact Fight Federation 1," shouted the pastel sports announcer. "Alright let us turn to our judge Fluttershy to find out the next challenge," as Pinkie said this a spotlight moved from her to a silky, pink tail. The pony it was attached to was hiding behind a  curtain, whimpering at the sudden attention. Cautiously she poked her head out from the curtain, and noticed the room was indeed still relatively empty. Sighing in relief she regained her composure and went to a bag that Book Cover had provided for the lesson. "Umm, Ms. Cover gave me a few things we might need for the lesson, umm. I think we can use these and see which pony can do it faster.. if that's okay," she said.         Out from the bag she pulled out two matching foal dolls, just like the ones that children play with, complete with diapers. She walked over to the Princesses tables and placed the dolls with the same level of care as she would real foals. She then went back to the bag and grabbed all of the other things needed such as fresh diapers and baby powder. When she placed the bottle of powder a small amount poofed up onto her nose.         "AAAAAchooooo!" she sneezed barely audibly.         "Awwwwww!" cooed the nonexistent audience.         "Eeep!" squealed Fluttershy, as she retook residence behind the curtain. "Well, folks, it looks like a physical challenge, and knowing how these things go... well, let's just wait and see. Twilight, since our judge is currently having a bout of stage fright, how about you lead us off." "OK, Princesses, are you ready?" announced Twilight. Electricity seemed to be sparking between their eyes, each attempting to stare the other down. "Ready," they said in unison. "Go!" Twilight shrieked into her mic, quickly blushing at her outburst.         Over at her desk, Luna was working diligently, going step by step, but she kept pausing, thinking about how best to proceed. The original diaper was clean but as she prepared the new diaper a terrible odor filled her nostrils. "Ohh, good heavens what is that foul smell?" Luna said as she turned to her sister's table.         Celestia, unlike her sister, worked quickly with practiced precision, and when the doll proceeded to perform an all to real bowl movement, she didn't even bat an eyelash and continued to clean the faux foal with care.         As Luna was still astonished at the doll's all too accurate bodily functions, she failed to notice her doll's own surprise. Luna, not paying attention felt a warm wetness hit her cheek and in a truly amateur move she turned towards her doll with her mouth and eyes open. "Oooh, now that's one shower that won't get you clean, Princess," Pinkie chimed. "Pinkie, that is disgusting. Princess, are you okay?" Twilight asked, concerned.         After a few seconds of spitting and redirecting the flow of the doll with magic Luna responded, "We are fine Twilight, tis’ just a temporary setback," as she said this, somehow a second stream shot her directly in the eye. "Hey Twi, don't look away. You're going to have to learn this as well, since you're going to be an aunt," urged Pinkie. "For the last time Pinkie: I am not in any way shape or form related to Celestia or Luna. I am not their sister, I am not one of their daughters, I am not some long lost offshoot of the royal family!" Twilight ranted, finishing with a frustrated look, her heavy breathing boring down on the fuchsia source of her growing migraine. "I know that silly willy," Pinkie off hoofedly replied, shrugging off the frustrated purple unicorn. "But, then... what? Ugh, never mind," Twilight huffed crossing, her hooves over her chest.         During the announcer’s little tirade, Luna was having some more difficulty of her own. "Foul creature! Ye shall pay for thine insolence, you ungrateful whelp!"         Celestia, having finished her doll, sat there, bemused at her sister's distress. "Here, sister just let me show you," Celestia said as she walked over, quickly ending the torrent and cleaned up the doll. After the doll was cleaned and fresh, Celestia pulled several wipes from the bag and cleaned off her frustrated sister.         As Celestia wiped up the offending liquid, she noticed the fresh tears streaming down Luna's newly cleaned cheek, "I failed, I'm going to be a terrible sister." "Don't worry Lu Lu. You will do great, no pony ever figures these things out right away," Celestia comforted her and gave her a hug. "Alright, thank you Celly, I feel better now. Can we keep going?" she said as she returned her sister's hug. "As you wish," Celestia said as she continued to comfort Luna.         The rest of the competition continued with little incident, aside from when Celestia blew up her baby monitor and Luna modified hers to give the child's vitals. "Well Twi, what's the tally?" Pinkie asked.         Twilight was lying down on the announcing desk, Luna's baby monitor beeping in time with her vitals. She slowly shifted, revealing a missing eyebrow from Celestia's fiasco. "Ugh, I think..." she started before passing out. "What about you Fluttershy?" Pinkie pleaded to her timid friend.         Pinkie looked toward the curtain that she was hiding behind but spotted neither hide nor hair of the kind pegasus. "I'm up here," the soft voice said from the chandelier. "From what I saw, it looks like they both are good in their own ways, I think it should be a tie... if that's okay," she continued.         "A tie! We can't have a tie. Ooooh! That means we can have a super, de-duper lightning round, Sqeeeee!" the bubbly pony sang as she dove head first into the bag looking for something to use for the lightning round. "That will not be necessary, I believe that me and my sister agree that a tie will do just fine, isn't that right Luna?" she said turning towards her sister.         Luna nodded in approval. "I agree. Clearly between the two of us we can do a fine job raising the foal, and we can just find a name that we can both agree on," she replied.         Pinkie was a little disappointed as she put down the hard helmets with blenders attached to the top, but quickly cheered back up.   "Ooooh you should name him Bob." She said. "Bob?" said Luna "Bob?" questioned Celestia. "Bob?" whispered Fluttershy. "Excelsior?" blurped Twilight. At that they all burst out laughing, all of the tension of the long day melting away in the music, like merriment of their laughter.