//------------------------------// // The Second Part // Story: Disregard Safety, Acquire Humans // by SwiperTheFox //------------------------------// She lets out a torrent of giggles. "Oh, and sorry that I called you 'Pinkie' just now. That would be so silly. A boy like you named 'Pinkie'. Although, your skin looks all pinkish, way more than even 'Peaches'! I don't get it!" She hops around and rubs up against you. "How did you get so pink on your planet? Do you like take big-bubbly-baths in raspberries? You do use cherry paste for soapy-cleany-time?" She slides her head to the side, suddenly having a realization. "Ooh! Ooooh! I know! Do you chew a lot of pink bubblegum and eat it, even though you're not supposed to? A-ha!" "Hey, I--" "Oh, did I ever tell you about how my little friend Snails ate his gum, which he brought to class even though Cheerliee always said that he was not supposed to?" Pinkie asks. "He did, by accident and all. He just went gulp!" Pinkie hops up against the counter, rattling the utensils around, and she melodramatically sucks in air while she pretends to choke. "He thought that gum sticks in your tummy and makes you all crazy-azy-wazy!" She wiggles her hooves around, her eyes slanting up and down to convey the insanity. "Meanwhile, Cheerilee was--" "Pinkie!" The mare freezes. "Aren't we cooking something?" "Oh, right!" She giggles. "They're so 'right to the business' on your planet, aren't they?" You simply shrug as you see Pinkie spinning over to the closest refrigerator, thrusting the door open, and grabbing case after case of items. Bottles and jars join the stacks of things upon the counter. You idly grab a spoon, tapping it atop your right palm. I have to admit, she... it's so weird. Normally, I'd hate to listen to a girl babble on, but with Pinkie it feels so different. She has such a preppy, positive voice. I wish I could hear her talking to me for the rest of my life. Still, you have to focus in order to survive Pinkie's next adventure in cooking. "What's the next 'project now'?" "It's code XJH-9911-03.008, Snoopy," Pinkie replies, her head still lodged in the refrigerator. "English, please." "Incoming!" You flip from side to side, wondering what's about to jump out at you. You pause, stratching your head. "Pinkie, I don't understand wh--" Pinkie leaps through the air and clutches your shoulders, with your mouth opening up wide. Before you can even think, she's flipped a round red container from her back, swatted it with her tail, and knocked it up upon her head. She has already slid the lid off and poured little seed-like things into your mouth. You snort through your nose. "Isn't it amazing-with-a-capital-z!" You close your mouth, leaning up against the counter. The pink filly jumps up against your legs, reminding you of a happy puppy, and she gushes with her ears flickering around. You blink. You swish the seed-like things around in your mouth. *Pop!* A few of them burst out into your mouth, turning from something hard into something salty, buttery, and fluffy. *Pop! Pop! Pop!* You grab your head with your hands as the explosions go on inside your mouth. You feel afraid to open your mouth, but you don't really know what to do. You seem to just sense that you can trust Pinkie, though. *Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop! You breathe hard, wondering when it'll finally be over. Pinkie slides over to the end of the counter, grabbing a thick can of some kind of spray. You curl yourself against the counter, mouth opening up a little. You taste all around, tongue flipping up and down. Whatever the things you have in there, they sure do taste great. "Self-popping popcorn! Just eat the kernels, and it explodes in your own mouth!" Pinkie yells as she hops up onto your chest. You cough as she reaches up with her spray-can. You force your mouth open wide, and she sprays all over with her big yellow can. "And no need to add any toppings to a bowl! You can just squirt the butter and stuff right into your mouth!" She bounces over to the right, her hooves clopping against the ground as she dances. She looks so incredibly happy. "Ugrhghghghgs?" you mumble. "This has to be the best invention since--" Pinkie stops for a moment, and she twirls about in a circle, her mane bouncing around. "Since-- since--" She presses her front hoof against her cheek and blushes. "Since ever!" You try your best to munch, really loving the taste but feeling a sharp flash of fear coming up your sides. Dear sweet Celestia, if she made those things any more explosive, they might rip someone's face off! You finish the last of the popcorn as Pinkie twists herself along the kitchen island and throws herself down at your feet. "Hey," you mutter, grabbing a napkin and cleaning up your face. So much butter, dang. Has to be like a thousand calories in there. "I don't know if that's really such--" "Really such a good idea," Pinkie finishes your sentence for you, and she lets out a torrent of chuckles. "Oh, Snoopy-you-worried-little-oopy. You sound the same every day." She playfully hits you against the leg with a hoof. "And, besides, we're still going to have to work on it today." "Oh, sure." You fumble for a glass of iced tea to clean out your mouth. It's a good thing that you're so cute that I can't stay mad at you, Pinkie. "You know, if you made those things any--" "They're not nearly explosive enough!" Pinkie bursts out, smiling widely as she wiggles her tail between her legs. "Oh, God." "Now, that's what all of these utensils and ingredients and stuff are all for." Pinkie clutches a long fork with her hooves as her mouth opens up a tall, green canister. She knocks out some ominous looking greenish-white powder into a small, flat tray. "Just need to amp the recipe up." You watch as she speeds through ingredients, matting a thick white cream onto the powder and littering other things out on top. You at least thank goodness that she seems to want to experiment with the self-popping popcorn in the big, grey pot-- almost pony-sized-- at the end of the counter, rather than in your mouth again. You step right behind her as she stares at a pickle-less jar filled with tangy juices, looking totally lost in thought. She feels your hand bump against her shoulder. "Milk of amorous clover, please," she requests. "Seriously?" You scratch your chin. "You're putting a highly obscure, highly powerful love potion into your popcorn mix here? How would that help with anything?" You grab a thick red vial of liquid from the far corner of the refrigerator all the same. "Oh, it doesn't work on humans, Snoopy!" Pinkie smirks, flashing back. "Poor Lyra found that out the hard-way, ending up with angry feetsie-weetsie-prints on her face rather than slobbering love-slaves to obey her every whim." She grabs the vial from your hands. "And, besides, I'm only using a teensy-neensy-hope-Twilight-doesn't-mind-that-I-swiped-this-from-her-lab-greensy dose!" Pinkie drops about a third of the vial onto the creamy, powdery mix in front of her. She shivers with delight, her tail perking up, as the mix transmogrifies from a haphazard, rainbow-colored mix into a thick, pink goop. She holds out a hoof, and you put a spatula onto it. You take a little breath. Well, I guess I heard that said emotional milk has pyrotechnic powers if you expose it to the right kind of energy. Pinkie attacks the tray full of pink goop. She thrusts herself into the air, kicking the tray to the side. She speeds over and knocks it again with a hoof. She throws out the spatula and has the tray spin in a huge circle. She seems to blur, moving like lightening, as she whips around the goop while whacking it into place with the spatula. "Spices, please!" You slide over a canister of cinnamon. She douses the goop with it, holding a hoof out. You toss a big fork. She stabs into the goop repeatedly. You see lights of some kind of bright energy going off inside of that pink mix, sheer nervousness pouring out of your stomach up through your body. Pinkie stops. You slide over canisters of nutmeg, powdered sugar, and Sugarcube Corner's secret 'omega spice', that little jar complete with golden stripes and a lid with a big pink omega-symbol. She throws it all into the mix, spinning the tray about once more. She speeds over to the side of the counter, poised right besides the huge pot. You look over, and you watch as Pinkie throws the cover off of a stack of glass jars. All of them crammed with hundreds of kernels, Pinkie picks them up one by one and snaps the lids off with her teeth. She moves so fast, her mouth going over them smoother and quicker than any machine that you've ever seen. You lean down and watch her flanks jiggling about, her tail swooshing around. You love how she just seems to ooze pink happiness from every inch of herself. Pinkie is so perfectly beautiful, isn't she? Still, you have to softly hit your side with your left hand. Come on, she's... she's a close friend... she's like my right arm. I have to get my mind out of the gutter. "Oooh, now's where the fun begins!" Pinkie shouts. She whacks the jars into the air and pours kernels out into the humongous pot. You clutch a bunch of jars yourself and do the same. Pinkie looks to be on cloud nine, so happy and so determined. You glance over at the tray of pink goop about to get doused onto the kernels. Little sparks of bright white magical energy pop up inside of it, with the mix wiggling by itself. Magic doesn't effect humans. I'm fine. I should be fine. Right? Finally, with every jar emptied, Pinkie leans over and seizes the tray. You grab the spatula and flick the pink material down onto the kernels. The goop seems to melt on contact, and pink liquid seeps through all inside the pot. You hear rumbling from deep beneath the mixture of kernels and magical toppings. You lean back, not wanting to have anything spray all over your face. Pinkie glances over at you, smiling, and she puts a heavy metal lid, looking as big and wide as a manhole cover back on Earth, over the huge pot. She flicks several switches locking the lid in place, and she taps the sides, her face just dripping with pure confidence. "Solidie as a rockie, Snoopy!" Pinkie calls out. "And what are we doing now?" "We just wait, for a few seconds," Pinkie replies, hopping over and leaning up against your side. You feel her mane curling around your back. "After the magical additives coat the kernels like your chocolate over your cherries, then we have our stable mix, and the thing will be safe enough to store until we can test it. This is the hard part. Afterwards, it's too easy!" *Clang!* You both freeze as you hear the pot shifting back and forth. "Stable mix?" "It's stable, you worry-mongering-onger," Pinkie comments, touching a hoof upon the pot. To Be Continued...