//------------------------------// // 3: Flutterdrunk // Story: Randomnity // by Codex Ex Equus //------------------------------// “Well, mornin' there, sunshine.” Twilight groaned as she stumbled into her kitchen. 'Sun' was currently not a subject she was fond of, considering what it was doing to her bleary eyes. Given what had gone on the night before, 'shine' wasn't exactly high on her list of favorite things either. “This is your fault, you know,” she rasped, head flopping onto the table. “Now, I just make the cider, darlin'. I don't make you do what you do with it.” Applejack finished pouring the cup of coffee and passed it to the grateful Twilight who, judging by how she began chugging it down, had decided she could breath the stuff. “And just what did you do with it last night, anyway? Ah usually don't see you hit this hard the mornin' after you pick up your monthly barrel.” Twilight gave a little shrug of her shoulders. “Well, it was just supposed to be a normal night of drinking. Spike was over at Rarity's, and I had the cider and a good book–this one was on differences in philosophy between the minotaurs and the griffons. So, you know, maybe it was actually going to be a little crazier than usual from the start.” “Uh-huh. Crazy,” said Applejack, eyes half-lidded. “But Fluttershy showed up, and I invited her to have a mug or two, and then –” “Fluttershy?!” gasped Applejack in horror. “You gave hard cider to Fluttershy?!” “Well, yeah. Can you believe she hasn't had a drink since before I came to Ponyville?” Twilight chuckled. “Not to sound morbid, but if I couldn't relax and get drunk every once in a while I think I would have burned Equestria to the ground out of sheer pent-up stress years ago!” “Twilight... Twilight, we need to find Fluttershy. Right now.” Applejack's ears were folded back, and she was looking around in a panic. “Why? I mean, we just had a few drinks, and–” “You don't understand,” interrupted Applejack, grabbing Twilight's head between her hooves to force the Princess to look at her. “Fluttershy is... a mean drunk. A really mean drunk.” Twilight laughed, pushing Applejack's hooves away. “Oh, come on, Applejack. It can't be that bad.” “There's a reason Ah haven't let her have a drop of my cider since last time,” replied Applejack darkly. “Are y'all really telling me you didn't notice anything last night?” “Hmm...” Twilight frowned in thought, rubbing her chin with a hoof. “Nothing too out of the ordinary. I mean, maybe she was being a bit snarky just before she left, but–” “Oh sweet Celestia.” Applejack's face went pale. “Being snarky is phase one. You let her leave while she was still just in phase one?!” Twilight blinked in confusion. “What's the big deal?” “If she was in phase one when she left, that means she was just getting started.” Applejack took off her hat and held it to her chest, shaking her head sadly. “If she'd stayed in your castle, well, everything could have been fixed this mornin' with just an apology and maybe her buying you some new things. Now, though... she could be anywhere, and could have done anything.” “Oh, come on, now,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. “She can't be that bad when she's drunk...” A moan came from Fluttershy as the beam of sunlight touched her face. More moans followed as she slowly opened her eyes, and then she let out a long groan. Why did her head feel like it was trying to turn inside out? Why did her mouth taste like she had licked Angel Bunny? And why–as her eyes finally focused and she realized where she was–was she in the Royal Throne Room in Canterlot? What had she done last night? Before she could begin pondering these question, a hoof pressed against her chest. It clinked. Looking down, Fluttershy saw that she was wearing a very familiar golden breastplate. Following the alabaster hoof that was pressed against it, she found herself looking at the worried and slightly fearful face of Princess Celestia. “I-I'm sorry, mistress! Do you wish to sleep more?” Celestia asked, apprehensive. “I can lower the sun again if you need more rest.” “And just give the word if you wish the moon up as well,” added the distressed Princess Luna, sitting next to her sister. Looking down again, Fluttershy realized silver hoofcuffs, far too big for her own hooves, were at the ends of each of her four legs. “After all, we'd do anything for the new ruler of all Equestria.” “Um–” “Is there anything you'd like me to do?” said a voice from Fluttershy's other side. As she turned her head, something tumbled off. She caught it instinctively, finding a cone-shaped crown set with purple gems. “We can spread love to any country you choose,” said Cadance, smiling nervously. “The whole Crystal Empire, and the Crystal Heart, are yours to command, of course.” “UM–” “Or we can subjugate any land you'd prefer,” said another voice, buzzing with dual tones, causing Cadance to give its owner a glare. Realizing there was something else still on her head, Fluttershy reached up and pulled off a crown of black, tipped with jade stones. “The entire Swarm is at your disposal, my Queen,” said Chrysalis from Cadance's side, her head bowed and shoulders tense. Whimpering, Fluttershy closed her eyes again.