//------------------------------//
// Headphones and Haircuts (Or, "Get A Friggen' Room, Already!") 
// Story: Lunch Break 
// by ColdGoldLazarus 
//------------------------------//

In all of Canterlot Valley, a relatively small urbanized bowl tucked among the foothills just east of the Rockies, it is perhaps amusing to note that the only two large-scale malls in the thirty-six square mile area were located by sheer happenstance only six blocks away from each other. Also interesting is the wild disparity between their average daily attendance, despite their close proximity. The Crystal City Mall, despite having been established earlier, and looking objectively nicer due to a recent renovation, still saw considerably less foot traffic than the Canterlot Mall, partially because of it’s smaller size, but mostly simply by virtue of being situated six blocks further north of downtown, where the city’s center, the town hall, and the bus station all were, among other things. It meant that for most of the population, it was six block’s worth of time and gas money saved that could instead go toward the sacred art of buying cheaply mass-manufactured stuff.

And it was for precisely that reason that Aria Blaze had emphatically chosen to apply only for positions at the various shops in the Crystal City Mall. In the eyes of the most irritable of sirens, the decrease in pay was more than made up for by the decrease in potentially infuriatingly obnoxious customers to deal with. Sure, there was boredom and the immature behavior of her co-workers to take into account, but after several years spent dealing with Adagio’s various schemes and Sonata… being Sonata, she doubted her new job could present any challenge.

Unfortunately, she’d failed to account for Black Friday.

“No, no, and for the last time, NO! Listen lady, I want you to turn around and look at the line of people behind you. Do they look like they have the time to wait? No. Neither do I. Listen, ma’am, just pick the one you want to leave, and get on out of here.” As she glared at the woman who’d discovered too late she had insufficient funds for all three of the blouses she’d brought to the counter, Aria found herself once again wishing she had her old powers back.

“Oh, but I just can’t choose! The pattern on this one is so pretty, but this one matches my eyes better…”

Or laser vision, melting a hole right through that stupid face.

“Then again, this one is so very slimming; I’d cut such a good figure in it!”

Laser vision would probably be more satisfying in this kind of situation, honestly.

“Oh, but the pattern really is beautiful…”

SHUT UP! She internally screamed, suddenly realizing that her own thoughts were starting to sound like Sonata’s voice. That was the absolute last thing she needed right now; the Worst chattering up in her brain while a strong contender for the Second-Worst babbled inanely outside of her head. Then again, affording this lady even that kind of recognition was too good for her...

“Listen, lady.” Aria finally managed. Her teeth were clenched like a vice, and her fists were trembling in place as she put forth a herculean effort to hold herself back from using them. Her words came out in a deep guttural growl, more akin to an angry bear than a relatively short teen. "Look at me. I am just about this Faust-damned close to taking those dresses and shoving them both down your throat, and that would be merciful. If I'd met you a month ago, I'd have had you crawling on the ground where you belong, stripped of the free will you're wasting with every breath you take. I may not sing anymore, but I could still rule over you pathetic little worms if you were even worth taking over. But frankly, I don't even need that kind of power to deal with you, though - I've got all I need right here." She cracked her knuckles for effect. "Now, would you please pick a fucking dress and stop wasting everyone's time?"

Sufficiently cowed, the woman wordlessly handed the patterened dress to Aria, then swiped a credit card to pay for the rest. The line shuffled forth, some looking grateful for her intervention, but most seeming rather intimidated themselves. Aria didn't pay them much mind, more focused on discreetly flipping the bird at the retreating back.

Even that one frou-frou girl from the Rainblossoms had to have been better than this.

"Hey, Aria? I'm going to take over here... the manager wants to talk to you in the office. And could you put that dress back on the rack on the way?" Pokey Pierce, some flirty prep-school snob and her co-worker, seemed rather more pale and considerably less likely to flirt with her than usual, after what he'd just witnessed. The grim satisfaction at the fear practically radiating off him wasn't quite enough to offset the sudden dread at what he'd uttered. The manager was the soft sort, and absurdly easygoing with his employees, but she had little doubt even his patience had been stretched too far. Damn it. It wasn't even that she was particularly fond of the job - it was more that she was dreading Adagio's face upon learning that her cohort hadn't even made it past the two-month estimated firing date. And then there was Sonata to consider; forgetful as that stupid bimbo could be, she never let Aria forget any incident that had been at her expense.

Fuck, she really needed her powers back. Enchanting the world leaders to nuke everyone to oblivion would be worth it, just to escape her fellow sirens' inevitable teasing.

So much better than having lazer eyes, too.





"Who does that fucker think he is, the principal? 'Oh I am so deeply disappointed Aria.'" She parroted under her breath. "'You could have handled the situation much better than that.' Yeah, no. Nothing less than a fucking arrow would get through that bitch's head!" To be perfectly honest, she was almost more mad that she'd gotten off with little more than a slap on the wrist. It was, in his words, her 'first major offense' or some similar bullshit, and he'd confided that he had been about to step in to deal with the lady himself. Also, that he had apparently already guessed she was 'an individual with a burning need for justice.' He'd given her a card to an anger management class that she'd thrown away as soon as possible, and told her to take an early lunch break to 'calm down.'

Even the hateful phrase "Taco Tuesday" failed to inspire quite the same level of purified aquatic wrath in her being.

The washed-up siren was approaching the food court now, and even in her poor mood, she had to admit the aromas issuing forth were tantalizing. During her initial depression after the defeat, Adagio had complained about losing her sense for the deliciously negative emotions that pervaded these kinds of public installations, but to perfectly honest, that had appealed to an entirely different sense than smell, one which the humans had no concept of, and for which the proper descriptive words could only be found among the most ancient and noble of Siren languages. No, despite herself she had to admit (though never to Sonata) that these humans at least had the whole food concept figured out. Didn't make losing her powers any less terrible, but she supposed she could at least be thankful that whatever lame magic of friendship had also removed their physical dependence on emotional energy to survive.

Dammit, she was calming down, wasn't she? Just that realization alone was enough to sour her mood all over again, and she started shoving her way through the throngs. Sure, she couldn't use her powers anymore, but it was comforting in a way to know she could still manipulate others' emotions in some way. Ruining the day of everyone who got in her way didn't make her rage any less, of course, but it made said rage a bit less miserable.

Ah, here she was; with the orange light and obnoxious accordian music, it could only be Me Gusta Mexican Restaraunt. "I'd like a number three with extra hot sauce and a muffi-" Some blonde girl in a grey shirt found herself roughly displaced by the purple-haired siren taking her proper place at the head of the line.

The purple-haired siren who was suddenly regretting her choice of eatery as a blue-haired girl appeared over the top of the register, her vapid smile melting into a more sinister expression as she spotted her mortal nemesis and longtime partner. "Heeeyyyyy, Ari! Coming to me for food? What has the world come to?" She made a mock swoon before righting herself and tapping the cash register's buttons. "But anyway, what's your order?"

"How many hours did Adagio take to teach you that one? I swear, if you weren't so dumb I'd think you were turning into another her." Aria muttered to herself, followed by "I'd like a beef burrito. Softshell, but crispy. Like the rowboats."

Sonata nodded sweetly as she rang in the order. "Yeah, smashing those was fun. Watching the sailors flail around... Well, anyway, that'll be four-fourty-seven!" Grumbling about prices, Aria forked over the cash, and began moving down the counter toward the pick-up station. If she left fast enough, maybe her blue-haird compatriot wouldn't notice... "Oh, hey, I guess it's my lunch break, too! Let me join you!" Aw, crap, here came the realization. "Wait... It's way early for that."

"Congrats; you can read a clock." Aria's glare could have passed for lazer vision, but she regrettably still lacked it.

"Oh, it happened? Already? I guess I owe Dagi ten bucks now. I'm disappointed, Ari, I really am." The ditzy siren took on an obnoxiously patronizing tone, one she'd definitely picked up from Adagio.

"Look, I wasn't fired, okay? They just let me go early because I was about to give a customer what she deserved." Aria snatched up the bag with her burrito and stalked off, frustration boiling up within her.

The next challenge was to find an unclaimed table - usually a difficult but doable task, but her usual lunch hour was when the rush began to die down. Now she was right in the thick of it, and strode back and forth between the rows of tables in search of a clear spot. There were a few tables with only a few occupants, but there was a reason they hadn't filled up - Between a hell's angel with a horned helmet and an impressively razor-straight beard, and a green-haired woman Aria vaguely recognized as the Canterlot High drama teacher, the available options were decidedly unwelcoming. Yet finally, miraculously, the siren found a small booth between a McDonalds and the purple-tinted windows overlooking the parking lot, and claimed it.

The first few minutes were... well, passable, by Aria's standards. The noise and chatter was annoying, but at least everybody left her alone. She ate her burrito down in harsh, animalistic chomps, fueled both by her feral history and present rage. Every time she tried to think of something less unbearable, her mind wandered back to the fresh indignities she'd suffered, and the anger would flare up anew, and she felt the need to choke something.

It was in the trough of relative calm between these little eruptions that two girls came roller-blading by, unmindful of the signs prohibiting use of wheels indoors, also holding bags from Me Gusta. "I hope Sugarcoat's okay. She's been acting weird the past few days." Aside from that little snippet of conversation, Aria paid them little heed at first. Then they came rolling back up from the direction they'd come, and began eyeing the open spots across from her in a speculative manner.

"Get lost." Aria said, feeling unusually kindhearted. In response, they chuckled slightly and sat down across from her. This is what she got for being nice to people.

The first one had long yellow hair with streaks of blue and green, and somewhat tanned skin; sporting a pink vest over a yellow shirt, with a yellow-orange flannel skirt coming down to her knees. Her demeanor was bubbly, clearly the more outgoing of the two, but her energy had a nervous sort of aspect to it. The other girl had ghostly pale skin, and a bobcut in various shades of purple and violet. She wore a black jacket with the sleeves rolled up, over a pink tank-top with a purple stripe around the bottom, and a similar flannel skirt in violet and orange. She carried a rather large purse -no, a messenger bag,- over one shoulder, which she unslung as she sat down. In terms of attitude, she seemed to lack one, shyly following the more garish girl's lead; Aria instantly took a disliking to her.

At first, the two simply ate, ignoring Aria's baleful glare. They unwrapped their burritos and began eating... and what the hell. The purple-haired girl had her pinkie fingers sticking out. She was eating a spicy, meaty tortilla that was dripping with hot sauce, and doing so as though she was drinking tea in some garden. Her companion was a bit more normal in how she ate, but there was still something inherently snobby in her posture. And despite this, they were able to polish off their meals rather swiftly. Since they were still content to ignore Aria's presence, she pointedly attempted to avert her eyes from the baffling sight and do the same. Keyword being "attempted."

"So..." The purple-haired girl began. "I know it's a bit early, but I got you a birthday gift." After thorougly wiping her hands off on some napkins, she opened her messenger bag and pulled out a thick wrapped gift. She frowned slightly at the somewhat squished bow on top, but since it otherwise seemed to pass inspection, she shyly held it out to her friend.

"A bit early? Sunny, my birthday's not for a month yet. Maybe I should wait." The yellow-haired girl raised an eyebrow at Sunny, evidently torn between confusion and flattery.

"No, Lemon, come onnn and open it now! I can get you another gift when your birthday actually arrives." Sunny gave a smile, and suddenly Aria understood the idea behind her seemingly contradictory name a bit better.

"But, I... You don't need to do that!" Still, Lemon took the gift, if perhaps a bit awkwardly, and began slowly peeling the seams in the wrapping open. "Wow, you wrapped this really nicely!" Ignored by both of them, Aria opened her mouth and stuck a finger in, pantomiming gagging. After an agonizingly long time, Lemon finally had unwrapped the present... and folded up the un-ripped wrapping paper... and then actually looked at the box. Squeeeee! Her squeak of happiness was so high-pitched that the faintest crack appeared in the glass beside the table, and Aria's grimace grew even deeper. "Oh, Sunny, it's perfect!"

Aria tried to focus on her food and not look at the gift, but the thought came a moment too late - she'd already looked up to see that a pair of thick headphones were advertised on the box's front. "Oh, but there's more," Sunny added. "Take a look inside the box." Lemon did as instructed, opening the lid and pulling the headphones themselves free of the internal packaging. They were a dark reddish-pink in color, and even more heavy-duty in person than the box implied. And on the back of each speaker section, in gleaming yellow and green plastic, was the stylized depiction of a lemon slice - most likely her Mark. Lemon was actually tearing up a little at this, and despite herself, Aria couldn't help but grin as well, if only just a moment. Then she realized she was actually feeling happy on behalf of this annoying stranger, and her usual dour frown returned. As was proper.

"HD sound, active noise control, incredibly durable, and I made sure it's one you could blast at full volume for years without wearing it down. You seemed so sad when your old ones stopped working, and you've been all jumpy since... so I decided to do some research, and found these." Sunny explained. "Then I found out they would start offering customized designs soon... the real trick was convincing everyone not to get you a new pair before I could make the order. But yeah, this came in just yesterday, and I knew I wouldn't be able to wait for your birthday to give it to you."

Lemon was blushing hard, her cheeks almost matching the headphones in hue. "Wow, I don't know what to say..."

"Just thanks is enough." Sunny smiled again, content in her friend's happiness. Aria wanted to actually puke now.

"Well, thank you." Lemon nodded her head. "Here, I want to test them out right now!" She reached into a pocket, but her smile quickly turned into a frown. "Aw, crud. I left my player at home. Didn't think I'd be needing it."

Sunny shrugged. "Well, when you get the chance, be sure to let me know how well they work. If there's something wrong, I can send them back and have them repaired free of charge, if it's within a week."

"Well, hopefully that won't be necessary." Lemon said, putting the headphones back in the box. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you about something."

Sunny straightened up in her seat, intrigued and alarmed in equal measure. "What's wrong?"

"No, no, nothing's wrong." Lemon waved her arms wildly in reassurance. "It's just your hair. When did you get it cut?" Sunny just stared at her in dumbfounded silence, and Aria smirked. Finally, something interesting was happening.

"So let me get this straight. We've been hanging out all morning, rollerblading in the park... and only now you notice my new haircut?" Sunny crossed her arms and shook her head. "Whatever am I going to do with you?"

Lemon quickly backpedaled. "Oh, I did notice! I was waiting for you to mention it first. But then you didn't. But yeah, I like it a lot, honestly. It suits you!"

"Oh." Sunny blinked and blushed. "Sorry I got on your case, then."

And Aria had had enough. "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Good GAWWWDDD, how are you two so damn dense?"

The other girls (along with a number of those seated nearby) stared at her in startled shock, eyes as wide as deer in the proverbial headlights. After several long moments of awkward silence, the background chatter returned to the cafeteria, and Sunny and Lemon snapped out of their shock. "Well, Aloha to you, too." Lemon finally managed.

"Pardon me," Sunny said, "But what do you mean?"

Aria slapped a palm onto her forehead. "I mean you two! You're so damn cute it makes me sick, but you have no clue! Why aren't you trading tongues already? Why aren't you fucking already? GAWD!"

Lemon blinked. "And why do you care about the nature of our relationship?" Unconsciously, she grabbed Sunny's shoulder and pulled her closer.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW! JUST STOP BEING SO FRIGGEN' ADORABLE!" This shout wasn't as loud, but Aria's anger was blazing strong now.

"Um." They both seemed unsure how to respond to that, rather understandably. Too bad Aria wasn't feeling very understanding right now. "And who are you, even?"

"You want to know who I am? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM?" Aria stood up, looming over them both. That they looked confused more than terrified only made her rage burn brighter, her blood run hotter. "I AM A FAUSTDAMN MAGICAL SEA PONY! I USED TO ENSLAVE THE MINDS OF ANY WHO HEARD MY SONG, AND MAKE THEM GROVEL AT MY HOOVES FOR AMUSEMENT! I'VE KILLED HUNDREDS OF SAILORS AND PIRATES, SENDING THEM TO A WATERY GRAVE WITHOUT REMORSE! I WAS BORN IN THE MIDST OF A VOLCANIC ERUPTION, AND I AM ARIA PELE BLAZE!" Aria dropped back down into her seat. "And you don't even believe a single word I just said." Suddenly, her anger was completely gone, washed away. "Whatever. I don't know you. I don't care."

"Um." Lemon seemed to be reconsidering their decision to sit with her, while Sunny was giving her a sympathetic gaze, likely pondering whether or not to call a mental hospital. "Well, to answer your question... we actually know."

Aria blinked. "Know what?"

Completely intentionally, Sunny grabbed Lemon's shoulder and pulled her closer. "We both know that what we feel for each other is more than friendship. But we have decided to take it slowly, and have our time as friends before becoming girlfriends. We have our whole lives ahead of us, after all; no need to rush into things."

"But you don't know that," Aria argued. "Nobody's immortal. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow, or the whole town could be nuked, or some magical demon could tear apart reality, and you'd die without ever having lived. But what do I know? I'm just saying, from where I stand, taking things slow is really fucking dumb."

"I suppose that is a valid viewpoint, if perhaps a bit pessimistic." Sunny's expression of condescending pity had vanished, as she looked ready to debate. Lemon just glanced back and forth between them confusedly, trying to figure out how someone who had just angrily identified themselves as a magical sea pony could be so philisophical. "Personally, I prefer to savor things, but I suppose fear of mortality is a strong motivator to indulge more heavily. Still, while the scenarios you mentioned, or at least the first two, are perfectly possible, the actual likelihood of them occurring is rather more slim. Thus, I do believe I am justified in taking a more patient tack."

"Whatever, have fun dying as virgins." Aria scoffed.  "You're both insane."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from miss magical sailor slayer." Lemon retorted, but there was no real venom behind it, just vaguely irritated bewilderment.

"Heeeeeyyy Ari, you didn't tell me you made friends!" Sonata chipped in with a wide grin, throwing an arm over Aria's shoulder.

"They're not my friends," Aria said.

...

"Wait a moment, Sonata, when did you get here?" Aria jumped back in her seat, attempting in vain to pull the arm off of her. Sonata wrapped her other arm around Aria's chest and gripped her own wrist, turning the vice grip into a crushing hug. And to top it off, the blue-haired siren laid her head on Aria's shoulder. "Get off me, you freak!"

"Is that your sister?" Sunny innocently asked.

"Ew, hell no!" Aria managed to gasp out. She could feel her lungs beginning to cave in under the pressure.

"Your friend?"

"Right, like I could be friends with this numbskull." At this, Sonata finally withdrew, and Aria took a few breaths of sweet, glorious air. Sonata just fixed her with an exaggeratedly sad expression, pouting lips and eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Really, she's so stupid that I could tell her to jump off a cliff and she'd do it. She has before, several times."

"Well, that was only because there was water at the bottom of those cliffs," Sonata protested, her exaggerated expression fading into a more genuine frown. "I know I'm not smart, but I'm not completely stupid."

"But you're still The Worst." Aria huffed. Oh, her burrito was still unfinished; she'd forgotten about it with the weirdos across the table from her. She picked up the remaining food and shoved it in her mouth, and in the process noticed Sunny and Lemon smirking at her.

"What's your deal?"

"You thought we were oblivious to our feelings?" Sunny let out an almost menacing chuckle. "Pot. Kettle. Black."

"What."

"Well, if she's not your sister and she's not your friend, that doesn't leave many other options, does it?" Lemon added. "You and Sonata are totally into each other."

The two sirens instantly recoiled, staring at her with nothing less than abject horror at the mere notion. "No we aren't!" Sonata spoke up first. "She's just a big, fat, meanie jerk and I hate her!"

"She's a total raging idiot! I don't date stupid!"

"She's always calling me the Worst!" Sonata grabbed one of Aria's twintails and gave it a sharp tug, and for a moment Aria was afraid she'd rip the hair from her scalp.

"Because you are. Gawd, the moment you were born, the universe gave up on not sucking!"

"Well screw you!"

"Fuck you too, retard." Aria flipped both middle fingers at her fellow Siren, then turned back to the bemused teenagers. "See?"

"Whatever you say..." Sunny was attempting to hold back her giggles, while Lemon shook with silent laughter. "But if I were you, I'd take your own advice. No need to waste so much time denying the obvious when you could embrace it and live well."

"What are you on about? Wait, are you leaving?" They were gathering up their things now, and standing up. "Oh, come on!"

"Let's leave these two lovebirds to their lunch break, shall we?" Sunny suggested. "It was good meeting you, Sonata, Aria. Maybe we'll meet up again someday, random nukes or bus accidents notwithstanding." And with that, the two began rollerblading away.

Aria turned to Sonata, who was giving her a cheery grin. "This is all your fault." Sonata merely giggled, and then before Aria could react, leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek. She jumped up out of her seat and raced around to the other side of the table, but her haste was uneeded; Aria had gone as still as a statue. "Wha..." Her face was burning bright now, and she ever-so-slowly reached up to touch the spot where she'd been kissed.

"Sonata," she finally said, voice deadly calm, "I am going to kill you someday."