//------------------------------//
// Confessions 
// Story: A Not Quite So Daring Dash 
// by darbselah 
//------------------------------//

	Sometimes just the thought of facing the day can be difficult. Especially when the only thing waiting for you is just that empty feeling, an apathetic feeling toward everything. Simple emotions are completely beyond reach. Forget about feeling happy, or joyful, or angry; it’s a point you get to when even feeling depressed would be favorable to the meaninglessness of everything. It’s not suicidal; you don’t care enough to even feel that. It’s just an... emptiness. A certain prismatic Pegasus was feeling that emptiness as she lay in her prison of wires and tubes. If it weren’t for the hollow beeping reverberating off of the cold walls, she wouldn’t even be sure that time was passing. 
She wasn’t sure how long she had been awake, but nopony had been in her room the entire time. She was surprised when she heard her stomach rumble with hunger; she hadn’t realized that she was hungry at all. Even knowing she should get somepony’s attention, get some food, and get some answers as to what happened to her, she didn’t move. Maybe, if she stayed quiet long enough she would just waste away. She knew these feelings were wrong, but couldn’t get them out of her head. 
In her solitude she found her mind wandering back to what had led her to the all too familiar hospital. 
She flew blindly, both metaphorically and quite literally as tears warped her vision. She tried telling herself that she needed to stop, she had no reason or right to be this upset, but she was beyond listening to herself. The freedom and elation she ordinarily received from flying was replaced by simple need. Need to get as far from her problems as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to face her friends, especially not Fluttershy. The one, who she had comforted so many times, had cheered up, had supported, had... believed in... Why couldn’t she just return the favor? That idea hurt almost as much as knowing it was a lie. Fluttershy had been there for her. “Then why am I still running?” 
“Rainbow Dash!” With the wind rushing by and the rather large storm approaching, the words had no business reaching her ears. As perplexed as she was by the anomaly it only spurred her onward. She needed to be left alone; she needed time to unravel the snarl that her feelings had become. Seeing the approaching wall cloud she picked up her pace, yearning to breach that barrier, hoping to find quiet on the other side. The cloud denied her desires as chaos ensued. 
She found her thoughts were appreciatively pushed from her mind as navigating the storm required most of her attention. Few, if any, other pegasi could pilot through a storm this intense, but Rainbow felt her adrenaline beat throughout her body as physical focus thankfully outweighed mental thought. Her wings were designed to tell her all she needed to know; secondary and tertial feathers measured updrafts, downdrafts, pressure changes and the like; her primaries adjusted accordingly keeping her level and consistent. She could probably fly with her eyes closed, which wasn’t too far from reality here. She let her reflexes take over, sighing calmly in the bedlam of the storm. “I’m probably the only Pegasus who could enjoy this,” she thought to herself.  CLICK!
“OHMYGOSH! Fluttershy!!!” Hopefully Fluttershy wouldn’t have actually followed her into the storm, but it was entirely too much of a possibility to ignore. Looking around she saw nothing but gray and black cloud, she knew she needed to get underneath the storm.  Her descent speed was too high, but it didn’t matter, if anything happened to Fluttershy it would be her fault, and that’s something she could never deal with. 
She increased her speed, knowing she should break through the cloud barrier at any second. At last, she broke through, but she wasn’t treated the view she expected. Instead of breaking through above the Everfree forest, she found herself in the grips of the tallest branches. She couldn’t hold in a scream as she broke through the tallest branches, thinking she could probably correct herself she spread her wings to slow down when she felt a limb from the tree snag her left wing. Another painful yelp escaped as she felt the limb pierce through her feathers and rip through skin. The hitch had pulled her straight down and with her rent wing she was at the mercy of gravity.  The force was not her friend as she felt blow after blow; pain racked her body as darkness overcame her.

The slowly opening door brought her out of her reflections as a splash of color intruded upon the monochromatic scene. Rainbow felt her heart leap at the pink mane and butter-colored coat in spite of her previously melancholy disposition. 
“Oh, you’re awake!” the sheepish mare rushed to her side, nearly dropping the tray of food she brought in.  Rainbow fought the smile down that was trying to encroach on her features. She didn’t know why, but she still felt bitter toward the pony who now wore a look of dejection. “We were-,” she shook her head, “I was so worried about you,” Fluttershy nuzzled her muzzle into the crook of Rainbow’s neck, and Rainbow didn’t have the strength to resist. 
Her emotions were as confused and sparse as her thoughts; her mind engaged itself in a struggle with thoughts trying to decipher feelings, but with the mixture of relief, annoyance, anger, fear, inadequacy, and something she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, identify  that felt like hot cocoa dropping into a chilled stomach, it was impossible to sort out. The presence of her fellow Pegasus, breathing hotly on her neck, confused her that much more.
“Hey, Fluttershy?”
“Yes, Rainbow?”
“Umm, I kind of want to be alone right now.” She knew the words would sting. She had no idea how long she had been out, but if she knew her friend, Fluttershy had probably spent every moment possible at her side. She felt Fluttershy’s breath stop. Sure enough the timid mare pulled away, shock and unbelievable hurt showing in her eyes; enough hurt that Rainbow Dash regretted her words at once.
“Why?” Fluttershy choked on the word, tears now rolling unhindered down her face. Rainbow was spared the need to come up with an answer as the door opened once more producing her frienemy and frequent admonisher, Doctor Horse.
“Rainbow Dash, surprise surprise, we meet again,” he offered a small smile and even gave a friendly wink. “Although, I don’t ever want to see you come in here again under such serious circumstances,” he added with a severe stare. 
Despite the ambiance that had previously possessed the room, the Doctor brought his usual cheerful presence with him. Rainbow welcomed the opportunity for a routine and practiced conversation. “What’s the damage doc?”
“Well, it wasn’t good Rainbow Dash,” he admitted, sinking back on his haunches. “Your wing was in terrible shape, it required many surgeries to, well, basically build a new wing from the scraps that were left.”
“What!? Will it be okay Doctor? I NEED my wings Doc. I-.” He held up a hoof to cut her off.
“It will be a while, but your wing should fully recover.”
“Phew, thanks Doc,” she wiped her brow with the back of her hoof and offered him a smile.
“Yeah, well the wing was the least of our worries.” He leaned forward now, his usually amiable countenance becoming so grave that Rainbow Dash tried to back up in her bed. “You had broken ribs along your right side; One of the ribs had pierced through a lung. If it hadn’t been for your friend here,” he nodded at Fluttershy who hid her face in her own neck, “we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Fluttersy saved me?” She felt lower than low. Fluttershy had apparently braved the storm to come after her friend and Rainbow paid her back by dismissing her as soon as she appeared. She looked to her meek friend and felt a sharp pang of guilt at the poorly masked hurt.
“Umm…” she began, but immediately the Doctor cut her off.
“Fluttershy,” he addressed the pink-maned Pegasus, “can you wait outside for just a moment? I’d really like to talk to Rainbow Dash for a minute.”
Fluttershy nodded, and shot one more wounded look at Rainbow. Rainbow’s hoof reached feebly for her friend, but the mare had already turned, head down, to trudge out the door. Rainbow was overwhelmed at the distress she felt watching her friend leave the room. “Oh Celestia, why can’t I figure out what I’m feeling?” 
The gesture and hurt in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed by the Doctor. Clearing his throat he grabbed her attention. “I’ll let her right back in. I just have a couple of… questions.” Rainbow was feeling nervous at the way he looked at her now. The Doctor looked quite somber and his mouth worked soundlessly as though he were trying to find the right thing to say.
“Rainbow, why did you fly into that storm?”
She was afraid a question like this would come up. She felt she should be honest, but she didn’t feel comfortable enough for the truth in its entirety. “Doc, I’ve flown through plenty of storms like that, some actually worse,” she answered truthfully.
He nodded, but looked upset at the answer. “It didn’t work out for you this time.”
“Well,” Rainbow felt defensive, “I normally would have been fine. It was just…”
The Doctor’s eyebrows rose when she paused. “Just?”
“Well, I was afraid Fluttershy might have followed me into the storm, so I knew I had to get under the storm to look for her. I guess I misjudged how low the clouds were.” They both heard a small “eeep” from behind the door and a chorus of hooves galloping down the hallway.
Doctor Horse let out an exaggerated sigh. “I’ll go track her down, but I’ll be back.” he gave Rainbow a significant look. “You still didn’t answer what possessed you to fly into that storm in the first place.” With that he left the room and Rainbow was left to the mercy of her thoughts and guilt.
How could she be so heartless? No matter how she felt, Fluttershy deserved more than to just be discarded. Rainbow just wished she could figure out what her feelings meant. She used to only feel weak when she was alone, but lately her defenses crumbled whenever her fillyhood friend was near. She felt both ashamed and comforted when Fluttershy was caring for her; ashamed at her dependence on anypony else, ashamed of whatever the warm and cozy feeling invaded her chest whenever the pretty mare was near. “Pretty?” Her head hurt as feelings and thoughts violently clashed in her skull.
Luckily, it was only a minute or so before the door opened again and Fluttershy was nudged through by the Doctor. At the sight of her friend, looking embarrassed and distraught, a disjointed symphony of feelings assaulted Rainbow. She didn’t know whether to smile, cry, laugh, or a myriad of other options. She ended up with an open mouth and somewhat inane expression.
“I’ll let you two talk for a bit, but don’t forget that you still owe me, Rainbow Dash.” With that he excused himself and shut the door. 
Fluttershy didn’t move from her position by the door and she busied herself with looking out the one small window. Rainbow knew she had to say something.
“Hey, Fluttershy,” she began, her voice raspy and strained, “I’m really-.”
“It’s not all about you!” Rainbow was shocked at the amount of venom in the words. Fluttershy still didn’t look at her, but continued. “It’s obvious you’re going through some hard times, so quit being so stubborn with your denials.”
Rainbow quickly swallowed a retort.
“You’ve always been there for me Rainbow Dash,” for some reason hearing her full name, instead of “Dashie” or even “Dash,” hurt, “and now you need help and you completely reject me.” The words were still hard-edged, but when the ground-loving Pegasus turned toward Rainbow the tears were back with a vengeance. 
“I didn’t reject you. I even asked you to stay.”
Fluttershy gave a desperate little laugh, the kind of laugh that let Rainbow know she was missing the point. “You did,” she nodded sadly and took a few steps toward the injured Pegasus, “but you never trusted me enough to let me know what was bothering you.”
Rainbow couldn’t look into her friends eyes, “I don’t like feeling dependent on anypony,” her eyes searched the opposite wall, looking for something interesting.
“Yeah well, maybe I want to feel needed every once in a while.” This pulled Rainbow’s eyes to hers. Fluttershy took another step closer and rested a hoof on the end of the bed. “I care about you Rainbow.” There was intensity in her eyes that left no room for doubt. “And it hurts that you don’t trust me enough to help.”
“Trust!?,” a little anger entered Rainbow’s voice. “Like when you told Rarity that I was having… issues?” Fluttersy looked exasperated at this point.
“So it was wrong of me to try and get advice from another friend that cares about you?”
Rainbow was shocked when she felt tears dripping from her muzzle to her front hooves. “YES!” she shouted as she tried to bury her face in her pillow.
Rainbow sobbed uncontrollably into her pillow for a minute or so before she felt a hoof running through her mane. 
“I’m sorry, Dashie.” Hearing her pet name inexplicably brought more tears. This time they seemed to originate from relief though. Before she could stop herself she turned quickly to wrap her hooves around her friend. “Aaah!” she yelped as pain erupted in her side at the quick movement. Instead of the planned hug she curled up in pain.
“Rainbow! Are you okay?” When all she got for an answer were eyes tightly closed and a whimper she ran to find the Doctor.


=+=+=+=


“Hey, Fluttershy, that’s my role you know?” 
Fluttershy smiled, halfheartedly, at twilight, but did not cease her vigilant march. “Rainbow just has to be okay,” she thought desperately. 
“Fluttershy, sugarcube, c’mon and sit down a spell. Yer makin’ me more nervous than an apple during cider season.” 
Fluttershy finally abandoned her worried pacing in favor of nervous fidgeting, sitting between her two friends. 
“Hey sugar,” Applejack started putting a hoof around the distraught pegasus’ neck, “Rainbow’s gonna be just fine and she has you to thank for it.” Fluttershy’s head sunk at this as she buried her face in her hooves.
How could she tell them that she was the cause of Rainbow’s injuries? If Rainbow hadn’t felt obligated to look for her, she’d probably not have been hurt. She also felt responsible for whatever had just happened in the room. She had upset Rainbow and had caused her to hurt herself further. She couldn’t stand the undue praise her friends were heaping on her. 
“Really,” Pinkie chimed in, “I can’t wait until they let Rainbow out so I can throw the biggest, bestest, most awesomest, heroestiest party ever!” Each word added weight to Fluttersy’s conscious until finally, something broke.
“STOP!” It was quite the feat for Fluttershy to yell and her friends looked at her startled and worried. She couldn’t hold it in any more. “It’s my fault!” A stunned silence followed and Fluttershy took the opportunity to go on. “I- I… did something wrong and Rainbow was trying to get away from me.” 
Twilight mirrored Applejack’s concerned look. “Oh that’s just silly,” Pinkie interjected. “Rarity told us everything. Well not everything come to think of it,” she added with a thoughtful hoof to chin. “She just told us that she had made Rainbow upset, but she didn’t tell us how. Hey wait! She didn’t really tell us much of anything!”
“What’s going on Fluttershy?” Twilight asked hoping to stem the avalanche of inexact language that was Pinkie Pie. 
Fluttershy searched for an answer that wouldn’t make her betray the little trust Rainbow had in her. “I followed Rainbow into that storm. If it hadn’t been for that Rainbow wouldn’t have been hurt.”
“As far as Ah can tell, you followin’ her into that there storm is the only reason she’s gonna be okay.”
Fluttershy just shook her head. “She knew I followed her in and she tried to help me which led to her getting hurt.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “How could I have been so stupid? Of course I couldn’t handle that storm and of course Rainbow would do everything in her power to save me.” Her body racked with sobs. “It’s my fault she almost…” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.
Doctor Horse entered the waiting room shadowed by Nurse Tenderheart. The ponies all stood up expectantly including Fluttershy, albeit a bit slower than the others.
“Hey Doc, is Dash okay?” Pinkie asked nearly exploding with impatience. 
The Doctor gave the enigmatic pony a warm smile. “She’s just fine. She just moved a little too abruptly and tore a couple of stitches in her side.”
“Can we go see her?” Twilight asked.
“Well, it might not be a good idea for you all to see her right now. I don’t want her getting too excited," he answered with a meaningful look to Pinkie.
Pinkie stopped her bouncing at these words. “Well, I think Fluttershy should go in and see her at least.”
Fluttershy shied away at the suggestion. “I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”
Pinkie Pie was impossibly in her face in an instant. Snout pushed aggressively into Fluttershy’s. “I already told you you’re being silly.” Her tone was surprisingly aggressive. “Stop finding ways to take blame for things out of your control. If only one of us can see her now, we all know it should be you. So get in there and cheer Rainbow up, and start being the happy Fluttershy we all love. Your hero party won’t be very much fun if you can’t stop and see your own worth.” Her fierceness melted away in a flash. “Okay, see ya soon.” With that she nuzzled the shocked mare and hopped toward the exit. The others said their goodbyes as well with a promise they’d make their visits later.

Fluttershy sighed deeply and steeled herself before opening the door to Dash’s room. She wasn’t quite sure what kind of welcome she would receive, but she felt a smile grow on her face as she entered the room. 
“Hey Rainbow,” she called quietly. The blue Pegasus on the bed looked at her with an exhausted smile.
“Hey Shy,” her voice cracked emotionally, and a warm smile beautified the already beautiful face. 
Fluttershy trotted over to the bedside to nuzzle the face of the battered Pegasus. Rainbow returned it with fervid intensity that startled the shy pony. Finally, Fluttershy pulled back and looked into those glistening magenta pools. She was surprised and elated to see how much love seemed to be shining in those eyes. 
“Fluttershy?" 
Fluttershy didn’t answer but pressed her face against her secret crush’s for another moment. She couldn’t help but place a little kiss on her cheek before backing away again. Rainbow’s face blossomed into a bright red, but the smile never left. 
“I brought our book,” Fluttershy said, pulling the book from the saddlebag she wore. 
Rainbow’s smile grew until it threatened to split her face in two. Fluttershy was getting comfortable in the chair she sat in when Rainbow interrupted her with a grunt. She looked up to see that Rainbow had carefully moved to one side of the bed and had opened the covers in invitation. Fluttershy smiled nervously.
“I don’t want to hurt you again Dash,” she admitted.
“You’ve never done anything to hurt me Flutters.” Rainbow said sofly, and Fluttershy knew she meant it. She gingerly got into the bed with Rainbow Dash and pulled the covers over them both. “You’re going to have to read though, my head still kind of hurts,” Rainbow said breathily. 
They were both breathing heavier in the confined space and Fluttershy couldn’t  help but run her hooves gently over Rainbow's injured body. One hoof tenderly ran along the cyan side, softly touching the bandages that wrapped around her friend’s chest. As she moved back down toward the wing joint she elicited a small whimper of pleasure from her Dashie. “Oh Celestia, please let her be mine.” She continued the soft ministrations as she pulled herself even closer to the usually bold Pegasus' body. She could feel dash’s hot breath on her face as their hind legs intertwined. 
Rainbow made an inquisitive sound.
Fluttershy looked into her friend's eyes and saw desire and need, but also fear. She pulled away slowly, face reddening madly, and reached to grab the book.  “What page were we on?” she asked nearly panting. 
“Umm,” the speedy Pegasus sounded as if she’d just finished a race. “I think chapter five or six, right around there.” 
“Okay, yeah. This looks familiar.” She didn’t get a chance to start reading as Rainbow’s hoof pulled her face towards her own. Lips met roughly and awkwardly, but only for a moment before they found a balance between need and pleasure. The book slid off the bed, forgotten, as hooves searched each other seemingly of their own accord. Heat grew in the nonexistent space between the two pegasi as their lips pressed, almost violently, against each other. 
It was Fluttershy who pulled away first, gasping to fill her lungs. Emotions, mounted on thoughts, ran wildly through her mind. 
“Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked, muzzle still pressed into the yellow pony’s neck.
“Mmhmm,” was all she had the energy to respond with.
“Thanks for being here for me. I…” she paused and let a hot breath out on Fluttershy’s neck. “I want to tell you everything. Just not tonight.”
Fluttershy turned back toward the Pegasus she loved. “That’s okay,” she gently kissed the top of her muzzle. “As long as you trust me, I can wait a while.” Rainbow Dash smiled and was already asleep as Fluttershy lovingly brushed her hoof through the kaleidoscopic mane.