"Are you trying to get all of your recruits mad at you?"
"Hey, I was just presenting some training the hard way."
"You mean the way that you find the most amusing."
"It's called tough love... let me guess, Equestria doesn't have it?"
"Oh we have it, but not as harsh as the way you did it."
"Oh, boo hoo. Sorry that my way was harsh because that was how my old life was," I said as I looked at Silver with a scowl on my face.
"I still don't approve of your ideas for testing the recruits," Silver said as he did his best to keep a stoic expression.
"There is only one other method for getting skilled ponies in this line of work, but I don't think the princesses, or anypony for that matter, would approve me sending thousands of ponies to another dimension and picking up the survivors the next day," I bitterly replied.
"Is everypony from where you came from so cold?"
"So cold?" I asked as I looked at him in confusion.
"I mean harsh, uncaring."
"Oh, well considering that most ponies are either rich and uncaring to those beneath them, or poor and barely capable of feeding themselves that they don't have time nor effort to spend helping others, I think that it's pretty common to find that from where I came from."
The two of us were at Twilight's library, where I was looking over the paperwork of the remaining recruits. Though it was nothing more than name, gender, age and tribe on the sign-up forms. On the other hoof I did learn that the weird pegasi were called thestrals, and the shiny mare was a crystal pony from some place called the Crystal Empire. "Celestia really made it easy for anypony of a young age to sign up for this squad," I finally comment before tossing the last form with its brethren. "For all I know, one of these ponies could be a distant relative of Diamond Tiara."
"Wait, don't you... dislike her? Why would you use her of all ponies as an example?"
"Because this job is already going to be a major pain, and only she can make it so much worse," I dryly answered. "The training I can do, but the paperwork? Not a drop of experience in that matter since I'm just use to reporting in what I found on my missions from my former life. All I had to do was speak into... something that records my words. No writing at all."
That's when Twilight decided to pop in on our conversation as she asked, "Wait, do you need some help in learning more about your recruits? May I suggest a questionnaire?"
"A... what?"
"A questionnaire, where ponies answer a series of questions about themselves or a particular topic."
"Okay... though since it is apparent that I never done that, can somepony help me with making that?"
"I'll gladly help!" Twilight exclaimed, as she summoned a stack of papers and a quill before she started writing whatever a questionnaire is suppose to be.
Narrowing my eyes, I asked, "You're doing this way too of your own free will... what's the catch?"
Grinning awkwardly, Twilight rubbed her front hooves together like some child that was caught doing something bad as she said, "Well... since you're using a style of training that no pony ever saw before... I was wondering if you let me observe that for a few days?"
As I was about to make a rude comment on Twilight's need to study as much as she can about me, a rather nasty idea came to mind as I asked, "Do you know any spells that can prevent noise from leaving an area?"
"Well, I do know a silent barrier spell, but what's that have to do with anything?"
"You'll see, just come over at five in the morning tomorrow, and I'll let you observe as much as you want. For now, let's go Silver, I have some preparations to attend to," I said as I started heading to the front door. Grabbing the knob with my magic, I sta—thwack.
I felt pain all over the front of my face as I felt like I was floating or something, before my face felt pain again, only to give way to a feeling like my head is being crushed by something. I could feel my eyes spinning in my head as I tried to figure out what just happened.
"Hey, I'm throwing a big party for all the new ponies that arrived today! It's down b—Aether? Why is your head in a bookcase? Only books go there, silly!" said a voice that I knew was Pinkie's. So that explains the crushing feeling on my head, I thought to myself as I struggled to pull myself out of the bookcase. This lasted only a few seconds before I felt something yank me out of the bookcase, only for me to end up being placed on Pinkie's back as she started to bounce out of the library.
"Got to have you there since you're why the ponies are here!" Pinkie exclaimed, as we left with Silver and Twilight in tow to head to the party while I was checking my head to make sure it wasn't deformed.
Kaboom!
"Gah!" screamed one pony as multiple others hopped off the ground, a few running around panicking while the ponies with wings jumped high into the air. I simply watched this scene unfold as I took my hooves off my ears, while I stood next to Pinkie's party cannon that I borrowed for the day. While firing off the cannon while it was still dark would've woken up many of Ponyville's residents, Twilight's silent barrier spell allowed me to get away with it.
"Isn't that a bit excessive for a wake up call?" Twilight asked as we watched my recruits run about like a bunch of idiots.
"No, I really need to know how they would react to something like this," I answered. Twilight furrowed her brows as she turned her head to look at me, only to raise them in surprise at the sight of my annoyed look.
"Why would you need to know how they would react to something like a cannon?" Silver asked.
"Simple, if on a dangerous mission, there is a possibility of something loud occurring nearby that could wake a pony from slumber. So I needed to know how this lot would react if such a situation occurred, which I have to say their reactions are quite poor."
"And what kind of reaction would you do then?"
"Well, I would wake up in a panic too, but only for a few seconds before I try to identify the source of the noise or take preparations for whatever may be heading to my position. This however... only attracts attention." Sighing in disappointed, I ordered, "Silver, turn on the hose."
"Yes madam," he calmly replied, as I grabbed a hose. Seconds later, water was surging out, which I used to spray every single darn panicking pony. Well... cept for the dirty pegasus, I kept the spray on her for a bit longer to clean some dirt off her. After hosing down every pony, Silver turned it off as I looked at the group of ponies that were currently giving me a look that said 'I'm going to kill you for this'.
"Alright everypony, it's time to get training started. For the first part of the day, we will be doing laps around the town's edge till the break of dawn. Then we get to do the one thing no pony will like: interviews!" I said with an obviously forced grin as the recruits groaned at me. "Now everypony, follow me."
Normally, when ponies do a lap, they think it's simple running, like how my recruits may have suspected it to be. I completely proved that idea wrong when I made them follow me as I jumped over and slid beneath obstacles while making them have to attempt to do the same. From how the recruits were doing in their attempt to follow me, I figured that a lot of them were going end up sore before they get to bed tonight.
Regardless, when dawn broke I had everypony head over to the library, where I decided to give them a quick break. At first I told all of them to get as comfortable as they could, then once they had done so I informed them that nopony will be moving unless I select them for the interview. During this 'exercise' Silver Shield will be watching over them and reporting any failures committed, to which I mentioned that there will be punishments to those that failed too many times.
"So... Midnight Breeze, why did you decide to sign up for this squad?" I asked, looking at the questionnaire that Twilight prepared for me. Though... some of the questions were ridiculous in my point of view so I had to cross them out, much to Twilight's annoyance.
"I thought it was a good chance to see the world. We thestrals don't normally go out of our homelands much, with the exception being Princess Luna's Lunar Guard," the grey coated mare with a short dark blue mane replied as she looked at me with her slitted purple eyes.
"Well... I can assure you that you will be seeing many sights that nopony had ever seen before. Next question; are you willing to put your life on the line to protect your fellow pony?"
"Of course, that is another part of the reason I joined," Midnight said as she performed a mock salute.
"Good, good. So, can you handle being repetitively shocked?"
"...What?"
"So... Dusty Skies, why have you decided to become a part of this squad?" I asked an orange pegasus mare with faded grey mane, eyeing the dirty hoofprints she left behind when she came into the library. When was the last time this mare took a bath? I hosed her down and she's still dirty...
"Well... I just think this could be a new opportunity for me," Dusty answered with a sheepish smile.
Cocking an eyebrow, I pressed on, "Meaning?"
At first, her eyes darted left to right, until she let out a sigh as she replied, "I... was out of a job. I used to be a weather mare, until I lost my job to another pegasus. I couldn't find a job for over a year now, and with no bits to spend I was forced to... eat stuff that no pony would normally even touch. Please don't kick me out of the squad, I need this chance!" as she went down on her knees, begging as tears ran down her face.
"Umm.... I wouldn't throw you out for that..." I replied.
"Really?" she asked, her ears starting to perk up.
"Yeah... cause I was in the same situation that you had, though a bit longer. So... in a way you might be better suited for this job than some other ponies."
"Oh thank you thank you!" the mare said as she came over to me and started to kiss my rear leg's hooves.
"No problem... but stop kissing my hooves. Now."
"So... Golden Sword... why did you want to join my squad?"
Clearing his throat, the grey coated unicorn with a carefully groomed golden mane answered, "It is the duty of nobility to help protect and lead lesser ponies in times of danger, and, hence, I felt it was my duty, as a member of nobility to join your cause."
"Right..." I deadpanned, finding his tone to be grating. "You do realize that this is going to be one dirty and messy career choice for you. By the end of your first month, your mane isn't going to remotely look like it is right now."
Golden took on an aghast look, before calming himself by taking a deep breath. "As much of a tragedy that would be, my mane's condition is a small sacrifice for the greater good of Equestria."
"Okay... just warning you."
"So... Citrine Lemons... you were a farmer back in the Crystal Empire... why did you came from so far away to be a member of my squad?" I asked a pale yellow crystal earth pony with an aqua colored mane.
"Well... since Equestria has done so much to help us crystal ponies when we came back... I thought that helping to defend it would be a good way to help return the favor," the mare said meekly.
"I see... now I have an important question to ask you, and I need you to answer it as best as you can."
"I will d-do my best madam," Citrine nervously replied.
"Are you crystal ponies' bodies as hard as crystal or is it just for show?"
"...Are you joking madam?"
"No I'm not, cause I've seen many... monsters made out of crystal before. Ponyville was even attacked by a crystal machine over a week ago. If you are as hard as crystal, then that would be good to know."
"...There's monsters made out of crystals?" Citrine asked as she began to shake out of fear.
"Yes, which is one of the thi—and you fainted," I commented as Citrine's eyes rolled up in her head before she passed out. After a moment of silence passed, I walked up to Citrine to poke her in the side. "Oh wow, she is harder than a normal pony after all."